Shattered by Love

by C. A. Harms

  She patted the center of my chest, still smiling. “He’d like that. He’s in his office, going over a file for an upcoming surgery. He could use a break.” I nodded and took a step toward the house.

  Before walking through the open door, I looked back at Riley and pointed at her. “You and I are gonna have a little talk later.” Her faced fell slightly, and she looked over at mom, then back to me. “I ain’t blind, Ry. Something’s up with you. You forget I pay attention to shit like that.” She stayed silent, which was completely out of character for Riley. I knew I was right, that she was hiding something. I left her sitting there on the porch, staring back at me blankly.

  Approaching my dad’s office, I knocked lightly and waited before entering. That was one rule I can say I obeyed: dad’s office was off limits.

  Looking up from his computer, he smiled. “Max…come in, son. How you feeling?”

  I took a step into the room as he stood and walked around to lean against the other side. “I’m good. Thought I would stop by and have a beer with my dad.”

  “Well, hell son, this file can wait. Let’s go out back.” He slapped his hand on my shoulder, and I could see the gleam in his eye. I loved my dad, but not often did I express that. I never went to him like the others did. I was always the rebel child. If something was forbidden, I tried it at least once. If my parents said no, I did it anyway. I just made sure I did everything I could to hide it. I handled my own shit, and most of the time I handled all my siblings shit, too. It was just who I was.

  “So, Chief says I need to talk to someone.” I looked up at my dad from the chair, where I had sat silently for a few minutes running this conversation through my head over and over. I took a deep breath and just went for it. “Guilt’s eating the hell out of me, dad. I can’t get that night out of my head.”

  My dad sat silently and let me talk. He never came back at me, telling me it wasn’t my fault. I didn’t want to hear that shit right now. I needed to say it all without someone telling me anything different, without someone trying to convince me what I was feeling was wrong.

  “I got word from Jason about the little boy. His current girlfriend knows the EMT that was on scene that night. That little boy got burned and now has scars to show for my mistake. I screwed up and it’s all on me, dad. I fucked up. I never should have stopped in that stairway.” I picked at the label on the beer. “If I had kept going, that debris would have missed us. I would have taken him out safely. He would not have to live with the scars for the rest of his life.”

  Silence set in across the back deck, as my dad took in my words, allowing me to feel and break. It was something I needed to do.

  He finally spoke. “Son, I won’t tell you that it isn’t your fault; we both know that answer. I know you don’t want to hear that you did all you could.” I shook my head in silent agreement. “Every day when I walk into the operating room, those people are putting their lives in my hands. They look at me as the person that’s there to fix it all. Now we both know that things happen, and I can’t always control that outcome. Life happens, Max. There are things that we have no control over. That day could have been a lot worse. For both of you, it could have ended on a whole different note.”

  He leaned forward, bringing himself in closer, and I could see the unshed tears pooling in his eyes. I felt my throat tighten as I swallowed past the burn. “We need to focus on the good from that night and not only the wrong. Son, you both could have lost your lives, but you shielded that boy the best you could. You can fight it, Max; you can fight with every goddamn breath you take. You can keep fighting it every day of your life, but the fact that you saved him will never change.”

  All I could do was nod my head. I was too afraid to speak. I was on the verge of breaking, and I couldn’t let myself fall.

  We both sat in silence as I let his words sink in.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Bree

  I let my mind roam when I shouldn’t have. I was trying my hardest not to think the worst. Max said he’d call when his shift ended. While he was in recovery, I knew that they only had him working shorter shifts. I also knew that at six he was done. I couldn’t keep myself from continuing to look at my phone, waiting for it to ring.

  It was now a little after nine and I had still not heard from him. A million different things ran through my mind. Given our past, I knew the pattern. He was sweet, attentive, and then…bam, something would happen that caused him to withdraw. My heart ached with that thought. I didn’t know if I could handle being let down by him again. It had only been a few days but, in those few days, he had been so different.

  I let myself get so worked up that I couldn’t even eat. My stomach twisted with thoughts about where he could be and whom he might be with, doing god knows what.

  A light tapping on my door had my heart racing and my hands trembling. Quietly making my way toward the door, I looked through the small peephole. There he stood with his arms stretched up, bracing himself against the door frame. His head hung low, hiding his face.

  Sliding the chain from its lock, I peeked through the door. I figured he had been out drinking and had someone drop him off here. That was how it always went. Then we would have amazing sex before he would once again withdraw himself from me, becoming cold and distant.

  I stood in the doorway, waiting for him to look up and take charge. Not once had I ever thought he would show up here, and I would see what I saw on his face now.

  My heart ached so painfully in my chest and my throat tightened, making me feel as if I couldn’t breathe. Max stood in front of me looking completely lost and broken, his eyes reddened and sad. “Max?” I questioned him.

  His arms dropped from the doorframe and he came toward me. He engulfed me within his embrace, holding on so tightly. I felt his body shake as he buried his face in my neck. “I need you, Angel. I just need to be close to you…please.” I wrapped my arms around his neck and held him closer. “Can I stay with you? Just to sleep, baby, nothing else.”

