by S. G. Sonysa
But, I planned to ask him every damn question that had been swirling around my mind for the past three years. I wondered what happened to him that changed him so much. He used to hate me and looked at me like I was the one who destroyed everything and entered his life unwelcomed
It was like he was a completely new person. A different man who was not afraid to show his emotions to me. His tender voice, his honest smile, and the tears in his eyes tell me how happy he was to be here with us.
But every time I caught him staring at me, I noticed shame, sadness, regret, and love in his eyes.
I looked into his eyes, and a mix of all those emotions was still in his eyes, so I threw my arms around his neck.
His arms went around my waist, and he pulled me closer to him, pressing our bodies completely. He snuggled his face into the hollow part of my neck then I felt something wet falling on my neck.
“Was he crying?” I asked myself.
And my question was answered when one after another tear fell on my neck, making its way inside my dress and falling on my breast.
I tightened my grip on him and ran one hand over his nape to provide him some comfort.
“I’m sorry for everything, Hailey. I’m so sorry,” he mumbled.
“Chase, it’s fine.” I tried to make him stop crying.
He murmured something again, which I didn’t understand. Then I felt soft kisses on the hollow part of my neck. I closed my eyes and bit my lips to stop myself from gasping or making any noise.
I didn’t know how long we held each other in a passionate hug. When we pulled away, I averted my eyes from him feeling my face heat up at what just happened between us.
Chase was quiet for a few minutes.
“Uh… there’s another gift for you,” Chase said, wiping his eyes then picked up the box from the floor.
I raised my eyebrows at him, and he smiled sheepishly at me. I took the box from him and opened it. There were five books from my favorite authors. I pulled them out and yelled in excitement. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I realized they were all new books that I was planning to buy.
How did he know what books I liked and was planning to buy?
Then my eyes landed on the signature of the author.
“Oh! God! Chase, are they… they signed? Am I dreaming?” I asked him in shock.
They were all from my favorite authors.
“No, Hailey. You’re not dreaming. I can assure you,” Chase said, laughing at my excitement.
Without thinking much, I placed a kiss on his cheek.
“Thank you so much!” I said.
He blushed and stared at me. I was smiling ear to ear.
“Mommy, I need your help.” We both looked at him.
He was sitting on the couch surrounded by his gifts and trying to assemble his helicopter so it would start to fly.
We laughed and went to help him. After reading the instructions five times and putting the wrong batteries in the controller three times, we were finally able to make it work.
Chase and Noah went out to play in the snow, and I joined them after preparing lunch for us.
After snow fighting and making a snowman, we had lunch.
Noah asked me to bake chocolate cupcakes, and I baked cupcakes for him.
Thanks to Chase the cabin was stocked with all the necessary ingredients required to prepare chocolate cupcakes.
After the chocolate cupcakes were done, Noah helped me in decorating them, and we ate them while watching a Christmas movie.
“Mommy, this is the best Christmas ever.”
It made Chase and me smile.
“I think this is the best Christmas of my life too,” Chase whispered in my ear, and I stared into his eyes.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Night of Confessions
Hailey
I looked at Noah’s sleeping form and thought that my poor baby wore himself out today playing all day with his father and his new gifts. I put the blanket over him and slipped out from the bed to go downstairs.
When I got downstairs, I found the living room empty.
Hmm… I wondered where Chase had gone.
I looked outside from the window and realized that it was snowing heavily. The hills were covered in white snowflakes, and the view was mesmerizing.
I turned back and went to sit on the carpeted floor near the fireplace. I was staring at the burning flames in the fireplace when I heard the noise of a door opening.
I turned around and saw Chase rubbing his hands together to warm them. He was wearing a thick muffler around his neck and long black coat. His head was covered in numerous snowflakes, and his cheeks were rosy due to the cold outside.
He looked so cute and oblivious to my presence. I took advantage of the situation and stared at him like it was my first time looking at him.
My heart galloped inside my chest at the reality of my feelings.
I might be crazy for still loving the man who would never love me in return.
When he was done removing his coat and muffler, he turned around. His eyes widened at the sight of me sitting on the floor near the fireplace.
He walked towards me and asked, “Why are you still awake?”
“I’m not yet sleepy,” I said.
“Okay.” He looked flustered.
“Damn! Why did he have to be so cute!” I thought.
“Stop right there, Hailey!” my mind said, making me freeze.
“Why did you go out?” I asked, averting my eyes from his sinfully beautiful face.
“I just went outside to check the car.” He sat beside me.
A peaceful silence fell between us.
“Hailey,” he said my name hesitantly like I would bite him.
I made a sound of listening to him, but my gaze was still fixed on the dance of flames.
“I… want to tell you something. But first, you need to promise me you won’t get angry,” Chase said, sounding nervous.
“Um, okay.” I looked at him with uncertainty.
“I know we never talked about… that night. Do you remember anything?”
