Half to Death

by Robin Alexander

  The smile slipped from Miranda’s face. “She could’ve asked one of the other trainers to do it, but she didn’t. She was willing to sacrifice her privacy for you.”

  Neither of us said anything for the rest of the drive home. Unlike Miranda, I had an idea of what Jade had faced in life and how badly she wanted to keep it hidden. She cared enough about me to help when I needed her, and that was all I needed to know.

  *******

  I was lying on Miranda’s couch with my leg propped up and an ice pack strapped to my thigh as Miranda told Marty about our harrowing adventure.

  “Oh, you poor baby.” Marty reached out to stroke my hair.

  I saw Miranda grab her hand. “Don’t do that.”

  Marty seemed to remember the bullshit story that Miranda had told everyone, but it was obvious she was perturbed.

  “I need to talk to you, Marty,” I began. She took a seat in my line of vision with an attentive expression. “It’s about my experience, but I want you to keep what I tell you between us.”

  “That goes without saying, honey. Unless I have your express permission, I never disclose what we discuss.”

  “Well, you may be tempted with this because it’s a doozy.” Miranda said, “What?” when I glared at her.

  “Something about me changed when I woke up…when I touch people, I can see their memories like I’m living them myself.” Marty looked at Miranda first as if she expected her to burst out laughing at any moment, then back at me. “I’m not jerking your chain.”

  “Touch me then.” She looked at me with the same unbelieving expression that Miranda had given when I first told her as she thrust out her hand far enough for me to reach it. I looked back at Miranda.

  “Do it,” Miranda said with a nod. “She won’t believe any other way.”

  I took Marty’s hand. I was sitting at her desk staring at the computer screen. Frustration coursed through me like lightning. I felt threatened because my coworkers seemed to be catching on much faster than me. I had a pencil in my mouth and spit out the eraser that I’d bitten off in disgust. I needed comfort, so I opened the right drawer of my desk and rifled around until I found the Milky Way I’d hidden under a stack of manila envelopes.

  The connection broke when Marty pulled her hand away. She looked at me expectantly with a grin that slid from her face as I began to tell what I’d seen and felt.

  “That’s a pretty elaborate prank,” Marty said, looking at us. “Who in my office did you enlist to help with it?” Her tone was slightly biting.

  “Touch her again,” Miranda said, looking at Marty. “Give her another shot.”

  Marty sighed and held out her hand again. The moment I touched her, I felt her resentment at being the butt of what she thought was a joke. Her stress about the new program and her ability to learn it sat at the forefront of her mind. I relaxed and felt myself go deeper. I felt like I had a remote in my hand, and I was changing stations on a TV for something personal that did not include Miranda.

  I recognized Marty’s mother. She was sitting in a chair with a tissue dabbing at her eyes. She looked so young. Marty looked down at the portion of her legs that her gown didn’t cover. The paper of the examination table crinkled in her hands as she squeezed it. I heard another woman talking, but I only caught bits and pieces. I realized that was all Marty was able to hear as her mind raced. “Ectopic pregnancy, damage to fallopian tubes, getting pregnant again would be difficult.” Relief and sadness washed through her at the same time.

  Marty broke the connection again and stood. “If you two are finished screwing with me, I’m going to start dinner.”

  “Wait.” Miranda looked at me. “Tell her what you saw.”

  I shook my head. Miranda had never told me that Marty had gotten pregnant, maybe she didn’t know.

  “Tell her,” Miranda implored.

  “Yes, tell me,” Marty said with a hand on her hip.

  “You lost the baby,” I blurted out without any tact.

  Marty’s hand slipped from her hip and dangled against her thigh. “What did you say?”

  Miranda shot up off the couch, her eyes fixed on Marty.

  This wasn’t going well, and I wanted to take it all back. “I’m sorry.”

  “When were you pregnant?” Miranda demanded.

  Marty stared at me with anger and shock. “You tell me,” she said with a challenging tone.