  “Yes.” I pulled back, looking up into his pain-filled eyes. “We’ll talk, okay?” I led him to the couch and took a seat next to him.

  “What’s going on in that head of yours?” I waited quietly, giving him the time to calm his mind. I had never seen him like this. Max was never one to wear his feelings on his sleeve. He’s always tough and in control. This man before me was hurting and so torn.

  “I went to talk to my dad tonight.” My heart sank instantly with the thought of something being wrong with his father. “I never do that, Bree; you know that. I don’t talk through shit. I don’t get all emotional and have heartfelt conversations. I’ve held in the anger I feel toward myself about hurting that little boy, for all these weeks.”

  I reached out and took his hand in mine. I wanted to tell him that he never hurt him. He was being ridiculous, but instead I remained silent, listening.

  “Jason found out for me that he suffered from burns caused by the debris when we got trapped beneath all of it. I knew he suffered from smoke inhalation, that he needed therapy for that. That was bad enough to choke down. Then Jason confirmed that he was also burned on his legs and back. He had to get skin grafts.” He looked up, meeting my eyes. “How did I not suffer through that, but he did? I thought I had ’em covered.”

  We spent the next few hours talking and just holding each other. It was surreal that this man before me, baring his soul, was the same man that had broken me over and over. So many times I had been face to face with the cold side of Max, the one that acted as if his actions had no consequences. Now he was raw and open, holding nothing back. He was hurting so badly over the guilt he felt about that little boy. He was struggling tremendously with letting go of that guilt. It was the first time he thought he had failed during a rescue.

  Lying in bed next to this beautiful man, I knew he needed someone to rescue him for once. He didn’t come out and say it, but I could feel it. Slipping from the bed as quietly a possible, I walked into the bathr
oom with my phone in my hand.

  Sitting down on the side of the tub, I dialed Ryan’s number. It was after midnight and I knew he would be asleep, but I had to talk to him. I had to find a way to make this better for Max. I had to do whatever I could to heal the man I love.

  “Hey, baby girl, you okay?” Ryan’s sleepy, deep grumble whispered.

  “Yeah, I’m okay.” I paused for a moment to look out through the open bathroom door. Keeping my voice low so Max wouldn’t wake, I continued. “I need your help with something.”

  “You got it doll. Whatever it is, you got it.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  Max

  I broke down and lost my shit. I had never done that before. I had never once run to anyone for support. I was the one that always gave it. I was the guy everyone ran to when things became too much.

  Not this time.

  Bree soothed me and listened quietly as I told her everything I felt. I told her all the shit I let build up inside me and then I felt more at ease. It was the exact opposite of what I had imagined I would feel, after breaking down the way I did.

  Looking down at her sleeping body snuggled against me, I felt relieved. For the first time I could allow myself to feel what I had been trying so hard to hide. Bree deserved a man, one that would fight for her. She needed a strong man that would love her unconditionally. I vowed at that moment to be that person. I made a promise to myself that I would no longer allow my pride to hold me back.

  I never thought I would reach this point. I had tried to convince myself for so long that I didn’t need commitment. I forced myself to believe that I was happy with randomness. It wasn’t like I suffered from some traumatic heartbreak. I just liked that fast track, and I didn’t want anyone holding me back. The truth was that, without Bree, the little things didn’t mean as much.

  I slipped out of her bed and kissed her forehead before making my way to her kitchen. After finding a piece of paper and pen, I left a simple note on her counter.

  Thank you, Angel

  I was in need of a breather, just a little space to work out all these feelings. I had to find a way to convince Bree that this time would be different. Being without her was no longer an option. I needed her, Bree was my future.

  ***

  Over the next week I did everything I could to get my head straight. I never pushed Bree, but I made sure she knew I was thinking about her daily. I left little notes on her car, or a rose on her windshield. This shit was all new to me. Without Kate and Riley, I would have had no idea what to do. They were the ones giving me the pointers, but that was our secret.

  When Riley suggested I buy an orchid for Bree and have it delivered, I almost choked when I saw the price. It was amazing what they charged for one damn flower. I let that thought go when I thought about the story Bree had told me. If an orchid brought back happy memories for her, I would buy one every week if I had to. She deserved to smile; she had suffered enough over the years.

  I had taken her out to dinner Wednesday night, and then we made out in my truck like a couple of damn teenagers before I dropped her off. That was a definite change. I couldn’t remember the last time I did something like that. Yeah, it left me built up and on the verge of exploding, but it was a change for us. We agreed to take things slowly, and that is exactly what I would give her. Jacking off every night to the image of Bree would be my release until she was ready to go further.

  ***

  I was standing outside of the community center where she works, wondering what I was doing here. She had sent me a text telling me to be here by seven. It wasn’t a question; it was a straight up demand. I had to smile at her bossiness, which was cute as hell--just another side to Bree that I was getting to know.

  Opening the door, I approached the young redhead at the front counter. “Hey there, can I help you find someone?” She smiled up from her computer.

