True

by Grace, Gwendolyn

  “I don’t think anyone has ever done this to me before.”

  “Just relax and let me work.”

  I feel boneless as I watched him massage my left foot before moving to the right. It turns out that Will is allergic to peanuts, and I used peanut oil in my stir fry. As a result, we had to toss out dinner and order pizza. I must have apologized a million times before he made me promise to never say those words again in exchange for a foot massage while we waited for our food to arrive. I could not resist. It turns out that he is a master foot massager. It made me wonder what else he was good at. I could tell that my reaction to his hands was working him up a bit just by the way his breathing became heavier, and his eyes began to roam over other parts of my body.

  Why wasn’t I experiencing the same response? Aside from enjoying a fantastic foot massage, I wasn’t getting tingly down there. Before I could spend any more time analyzing this discovery, the doorbell rang.

  “That’s the pizza.” Will caressed my calf one last time before sliding my legs off of his lap. “You stay. I’ll take care of it.” He went to answer the door, but not before I caught of glimpse of the heat and promise in his stare. It should have done something more than make me nervous. I knew that look. He was turned on and was considering all the ways he could try to get into my panties tonight. Did I want that?

  I heard male voices getting closer until I looked up to see Alex striding into the living room. He gave me a determined glare with his lips pressed tight as he scanned the living room.

  “Who is this?” Alex demands as he threw his head in Will’s direction. I caught what looked like a flash of something in Alex’s eyes that resembled hurt.

  I realized that I was lying with my feet up on the couch, and my head propped up on a pillow. My loose skirt was bunched up around my thighs. His sudden presence stunned me for a second before I stood and found my voice. I sit up to start introductions.

  “Will, this is Alex my uh...er...ex-husband.” God, it hurt to say that. Since the divorce, I haven't run into a situation where I needed to introduce Alex to anyone. Calling him my ex-anything stung worse than I ever thought imaginable. It’s one thing to say it in my mind but another to speak the words aloud. It just reiterated the fact that he wasn’t mine anymore. But that also meant that I was no longer his.

  Will being the sweetheart that he is, extended a hand out to which Alex noticeably ignored and opted instead for a head jerk and a “What’s up, man.” Will simply nods back in return.

  “Alex, what are you doing here?”

  “Liv has dance in the morning and she forgot her stuff.”

  “Oh, that’s right. They moved rehearsal to Saturday this week. Let me get her bag.” I rise from the couch and make my way up the staircase. As soon as I am in Olivia’s room, Alex enters right on my heels and shuts the door behind us.

  “Who is that?” He closes the distance between us quickly.

  “I told you, that’s Will.”

  “Yeah, but who is he?”

  “A friend.”

  “Just a friend?”

  “Why does it matter?”

  “I have the right to know who you are having around my daughters.”

  “First of all, Will hasn’t been around the girls. Second, I don’t seem to get much of a say in who you have around our daughters. Third, you have no right to come in here with all this,” I wave my hands around him, “this aggression. You didn’t see me throw a fit over Kimmie being in my house, in my kitchen while I had to see you two together, did you?” His head snapped back at my words, and I suddenly realized that I had backed him against the door while poking a finger into his chest.

  “How did it make you feel?” He asks quietly.

  “I…” I sputter, not wanting to admit to him that I wanted to rip her hair out and smash her face in repeatedly. I realized by the knowing look in his eyes that he knew exactly how it felt to watch the person you loved with someone else. Suddenly one of my granddad’s favorite phrases appears in my head.

  It's not so fun when the rabbit's got the gun.

  Payback's a bitch. Instead of addressing his question I decided to deflect.

  “I don’t want to talk about this with you. Where are the girls by the way?”

  “In the car.”

  “Alone?”

  “No.”

  “With Kimmie?”

  Silence.

  “Exactly.” I thrust Olivia's backpack in his hands and leave the room without another word. He follows me downstairs still seething. I smell the pizza before I got to the bottom of the stairs. I found Will setting out two plates for us in the living room, a bottle of wine already opened sitting next to two glasses. I caught his expectant eyes, and I realize that he was nervous about the exchange between Alex and I and where that left him in the equation. I smile at him with a wink, and his shoulders instantly relax as he walks to stand beside me. I turned back to Alex.

