Shattered by Love

by C. A. Harms

  I watched as her face fell slightly, and then I shifted my gaze to meet Bree’s across the table. “Never seen anyone more beautiful.” I winked, causing her to blush and look down at her lap.

  The hostess excused herself quickly and I reached across the table, placing my hand over Bree’s. “What’s your favorite flower?”

  She laughed lightly and smiled. “What?”

  “Your favorite flower…what is it?”

  Bree stared forward quietly. She bit her lower lip in thought. After a moment, she smiled as if remembering something from her past. “Orchids.” Her eyes met mine and she continued. “I remember one of the very first homes I was placed in.” What? What the fuck was she talking about? Instead of interrupting, I let her continue.

  “Mrs. Bowers. She was a really nice older woman and she lived alone with three cats.” Bree laughed lightly and shook her head. “She only took in kids that were waiting for placement, so it wasn’t anything long term. But I remember she was obsessed with orchids. I swear there was one in every room. Her bedroom even had pictures of them hanging on the walls. They were so beautiful.” She paused and quickly swiped a lone tear from her cheek. “I was only with her for a couple of months, but being there for a short time left a lasting memory. After I left her house, she was still my safety net, the one place I could let my mind escape back to whenever times got rough.”

  I swallowed hard and took her hand back in mine, causing her eyes to lift and lock on mine. “What do you mean by homes you were placed in?” I felt like the biggest dick on earth. I had no idea what she was talking about. My throat felt like it was on fire with her next words.

  “I was taken away from my parents when I was seven because of their neglect, among other things. I spent the next eleven years bouncing around to different foster homes. Very few were something I want to remember. Mrs. Bowers’ was one of the better ones. Until I was seventeen and placed in the same home as Ryan, things were really rough. It was always the same thing; I was just a check to them. It was never a home, and it never felt safe. But that one little old lady gave me that one happy memory, even if it was only for a short time.” She paused, shrugging her shoulders. “So if I had to choose one favorite flower, I would have to say orchids, for sure.”

  Everything she said hit me like a ton of bricks, piled onto the center of my chest. What the fuck? How did I not know this about her?

  I stood up from my chair and walked around the table, pulling her up from her seat and into my arms. I didn’t give a damn if we were in the middle of a restaurant with people watching us. I needed to hold her at that moment, and nothing or no one was going to stop me.

  I held her and breathed in her sweet scent. “I’m sorry I didn’t know those things about you. I’m sorry I was such an ass, Angel. I should have asked. I should have fucking cared enough to ask.”

  “It’s okay, Max; we both made mistakes before. This is our chance to change it, make it right.” She whispered against my neck, and I kissed her head softly before I slowly let her go. “We can start over. I want to start over.”

  I nodded in agreement and kissed her lips softly. “This time I’ll make it right. This time it’s about you.”

  Once I was sitting back in my seat. I let out a deep breath and made a mental note to buy Bree a truck load of damn orchids.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Bree

  I was still flying high from my date with Max when I woke up the next morning. It was a perfect night, from the moment he showed up with my gorgeous flowers to the point when I walked back into my apartment. Max didn’t do romance and he sure as hell didn’t do dates. He was trying, though, and that in itself made my heart grow just a little more fond of the sexy beast.

  He is rough and dominating. Max is a control freak and has to have things go his way. He hates it when he has to wait; he is fierce and at times so damn frustrating. He is pigheaded and unreasonable, but last night he was different. He was still the sexy, in control, hotter than sin man that I know, but he was softer. He was kind and gentle, attentive and compassionate.

  I know when I began sharing a little about my past, he felt horrible about not knowing already. I could just see the frustration and hurt in his eyes. In all honesty, though, it wasn’t all his fault, because I never offered any information. We just existed in the present and never brought up our pasts.

  After dinner, we went for a walk along some of the store fronts and held hands. That was completely new for us. We never once in the past acted like a loving, affectionate couple. We stopped on occasion to admire something in one of the windows or to share a few kisses. It all felt surreal, like something I had dreamt up but would never really happen.

  When he dropped me off, it was so hard to let him walk away. I wanted to invite him in. I missed the feel of his body against mine, the animalistic way he ravaged me whenever he took control.

  When he leaned in and kissed my lips softly, whispering goodnight, I fought off the urge to tackle him. This was good for us; we needed to build a new foundation. If this was going to work, we had to build on something other than our lust.

  Dragging myself from my bed, I made my way to the kitchen. I was in desperate need of coffee, before jumping into the shower.

  I had an hour before I had to be at my first class. I would teach two different classes of gymnastics and dance tonight. It was a full day, but it would help me keep my head on straight. Max was consuming my thoughts and I knew I needed to slow down. My world does not consist of Max and Max alone. I had to continue to remind myself of that.

  Just as I parked in the parking lot at school, my phone chimed in my purse. Grabbing my bags and walking off toward my first class of the day, I smiled down at my phone.

  Heading into the station now, I’ll try to call you later. Can’t wait to see you again. Already miss you.

