CREE

by LaShawn Vasser

  “Again, if I have to keep reminding you, then I will. This situation isn’t your fault Cameron. I can’t reiterate that enough. And, Cree is going to need some time to absorb everything that happened to her long after she physically heals. You’re going to have to pull on patience you never knew you had. She will push you away and possibly try to withdraw into herself.” Dr. Stevenson pulled a card out of her pocket. “I’m going to give you my card. My hope is that you both spend some time with me, or someone like me to help you deal with all the different emotions I’m sure you’re feeling.”

  Cameron accepted her card. “Thank you.”

  She nodded. “I’ll try to stop by later after she wakes up to speak with her.”

  “Thanks again.”

  *****

  Cameron had no idea how long he watched Cree sleep. It was, however, long enough for his neck and back to ache unmercifully.

  His cell phone vibrated. Again, not to disturb Cree, Cameron got up and walked away toward the window in her room to talk.

  “Hey.”

  “It’s David. We’re here.”

  Cameron checked his watch. They literally must have left almost immediately in order to drive here this quickly.

  “Here where?”

  “In the hospital parking garage.”

  He sighed. “I’m fairly confident, she doesn’t want to see anyone. But, come on up to the waiting room anyway. You guys might have to sit there for a while before I can ask her if she’s up to visitors. She’s having a difficult time resting, and I don’t want to wake her.”

  “That’s cool. We’ll be right up.”

  Cree stirred then screamed. “Nooooo!”

  “I…I’ve got to go.” Cameron immediately hung the phone and quickly went over to her. “I’m here baby.”

  It took Cree a moment to realize where she was as her eyes darted around the room. She visibly relaxed after realizing she’d been dreaming.

  Cameron held her hand. This time she didn’t pull away.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “You have nothing to be sorry about, Cree. Nothing. If you won’t listen to me, then maybe you’ll listen to your grandfather.”

  For the first time since she’d been hurt, Cree looked him in the eyes. “Wh…what?”

  “Yeah. David and Melody hopped in their car yesterday and drove all night and day to bring him.”

  “My grandfather’s here?”

  Cameron nodded. “They should be in the waiting room.”

  She touched her face, and a fresh round of tears came. “Please, can you get him?”

  He kissed her fingers. “I’ll be right back.”

  Cameron left the room. His eyes were so tired that his vision was blurry. He made it to the waiting room and as soon as he entered, David and Melody rushed him. Mr. Watson was a little slower.

  Melody was beside herself. “How is she? How are you? I can’t believe this Cameron!”

  “Me either.”

  Her eyes were wide with curiosity. “What happened?”

  He took a deep breath. “Cree was doing laundry in the laundry room of our building. She was alone, and the bastard took advantage of the opportunity.”

  Melody’s eyebrows knitted together. “I thought your building was secured?”

  “It is. He lived down the hall from us. Luckily, another neighbor walked in on them and stopped it. He beat the shit out of him. Sorry, Mr. Watson.”

  He was old but had he caught that man hurting his grand-daughter, hell would have been a safer place for him. “No apology necessary. I wouldn’t expect any less. How is she?”

  Cameron folded his arms. “You know Cree. She’s trying her best to be brave. But, she’s asking for you.”

  “Then show me the way to my baby.”

  Quietly, they walked back to the room. Before they went inside, Cameron turned to him. “Mr. Watson. I promised you I’d protect her and I’m sorry I didn’t.”

  He frowned. “Cameron you can’t take the blame for this. It was about as much your fault as it was Cree’s. The blame…” His voice almost failed, “The responsibility for hurting Cree lays squarely with the man who did it. Are we clear on that?”

  Cameron shook his head. “Thank you, sir.” He knew that in his head but wasn’t able to reconcile it in his heart.

  After a moment to collect themselves, Cameron announced to Cree that he’d returned with her grandfather then pushed the door open.

  Cree sat up stiff as a board. As soon as she saw her grandfather though, she burst into tears. He went to her with outstretched arms and held her as she cried.

