Just Breathe

by Anna Leigh Keaton

  “Ah, no,” he said and then took another bite of his food. He chewed, then swallowed. Oh, hell, he thought. “I guess since I spilled so much already, I might as well tell you the rest.”

  Her eyebrows shot up, but she remained silent. She had the most delicate nose he’d ever seen. Even her ears were small and...perfect. She had three earrings in one ear and two in the other, plus a little hoop in the top part. They weren’t flashy, just simple studs of different colored stones.

  He cleared his throat and focused his attention on his food. He’d had four nannies over the last month, and he could honestly say he never lusted after any of them. Of course, the fact they were all in their early twenties might have had something to do with it. He preferred more mature women. Women who knew what they were doing, where they were going in life.

  Then again, he didn’t know anything about Crystal Jorgensen other than she was thirty-five and in need of employment. He opened his mouth to ask her why she was playing nanny, what she did for a living when she wasn’t cooking him breakfast, but what came out was, “Julianne’s idea of a home-cooked meal was deciding which caterer to hire.”

  A bubbly laugh erupted from Crystal, and it was contagious. Dex chuckled and shrugged before he took another bite of the breakfast she’d prepared for him.

  “I wouldn’t have a clue which caterer to hire, so I guess she’s one up on me.”

  She’s got nothing on you, sweetheart. He took another bite to make sure the words never left his brain.

  A few moments of silence went by while he ate. Crystal reached out and touched one of the babies’ hands. Tiny fingers curled around Crystal’s, and she smiled, but it looked a little sad. She sipped her coffee. When she lowered the mug to the table, she said, “Okay, I’m going to be nosy. It’s probably inherited from the uncles. Did she leave because of Ruby and Amber?”

  He nodded and kept eating.

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

  Dex finished his toast and took a couple of long drinks of his coffee. “It wasn’t that big of a deal.”

  She frowned at him. “Having your...your girlfriend walk out because of an...unavoidable change in your life isn’t a big deal?”

  He wanted to ask who’d walked out on her during a change in her life, but he didn’t really need to know. It was none of his business. Just like Julianne wasn’t any of hers. On the other hand, for some strange reason, he felt compelled to explain.

  “It wasn’t like we were in love or anything. We were...” What the hell were they? What had they been, he should say, because he hadn’t seen her outside of a professional way since she walked out after one night with two screaming babies.

  “You were...?” Crystal prompted.

  “Our relationship was convenient. She had her place; I had mine. When we wanted companionship, we got together. Neither of us had time for more or wanted anything more.”

  “You mean you just...” Crystal made a cute scrunched up face.

  “Yeah. We had sex. And outside the bedroom, we were compatible in that we have a lot of mutual friends, so we would attend parties and get-togethers with each other. We didn’t have to worry about lining up dates.”

  “How very...cold.”

  He shrugged. “It worked for us. Neither of us are big on emotional ties.” He tipped his mug and finished his coffee.

  “Do you miss her at all? Are you really telling me you felt nothing for her? When she left, you didn’t care?”

  No, he’d been mad as hell when she left. But it was his selfishness that had reacted rather than any deep need to have that particular woman in his life—his house. They’d had the perfect relationship, and the sex had been pretty good. But when he’d needed some help, had two babies he didn’t know what to do with, and for the first time totally alone in the world without his sister, Julianne had cut and run. Told him that two squalling babies hadn’t been part of the deal.

  Instead of telling Crystal all that, he shrugged. Last night, he’d talked more to Crystal about his troubles than he had ever said to Julianne in the year of their relationship—if one could use that word to describe whatever it was they had.

  “I miss the sex,” he said honestly.

  Crystal gasped and choked on the coffee she’d just tried to swallow.

  He rose from his chair, lifted her right arm over her head, and lightly patted her back. “Careful,” he said when she stopped coughing.