  With Max still dragging around his broken leg, he’s still unable to go out on calls. His chief told him he would make sure he had other things to do, though. Max was chomping at the bit to get back out there. He wasn’t a behind the desk kind of guy. It made me nervous after what he went through, but it’s what he loves, it’s who he is.

  It still eats at him when he talks about that little boy, because he feels as if he failed him. I could see it in his eyes last night when he touched briefly on that night. It was still very much a part of his daily thoughts.

  ***

  My day flew by without much time to spare, and I found myself looking forward to a night alone. Ever since my roommate moved out months ago, I’ve valued my time alone. Sharing a tiny apartment barely fit for one person was crowded. I know I can go home now without the chance of finding her and her man on the couch or for god sakes, the kitchen counter. Yes, that happened more times than I can count. I felt at ease. I planned to curl up with a good movie and a huge bowl of popcorn.

  Finding Lily sitting in her car outside of my apartment waiting for me was completely unexpected. She stepped from her car just as I threw my bag over my shoulder. The moment I saw her blotchy cheeks, I could tell she had been crying.

  “Hey you…are you okay?” She looked up at me and all she could do was shake her head no, as the tears began to fall once again.

  I led her inside, listening to her sniffle while her body shuddered against mine. I still had no idea what was going on or why she was so upset.

  After I met Lily at Kate’s the night of their party, we had instantly bonded. She and I were a lot alike. I found it easy to talk to her; she was an amazing person, and she had a heart of gold. We both had fears of abandonment and suffered from feeling inadequate. We both just long to have someone need us as much as we need them.

  I led her to the couch and sat down beside her. After a few deep breaths, she spoke. “I made a huge mistake.”

  “Okay, you can talk to me about it. We all make mistakes, Lil. We just need to learn from them. Pick yourself up and make it better.” She closed her eyes tightly and the tears fell again.

>   “I never should have let him in. It was my fault.” She sighed and fisted her hands nervously in her lap.

  My chest tightened instantly. I gripped her shoulders and forced her to look at me. “Lily, what are you talking about? What happened?”

  “An old friend of my dad’s. He stopped by and I was home alone.”

  “Did he?” I questioned, only I couldn’t finish the sentence. I feared the answer too much.

  She shook her head and squeezed her hands into tiny fists at her sides. “No…he tried but um, I bit him.” She laughed lightly. “I bit down on his lip and screamed when he jerked back. The neighbor must have heard me screaming, because he started pounding on the door and Randy freaked.” She took a deep breath. “He ran out the back door. I just can’t stay there, my brother’s still out of town. I hate to bother you, but…”

  I shushed her, “You can stay with me until your brother gets home, even after that if you need to.” I hugged her close. “Do you think you need to report this, Lil?” She shook her head against my shoulder. “I don’t think you should let it go unnoticed. He should know that he can’t get away with that. I could get in touch with Carson. We know him; it might be easier to report it to someone you’re comfortable with.”

  After a little more persuasion and time, she was able to understand that she should file a report. If the man thought he could get away with it once, what would stop him from trying again? The next time things could end very differently.

  Carson and his partner, Jason, arrived an hour later, ready to take Lily’s statement. I sat next to her holding her hand, while she told them the details of the assault. The sick feelings that filled my stomach were almost impossible to control. The fear in Lily’s eyes was evident and it broke my heart.

  “We’ll take this back to the station and file the report,” Carson explained to Lily. “You’re staying here tonight, right?” Lily and I nodded our heads practically at the same time.

  “Good, we’ll call you once we have made a visit to Mr. Elmore’s residence. I want to make sure you aren’t alone.” I smiled up at Carson and assured him that she would be staying with me until her brother got back. He was supposed to be home last night but was delayed due to work.

  Lily took a shower and was finally able to relax and fall asleep in my bed. The poor girl could barely hold her eyes open, they were so worn out. She cried continuously for hours until I was sure she had no more tears left to shed.

  My phone rang at a little after ten with an incoming call from Max. I jumped up from the couch and grabbed for it quickly, so it didn’t wake Lily.

  “Hello,” I said in a rush.

  “You okay, did I wake you up?”

  “No…I was awake. Lily’s here; she had a rough night and she just finally fell asleep.” I didn’t want to say too much, because Lily should have the choice about whom she wants to know the details. It wasn’t up to me to tell anyone about her life or her hardships.

  “She doing okay?”

  “Yeah, she is now. She just needed a friend to lean on.” I looked over toward my bed and took in her sleeping form. “Sometimes girls need to talk, we’re like that.”

  He chuckled lightly. “Yeah, just a bunch of Chatty Cathy’s.” I smiled at his comment.

  His voice sounded deep and gruff. “How’s your day been?” I asked, trying to teeter the conversation away from Lily. I really did want to know about his day, too.

  “Long…boring. I hate fucking sitting on my ass. Every call today just pissed me off. I watched the guys load up and drive off on the truck. It drove me insane. I can’t wait until next week; this damn cast needs to go.” I listened to his deep breathing and closed my eyes, imagining him next to me. Max was like an addiction—a very heavy and highly intoxicating addiction. That was always the problem; the man got to me in every way possible. I craved him so strongly and could never resist having him close.

