The Rancher's Nanny Bargain

by Sara Orwig

  When she first moved to Austin, Cade had called a few times and they had talked for over an hour each time as he’d filled her in about Amelia, but now she usually let his calls go unanswered. It was for the best, she told herself.

  Tears spilled down Erin’s cheeks and she wiped them away. She missed them both more than she had thought she would. When she saw little girls in strollers or dads carrying their little girls, she had to fight back tears.

  Even the holidays had been difficult. She had returned home but of course Luke hadn’t been there. Though she and her family had talked to him on Christmas, it hadn’t been the same as having her brother beside her. And she couldn’t stop thinking of the other people she was missing. Cade and Amelia celebrating the day without her.

  One of the days at home her mother came into the utility room while Erin was sorting her laundry to pack. “Are you all right, Erin? You don’t look like you are.”

  “I’m fine, Mom.”

  Her mother stepped close to put her arm around her. “You miss that little girl, don’t you?”

  Tears filled Erin’s eyes and she wiped them away. “I miss her more than I thought I would,” she said. “But when I get in school, I’ll get over missing her and life will get busy and go on and I’ll be okay. Don’t you worry. School should take my mind off her.”

  “Erin, is it just Amelia? It isn’t Cade, too, is it?”

  She turned to look at her mother and she couldn’t tell her anything except the truth. “I miss him, but we didn’t have any future together. He’s a bachelor. You should know because he and Luke were so close.”

  “Luke was a little worried when he talked to Cade about hiring you. I really thought you’d be all right.”

  “I am. I promise. Don’t worry about me.”

  “Well, I know you’ll get busy with school, but I hate to see you hurt and I know you’re hurting over leaving them.”

  “I couldn’t stay. Cade and I are not good for each other and I can’t hang around because of Amelia.”

  “If you miss Amelia and Cade, go see them.”

  “I’ll think about that, Mom.”

  Her mother hugged her. “I better check on dinner. Take care of yourself.”

  “Thanks. I will,” she said, thinking the best way to take care of herself was to avoid seeing Cade or Amelia because she would have to go through another goodbye. And her heart couldn’t take that.

  After New Year’s Day, she drove back to Austin. The first week of January her classes started and it was a relief to be so busy, she didn’t have time for her mind to wander to life on Cade’s ranch.

  Who was she kidding? Her mind was never far from there. Amelia would adjust because children did, but did Cade miss her? Was he already seeing someone else? How deep had his feelings run?

  Eight

  Cade rocked Amelia, who was sprawled against him, one small arm over her head as she slept quietly. He could put her in her crib, but he continued rocking her. He remembered seeing Erin rocking her, a low lamp shining soft light over her.

  He missed her more than he thought possible. He knew he would miss her at first, but he expected that to pass, so this constant thinking about Erin, wanting to be with her, wanting to talk to her, surprised him. Missing her not only hadn’t diminished, it had gotten worse. He thought he missed her more now than when she’d left in December.

  He’d had relationships that had meant something to him and when they had broken up, he had been able to move on. He’d expected that to happen this time, too, because he’d never had anything lasting with Erin. It was brief and then she was gone. And aside from a few phone calls they hadn’t kept in touch, which was Erin’s doing. She didn’t seem to want to keep up with each other or even see each other again. He could fly to Austin, but she hadn’t indicated that she wanted him to do so.

  It was difficult to concentrate on the ranch and at times during the day he would find his thoughts wandering back to her and he’d forget what he was doing.

  He looked down at Amelia who snuggled against him. He still hurt over the loss of Nathan and Lydia and he hurt for Amelia, but he was determined to be the best possible substitute dad for her. He wanted to shield her from hurt.

  His thoughts jumped back to Erin. Had she started dating? She wanted marriage and she was gorgeous, so probably she had been asked out. The thought of her kissing another guy, let alone getting married, bothered him. One more shocking turn in his life. He had never felt that way about a woman before. In the past when he’d had an affair, once they had parted, he had never cared what the woman did. Actually, he usually remained friends with them and wished them well.

  That was not the case when he thought about Erin.

  Amelia stirred and he carefully patted her and sung softly. It was the weekend and Lara had gone to Dallas until Sunday night. He no longer worried about caring for Amelia. He was comfortable with her, sure of himself, and he had fun taking care of her. Too many times he wished Erin was with him to laugh at Amelia’s antics or to share a moment.

  He sat in the rocker singing softly to her and patting her back lightly. He brushed curls away from her face and realized he loved her as much as he would have if she had been his baby.

  “Good night, sweet girl. I’ll hear you if you need me,” he said, finally placing her in her crib and going to his bedroom, leaving the door open between them.

  He took out his cell phone and called Erin. “Answer, Erin,” he whispered, wishing she would pick up her phone and wondering where she was and what she was doing. He missed her, and the house was big and empty and Amelia was asleep. He felt restless, dissatisfied, wishing he could talk to Erin. Had she seen that he called and deliberately wasn’t taking his call or was she just busy doing something else? Was she out with someone?