  “How...” She cleared her throat and swiped the back of her hand over her tearing eyes. “A woman walks out on you and all you say is you miss the sex?”

  Dex refilled his mug from the coffee pot then leaned back against the counter and considered Crystal carefully. He supposed what he’d said sounded pretty crass to someone who’d obviously had the benefit of love and family, but it was the truth. Ever since he was a teenager, he made sure there were no emotional ties between him and the women he dated.

  He and Sheri had been raised in foster care after the death of their mother when they were seven. Dear old Mom had died of a cocaine overdose. The foster families hadn’t all been bad, but it wasn’t as if he’d ever seen a real, loving home. He knew they existed. Hell, he’d watched the Waltons as a kid. But he never saw that kind of thing for him. He didn’t even know who his father was or if he was still alive.

  The best he could do was hope he made a damn good parent to Ruby and Amber. He’d give up women if that was what he needed to do to ensure their happiness. He and Sheri had only wanted one thing as kids, and that was one parent to love them, to be there for them always. They’d never had it. He’d damn well make sure Sheri’s kids got it.

  “There’s different levels of love,” he said, repeating something his sister had said to him when she told him she’d decided to have a baby on her own. “I loved my twin with all my heart for as long as I can remember. We were always there for each other. We were the only ones there for each other.”

  Crystal nodded, as if telling him to go on. He moved back to his chair and sat down, leaned his elbows on the table, and gazed at the babies. “And then there’s the love between a man and a woman. You can’t count on it. Can’t trust in it. It’s not safe. It’s better to be avoided.” He looked back toward the little pixie seated beside him to see her frown.

  “But surely that doesn’t mean you should never love a woman, does it? Isn’t it better to have loved and lost—”

  Dex snorted. “Don’t start quoting Tennyson to me, Crys. You’re telling me that you’ve never been hurt by a man?”

  “I’ve had my heart ripped out and stomped on, thank you very much, but at least I have some good memories, too. It doesn’t sound like you have any.” She dropped her voice and glanced at the babies, obviously afraid she’d disturbed their sleep. “And frankly, to cohabitate with a man, there better be something more there than hot sex.”

  “Never had a one-night stand?” he asked, raising an eyebrow at her.

  Her cheeks turned pink. “Once. But I was in college and stupid, and I didn’t move in with him.”

  “So who did you move in with?”

  She opened her mouth, but then shut it so fast her teeth clicked. “I was married,” she muttered. “For ten years.”

  “And now you’re divorced and advocating love and happily ever after? A bit contradictory, isn’t it?”

  “We had extenuating circumstances.”

  “Such as?”

  She pushed up from the chair, grabbed his empty plate and her coffee mug, and turned to the sink. “Such as none of your business.”

  “Oh, come on, Crystal. You know my life story. Now it’s your turn.”

  She turned around and narrowed her eyes at him. “I didn’t ask you to spill your story. I just asked one simple question that could have been answered with a yes or no. You spilled on your own.”

  Dexter chuckled and shifted in his seat. As cliché as it sounded, he couldn’t deny that she was extremely sexy all riled up with color flushing her cheeks, those bright blue eyes
sparkling with ire.

  “Who left whom?” he asked then took a sip of his coffee. “The man would have to be a jackass to leave you. Any woman who cooks a man breakfast is a keeper.”

  All fire went out of her and she turned away, but not before he saw the pain flash in her eyes.

  Aw, hell. He got up and went to her. “I’m sorry,” he said as he laid a hand on her shoulder, the way she’d done to him earlier.

  She jerked away. “It’s fine. You don’t want to be late for work.”

  “Crys—”

  She shook her head but wouldn’t look at him. “Do you mind if I take Ruby and Amber to my uncles’ for lunch?”

  “That’s fine. There’s a double stroller in the garage if you want to use it.” He could take the hint that their conversation was over. “The car seats are also in there. I’m assuming you’ll need to go to your place and get more clothes and stuff.”