  “Do you have everything you need?” I ask pointedly. He remains silent as he stares between Will and me for several seconds before he mumbles, “No.” then abruptly turns and stalks towards the door. No? What does that mean?

  That night, while I was letting Will round second base, I couldn’t get Alex’s visit out of my mind. What right did he have to be angry? He left me. He has a girlfriend. He has made it clear to me that he is moving on. Why is it wrong for me to do the same? While these thoughts were going through my mind, I barely noticed that Will has pulled down the cups of my bra and is licking my nipples. I clear my head and force myself to focus on the man in my arms not the one in my head.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Present.

  “This is it, old lady! The big Three- Four!” My sister Macy singsongs the second she opens the door with her daughter Jasmine on her hip.

  See, mom got Macy with a flower thing too, except this time as a first name.

  “Don’t remind me, Mace.” I grumble ushering Liv and Jordyn inside. Since my birthday happened to fall on Saturday, of course, all of my friends and family decided on the most unoriginal idea of going out dancing. While I’m not exactly a club person, I am looking forward to a night of fun. It’s something I’ve vowed to have more of. The past year has been the hardest of my life, and I am starting to feel like me again.

  “Girls, Uncle Judd is ordering pizza. Go and tell him what you want.” Macy announces, and the girls takeoff shouting, “Uncle Judd! Uncle Judd!”

  “Peeet-zah!” Jasmine begins to kick her legs furiously to let Macy know she wants down. Soon she was off and running. “Dad-dy. Peeet-zah. Peeet-zah.”

  “Are you sure Judd doesn’t mind watching all three girls?”

  “Psh, he’s better at it than me. The girls usually follow him around like baby ducks all over the house.” I look around the corner just in time to see Olivia, Jordyn and Jasmine follow behind Judd as he talks on his cell phone and paces the living room with the pizza delivery menu in his hand.

  “Help me finish getting ready.” Macy tugs my hand and leads me down the hallway to her bedroom.

  *****

  “So, is Will going to be there?” Macy asks trying to sound nonchalant and failing miserably. Ever since I told her about him she’s wanted to meet him.

  “Yes, he is going to meet us there and drive me back home.”

  “Drive you back home, huh?” She gives me a side glance as she applies her mascara. “Is he staying the night then?”

  I shrugged dismissively. “We’ll see.”

  Will and I still haven’t had sex. I don’t know why I can’t seem to go there with him. I’ve allowed him to touch me but always stopped him before things get too heavy. I don’t know why. The moment just hasn’t felt right yet.

  “Well, don't force it, Court. If you're not ready, then you're not ready. The rest of your life is a long time to make hasty decisions you'll regret.”

  Isn't that the truth.

  “Alright, let me get a good look at you.” She gestures her hand for me to
stand up and twirl. She chose a white strapless dress from her closet for me to wear. Macy and I are nearly the same size so the dress fit perfectly. It was snug in the hips and breast area and stopped about mid-thigh. I thought I looked like the sexy thirty-something woman I wanted to be. I also let Macy flat iron my hair, so it fell down my back and applied heavy eye makeup to complete the look. I felt good and ready to celebrate.

  “Eh, you look alright.” Macy says with an amused smirk. When she turns her back on me, I grab a cube of ice from my drink and drop it down the front of her dress. I laugh hysterically as she screeches and wiggles while trying to fish the ice from her cleavage.

  “That’s what you get for being a jerk, Mace.”

  *****

  We return to the same low key bar where I met Will. When I first step in I realize that it is a lot busier than I had expected. I scan the room and slowly start to recognize all of the faces in the crowd, I saw my friends and my co-workers standing there smiling at me. Before I can register what this means, a booming “Surprise!” rings out causing me to jump.

  “Surprise! Surprise, birthday girl.” DeeDee squeals as she steps forward from the crowd and wraps me in a hug.

  “Wait, you knew about this?”

  “I did.” she replies with a proud nod.