  Cameron didn’t know how to feel knowing Cree had only allowed him to hold her hand, while she let her grandfather hold her. However, each one of her sobs and every sniffle wore on his heart.

  Her grandfather held her close as he buried his face in her soft bushy hair. He allowed her to release everything she was feeling in the comfort of his arms.

  They sat that way for about an hour when finally she was able to relax enough to fall into a restful sleep.

  Mr. Watson looked up at Cameron with sympathetic eyes. “Why don’t you go back to your apartment and take a shower and grab a change of clothes for both of you. I’m sure you haven’t been home since this happened, and she’ll need a change of clothing too if they release her today.”

  Cameron didn’t want to leave, but Mr. Watson was right. Cree was in a hospital issued gown, and the rest of her clothing had been kept by the police. He knew she felt safe with her grandfather being there so now was probably the best time to run home.

  He scratched his head. “You’re right. I’ll get going and get back as soon as I can.”

  Chapter 15

  Cameron rode with Melody and David back to his apartment. Since they had been driving all night, David decided to give Cameron the keys to the car. Cameron could go back to the hospital while he and Melody got cleaned up and rested for a little while.

  While he was gone, Cameron took the opportunity to take a quick shower, shaved, and threw on a fresh pair of sweat pants and a Presbyterian t-shirt. He’d also contacted his superiors at the hospital about taking some time off. Cameron would have to figure out how to break their lease, but he could worry about that later. Right now, he just needed to do whatever he could to make Cree feel safe. Cameron had moved at breakneck speed so that he could get back to the hospital as quickly as possible.

  Cameron arrived back at the hospital just as Dr. Stevenson was leaving Cree’s room. They stood in the hallway before he went inside. “Dr. Jacobs, I’m glad I caught you before I left for the day. I had a chance to speak with your wife.”

  She tried to smile soothingly. “This situation would be hard for anyone, but I have a strong feeling about her. She’ll get through this and so will you. Just keep in mind, it won’t be without its challenges.”

  He nodded.

  “Cree mentioned going back to Henrickson for a while. I’ve recommended a close colleague of mine who recently relocated to Jackson, Louisiana. That is about half an hour to an hour away from where you live. Her name is Mika Laurel, and she’s excellent at what she does. So, if you decide to use her for your grief counseling while you’re there, I know you’ll be in good hands.”

  Cameron didn’t think they would need Dr. Laurel. He hoped they wouldn’t be back in Henrickson for any longer than a week, or so. When they came back, he’d set up an appointment with her. “I can’t thank you enough Dr. Stevenson.”

  “No thanks is necessary. Just breathe and every day, do the best you can.”

  He dropped his duffel bag of clothes on the floor so that he could shake her hand. Before she left, she gave him a bit of parting advice. “Remember what I said, you’ll need to pull on patience that goes beyond all understanding. But, I know you can do it.” With that she walked away.

  Her words sounded ominous. He wondered what she and Cree had discussed. He hoped he’d get some answers from Cree.

  Cameron picked his bag from off t
he floor, and hoisted Cree’s bag back over his other shoulder before it slipped off and went inside. He had filled Cree’s bag with what he thought was enough clothing for their trip. Cameron hoped that he had packed most of her favorite things. If he forgot anything, he’d just have to run back to the apartment to get it. He would have to stop back to pick up David and Melody anyway. However, one thing he’d learned never to forget was the coconut oil Cree always used for her hair.

  That brought a small smile to his face. Her hair was the first thing Cameron noticed about her after transferring to Henrickson High School. Cameron would never forget that day. He was lost and looking for a class when he spotted Cree searching for something in her locker. He couldn’t actually see her because she was hidden behind it, but he saw her hair. It peeked out from behind those hideous orange lockers.

  Most of the girls at the private school he’d attended had silky straight maybe even curly hair. More often than not, it was blonde or brunette or some variation of the two, but Cree stood out even back then when she was just really starting to grow out her afro. Although it wasn’t nearly as big as it was now, she still owned that look.