  She nodded. “I’d planned on waiting until you got home. What time do you normally get home?” She finally looked up at him, obviously having pulled her emotions back under control.

  “Between six and seven.” He pointed to a list stuck to the fridge with magnets. “There’s my phone numbers; work and cell. My cell is always on. Their pediatrician’s number is there, too, but call me first if there’s a problem.”

  “We should be fine.” She turned on the taps to rinse his plate. “You need groceries. Eggs are all you had in there for food.”

  “Damn,” he said on a breath. He reached into his back pocket, pulled out his wallet, and extracted all the cash he had. “It’s not exactly in your contract, but do you think you could handle that? Please?”

  “I haven’t signed a contract,” she said with a cheeky grin as she took the money.

  “You haven’t told me how much you’re going to charge me. And, by the way, you don’t have to cook my meals. That’s not part of the job. Looking after the girls is all I ask.”

  She took in a deep breath and met his gaze. “I’ll remember that.”

  He wanted to ask what she meant by that obscure comment but decided against it. Enough talk for one day. He never talked this much to anyone. Ever. He glanced at his watch. “I’m going to head to work.”

  “Okay.”

  He had the oddest urge to lean over and kiss her cheek. He didn’t do it, but he wanted to. “See you tonight, then,” he said for lack of anything less mundane. He grabbed his suit jacket off the back of the chair and headed for the garage.

  “See ya,” he heard her say in her soft, sweet voice. His thought as he climbed behind the wheel of his SUV was that he looked forward to seeing her when he got home.

  * * * * *

  Crystal stood by the counter for a few long moments simply breathing in the lingering scent of Dex’s subtle, musky cologne. For an instant as he stood there, she’d seen something in his eyes, and she’d been sure he was going to lean down and kiss her. She’d wanted, more than anything in that one moment, for him to do just that.

  Dexter was dangerous. He was sexier than any man had a right to be, and it didn’t matter if he was rumpled and stressed out as he’d been last night, barely dressed and sleep tousled an hour ago, or clean shaven and wearing a crisp white shirt, black suit pants, and a shimmery silk tie.

  Crystal shook her head and sat down at the table to watch the pretty little girls sleep. Reasons that lusting after your new boss is a really bad thing. She ran her finger over a tiny stocking-covered foot.

  Number one— He’s your boss.

  She’d always had a strong policy about personal relationships in the workplace. That included female friendships. She was always courteous to her co-workers, but kept a professional distance. She’d learned that particular lesson well with her very first job as a teenager. She became friends with her co-workers, hung out with them after work, and in general told them all her secrets, which had come back to bite her in the butt six months into the job. One female friend and co-worker of hers became jealous over Crystal’s romantic relationship with a male co-worker, and everything went to crap. She wound up losing all her friendships and her job.

  So, no relationships with a co-worker or boss.

  Number Two— You’re not well enough yet to consider a romantic relationship.

  Well, kind of. She wasn’t back to her original strength, and it might be a long time before she was. Mostly, she couldn’t consider a romance until she felt confident enough to admit to a man all the things that needed to be told about herself before she got involved. And she was so not ready for that. She’d just barely made the adjustment in her own mind. No way was she ready to bare her body to another person. She still had a hard time looking at herself in the mirror; she didn’t know how to tell someone about it, let alone show them.

  Dex was a definite eleven on a scale of one-to-ten. She’d never actually seen any of his women, but the uncles talked about them. They sounded like they were all hard tens. Crystal was about a five—on a good day. Fully dressed. She dropped to a shaky two when she was naked.

  So that brought her to Number three— He’s way out of your league, so stop even daydreaming about it. Besides, he doesn’t believe in love between men and women. The only man who would ever want you as you are is one madly in love with you. Dexter Williams will never be that man. And you can’t have him, no matter how much you admire him for taking on the job of raising his nieces. No matter how much his gorgeously tight bottom turns your crank.