  “And you managed to keep it a secret.”

  “I did!” She screams as she jumps up and down clapping her hands. “I am so impressed with myself.”

  “So am I, you sneaky bitch!” I give her one last hug before I am tugged in different directions and receiving all of my birthday well wishes until I am face to face with Will.

  “Happy Birthday, beautiful.” He leans forward and kisses me right there in front of everyone, clearly staking his claim. It felt nice. Really nice.

  It turns out that the entire night was booked for me as my own private party complete with the dee-jay playing songs from my ipod playlist. I later realized that Dee managed to swipe it from my house a few days ago. I knew it was missing, but I thought I’d eventually find it in one of the girls’ rooms.

  I mingle with my guests and drink a special green drink that Sexy Gabe created for me and was having more fun than I can ever remember having. For a while, I felt that everyone looked at me in pity or disgust. Like I should be wearing a scarlet A or something on my chest. Tonight I finally feel like me again.

  When conversation seemed to get too heavy with a few of my friends, like, for example, when Nora from work started to share her divorce battle scars.

  “Oh honey, at least you got the house. My bastard ex-husband kicked me out and moved that bitch in before I had the damn trunk closed on my car.” All I could do is gape at her because shit, what am I supposed to say. Yeah, I am lucky? I sure as hell didn’t feel lucky.

  Before I could reply, Will had my hand and was pulling me to the dance floor and twirling me around to the music. The smile on his face was contagious and soon I found myself grinning back, Nora completely forgotten.

  We are moving around each other to “A Sky Full of Stars” by Coldplay, and I’m positive we’re both slightly off beat. I decide that my excuse is the level of tipsiness I am feeling, but I would be lying if I said that Will was a good dancer, he was actually quite goofy but he owned it. I could not stop giggling as the song reached a point where it only seemed appropriate to begin jumping up and down. The urge was irresistible. We became the reason for all of the bobbing heads on the dance floor around us and the silly grins from spectators. My cheeks hurt from smiling so much. It was fun. I was actually having fun. Finally.

  There was a break in the dancing as some of the guests decided to leave. I was seated by myself slowly sipping my green drink. I know Sexy Gabe told me what it was, but I can’t seem to remember the name but I do know that it is delicious. Will was over at the next table talking to Kendra who for once had managed to not be sloppy drunk. I had to excuse myself from the conversation because the more I drank, the less I cared about words that were coming out of people’s mouths. Poor Will was too polite to walk away like me.

  Gah, he was so sweet and perfect. Everything a girl could want. And he wanted to be mine.

  My open appraisal of Will was abruptly interrupted by the telltale opening lines of a song that meant so many things to me. Our song.

  I sit there as my eyes closed in quiet reflection, to a time when I played this song sort of as a joke only to be blindsided with his sobering response.

  “Baby, it’s perfect. From now on this is our song.”

  This is the sound of my soul. This is the sound.

  At that moment, I felt him. He was here.

  I opened my eyes to see him staring directly back at me from the opposite side of the room. With a slight nod to the left, he beckoned for me to follow him before stepping outside of the bar. I quickly glanced around to see that no one was paying me any attention. Dee left about an hour ago to rescue Cole from all the kiddie chaos, Macy was chatting up Sexy Gabe at the bar, and Kendra was still talking Will’s head off. When I stand, Will’s eyes shift my way, and I flap my hand in front of me to gesture that I’m hot and going outside for a bit. He smiles and nods.

  Alex’s back is turned to me as I step onto the sidewalk.

  “Hey.” I call out. He spins around to face me, his eyes doing a quick scan of my body before meeting my gaze.

  “Hey.” His dimples flash as he grins.

  “How have you been? I haven’t seen you much lately.”

  “I'm good. I'm good.” He answers quickly. “How about you?”

  “I’m great.” I reply lamely back.

  “Cole told me they were throwing a surprise party for you tonight.” He pushes his hands into the pockets of his jeans as he shifted from one leg to the other.

  “Yeah, it was a total surprise.”

  “I can’t believe DeeDee didn’t ruin it.”

