The Rancher's Nanny Bargain

by Sara Orwig

  She held him tightly, as if her arms were enough to keep her from having to face tomorrow and to soon say goodbye to him. But she knew that could never be. So instead, she simply let herself live the moment. She gave herself to him and opened up to him.

  Later, when she finally started to get out of bed and move to her room, he pulled her back. “Amelia is asleep and no one else is coming in today. Stay with me and let me hold you.”

  This time there was no hesitation. “I can’t say no to that request.”

  * * *

  She would not move in with him, but she was with him every evening. They were becoming a family with little Amelia, and Erin was falling more in love with Cade each day. It wouldn’t last, but she had made a choice and taken his advice about letting go and living. She wouldn’t think about when she had to tell Cade and Amelia goodbye. That would come all too soon.

  One night near the end of September when she was in Cade’s arms after making love, she shifted and raised up to gaze into his eyes. “You said you would start interviewing for the new nanny in October. I think we should stick to that schedule. It’s only a month earlier and it will make the adjustment for Amelia easier.”

  Cade wound long locks of her hair around his fingers as he met her gaze. “You’re sure that’s what you want? This is paradise, Erin.”

  “I think so, too, but I don’t want to leave my heart behind, Cade. I’ve had enough heartbreak.”

  A muscle worked in his jaw as he stared at her in silence. “I don’t want to hurt you,” he said gruffly. “This has been the best, darlin’.” Desire flared in the depths of his eyes and his arm slipped around her shoulders as he pulled her to him to kiss her. She wound her arms around him and kissed him in return, refusing to think about parting with him. It was too late to avoid being hurt, but she wasn’t going to tell him.

  He rolled her over, shifting over her as he plunged into her, and drove thoughts of tomorrow away.

  * * *

  In early October the new nanny interviews started as Cade had said they would. He interviewed each woman and narrowed down the pack to those he thought would be likely candidates as Amelia’s new nanny. The next step was to let Erin interview them.

  He had four women for her to interview and he listed them in order of his preference. At breakfast when he started to give her the rundown, she shook her head. “You keep your preferences to yourself, and after I interview them I’ll make my own list and then we’ll compare them. I don’t want to be influenced by your choices.”

  “Fine. We’ll do it however you want.”

  “It’s nice you have all this faith in my selection. I’ll be long gone.”

  “You love Amelia and you’ll select the best one for her. I know that.”

  Erin stared at him and his dark brows arched in question. “What? Food on my face? Something I said? What’s wrong?”

  “It’s something you said,” she answered. “You said I love Amelia.”

  “But you do.”

  She nodded. “I do.” She tried not to, but it had been a losing battle.

  His blue eyes narrowed and he stared at her. “You knew when you took the job this might be a problem, but you’ll get past it. That’s just part of letting go and we have to—you know that.”

  “I thought maybe I could do this without it being so difficult to tell her goodbye,” she said, knowing it was going to hurt a lot to say goodbye to Amelia and Cade.

  “You definitely can stay and be her nanny until she’s grown,” he said, smiling at her.

  “Thank you for that wonderful offer,” she said, shaking her head and laughing with him even though she didn’t feel like laughing. She had some tough times ahead when she had to leave them for good. It was going to hurt badly, but he was right. She had known it from the start.

  He stood up and crossed the room to her to place his hands on her shoulders. “We’re going to be right here on the ranch. Come back anytime you want to see her and stay as long as you want. I hope you and I don’t have to say goodbye, either. I have a plane and I can fly to Austin to pick you up at school and fly you back here. We’re not saying goodbye forever. I’ve been seeing you since you were six years old or younger. That won’t end when you walk out the door.”

  Smiling, she nodded, thinking what it would be like if all that he said was the way it turned out to be. She knew when she walked out the door, it would be the end. Cade would go on with his life and someone else would be his latest interest and Amelia would have a new nanny to love, a more permanent nanny hopefully, and both Amelia and Cade would disappear from her life.

  She would hear about them from her brother, but that would be seldom and probably even less now that he was out of the country.

  The first few months after leaving Cade and Amelia were going to be the ones that would hurt the most. She’d just have to find a way to get through them and forget about the man and baby she’d fallen in love with. And she was in love with them. Both of them. She couldn’t be intimate with Cade even for the short term without her heart being totally involved. But she hadn’t told him, knowing they had no future.

  She loved him, she just didn’t know the depth of her feelings for him and she hoped when she got away from him she would begin to get over him and he would become a memory. A memory so hot he had seared a permanent image in her brain.

  Just as Adam had faded away and Cade had wiped out that hurt, she wondered if there would be someone to make her forget Cade.

  But as her lips met his for a kiss, she already knew the answer to that question.

  * * *

  While Maisie watched Amelia, Erin interviewed the four women Cade had selected, and when the interviews were done, she knocked on the open door and walked into Cade’s office.

  Leaning back in his chair, he sat with his booted feet propped on the desk. His long jeans-clad legs were crossed and his blue denim shirt sleeves were rolled back. He finished his phone call, swung his feet to the floor and stood.

