Silent Defender (Boardwalk Breakers Book 1)

by Nikki Worrell

  She frowned. It wasn’t the most encouraging look I’d ever gotten. “Okay. That’s not the perfect scenario, but there’s another way to go if you do indeed become pregnant, but let’s get you the morning-after pill now—and a bottle of water.”

  Jesus. If she thought I should take it that very second, I was in trouble. Of course I already knew that. I didn’t doubt my gut. She came back after five minutes and handed me the packet containing one pill and a bottle of water. “Bottoms up.”

  I took the pill but felt no answering relief. “When will I know if this doesn’t work?”

  She thought a minute, doing her own calculations. “If you’re very regular, I’d say by Christmas. If you don’t get your period by then, you can think about the other pill.”

  “What other pill?”

  The smile left her face, but she didn’t sound judgmental when she said, “The abortion pill.”

  Oh, my God. I could never. Not when I was responsible for getting myself in this situation. It was one thing, in my mind, to prevent a pregnancy, but quite another to kill a viable living thing. “Thank you, but I won’t be back for that.” I felt sick. I only hoped it was from the topic of conversation and not an unplanned pregnancy.

  ***

  I had to tell Mags. I knew it was the right thing to do, but the devil in me decided to put it off. Why tell him now when I didn’t even know if I was pregnant yet? If I waited and then found out I wasn’t, I wouldn’t have to freak him out. In my mind, that was the kindest thing to do. And the route that took the least amount of courage from me.

  When Christmas Eve rolled around and there was still no visit from my monthly friend, my courage flagged even more. I was giving it a few more days to appear, and then I’d risk it all and pee on a stick. I tried to push it out of my mind as best as I could.

  “Come on, Jennie.”

  For a change, Izzy was prodding me into action instead of the other way around. Her grandfather had been doing better than expected on his new medication, and we were picking him up at the home to bring him back to her house for the night so they’d be together on Christmas morning.

  “Coming.” The three of us had spent the last two Christmas Eves together. Christmas Day would be a bit different this year. All of us were invited to Magnus’ for what he called a feast of a lifetime.

  Magnus’ parents were in town for the holiday season. I’d met them briefly after a game a couple of days ago—which the Breakers won. I’d loved them instantly. His mother had enveloped me in a giant hug, and then his father did the same. I’d clung to both of them. Their hugs had reminded me of my own parents and their caring of me. God, I missed them.

  Izzy tapped her foot. “Today?”

  “Are you serious? Now you know how it feels to have to wait on someone all…the…time.”

  Her smile gave her away. “I’m just yanking your chain. We have plenty of time.” She rooted around in her purse. “Here, I got you something.”

  She handed me a pregnancy test.

  “I can’t. Not yet.”

  She placed it in my hands and wrapped my fingers around it. “Jen, you can. Maybe it won’t even work yet, but you’re my best bud. I know your moods and you have definitely not gotten your friend yet. Go. Pee on the stick. Isn’t it worse not knowing?”

  “No, because I already know. Iz, I can feel it. I know I’m pregnant.” Shit. I said it out loud. Crap on a cracker, maybe I was wrong. Well, I could possibly find out. “Ah, dammit. Fine. Give that to me.”

  I ran to the bathroom and peed on the stick. After I washed my hands—and tidied up the stick—I took it back out to the living room. “Okay, set your phone for two minutes.”

  She took my directive and then grabbed my hands. “No matter what this shows, Jen, it’s going to be okay. If you’re not pregnant, great. If you are, well, I’m going to be the best aunt who ever lived, okay? If Mags doesn’t want to be involved, which I highly doubt, you’ll never be alone. It’s you and me forever, right?”

  Tears sprang to my eyes. I swallowed hard to keep them at bay as I squeezed her hands. “Forever. I love you, Iz. You know that, right?”

  Her eyes brightened, but she held strong. “Yup. Back atcha.”

  We stayed like that for what seemed like an eternity before her phone beeped. Both of us glanced at the stick that I’d put on the coffee table. She reached for it. “Ready?”