  Unlike his previous school, where you could count the number of people of color on one hand, Henrickson was mixed. He’d seen other girls who wore their hair natural, but there was just something special about Cree. The minute she closed that locker and looked at him with those big brown eyes, Cameron knew he was a goner.

  His smile widened as he reminisced. He’d loved those special moments where he would hold her close and press his face into her hair just to get a whiff of it…and of her. Her scent had always been so soothing and calming. He prayed, her favorite things would be just as soothing and calming to her too.

  When Cameron went into her room, she was alone. He dropped their bags on the floor by the bed. “Hey, I got back as soon as I could. Has Dr. Levinson been here to release you?”

  Cree glanced at their bags then cleared her throat. “Not yet.” Nervously, she twisted the sheets in her hands. “Cameron…we need to talk.”

  Hesitantly, he sat down in the chair next to the bed. “All right.”

  She swallowed. “When I go home…I need to go alone.”

  It took a moment for him to understand what she was saying. Then, panic almost set in before remembering what Dr. Stevenson said. “Cree, don’t do this. Don’t push me away. I know you blame me. I have to figure out how to forgive myself for letting this happen, but we can get through this. It’s us; we’re a team, partners in crime remember?”

  Cree raised defiant eyes to his. Maybe it was misplaced anger but she snapped in angry hushed tones. “Damn it. Cameron for once this isn’t about you or us. This is about me and what I need. And, what I need is some time to deal with everything that has happened to me. My life is in free fall and I…I can’t find anything solid to land on.”

  He reached out for her, but she backed away. It hurt. Patience. This is what Dr. Stevenson was talking about. Patience. Cameron responded, “That’s what I’m here for Cree. I can be the strength you need.” What was he supposed to do? Was he supposed to just let her leave? Hell no. He couldn’t.

  Exhausted, Cree lay back against her pillows and turned away from him as she spoke, “I’ve been doing that since the day we met. I need to learn to stand on my own two feet.”

  “You don’t have to do this on your own. I’m here.”

  Desperation was evident in her voice. “Cameron, I need to do this on my own. Even before all of this…I was feeling lost. I need to find out who I am. I’m numb and empty on the inside. I need to find my own strength.” She exhaled as she whispered, “And, for the record, I don’t blame you for anything. None of this is your fault.”

  He didn’t believe her for a second. Otherwise, why would she push him away? Frustrated that she was closing herself off to him, Cameron knew he needed to think of something quick. His mind just wasn’t working fast enough, he started to speak. “Cree…”

  Cameron was interrupted when Dr. Levinson came into the room. “Mrs. Jacobs?” She smiled warmly. “I bet you’re ready to get out of here?”

  The tension in the air was thick. She looked between Cree and Cameron. “Is everything okay? Should I come back later?”

  Cree shook her head no. “I’m ready.”

  She turned to Cameron. “Dr. Jacobs, I’ll need to examine your wife privately. Can you please step out for a few minutes?”

  Her timing couldn’t have been worse. He wanted to tell her no. Instead, he pressed his lips together in a firm line as if thinking it over. He answered, “I’ll go find your grandfather.”

  *****

  Cameron was drowning. He hoped and prayed Mr. Watson could help him convince Cree that she was making a mistake and that she belonged with him. She had to know they needed to work through this together.

  He found him sitting in the waiting room. His head was thrown back, and his eyes were covered by his hand. Cameron gently touched his shoulder. “Pa Pa?” He’d fallen to sleep.

  He sat up quickly. “Is Cree alright?”

  Cameron smiled weakly. “She’s okay at least physically.”

  Mr. Watson rolled his neck and shoulders. “I must have fallen to sleep.”

  “I could check to see if there’s an extra bed for you to rest for a while.”

  “Thanks but I’m fine right here.”

  Cameron sat down next to him. “Cree doesn’t want me to come with her.”