  “Have a seat,” he said, his gaze sweeping over her hair that was twisted and pinned behind her head. Looking professional, she wore a tailored brown suit with a tan silk blouse that had a V-shaped neckline and matching tan high-heeled pumps.

  “I’m finished with the interviews,” she said, handing him her list of candidates in the order in which she liked them.

  His eyes scanned the names and he nodded. “We agree on the number one and number two choices, I see.”

  “Good. I’m glad we agreed on that. I thought our first choice was the perfect candidate. She was very nice and has experience and a sweet manner. And she’s a grandmother. They all live in Fort Worth or near there, so that would be a plus.”

  “Don’t sound so eager.”

  She smiled at him, a bittersweet one. “The time will come when I move on.”

  He sat back, and she couldn’t read the expression that overtook his face. “I’ve been making plans. I’ve already talked to Maisie and I’ve hired her to stay on the weekends for the first two months after you’ve gone and have Monday and Tuesday off instead. She’ll cover the weekends and I’ll be here during the week. If I have to travel, Maisie said she would work it out to stay and get someone to temporarily cook for her. How’s that sound?”

  “As if you’ve covered all the bases.” So why did she feel as if someone had stuck a knife in her chest? The pain only got worse when she realized something. “I won’t be here for Amelia’s first birthday in January,” she said. “I know it’s a lot to dare hope you’ll send me pictures.”

  “You could come home for it.”

  She shook her head. “When I’m gone, Cade. I won’t be back,” she said. The pain intensified and because she refused to show it to him, she had to get away. “Speaking of Maisie, I should get Amelia from her now, although I think I’ll change cloth
es to something more casual before I take charge of Amelia.” When she stood, he came to his feet to circle his desk and walk to her.

  “You look gorgeous,” he said. His voice had lowered and had a husky note, and she tingled from the desire in his expression. Reaching out, he wrapped his arms around her waist, leaned close and kissed her.

  Surprised, she stood for just an instant and then wrapped her arms around his neck to kiss him in return. When he finally released her, she looked up at him. “What was that about?”

  “It was because I know I’m going to have to tell you goodbye soon.” He dropped another kiss to her lips. “Stay and talk to me after dinner tonight.”

  “I will, but that isn’t really what you’re asking me to do,” she said, and he smiled at her as he draped his hand on her shoulder and caressed her nape with light strokes that sent tingles dancing down her spine.

  “Cade,” she whispered, looking up at him. He tightened his arm around her waist, hauling her against him, and leaned down to kiss her, a long, hungry kiss that made her think of lovemaking and long nights together. Finally she stepped back.

  “I really need to get Amelia and give Maisie some relief.”

  “I’ll get Amelia. But promise me that you’ll sit with me tonight and not go flying off and shut yourself in your suite.”

  “You have a way of persuading me to do what you want,” she said, smiling at him.

  “Just sometimes and only when you want to.”

  “I’ll see you at dinner.”

  “And I’ll bring Amelia,” he said, watching her walk away. She glanced back over her shoulder at him to see him still standing there, his gaze sweeping every inch of her.

  * * *

  Lara Prentiss started the first of November. Cade had his men help her move and she temporarily took the suite across the hall from Amelia’s. When Erin moved out, Lara would move into her suite.

  Erin introduced the older woman to Amelia, watching Lara take Amelia and sit in the rocker to talk to her. Short, with graying hair and big blue eyes, Lara looked like Amelia’s grandmother and Amelia seemed to like her from the first.

  Erin hurt inside. She was losing another little baby in her life. Amelia wasn’t her baby, but she loved her deeply and it was going to hurt to tell her goodbye. She had known this day would come and she had no misgivings for taking the job and she would never be sorry about her time with Amelia. She wondered whether she would ever regret being with Cade. Right now, she couldn’t regret that, either.

  During the day, there were more moments when Lara took Amelia and Erin had to step back and watch and let the older woman hold Amelia and talk to her and dress her.

  In those moments she worked on finalizing her arrangements for school and preparing to move. Though she still managed to spend parts of the days and evenings with Amelia, she no longer saw as much of Cade and there were few evenings alone with him or nights with him until her last weekend in December.

  Saturday night she was in Cade’s arms in his big bed, after they’d made love, and he held her close against him. “What weekend would be good for me to fly to Austin to see you?”

  Apparently what she’d told him hadn’t sunk in, or he was still resisting. She looked up at him. “Cade, it’s like I told you. When we tell each other goodbye here, that might as well be it.”

  He shifted slightly. “There’s no need to cut off seeing each other.”

  “There’s a big need,” she said, running her hand over his muscled arm. “Neither of us is serious. Do you want to get married?”

  He looked startled. “No. You know I’m not going to marry,” he answered, frowning slightly. “That hasn’t changed, Erin. I’m just not a marrying man and you know why.”

  “But I want marriage and children, and if I’m with you, I’ll fall in love and want marriage eventually and you won’t, so I think to avoid more heartache than I already have, we’re breaking it off when I leave here. It’s in my best interest. I hope to avoid getting hurt badly again. It’s going to be hard enough to leave you and Amelia. I don’t want to increase the pain and the longing.”