  I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Somehow I’d known since I realized I forgot to get the Plan B pill. I just knew. “Ready.” And there it was. A blue plus sign. I was pregnant with Magnus Eriksson’s baby. “Holy shit.”

  Izzy hugged me hard. “Oh, my God. I know you’re freaked out right now, but yay! Oh, Jennie, you’re going to have a beautiful little baby, and I’m going to spoil her rotten!” It was hard to give into negative feelings with Izzy being so jubilant.

  “Holy shit.” They seemed to be the only words I could bring forward. How was I going to tell Mags? “Mags is going to hate me.” For the second time since I thought I might be pregnant, a sob escaped me.

  As always, Izzy was immediately there for me, saying all the right things. “He’s not going to hate you, Jen. You do realize he was present when this happened.”

  I ran my dripping nose over my sleeve. “Yes, but it wasn’t his fault. Not really. He warned me—twice.”

  “Okay, I’ll give him that, but honey, he knows how babies are made. He’s almost one hundred pounds heavier than you and what, at least half a foot taller? I’m sure he could have gotten you off him in time. You’re not alone in this, and don’t you dare let him say you are.” She then grabbed me in a bear hug, which made me cry harder.

  “You know these tears are from hormones, right? You know I’m not a crier.” Actually, I was a crier, and she knew it. I cried at sappy movies, books, and if I saw an animal who looked unhappy. I was a sap.

  “Sure, honey. I know.” She pushed me back and then wiped my face with a tissue she’d grabbed out of the box on the end table. “Now put yourself together, because pregnant or not, it’s Christmas Eve! And Jennie, having a baby is a blessing.”

  She was right. Such awful things happened around the world every day. How did I dare to feel sorry for myself? I was blessed. “Thanks, Izzy. Let’s go get Pop and drink some margaritas…or a nice glass of water.” I was going to miss my adult beverages. No wine for nine months? Ugh. This pregnancy thing was going to be tough.

  Chapter 14

  Christmas morning dawned as gray as my mood. I was never going to be able to pull this off. My movements were calculated and awkward. When I’d first met Mags’ parents after the game a couple of days ago, I was my normal, easy self. Now I was so stiff, a sharp wind could break me to pieces. No matter what happened with Mags, his parents were going to become grandparents in less than a year. Holy hell, it was too much for me to handle alone. I repeated my painfully obvious mantra to myself. I have to tell him.

  I’d already been at Magnus’ for a while and felt guilty the whole time. I thought about waiting until Izzy and Pop showed up before having a private word with Magnus. For now, I was in sitting in the living room, talking with his parents.

  “So, Jennie. Magnus tells us your grandmother was deaf?”

  “Yes. I learned sign language the same time I learned to speak. Actually, I’ve been told that I spoke to Grandmom with sign language much more often than I spoke words to anyone else.” Magnus was in the kitchen getting drinks to go along with the snacks that were laid out on the coffee table, so we didn’t bother signing.

  Frey, his father, put his hand on my knee. “You know my son thinks of you in the highest regard, Jennie. He’s never spoken of anyone the way he does you.”

  His words warmed me from the inside out. “Well, I’m the lucky one, and I should be thanking both of you. You raised a wonderful man. He’s one of a kind.” I meant every word. Mags was kind, gentle when he wanted to be, smart, and respectful. But if I had to be honest, the part that spoke to me
most intensely was his, what he called “caveman tendencies.” I loved that he was all alpha. He would make a wonderful, if a bit protective, father. If he chose that route. God, I couldn’t think about that.

  Mags walked back into the room and handed me a vodka martini off the tray he was carrying. I stared at it with a sinking feeling. That was what almost broke me—him bringing me a martini had my guilt rising to unprecedented levels. I’m sorry, Mags. Could I just have a glass of water?

  He cocked his head, frowning, as he knew martinis were one of my favorite drinks. “Sure. Be right back.” He set the tray with the rest of the drinks on the coffee table and took my martini back into the kitchen with him. I felt the strain of my secrecy with his every step. I had to find a time to tell him.

  “Not much into alcohol, huh? Good thing we’re not with my family. My tribe loves to imbibe in a good drink.”