  There was a long pause, with no words from either of us--just the air between us. It was calm, and then he lightly whispered into my ear. “I wanna see you. When I leave here tomorrow, I need to come straight to you, even if it’s just for two minutes.” He took a deep breath. “Can I come see you, Angel?”

  I wanted to see him, too. Actually I needed to see him. “Just call me.”

  “I will. Sweet dreams Angel.”

  “Goodnight, Max.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  Max

  “I’m out, Chief,” I hollered to him as I walked past his office.

  “Max, wait up.” He held his hand up to stop me from escaping. I groaned internally and turned back toward his office.

  I had been counting down the hours until I could leave. Once the end of my shift hit, I was ready to get out of here. Bree would be at work about now but I didn’t care, I wanted to see her. Ryan had already given me the address, and I had planned for it to be my first stop.

  I took a seat in the chair across the desk from Chief. He leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest, watching me closely. What the fuck did I do now?

  “Relax boy. I just wanted to find out how you’re feeling.” He spoke sternly.

  “I’m good, Chief, ready to get this damn thing off.” I motioned toward my leg.

  “I’m not just talking about physically, Max.” Now he leaned forward, resting his arms on his desk and looking at me with concern. “How are you doing?”

  Fuck, here we go with the damn heart to heart. I had a hard time with that shit. Talking, feeling. That is exactly why I had fucked up so much with Bree. It’s easier to hold it in, to not feel. I would rather go to the gym and pound it out, or fuck it out. That was how I coped with all the garbage.

  “I’m good, Chief.” I tried to avoid eye contact, because I knew the man would see right through me.

  The way he was watching me, I could instant tell he didn’t buy it. “Max, I know you. Boy, I have known you since you were a baby. You’re stubborn and hard-headed. You need to talk this shit out. You did everything you had to that night. We can’t control what happens in the end. That boy made it out because of you.”

  “I got it, Chief, I got it.” I stood up from my chair. Talking about it just pissed me off. I know he suffered some long-term damage from my fuck up, and that shit has continued to eat at me every day. I can’t keep talking it over, again and again. It wouldn’t fix anything. I just wanted it tucked up tightly, somewhere I didn’t have to think about it.

  “Are we done here?”

  He nodded his head slowly, but not once did his eyes leave mine. “Talk to somebody, boy.” I took a deep breath and left his office, my adrenaline racing through me uncontrollably. I felt like I was on the verge of exploding.

  My mood had shifted, and now I was just cranky and irritable. Maybe going to see Bree should be put off for a bit. It was a little after six, and I needed to burn off some steam. The last thing I wanted to do was take any of this anger out on her. I made that mistake when I was in the hospital, and I would do whatever it took to make sure she never felt that again.

  Climbing up into my truck, I pulled my phone from my jeans pocket. Punching out the number, I waited for my brother to answer.

  “What’s up?” I could hear the noise in the background of Tanner’s phone.

  “Where you at?” Just then, the sound of a saw broke through the background.

  “Still working. I got that house over on Mitchell to finish up. Damn kitchen remodels, those are a bitch. This lady has changed her fucking mind every two days. I figure if I work late and bust ass to finish up, I can be done before she changes it again.” He chuckled. “Damn women and their bright ideas.”

  “I was gonna see if you wanted to grab a beer. I’m just getting done, and I’m in a pissy mood. I need to wind down a little.”

  “Fuck man,” he groaned, and I could just imagine him squeezing the back of his neck fighting with the decision.

  “Hey, don’t worry about it. I think I’ll stop over and have one with dad. Shock the fu
ck out of him, ya know.” We both laughed this time.

  One thing I didn’t do was go to my dad for the fatherly talks. He always spoke straight up and never sugarcoated his true feelings. I tried to avoid the truth, on most occasions. I didn’t need to hear that I was an ass with anger issues. You could only hear ‘you need to wake up’ so many times before it started to piss you off. I hated the talks and being forced to express my feelings. It was better for me if I lived in my bubble, pretending I had everything together.

  “Well, you better have 911 programmed in your cell, man; you’ll probably need it. The man might fall over gripping his chest.”

  “Yeah, no shit, man.” I started my truck and put in into reverse. “Catch ya later, fucknut.”

  ***

  Riley and my mom were sitting on the front porch when I pulled up. Something was up with that girl; she’s been acting a little off lately. For some unknown reason, has been avoiding me lately. The last three times I asked her to meet me for breakfast or lunch, she declined. I eyed her suspiciously as I walked up the steps.

  My mom stood and hugged me close. “Well, this is a surprise, Max. A good surprise, though; how’s my boy doing?”

  Riley averted her eyes as I continued to watch her over my mom’s shoulder. I made a mental note to drill her ass later. She wasn’t gonna hide shit, not from me.

  “I just stopped by to have a beer with dad. Just getting off work. I could use a little down time.” Mom beamed up at me. She was at least a foot shorter than me and a tiny little thing. She was vicious if need be, though. We all knew not to piss off our mom, who could be scarier than dad. She never backed down from any of us.