  “Your mom looked to be very young, so I’m guessing maybe high school. The doctor was female, but you never looked at her, so I didn’t see her face. She said the pregnancy had been ectopic, and there was damage…you might have trouble conceiving again.”

  Marty’s mouth dropped wider and wider as I spoke. She was gaping at me. I almost felt the urge to jump up and run, throbbing leg and all.

  “Why didn’t you tell me about this?” Miranda asked a bit more calmly.

  Marty turned her head slowly toward Miranda. “I was fifteen and too curious for my own good.” Her tone was dreamy when she spoke. “No one knew but me, Mom, and my doctor.”

  “I shouldn’t have told that,” I said, feeling horrible. “I…couldn’t make you believe if it was something everyone else already knew. I’m so sorry, Marty. I should’ve let you go on believing we were joking.”

  “Sloan…” Marty took a step back and sat down. “This is real?”

  I nodded as she tried to wrap her brain around it. “I can’t help it…well, I’m trying to. Miranda’s been working with me. But if someone touches me and I can’t always make myself stop, I see their innermost secrets.”

  “That’s why we went to Deb. Sloan saw that she had an eating disorder when they bumped in the kitchen,” Miranda said, seeming to put the revelation of the pregnancy out of her mind for a moment.

  “You…” Marty rubbed at her brow. “That’s the real reason we couldn’t touch you?”

  “I didn’t want to invade your minds. I have to keep my distance for the sake of your privacy and my sanity.”

  Marty cupped her hands over her mouth and sat back. The wheels of her mind were spinning behind her eyes.

  We all talked for a while. Dinner was forgotten, but none of us was hungry. I knew they needed time to talk alone, so I told them I was tired. As I stood awkwardly, Marty walked over. It was clear she intended to hug me, but I stopped her. “We can’t,” I said sadly. “I still haven’t mastered blocking the images, and I’m afraid of what I’ll take from you.”

  Marty’s arms dropped to her sides. “I’m so sorry.”

  I smiled. “One day, I’ll be able to accept that hug. Save it for me.”

  She blew me a kiss. “I will.”

  Chapter 13

  Miranda and I skipped going to the health club the following night. She and Marty needed some time together. The night after that, Miranda was at work, so we didn’t go then, either. I wanted to see Jade, but I knew better than to go there by myself. Unattended, I was nothing but trouble, so I waited on my keeper.

  I wasn’t sure how to play it with Jade when we walked into the health club, so I caught her eye and did that nod thing we do. The gym wasn’t very crowded because of the thunderstorm that moved in right at rush hour. As a result, I could hear Jade’s voice more than usual. I listened to her count and encourage. I liked the sound of it and hoped I’d hear it again in conversation with me.

  Miranda was unusually quiet, and I asked her if things were okay at home.

  “We’ve done a lot of talking and soul-searching since your visit,” she said. “That’s not a bad thing, so don’t think you’ve wrecked my marriage. If anything, it did us a lot of good. We talked like we used to in our first year together. I guess I didn’t realize how much we’ve drifted because of the mundane things.” She grinned, showing me all her teeth. “And the sex has been fantastic. I’m exhausted.”

  “I’m happy for you.” I truly was, but a tiny sprig of jealousy sprung up somewhere deep within. I guess envy would’ve been a better description. I looked over at Jade an
d was surprised to find myself wondering if we’d ever have talks like that.

  Miranda and I got separated while we went through our circuit of machines. I took the time to hydrate myself and stood off in the corner. Jade made a move toward me, and I felt encouraged.

  “How’re you feeling?” She walked up and folded her arms.

  “Better. Thank you for your help the other night.”

  She shrugged it off. “It’s part of my job.”

  “You touched me,” I said, lowering my voice, “knowing the consequences. I’d say that’s above and beyond your job. I didn’t see anything. I was hurting too bad,” I said because I knew she wanted to ask.

  “I can’t tell you how exposed…naked I feel around you,” she said without looking at me.

  “Would it make you feel better if I stripped off my clothes?”

  “No.” She didn’t laugh or even smile at my attempt at levity.