  That question was torment and he tried to think about other things. But his mind was traveling a single track. He missed Erin and he wanted to see her. He couldn’t even get her to answer her phone when he called, so he was certain if he flew to Austin, she wouldn’t go out to dinner with him. She wouldn’t go out with him when she had been here and he had asked her.

  He swore under his breath and stared at his phone, finally sending her a text. There was no answer, so he put away his phone. He couldn’t be in love because that wasn’t even on his horizon. It was no part of his life. He’d never had a broken heart and he wasn’t suffering one now. He just missed her being with him.

  A week later he stood on his porch as Blake drove up in his pickup and climbed out, crossing the backyard to the porch. “This is nice of you to let us have Amelia’s baby things that she no longer uses, the little basket and the carrier, all the baby blankets. Sierra is due any day now, so she told me to get everything so we can have it ready.”

  “When are you going back to your house in Dallas?”

  “Tonight. Her doctor is in Dallas instead of Downly and that’s a bigger hospital. Sierra is there now and we’ll stay in Dallas until our baby is born. It’s so exciting. I love that we’re having a girl because she and Amelia should be close.”

  “Come on and I’ll help you carry everything to your truck. It’s all in the storage room.”

  “What do you hear from Erin Dorsey?” Blake asked as he followed his brother.

  “Not much. We don’t talk.”

  Blake stared at him. “Did you part on good terms?”

  “Sure. She’s just busy with school and we’ve gone our separate ways.”

  “How does her brother like the South Pole?”

  “That’s Luke’s deal—he loves it. He’ll be at a research center for a year. Glad it’s him and not me.” Cade opened the door off the utility room to a large storage space with windows on two sides and shelves lining all the walls. “Here’s the bassinet and a little tub. All these things go. There’s two umbrel
la strollers because we had three of them. These are extras that we had that were presents.” He picked up a toy and held it in his hands, remembering Erin using it to play with Amelia when she first came and making Amelia laugh.

  “Cade?”

  Startled, he looked around, momentarily dazed, forgetting he had been helping Blake get baby things. “Sorry, I was thinking about when I first got Amelia,” he said.

  “Sure,” Blake said, staring at him and then lifting a box. “Does this go? It has ‘Blake’ written on it.”

  Cade looked at it and opened the lid. “Erin marked this for you and Sierra because it’s baby things that Amelia has outgrown.”

  “How’s the new nanny working out?”

  “Fine. Lara’s good and Amelia seems happy with her.”

  “At least Erin was here to get her started. I wish we had a chance to hire Erin for the first year, but I don’t expect she’ll be interested in another nanny job.”

  “She wasn’t interested in this one. I paid her extra to get her to take it,” Cade said, looking into another box. As he raised the lid a piece of paper fluttered out. Cade picked it up and looked at a selfie he had taken. Him with Amelia and Erin. He was holding Amelia and had the arm holding the camera around Erin and they were leaning close together. He stared at it now, looking at Erin and missing her, wishing she were here.

  “Hey, Cade.” Blake’s interruption made him look up. “What about this?” He was standing there, holding another box.

  Cade shook his head and his brother looked amused as he stepped closer to look at the picture he was obviously so engrossed in. “Good selfie.”

  Cade smiled. “Sorry. I was thinking about when we took this picture.”

  “Sure you haven’t talked to her recently?”

  “No, I haven’t. She worked for me and she’s gone.”

  “Maybe you ought to give her a call.” He looked down at the stack of baby items they’d amassed. “I’ll take all this stuff now and come back and get the rest later,” Blake said. But he paused before he bent down to pick up the boxes. “I suppose she knows how opposed you are to marriage.”

  “Oh, sure. I’ll get the rest of this.” Cade picked up another carrier and an infant car seat.

  They worked in silence to load the pickup and finally Cade jumped down as Blake came around the front of the pickup. “We sure thank you for all this.”

  “I don’t need it now. You wouldn’t think one little baby would have so much that a pickup can’t hold it all,” he said, glancing at the overstuffed truck. “But Erin knew what she had outgrown.” As he mentioned her name, he couldn’t help thinking of her again.

  Blake pushed his hat to the back of his head and wiped his brow. “You know, since you were old enough to think about it, you swore you would never get married. You may not even know it when you fall in love.”

  Cade turned to stare at Blake. “Run that by me again.”

  “You heard me. It’s sort of like I was about our father. I was so busy being angry all the years I was growing up that when I started in business, I still thought of him as a big, powerful man. I wanted to compete with him and beat him because when I became an adult, I thought I could. I never factored in that he would get old and weak. I actually felt sorry for him when we finally got together.”

  “That’s hard to figure. You have lots of reasons to dislike him.”

  “Well, I don’t feel the way I did anymore. Maybe you’re unrealistic in your views that you shouldn’t marry. Our dad is not an example of how the whole world is. He’s a frail old man now and I didn’t get a shred of satisfaction out of ruining his hotel business. I just didn’t look at it closely enough and maybe you aren’t, either. Maybe you can’t even recognize if you’re in love because you’ve got that warped view of marriage.”