I frowned at his question and looked at him with a questioning gaze.
He was looking at me waiting with a flustered expression on his face.
My eyes widened when I realized what he was asking me. I felt my face heat up.
“N-no, I don’t remember much. In the last three years, a few flashbacks occurred but it was too difficult to understand,” I said, looking at everything in the room except his face.
“Hailey, when we came home after the party, you were not able to walk on your own to your room, so I carried you.”
My heart started beating like crazy at the mention of me in his arms, but I said nothing, letting him continue.
“When I took you to your room, you started crying. You told me that nobody loves you. Then you made me promise to never leave you alone. That night you confessed to me that you loved me,” he said, running his fingers through his brown hair.
At that moment, I wanted to throw myself in the crackling fire. I would rather die burning in the fire than die from embarrassment.
I confessed my love to him!
Was I drunk or something? Because truly, I was not that confident to confess something like that unless…
“After your confession, you decided to change out of your dress in front of me, but your zipper got stuck, and I helped you to get out of the dress,” he said.
Oh, God! I started changing in front of him.
I should just jump into the fire to save myself from further embarrassment.
“You were looking cute, and I just kissed you. Then one thing lead to another, and we ended up making love on your bed,” he said, making my heart pound inside my chest.
“I was drunk that night, and I thought you were too. But we were both drugged, and we had no control over our minds and bodies that night. I woke up and remembered what happened between us. I panicked and left your room without explaining anyt
hing. I was guilty and embarrassed with myself for the things that happened,” he said, making me close my eyes for a moment.
“That’s why I ignored you for a month. I didn’t know how to apologize for my shameful actions. I felt like I took advantage of you and robbed you of the chance of sharing that moment with the man you loved.”
“Why couldn’t I still remember anything?” I asked him.
“You still don’t remember anything because of drugs. It was Britney, the girl who liked Sam, and when he was showing interest in you, she got really jealous. She gave you a spiked drink.”
Did I regret spending that night with him?
No, I didn’t. Because of that night, I had a beautiful son today. But I regretted that it didn’t happen because he loved me but the drugs were the reason behind it.
If I weren’t so naive, those girls wouldn’t be able to spike my drink.
That night due to alcohol and those drugs, I felt lightheaded. The constant worry of embarrassing myself escaped my mind, and I confessed my real feelings for Chase. I was attracted to him and always wanted to feel his love.
He was drunk, and my antics did nothing to help him restrain his desire, and we ended up on the bed. Now the flashbacks made sense. I understood what happened and why
I was just a stupid girl with no sense of responsibility.
“I’m really sorry, Hailey… I ruined your life because I couldn’t stop myself from getting close to you that night. I was so drunk to think about using protection and ended up impregnating you. It was my entire fault that you had to take the responsibility of having a child at such a young age,” he said, making me snap my head in his direction.
I felt tears brimming in my eyes.
I asked him “Why are you saying this?”
“I’m saying this because I should have stopped that night rather than letting my desire, alcohol, and those drugs took control of my body.” He clenched his hands.
“Please, stop. I don’t know why you are telling me this now.”
“I just want to apologize for taking that special night from you.”
“Did I try to stop you that night?” I asked him.
“No… No, you didn’t.” He shook his head.
“Tell me what I said and did that night.”
My voice was suddenly strong and free of any emotions.
Chase was staring at me with his jaw dropped.
“Tell me, Chase. I have a right to know,” I said, making him close his mouth.
“You… you told me to keep kissing you.” He stared into my eyes.
He wanted me to ask him to stop, but despite feeling my cheeks getting hotter with a new wave of blush, I kept staring at him with a poker face and didn’t let my gaze waver.
“Tell me more, Chase. I know there is more,” I said.
“You… You told me everything is magical and…” He stopped again.
“And what, Chase?” I asked, and his head snapped at my way.
“No one loved you like that before, and you wanted to spend every night with me making love to you.” He gulped and blinked as his breath turned ragged.
I got up from the floor, and he did the same.
“Listen to me very carefully, Chase. I don’t want you to think that you took advantage of me. Do you hear me? If you want to call that night a one night stand, tumble on the bed, or one drunken night then call it that. I don’t mind but don’t ever say that you took advantage of me. I was your wife. I was attracted to you and loved you. I don’t know if you were attracted to me or it was only drugs that made you love me that night. Honestly, I don’t care about anything anymore. We were both not in the right state of mind, and it happened between us. I accepted it as my faith. I got a son because of that night, and I love him, so please, don’t tell me that you are guilty or you regret that night. Because Chase, I don’t regret it,” I said and took a large breath.
My face was red with anger. I wanted to kill him for telling me that he was ashamed and guilty for spending a night with me.
I turned around to leave, but his hand gripped my wrist and turned me back to face him.
“I’m sorry, Hailey. Please, forgive me for saying stupid things all the time and making you hate me.” He looked really sad.