  “Sorry, Jade, I can only imagine how uncomfortable you must feel around me. I regret not being upfront.”

  “I know you weren’t withholding for nosy reasons. I’ve tried to put myself in your shoes, and I think I might’ve been the same way.” She sighed. “Still it doesn’t make it any easier.”

  It bothered me that she wouldn’t look at me when we talked. “I have an idea. Why don’t we talk on the phone? If you want to, of course. I’ll answer anything you want to ask.”

  She thought about it for a minute or two as she watched her next client come through the door. “I have to go, but…I’ll call you.”

  “Okay,” I said as she walked away.

  *******

  Miranda and I slipped back into our routine when she was off during the day. I had truly become a lab rat to her, and she experimented every chance she got. One time, she scared the shit out of me when she jumped out of a corner and screamed. I was so shaken, I didn’t realize she had a hold of my arms. Another time, she pinched me on the soft part of my arm above my elbow. I was so focused on the stinging that I didn’t realize she’d pressed her leg to mine. Then came the tickling. She had me backed into a corner, making me squeal and scream, when a customer walked in.

  On my lunch breaks, she’d make me close my eyes and focus on something, and she’d touch me. I was able to force down the images that came as long as I stayed focused. After a week, she’d walk up and touch me while I was working, and I was overjoyed to realize that the rejection of her thoughts was becoming second nature.

  One evening, I joined her and Marty for dinner, and while I was eating, Marty laid her hand on my arm. I concentrated on the food, the taste, and texture and was able to keep myself centered. Miranda and I agreed that I’d passed a milestone. I was high on my success and was about to turn in for the night when the phone rang after nine thirty. My heart skipped a beat when I heard Jade’s voice.

  “I’m sorry it’s so late. Would you prefer me to call you on the weekend?” she said when I picked up.

  I answered honestly. “If you had called me at four in the morning, I would’ve been just as happy to hear from you.”

  “Why?”

  “Because it gives me hope.”

  She was silent, and I could hear Guy meowing and food hitting his bowl. “What are you going to use this ability for?”

  I was taken aback by the question. “I’ve never really thought about using it. I spend more time trying to silence it.”

  “I suppose some would use it to cash in. In the wrong hands, it could be a powerful blackmail tool.”

  I thought about Jacquelyn Marlow and how dirty I felt after leaving her mind. “I’m human and I have my weaknesses and faults, but I can honestly say that has never crossed my mind. It’s more of a handicap than a bonus.”

  “How long after your accident did you realize you had this…thing?”

  I felt like I was being interviewed and my answers were of the utmost importance. “I think I noticed it when my friend Deb hugged me. I thought I was high on something they gave me in the hospital. But it continued to happen, and I realized I was actually seeing things…things that we both remembered but in the perspective of my friends.”

  “Miranda told me it took you two months to confide in her. It must’ve been hard to cope with alone.”

  “It was. I thought I was going crazy. I don’t think I had ever felt more isolated in my life. My childhood should’ve prepared me for that, but I was so…lonely.”

  She went quiet again. “I think I’d like to hear about your childhood…if you want to tell me.”

  “Jade, you know what I’ve taken from you. I think it’s fair that you be able to ask anything you want to know.”

  “You make it sound like you’ve intentionally stolen something from me. Is that how you feel?”

  “Yeah, I do. I didn’t mean to see the things I saw.” I winced. “But…I did.”

  “Is that why you want to talk to me? You feel guilty?”

  “No,” I said immediately.

  “Tell me about your childhood if you don’t mind.”

  I rambled for a while about the death of my mother and being stuck with an aunt who clearly didn’t want me or my brother. I was careful not to whine or make it appear I wanted her sympathy. Jade was no stranger to loneliness; I could feel it the few times we touched. I just wanted her to understand that because of my past I might be able to relate to her. Though she didn’t make a sound, I was pretty certain she was listening to everything intently. When I finished talking, I heard Guy meowing his head off. “Is he okay?”

  “He’s complaining about something.” I could hear Jade moving around, then I heard, “Oh…yuck.”

  “Did he get sick?”