  “Yeah, Aubree Masters.” I still felt weird calling her that. She had always gone by Bree; it was never her full name with me. Bree was how she introduced herself when we first met and, from that night on, that was who she was.

  The young girl blushed and smiled wider. “You must be Max.” I nodded my head, looking around the room. The girl stood up from her desk and circled around to lead me down a long hallway. “She has about fifteen minutes left with her current class. You can wait right here.”

  The room was lined with windows that looked out over a big open room. I walked closer to the glass and spotted Bree immediately. She wore a tight little pair of black shorts with an even tighter tank top. Her back was to me as she wiggled and rolled her hips. Surrounding her were about ten younger girls, maybe high school age. They attempted to follow Bree’s moves. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her; the way her body moved was hypnotic. She was so fucking sexy, and I felt my dick twitch as she bent at the waist and her ass rolled with the music.

  I turned from the glass and took a seat away from the windows. Sitting in a community center full of kids with a hard on was not a good thing. That was all I needed, being labeled as some sort of pervert. I pulled out my phone and decided to check emails instead while I waited. I had to distract my mind from visions of Bree moving her body with that same motion against mine. I groaned and hung my head. I should have just waited outside.

  “Hey, handsome.” I looked up from my phone as Bree approached me from across the room. She was so beautiful, it made my chest ache. I stood and took a few steps toward her, closing the distance.

  I gripped her hip and pulled her close, covering her mouth with mine--nipping at her lower lip and then sucking lightly to soothe the ache.

  “Hey, beautiful.” I kissed her once more and heard a soft moan fall from her lips. “You should warn a guy before you invite him to one of your classes.” She looked at me, wrinkling up her nose and waiting for an explanation. “I’ve got a severe case of blue balls from that sexy display you were putting on down there.”

  Once she understood, she gripped my shirt and pulled me in closer, kissing me softly. “Maybe we can do something about that later.”

  I lifted an eyebrow and grinned down at her. She held my gaze firmly and grinned right back. At that moment, she looked so cocky and confident. It was an amazing look. I was starting to like this playful side of Bree.

  During all the time we have spent together lately, I haven’t pushed her. I had hurt her too much in the past, and this time she held the reins. Our pace was completely set by her and, when she was ready, I would give her what she needed. I won’t lie and say it has been easy. I know what it feels like to be with Bree, and it was harder than hell to refrain from my old ways. So many times I wanted to grab her and pin her against the wall, pressing myself against her and having my way with her, but I fought it.

  “We’ll see what happens.” That was my only answer. Things this time would be different; no way was I gonna hurt her again. “Do you have another class tonight?”

  She shook her head and smiled.

  “Can we get out of here then? Maybe grab some takeout and a movie?”

  She shook her head once more and took my hand into hers. Pulling me behind her toward the front of the building, she looked back over her shoulder, biting her lower lip. “Not yet…I have a surprise for you.”

  I narrowed my eyes and she laughed. I hated surprises, but I humored her and followed quietly. I took the time to admire her ass and toned legs; her shorts left little to the imagination, as they were like a second skin. I had visions of myself grabbing hold of her perfect hips and thrusting into her from behind. I lightly shook my head and cleared my thoughts.

  It had been entirely too long, and I was on the edge of losing my mind. A guy could only go so long without sex before he became crazed.

  We approached a door just off the lobby, not far from the redhead at the front desk. The way she was watching us didn’t go unnoticed by me. I had a feeling she knew what was behind that door. A strong rush of anxiety hit me, and I debated continuing to follow.
Did I mention how much I hate surprises?

  I watched as she knocked lightly, before slowly opening the door.

  Hesitantly stepping in behind her, I zeroed in on the people standing before me. My knees felt weak, and my stomach rolled. Standing on the other side of the room was the same little boy I had failed to protect.

  My eyes flipped back and forth between his parents and Bree. I couldn’t speak; I was completely frozen. His little eyes looked back at me, making my heart race. He held on tightly to his mother’s hand, scooting in just a little closer. I could tell he was as unsure about this as I was. I wasn’t sure what they felt toward me. Did they blame me for that night? Did they blame me for his suffering?

  Bree placed her hand on my arm and gently squeezed. “Max, this is Mr. and Mrs. Harris.” She looked back over to the little boy before continuing. “And this little guy is Tommy.”

  My mouth felt dry and my voice broke with two words, “Hi, Tommy.”

  His mother rushed toward me and threw her arms around my neck, hugging me tightly. It took me by complete surprise and I stumbled back slightly.

  “Thank you so much for saving our son. Without you, I can’t even imagine what might have happened.” She whispered into my chest and her body shuddered against mine.

  I looked up, meeting the stare of the father. He tipped his head in a silent thank you as well. Stepping forward, he reached out and took my hand in his, gripping it in a firm handshake, “Thank you. We will never be able to repay you for what you’ve done for us. Please know that we will forever be thankful for your service. You saved our boy. You put your life on the line to secure Tommy’s. You have no idea, and there is no way to explain to you how grateful we are.” I could see his struggle to hold back his emotions, and I knew we were both fighting the same thing.