  “Well, hell, I don’t want to do that, either. I didn’t exactly have hurting you in mind. I want to kiss and hold you.”

  “Ultimately, if we do that, I’ll have to know that I can count on those kisses and that love forever and you’re not going to promise that or ever want it.”

  He shook his head. “I’m sorry, Erin, but you’ve known that from the first,” he said, his dark eyes stormy as his thoughts raged. Then, finally, they settled. “All right. I don’t want your brother to come home and find you crying over leaving here.”

  “I promise you he won’t. As amazing as it is, I think I may be able to forget you,” she teased while deep down, she knew she never would forget him.

  He didn’t smile, startling her. “Your brother will figure things out no matter what you do. He’s always had a knack for coming to the right conclusion.”

  “Don’t worry about Luke. He’s at the South Pole and he won’t be home until this is history.”

  “I’m going to miss you,” Cade said solemnly. “Come back for Christmas with us. It’ll be hell knowing Amelia doesn’t have Nate and Lydia. Add to that going through the holidays without you. Come for a few days.”

  She shook her head. “Sorry, Cade. I’ll be wound up in my family and I can’t keep going through goodbyes.” She wanted to say yes, wanted to be with them, but she couldn’t take that emotional upheaval of another big goodbye. “Amelia will have a fun Christmas and she is too little to know what she’s lost.”

  But Erin wasn’t. She’d know every moment she’d lost with Cade and his baby.

  * * *

  When her last day arrived, Erin took Amelia to her suite to tell her goodbye. How would she ever get through saying goodbye and driving away without crying? She sat rocking and talking to Amelia who gazed at her with big blue eyes. Amelia had a new teddy bear from Erin and she was pulling on its eyes and ears.

  “You’re so sweet. I’ll miss you every day and I know you’re going to grow so fast that I won’t recognize you when I see your pictures. I love you, Amelia. You be a sweet girl and good to your uncle Cade who will be a great daddy for you.”

  “Da-da,” she said, looking at Erin.

  “That’s right. He’s going to be a second daddy and you just call him da-da. He’s going to take good care of you and love you to pieces. I’ll come back to see you.” She pulled Amelia close in her arms, letting tears spill down her cheeks. She stayed that way until Amelia pulled away slightly and settled against her. Erin brushed away her tears, trying to stop thinking about leaving, about missing Amelia and missing Cade. When she had her emotions under control, she stood.

  “I think you’re ready to go to sleep. I’m going to put you down. When you wake up, Lara will get you.”

  The door opened and she put her finger over her lips when Cade thrust his head into the room. She carried Amelia to her crib and placed her in it, then turned to tiptoe out.

  Cade took her hand and went through the adjoining door into his suite. In his bedroom he turned to wrap his arms around Erin. He leaned forward to kiss her and paused, looking intently at her. He ran his thumb across her cheek.

  “I’m going to miss her,” she said, feeling tears threaten again. She closed her eyes and he drew her close against him.

  “You can come see her anytime you want.”

  She held him tightly, unable to speak past the lump in her throat.

  Finally he walked out with her. Lara told her goodbye inside the house with Maisie and Harold, and Cade was the only one who walked her out to the car.

  “If you’ll go out with me, I’ll fly to Austin next Saturday night.”

  “Thanks, but no. I’ll just be getting settled in my new apartment. No tell
ing what I’ll be busy doing.” She opened the car door, then turned back around. “Send me a picture of Amelia occasionally.”

  He smiled. “I’ll do that and I’ll plan for a visit in the near future.”

  “Call first. Otherwise, I might be buried in my studies.”

  “Sure,” he said, gazing intently at her. “You’re not going to let me come see you, are you?”

  “I don’t see that as being good for either one of us. I’ll think it over.”

  He put his hand behind her head, held here there for a long, passionate kiss. When he released her and stepped back, she was breathing hard.

  “On that note, I better go,” she said. “Goodbye, Cade. Thanks for hiring me as your nanny.”

  “See you, Erin,” he said, staring intently at her.

  She got in the car and drove away and to her relief, tears didn’t start until she was around the first curve that hid his house from view. After a few minutes the tears flowed so freely she had to pull over. She didn’t know whether she was crying more over telling Amelia goodbye or telling Cade. She loved the little girl and had many recent pictures of her on her phone, but they would get old. Amelia would grow and this time would be a memory.

  And what about Cade? She could see him, and she’d end up sleeping with him, but that would only lead to more hurt. At some point he would tire of seeing her and break it off, or he’d get involved with another woman, one who was available to him. And the pain would just get worse. No, she was doing the right thing. Now had to be the time to end any relationship.

  If she’d learned anything in the past few years, it was this. Love hurt. She pulled the car back onto the road and headed to Austin, determined to not get entangled in any relationship. Her heart was still broken from this one.

  * * *

  Erin moved through her tiny Austin apartment getting it ready for when she started school the first week of January. Missing Amelia and Cade more than ever, she constantly took out her phone, started to send a text to Cade and then put away her phone, knowing she had to sever the ties.