“I don’t hate you,” I mumbled, looking down.
“Thanks for not hating me because I deserve all your hate for what I have done to you all these years.” He grasped my hand.
“You didn’t ruin my life, Chase. Stop talking nonsense. I don’t want to recall what happened in the past. I just know because of my past I got the cutest son in the world, and I love him more than anything,” I said, tugging my hand free from his grasp.
He let go my hand, and I was ready to leave when his words left me frozen.
“That night didn’t only happen because we were drunk,” he said, taking a step closer.
I turned back and stared at him.
Chase took a step closer and closer until he was standing a breath away from me. He gazed into my eyes directly, and I was completely frozen, not even breathing.
“It happened because I was attracted to you from the very first day I saw you. I was attracted to you more than I have ever been attracted to any girl. That night happened because you were the one I would like to spend every night with. The innocent smile on your face melted my heart. I used to see you as a beautiful innocent girl, and that attracted me, but it also reminded me that we were forced to be together. Your beauty and innocence used to call to me like a siren, but I pushed you away so I wouldn’t end up falling in love with you. Then the lie about your age came out and I thought what I have done so far was right, and we were not meant to be together,” he said, running his knuckles over my cheek making me shiver.
“Your shy glances, innocent gestures, and sweet smile made me weak. I knew that you were in love with me. Still, I didn’t want our relationship to turn into something serious when you were not even close to eighteen. I wanted to keep you the way you were: innocent and pure.” He moved closer and put his forehead to mine
His confession was too much to digest. I felt like falling backward but Chase put his arm around my waist and pulled me closer to his chest.
I found my hand gripping the front of his shirt.
“I hated you in the start for coming into my life and destroying my dreams. But when I came to know you and spent time with you, I realized how wrong I was. I fell in love with you, Hailey. I was shocked at myself for not realizing it for a long time, but when I did, it was too late,” he said breathlessly.
My body started to tremble, and I knew he could feel it.
“Why did you divorce me? Why did you make me and Noah leave?” I asked him, and he shook his head.
“I already loved our son when he was still inside you, Hailey. The moment he was born, I felt the urge to protect him from everything. How can I not love my own son? Last three years, I spent my days and nights wanting you and my son back in my life. Every day was hell for me without both of you in my life.”
“Then why did you make us leave, Chase? Why?” I asked him.
He remained silent, so I continued.
“Before his birth, you were fine and looked excited to welcome our son. You started showing love and care towards me, and it gave me hope that my son would grow up in a loving family.”
He sighed and closed his eyes.
“Hailey, one day I walked in on Kate and Mom talking about you. I heard them talking about getting you an abortion.” He grimaced.
A gasp escaped my mouth.
“What? But I never asked her to get me an abortion,” I said to Chase.
“I know you never asked her. So I confronted her and begged her to leave you alone. You and Noah were never safe in that house.”
He started explaining to me.
“When Noah was born, I thought she finally believed me that the child is mine. But I was wrong.” He looked sad.
“After Noah was born and you were back home, I
got a call from the hospital to collect some test results. I went to the hospital to collect those reports and found out that they were paternity test reports. The doctor told me that my mother asked them to do that test. She didn’t believe that Noah was my son. After that, I came home and went straight to my mother to demand answers to her nonsense. She told me to divorce you and claim full custody of Noah or else she would sell her shares of the Edwards Investing Company to someone else. If she did that, I knew I would lose my father, and our family would crumble,” he said.
At those words, traitorous tears rolled down from my face.
“I… I never thought she hated me so much,” I told him.
He looked so broken with his head hung low and guilt visible on his face when he said, “I… I made the most difficult decision that day, Hailey. I asked you to sign those divorce papers and send you back to your parents with Noah. I fought with my mother for the first time that day because she didn’t want you to leave with Noah. I told her that I don’t care about you and Noah, and I want you both out of the house so I can continue my life like before. I had no other choice but to make her believe that I don’t care about you, because if you both stayed, she would do her best to make your life hell.”
He continued when I said nothing.
“I thought of moving out and taking you both with me. But I didn’t have the money or job experience to give you and him a comfortable life. So I thought, for the time being, the best place for you and my son to live will be your house. I was sure that you’ll stay safe there and live a comfortable life that’s why I sent you back to your parents,” he said. “After that, I also moved out from my parents’ house and went to Boston to complete my internship.”
I was just absorbing everything he said.
Many questions were still unanswered, but at least my heart wasn’t hurting anymore at the thought that he never loved me.
“Hailey… Please say something.” He begged me.
“Chase what… what do you want me… me to say?” I asked him.
He cupped my face and said, “Oh, Hailey, I know. I know I am responsible for your pain… and every trouble you went through in life. If I were strong enough to support you and Noah, you wouldn’t have gone through all this shit in life. Please forgive me. I’m really sorry, Hailey.” He fell down on his knees, crying like a baby.