  She ran her hand through her short hair and then laid her forehead against her folded hands on top of the table.

  She had admitted to herself almost two years ago how lonely she was. She wanted the comfort of a lover. A man with whom she could find some peace and security. But she wasn’t someone who could have an emotionless affair because her libido was finally sparking back to life after a few years of being asleep while she fought off her illness. Safety and security was all fine and dandy, but now her body demanded some kind of physical release and, just when she was getting used to feeling a little turned on all the time, she takes a job with the ultra-sexy Dexter Williams.

  Crystal sat up and sighed as she stared at the babies. “Get over it,” she whispered. “Time to get to work.”

  First things first. She went in search of the phone and a phone book. She needed to figure out how much to charge Dexter for letting her drool over him.

  She giggled at her own stupid thoughts. She was tough, a survivor, and maybe someday, somewhere way down the road, she’d find a guy she could get to know and be comfortable enough with to bare her body and soul to. Dex was not that man, but he’d sure make a few good bedtime fantasies in the meantime.

  Chapter Five

  By the time Dex pulled into the lot behind Williams Realty, his brain was on the day ahead. Knowing his girls were in good hands made him able to focus on work. With so many weeks without solid sleep and constant concern that the young women the nanny service sent couldn’t handle Ruby and Amber, he’d worried that his company would suffer the consequences. But the group of realtors working under him and his small professional staff held things together remarkably well.

  But this one deal was all his and, if he landed it, he wouldn’t have to worry about working such long hours. This deal would put a chunk of money in his bank account that would allow him to start a good-sized college fund for the girls and also ensure that if something happened to him—God forbid—he’d be able to make sure they were well taken care of.

  He grabbed his suit jacket and stepped from the vehicle, checked to make sure his tie was straight in the reflection of the tinted back window, and then he slipped on his jacket. Jonathon Wong would be arriving any minute.

  He strolled to the front of the building housing his offices and pulled open the door. Everything looked good. Calm. Petra Clark, the receptionist, looked up from the papers on her desk and smiled.

  “Good morning, Mr. Williams.”

  He nodded and returned the smile. “Good morning, Petra. An
y messages?”

  She held out a small stack of pink notes. “Nothing pressing,” she said. “Ms. Brandon is out of the office most of the day. She has three meetings set up today at the Peterman property, and Mr. Thorkelson will be leaving at one.”

  Good thing he’d had it together enough to come in for the full day, Dex thought as he walked down the hallway to his office while flipping through the phone messages. Sure, there were times he and the other two agents were all out of the office at the same time, but he didn’t like it. He preferred potential clients were able see someone besides Petra and the agents’ assistants if they wandered in without an appointment.

  “Good morning, Dex,” Phil said as Dex stepped into his assistant’s office heading for his own.

  “Hey, Phil. Let me know when Wong arrives. And could you make sure you have a pot brewing of that funky tea he likes?”

  Phil nodded. “The pot’s in your office, and there’s also a fresh pot of coffee in there for you.” He handed Dex another stack of messages, ones that would have come in on his line from his personal clients instead of generic calls that came through the switchboard.

  “Hey, boss, I know you’re pretty stressed out with the kids and everything, but it’s Callie’s birthday on Friday, and I was wondering if I could get the day off.”

  Dex glanced up from the messages. Callie was Phil’s wife of only four months. “Of course, you can. You’ve done a great job holding things together this past month. And, if luck stays on my side, the new nanny will work out. Maybe you can even have a weekend off soon.”

  “You got one already? You had me wondering if you were bringing the babies in today after that call you got yesterday.” Phil chuckled and shook his head as he pulled a file folder from his desk drawer. “How old was she, anyway? She sounded about twelve.”

  Dex laughed. “Twenty-one, I think. But the one I hired last night is in her mid-thirties, and she got the babies to stop crying. She seems to know what she’s doing with the kids, and she even cooked me breakfast.”