  “I know, right. She managed to keep quiet the whole time.” I glance around. “So what are you up to tonight? Where’s Kimmie?”

  “She’s not here.” He replies quickly. A little too quickly.

  Okay.

  “Well, alrighty then,” My heart is begging for me to flee before the shield I’ve built around it starts to crack. “I guess I better get back inside. See ya.”

  “Court?” He reaches out and grabs my wrist, his touch causing my heart to start instantly pounding a hole in my chest.

  “Yeah?” I was surprised at how breathless my reply sounded.

  This is the sound of my soul. This is the sound.

  “Will you dance with me?”

  “Right here on the street?”

  “Right here on the street.”

  He wants to dance with me? I consider his request for moment before replying. “Ok.” I couldn't even pretend that I didn't want to be close to him right now.

  As soon as he took me in his arms, I let out the longest exhale. I had forgotten how good it felt to be held this close to him. I allowed myself to sway with him to our song.

  I could feel the cracks in my shattered heart start to heal. Forgiveness is possible after the type of hurt we’ve experienced. Us, right here in this moment, is proof. There is no way I would have thought this possible eleven months ago.

  As the last notes of our song faded, he nuzzled his nose against my neck and inhaled just the way he used to. I knew I had to pull away. I had come too far to allow myself anymore when it came to Alex. Our lives are very different now. He has Kimmie, and I have Will. Right?

  “Happy Birthday, Alex.” I whisper as I force myself to push away from him.

  “Happy Birthday, Court.” He smiles down at me as he brushes a lock of hair away from my face before dropping his hand and turning away. I watched him disappear down the street with his familiar gait. This time the site of him leaving didn’t hurt. I felt peace. We've endured the worst of each other and have somehow survived.

  “Courtney.” Will calls as he steps out of the bar, a tipsy Kendra clinging to his arm.

&n
bsp; How the hell did she get drunk that fast?

  “Do you mind if we drop Kendra off first?” Suddenly Kendra runs to the nearby bushes and proceeds to vomit the very green contents of her stomach. I scrunch my face at the thought of being in a confined space with drunky over there who seemed liable to puke at any moment. No thank you.

  “Um, can I get Macy to drop me off? Just take care of Kendra, and I’ll call you later.”

  “Courtney?” He gives a questioning look. We both knew what was supposed to go down tonight or should I say up. “Are you sure?” I wave my hand in her direction.

  “I’m sure. Make sure she gets home safe.”

  Will steps forward and gently rubs his fingertips along my jaw line.

  “I hope you enjoyed your birthday, beautiful girl.” He brushes his lips against mine. “I think you’re amazing.” He whispers against my mouth and I let his sweet words wash over me. Kendra's heaving in the distance interrupts the moment.

  “Are you going to be ok with her?” I ask, feeling a little guilty for leaving him with her. I'm just not in the mood to babysit. It's my birthday. I also know there is no one else here who can take her home.

  “Fine. She’ll be fine.”

  “Kendra, honey.” I squat down to talk to her at eye level. “Will is going to take you home, is that cool.”

  Kendra nods and pushes her hair away from her clammy face. “Cool.” She answers with a reassuring smile. “I hope you had a fun birthday. You deserve fun. Thanks for letting Will take me home.” I had a sneaking suspicion that Kendra was more than just cool with this arrangement, and somehow everything is going as planned.

  I narrow my eyes at her before leaving to find my sister.

  *****

  By the time Macy is dropping me off at my house, most of a green drink buzz was gone. We drove home with the windows down. The smell of the salt air brought about feelings I’ve tried hard to suppress. It reminded me of him. For once, I didn’t dread walking into my big, lonely house. In fact, I knew exactly what I wanted to do and who I wanted to do it with. I was tired of worrying about doing the right thing and considering what others would think. This is my life. I deserve to be happy. God knows I’ve made horrible mistakes, ones that I will always regret, but now was my time. I am ready to be happy. I refuse to keep living in self-imposed exile brought on by guilt. I can’t change the past, but I at least had a say in my future and who I wanted in it. I am going after what I want.