  “No, but I might be. One of my clients is a cat lover, so she’s been teaching me all about them. She says they like to give gifts, and I think I might’ve gotten my first.”

  I could still hear Guy yowling. “I’m afraid to ask.”

  “It’s a lizard, or part of one, anyway. It must’ve come through the open window. I think he’s telling me to go ahead and take a bite.”

  “Well, that’s sweet…in a gross sort of way.”

  Jade laughed. “Do you think he’d be offended if I flushed it?”

  “Maybe you should pretend to eat it.”

  Jade sounded disgusted. “I hope you won’t be offended if I don’t ask your opinion on such things in the future.” She accented her point by flushing the toilet.

  “I’m totally inept in that department, which should be fairly obvious now.”

  “So tell me about what you do. What kind of store do you have?”

  I could hear her settling down again, and I figured Guy was very close because I could hear his purring.

  I told her about the store and its contents. “I like the idea of people being able to bring home some of the sea.”

  “I like the beach here, but it’s not what I expected when I pictured Florida. It’s really murky and muddy,” Jade said.

  “You’ve been to Alligator Point then.”

  “Yeah, I was afraid to go in.”

  “There’s a river that empties into the Gulf nearby that makes the water pretty funky looking. But if you would’ve passed the turn-off to Alligator Point and continued on that highway, you’d see the beaches you’re looking for. St. George Island is one of my favorite places to go.”

  “I’ve explored the area some, but I’m afraid to stray too far. My truck isn’t all that reliable.”

  The notion hit me fast and flew straight out of my mouth. “I could take you sometime. I know the area really well, and I love to cruise the coast.”

  “If you promise to keep your hands to yourself.”

  I wanted to laugh until I realized it wasn’t a joke. “I won’t touch you without your permission.”

  She was quiet for a second. “Do you think you’ll ever be able to control it?”

  “If you would’ve asked me that a few weeks ago, I would’ve said no. But Miranda works with me nearly every day, and I’m
learning. Most days, it feels like my brain is splitting in half. But I had dinner with Miranda and her partner, Marty, tonight and Marty touched me while we were eating. I stopped myself before going into her mind. It’s slowly becoming instinct to block the images when I come in contact with someone.”

  “The night you told me your secret, you said you feel emotions. Is that something you’ve learned to control, as well?”

  I swallowed hard and hoped that my answer would not set us back. “No, I can’t control that. The only way I know how to describe it is to compare it with electricity, it just flows. Whoever I touch, their feelings become mine.” I took a deep breath and dared to continue. “The night at the gym when I pulled the muscle in my thigh, I felt your compassion and your fear.”

  “Hmm…”

  My palm started to sweat. I rubbed it on my shirt and waited.

  “I guess shaking hands with someone might be a double-edged sword. I think if I were you, I’d stick to the germaphobe thing.”

  “Was…was that an attempt at levity?”

  Jade’s response was more than a chuckle. “I’m working until noon Saturday. Are you off?”

  “I will be as soon as I call Kaylie. She’s my part-time help.”

  “Okay.”

  The slight exhale after “okay” said what Jade didn’t—“I’ll give you another chance.”

  “Great, I’ll pick you up at noon then.”

  Chapter 14

  “I’m excited and scared for you,” Miranda said after I told her about my weekend plans. “You have an opportunity here. You can’t screw it up.”

  “I’ve been telling myself that since I talked to Jade.”

  I was bent over straightening a row of hand-carved dolphins crafted from driftwood when Miranda pinched me hard on the ass. “Ow, shit! Damn it, Miranda!”

  She grinned, and her gaze darted to her hand on my arm. “Focus, don’t go there.”

  “Okay, I think we’ve conquered shock and ow, so you can stop torturing me.”

  She steepled her fingers together and bowed at the waist. “I think you are ready for your first test, grasshopper.”

  “Yes, I’m sure I’ll do fine if Jade punches me in the jaw.” I went back to work, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw Miranda pick up a boat paddle. “If you hit me with that, I swear I will break everything in this store over your head.”