  The pain was written all over his face. He loved Cameron like a son, and this was going to be one of the toughest challenges they would ever have to face. “She told me.”

  “I can’t just let her leave? I don’t know what to do.”

  He put his heavy hand on Cameron’s shoulder. “You won’t want to hear this, but you have to give her some space and time to figure things out.”

  Words were difficult to form. “I can’t let her go. I just don’t know if I can do that…I love her too much.”

  “And, she loves you just as much or more. For now, you’ll have to trust that.”

  Cameron leaned forward. He placed his elbows on his knees while rocking back and forth. “So, you’re saying in a matter of hours, I have to let the love of my life walk out of my life?”

  “I’m saying, Cree feels she needs some space. I know this is hard for you too. But, son, if you try to hold on too tightly, she’s going to slip through your fingers anyway.”

  In the end, Cameron knew Mr. Watson was right. Knowing what he needed to do for Cree, hurt like hell. It felt as if someone had ripped him in two. He’d always been able to get her to see his side of things, but this time Cree wasn’t giving him any choices. None. Cameron didn’t know how to deal with being in this position.

  He felt helpless and hated it. But for her sake, Cameron would put her needs before his own and let the woman who’d occupied his every thought since he was in the tenth grade go for now.

  Chapter 16

  Cree had spent the last week holed up in her old bedroom at her grandfather’s with the blinds closed. The room fit her mood. It was dark until someone opened the blinds or turned on a light. She preferred the darkness.

  She lay in bed wrapped in her mother’s old green and yellow comforter staring up at the ceiling. Her mother loved that blanket. She wished she was here to tell her everything was going to be okay. Cancer sucked. Right now so did life.

  Cree squinted in the darkness as she focused on a water spot that had seeped through from a leak in the roof. Thinking about nothing. It was better that way. To think about anything would usher in too many painful emotions about everything. Exhausted couldn’t even begin to describe how she was feeling.

  She didn’t want to close her eyes for fear of what she might see. She didn’t want to open them either for fear of what stood in front of her. It was like an endless road that went on for miles with nothing on either side of her and nothing in front of her. Cree didn’t know where she was going or what she was doing. Instea
d, she sat and gazed out into nothingness hoping her mind would remain blank.

  Her eyes adjusted to the darkness, and as she slowly looked around the room it was like a time warp back to her teen years. A time when life was simple, and the possibilities seemed endless. There were posters of all her favorite designers and models on the walls with a smattering of her favorite groups sprinkled throughout. Back then, she’d thought maybe she’d be a fashion designer. But, that was a long time ago.

  Since she’d been home, Cree had barely gotten out of bed to take a shower or eat. Her clothes were starting to fit a little more loosely than before. She didn’t care. Her hair was a mess too. It was all over the place. Cree just didn’t have the energy to braid it up. She blinked…once…twice…three times until three quick taps on her door caught her attention.

  When it opened light shown through from behind the door and hurt her eyes. Cree put her hands up to try and block it out.

  A familiar voice spoke. “Your grandfather told me you were in here.” It was Melody.

  Cree’s voice was dead. “I’m not up for company.” She hadn’t seen or talked to Melody since she and David dropped her and her grandfather off at home two weeks ago.

  Melody ignored her and went over to the window. Not only did she open the blinds that let in even more sunlight, but she opened the windows too. It was way too stuffy in the room. “Yeah, I heard. Lucky for you, I’m not company. Let’s get some fresh air and sunlight circulating in here.”

  Cree squeezed her eyes shut. “Agh! Melody that hurts.” She attempted to pull the covers over her head.

  “Only for a little while until your eyes adjust. Now, come on. Let’s get you up, showered and dressed.”

  “I don’t feel like going anywhere. I’m not ready.”

  Melody looked at Cree and could barely recognize her. Her hair was smashed to her head, she had deep, dark circles underneath her eyes, and she’d lost a considerable amount of weight. Melody could tell by how small her face had become.