  Oh, geez. “No. I like a good drink. I just—” Shit. I just what? Before I could come up with a good answer, his mother’s hand flew to her chest. She leveled me with an incredulous stare.

  “You’re pregnant!”

  A desperate laugh escaped me. “What? No!” My hands shook and I gripped them together hard. “Why would you say that?”

  Magnus’ father again put his hand on my knee. “Oh, Jennie. Don’t bother denying it. My wife…she senses these things. She’s very in tune to the spirits of those around her.”

  Of course I’d heard of Native Americans having such abilities, but shit.

  Her head tilted as she took me in. “Oh, dear. Magnus doesn’t know, does he?”

  Now she probably thought I was sleeping around on him. Before I could say anything, Magnus returned, handing me a glass of water. I took a sip and then embarrassed myself further by running into the bathroom to get rid of the hors d’oeuvres I’d inhaled a short while ago. Fucking awesome time for morning sickness to kick in.

  I tried to keep my sounds to a minimum. For the first time, I was glad Magnus had no hearing. There was a soft knock on the door. I flushed the toilet and bade whomever it was to enter.

  To my surprise, it wasn’t Magnus, but Robin, his mother. “Oh, child. I’m sorry I upset you so. I gather you haven’t told Magnus yet. I will not spoil your excitement, and neither will my husband. You have nothing to fear.”

  “You aren’t worried? I swear, I didn’t try to trap him. It just happened one day and…” I didn’t know what else to say.

  She took my hands in hers. “You are not familiar with my people, but we know honesty and love when we see it. You love my son and would never do anything to harm him. This I understand, but you must tell him. He’ll want to know.”

  My legs went wobbly with relief. And then the weight of her words hit me. She was right. I loved her son. I loved him like mad! How did such a major fact get tossed into the background of my mind? I wanted to tell him straight away. I wasn’t half as afraid to tell him that I loved him as I was to tell him I was pregnant.

  “I know I need to tell him, but I’m scared.”

  “Of course you’re scared, child, but have faith in my son. That is all I can ask.” With one last squeeze of my hands, she left me to regroup. Good lord, I missed my mother.

  I brushed my teeth and wiped my face before walking back into the living room to a very concerned Magnus. He sprang up from his seat when I entered the room. “Are you okay, sweetheart? Do you have the flu?”

  “No, babe. I’m fine. Just Christmas excitement, I think.” I kissed his cheek and shared a knowing smile with his parents. For the first time since I thought I might be pregnant, I allowed myself to be happy with the prospect.

  Let us exchange gifts. Robin handed me a package. Most likely due to hormones, it made my eyes water that they’d thought of me.

  Oh my. I sniffled as soon as I saw what was in the package. I tried my best to get ahold of my emotions. This is beautiful. She’d given me a dream catcher. It wasn’t something you could buy in a store. It was clearly a gift she’d made with her own two hands. Thank you so much for making this for me. I’m going to hang it over my bed as soon as I get home.

  You’re welcome, sweet Jennie. It took me aback, hearing her call me the same thing that Magnus did. It could just as easily bring sweet dreams to a babe. Magnus made a gesture toward her that I’d never seen before, but she just waved it away.

  Your turn. Mags had helped me pick out a gift for his parents. It was a Mangelsen print of a black bear that had just returned to a logging area that nature was slowly repairing in Alaska. Their eyes lit up as they recognized the lake where the bear had appeared.

  Oh, thank you so much. You have no idea what this means to my wife and me. She feared the logging done there had ruined the black bear population in that area forever. We’re very aware of Mangelsen’s work, but didn’t know about this.

  I was so happy they liked their gift. I’d never heard of him before, but I ordered a print for myself when I looked at his website. He takes such intimate pictures. They speak to me. I don’t pretend to be an expert in art, but I know I know what I like.

  What did you order? Magnus hadn’t even known I’d ordered one of Mangelsen’s expensive prints. And I hadn’t stopped there. I’d ordered the whole kit and caboodle, museum glass and all.

  I ordered a black and white. It’s called Among the Aspens.

  His mother’s smile grew three times. We have that as well. Her Cheshire grin stayed in place as she looked pointedly at me and then Magnus. What a coincidence that we enjoy the same pieces.