  “Thank you, Doctor. I’ll think about your advice.”

  “I still say, maybe you ought to try again to get in touch with Erin. You’re not quite yourself.”

  Cade stared at him. “And you’re loco. I just think back when I was a kid and how lousy home life was sometimes. I don’t want to be tied down and find myself in that kind of situation.”

  “Maybe you need to see a doctor, then. You’re not yourself.”

  “You wait until your baby arrives and then I can tell you that you’re not yourself. Just wait until you’re taking care of a little one and see if you don’t change. They get you up in the middle of the night and they can’t tell you why they’re crying. You don’t know what they want, or if they hurt—that’s new in my life.”

  Blake shook his head. “Maybe that’s it. Time will tell. Thanks again for the baby things.”

  “Sure. Glad you have them now. Let us know when this little girl arrives.”

  “You’ll know,” Blake said. He turned to get into the pickup, then stopped and turned back. “Cade, I hope to hell you and I are both better dads than the one we had.”

  “I was afraid of that, but now that I’m a dad to Amelia I’m not going to be like our dad. And neither are you. I can’t wait to come home to Amelia after I’ve been out working all day. I think she’s awesome. I’ll always tell her about Nate, but I feel like her dad, too.”

  “You are her dad, too. And I know you’re a good one. And I know you’re right that we’ll never be like our dad,” he said. “Thank goodness.” He got into the truck, and then looked out the rolled-down window at Cade. “Better go try to call Erin again,” he said, looking amused. “You might be getting back what you’ve been giving out.”

  As Blake drove down the road to the highway, Cade walked back to the house, thinking about what his brother had said. Was he in love with Erin and didn’t even know it because he had never been in love before?

  That night Cade sat in his office, papers shoved aside as he held Erin’s picture and wondered about her feelings and about his own.

  She had urged him to marry, telling him that he wouldn’t be like his father. For the first time in his life, he realized she was right. He’d told Blake as much that afternoon. His parents had fought so much, yet before they married they were in love and that was what had always scared him—people who were in love reaching a point where they were so estranged they were angry with each other anytime they were together.

  Maybe it didn’t have to get that way.

  Erin’s parents weren’t that way. They had been happily married for over twenty-five years. Maybe his views of himself and marriage were misguided. He had once told Erin to let go and live—maybe he was the one who should rethink long-held beliefs that held him back.

  The thought startled him because all his life, as far back as he could recall, he had determined that he would never marry. Could he change that thinking?

  A far more important question—was he in love with Erin?

  He didn’t know anything about falling in love. All he knew was that he wanted her with him. He wanted to hold her, kiss her and love her. He missed her, and he missed her all through the day, not only at night. He missed her laughter, her way with Amelia, her outlook, her jokes. He missed the way he felt when he was with her. Was that love?

  Would he want to be married, to live with her for the rest of his life? Would he want her in his bed every night? That question set him on fire and the answer was a no-brainer. Maybe Blake had been right—maybe he was in love with her. So what now? Did he want to propose? Would she be leery about his turnaround and find it difficult to believe that he really was in love and wanted to marry her?

  He could easily imagine Erin doubting that he knew what he was doing when it came to proposing marriage. Could he convince her that he meant it with all his heart? That he wasn’t like her ex-fiancé and he wanted her for life?

  The thought stopped him cold. It was all true. He loved Erin and he wanted to marry her. He had to make her believe him.


  He tried to call her again and got no answer. Cade jammed his hands into his pockets and paced the room. If she wouldn’t take his calls, how could he tell her he loved her?

  * * *

  Erin’s cell phone buzzed and she looked up from her notebook to grab her phone to see if she had a text from her family. Startled, she saw it was from Luke.

  Quickly scanning his brief text she saw he would be in Dallas for meetings later in the week. While he was in the US, he planned to fly to Austin and take her to dinner.

  She hurried to a mirror to look at her image. She didn’t want Luke to know that she was in love with Cade. Luke would be furious with Cade if he thought Cade had caused her the least bit of hurt. And her brother would blame Cade completely. He would think Cade seduced her and planned on seduction from the first and that she hadn’t been able to defend herself from his charm because she was so vulnerable over her broken engagement. He would be so angry with Cade, he would end the friendship and if he saw Cade, he would probably punch him.

  She couldn’t tell Luke not to come. First of all, she wanted to see him. Second, if she told him not to come, he would know there was a reason and he would come see her. She wrote back that she would be happy to have dinner with him and she couldn’t wait to see him. She would just wear something that made her look good and try to be so cheerful that he wouldn’t guess that she had been unhappy at all.

  Friday night she opened the door to face her brother, who gave her a big hug and then smiled. “It’s good to see you. How’s the student?”

  “Isn’t this wonderful? I love it here. You look great. I like your haircut,” she said, looking at his thick, short, blond hair that still curled over his head. “I’m so glad you’re home and you flew here to see me. While I get my things, come look at my apartment.”

  Luke stepped inside, but he was clearly more interested in talking than touring her place. “Austin is beautiful,” he said. “After the frozen ice cap, I’m in paradise.”