  A chime sounded in the kitchen and Robin stood up. It’s time for me to finish getting dinner in the oven. Would you like to assist, Jennie?

  I certainly did. Anything to get away from Magnus’ penetrating glare. I wasn’t fooling him a bit. I quickly followed Robin into the kitchen, grateful for her interference.

  “You’re going to tell him tonight, of course.” It wasn’t a question.

  I hedged. “Well…”

  She abruptly turned to me and cupped my chin. “I appreciate the awkward position you’re in, Jennie, but you will tell my son tonight. And not because I blame you in any way, but you should not be carrying this responsibility by yourself! Yes, you get the privilege of being this baby’s sole provider for now, but you must share this with Magnus. He deserves to share in the special moments before birth, and you deserve the support of a loving man. Magnus is that man.”

  Well damn, when she put it that way, it sounded like I was being selfish. But it was still a scary prospect. “Yes, I’ll tell him tonight.”

  “Good. I’m thinking Frey and I will be very tired directly after dessert is served.”

  The doorbell rang, saving me from having to provide a comment to Robin’s less-than-subtle pressing for me to talk to Mags. I rounded the corner and gave both Izzy and Pop a quick squeeze, pleased to see Pop looking happy and robust for a change.

  Dinner was out-of-this-world good. That may have been the hormones talking, but I ate enough for two or three. Magnus smirked at the dent I’d made in the food placed on the table. What? Your mother’s a phenomenal cook.

  Agreed. I like to see you eat. You have a healthy appetite.

  Did he just call me fat? I lifted a single eyebrow.

  He laughed, hands in the air. What? I’m just saying it’s nice to see you appreciate my mom’s cooking. You’re wound up tight tonight, Jennie. Is something wrong, sweets?

  Robin rose from the table, beckoning Frey to do the same. Your father and I will do the dishes. Why don’t you four go into the living room and relax.

  We got up from the table, but Izzy stopped us. “If you all don’t mind, I need to get Pop back to the home. He forgot some of his meds, and he needs to stay on a strict schedule with them.”

  We all said our goodbyes, and then Magnus grabbed my hand. “Come on. Let’s go sit in front of the fire.”

  I wasn’t ready. “We should really help clean up.”

  Mags tugged on my hand, giving me little choice but to foll
ow him. “Nope. Mom and Dad enjoy cleaning up after a big meal. They’ve always said it’s their alone time.”

  Crap. My nerves were close to snapping.

  “You and I never got a chance to exchange presents.” He reached under the tree and handed me a long box. “It’s not much. I remembered what you said about presents.”

  The tradition at my house growing up was to give each family member one present that wasn’t based on monetary value. In other words, it could cost five dollars or five hundred, as long as it had value to the receiver. I opened the package he’d handed me and grinned in earnest. It was a parchment that I had to unroll which was entitled The Fucking Rules of Grammar. I’d seen it on my computer as a pop-up ad when Mags and I were placing a takeout order once. I told him I simply had to have it for my office wall. It said things like “Accept–To fucking agree or receive” and “Except–Not fucking included.”

  I love it! Thank you so much. My arms went around him, but I instantly became nervous again. I’d bought him a pair of compression pants that he said didn’t pinch his balls as kind of a gag gift, but I also had the positive pregnancy stick in my purse. If it wasn’t for Robin, I never would have dared to give it to him on Christmas Day. To make matters worse—or better, I guessed—Christmas also happened to be Magnus’ birthday, which he’d only told me about days ago. I’d make the lack of gifts up to him next year—if he was still around.

  I excused myself to go to the restroom. Even though Mags looked concerned, he smiled and let me go. Once I was in the bathroom, I jumped up and down, shaking my hands and demanding myself to get it together. Poor Mags. He had no idea why I was acting the way that I was. It wasn’t fair to him. Crap. One last deep breath and I steeled myself to tell him the news.

  I was secretly disappointed to hear his parents still happily banging around in the kitchen, leaving Mags and I alone in the living room. The time had come. The blue-crossed pregnancy test was in my pocket, leaving me no further delays.