Imperfect Love (Heart 0f Hope Book 4)

by Ajme Williams

“Remember when we went shopping? When I first saw the dress? I noticed an anomaly on my breast. It’s cancer.”

  “Oh God, Terra.” Her hand squeezed mine.

  “I didn’t want to say anything because I know it’s hard for you.”

  “Honey, I’m your friend.”

  “I know. And I’m going to need a friend. I hope it doesn’t bring up a lot of sadness for you.”

  She sat back and looked at me. “Lots of things bring back the sadness. I can’t avoid it. But I’m not trying to avoid it either. If I try to forget the pain, then I have to forget Derek, and that’s not going to happen.”

  I nodded as what she said made sense.

  “What can I do?” Emma asked.

  “I need to make plans for when I’m in treatment.”

  “I’ll help with the kids. I can take and pick up from school.”

  I smiled because she was such a wonderful friend. “Brayden can probably take them.”

  “Will he be taking a leave from work?”

  “I don’t know. I don’t think he can leave all together.” I worked to not resent him for that. The business was his creation. It would be unfair of me to expect him to walk away completely.

  “I suppose as the owner, that would be hard. I hope he’ll get some time off though.”

  “He’s working on that today.”

  “Good.” She pulled out a pen and notepad from her purse. “So, the kids’ school is decided. Meal times. You know you can order meal kits that all you have to do is heat them. They’re prepared.”

  “You mean like frozen food?” I prided myself on being a good mom, including serving my kids healthy, homemade foods. The idea of giving them processed food revolted me.

  “Not really. It’s like those meal kits you can get but these are already chopped and mixed. You just have to cook. Or you can hire someone to prepare meals for you.”

  I wondered if Brayden would be okay with paying for that. We were financially well-off. We lived below our means. But the ghost of poverty always haunted him, and he was very nearly a miser.

  “I just want to make sure everything is healthy,” I said.

  “Of course.” She looked up at me. “What sort of treatment are you having?”

  “Chemo to start. My oncologist is hoping to shrink the tumor so he won’t have to take too much of the breast during surgery.”

  “You’ll need someone to help you through that. Take you to appointments and care for you after. If you need me, maybe Brayden is working, I can help.”

  “I hate to put that on you—”

  “Hey! You’re my friend. I want to be there for you.”

  I wiped a tear. “Thank you.”

  “Of course. In a few months or a year, we’ll be back here and all that will be behind us.”

  I couldn’t imagine how she could say that. Her husband never got better. My mother never got better.

  “I hope so.”

  “Terra, you can’t hope so. You have to believe it. A big part of healing is attitude.” She frowned. “Has your doctor suggested that treatment won’t work?”

  “No. He seems to be optimistic, but I need to be prepared for the worse. You know that. I need to get my house in order.”

  She watched me and I almost felt like she was disappointed in me. “You can’t give up or give in.”

  “Sometimes it doesn’t matter how much you fight.” I fiddled with the knife on my table wishing our food was there so I could legitimately put my focus elsewhere.

  “It always matters. I would have lost Derek sooner had he not fought. I suspect you’d have lost your mother sooner too.”

  “At what cost?” I said tersely. “My mother had no quality of life because her treatments prevented her from living.”

  “She had you and your dad. That’s quality.” Emma’s stern eyes challenged me as she leaned forward. “Are you saying you’d have wished her gone sooner?”

  “I’d have wished her to be able to live until she died.”

  “Everyone around you is going to fight. You’d be a bitch if you didn’t join in.”

  Her words were like a slap in the face. I knew she was speaking the truth from her point of view. But I couldn’t hope for miracles or act like positive thinking would save me. I also didn’t want the lasting impression my kids had of me to be a comatose mother who couldn’t even hold their hands.

  Finally, our food came, and I was relieved at the distraction.

  “Let’s move on to happier topics. Tell me…what sorts of delicious sordid things did you and Brayden do last night.”

  And like that, my mood changed. I felt my cheeks flush.

  “Ooh, that sordid, huh? Your blush says it all.” Emma laughed.

  “It was like before kids.”

  “Ooh…even better. Wanton. Dirty.” She sighed. “I miss that.”

  “I did too. I was afraid since I didn’t look the same, that Brayden wouldn’t find me attractive.”

  “That dress I got you says differently.”

  I blushed again. “He seemed to like the extra bits.”

  “Men like curves. I think it’s an instinct forged back in the primal caveman days.”

  I laughed and let myself relax into the conversation. Yes, I had a lot on my mind, but I couldn’t let the joy of now get ruined by worry. If I was committed to living until the end, whether that came from cancer sooner, or old age later, I needed to be present in the moment.

  We had lunch and shared a dessert, and then we walked through the shops at Pikes Place. It was loaded with tourists and not a place we usually went, but it was fun to see the sights.

  When it was time to part to run errands before picking up the kids, Emma gave me a hug.

  “Remember, whatever you need, just ask. I’ll be pissed if you don’t.”

  “I’ll ask.”

  “Promise me.” She gave me a little shake.

  “I promise.”

  That evening Brayden arrived home in time for dinner. He smiled and played with the kids, but I could see the stress in his eyes.

  When the kids were in bed, he went to his home office. The old resentment flared that he’d abandon me for work , but I did my damnedest to control it. I let him work for an hour and then peeked my head in.

  “How’s it going?”

  He turned to look at me, and I could see that he felt like he was being torn in two. He wanted to be here for me and the kids, but his job called him too.

  “We’re financially secure, Brayden,” I said because that worry was for naught.

  He poked the side of his head with his index finger. “I know that here, but … businesses fail…stocks fall ...economies collapse…”

  I walked up to him and looked down at what he was working on. It appeared to be the current projects the company was working on.

  “Are you worried your staff can’t cover for you?” I asked.

  “I know they’re capable.”

  It was in that moment that I realized just how powerful Brayden’s fears about being poor again were. He knew in his head that chances were extremely low he’d ever be without basic needs again, and yet, his soul still carried the child that had gone without so much.

  I put my hand on his shoulder, wanting to comfort him. To let him know I had faith in him and he could put his faith in his workers.

  “Wow, you’re tense,” I said as I kneaded his shoulder.

  “A little. I’m scared shitless about you Terra, if you want to know the truth.”

  My heart filled with warmth. It was strange to feel a comfort in hearing that he wasn’t just worried about the company or money, but me as well. I guess a part of me still wondered where I sat on his list of priorities.

  All sorts of replies filtered through my brain such as, “I’m scared too,” but instead, I decided I didn’t want to talk about my cancer.

  I swiveled his chair and stood between his thighs. “Forget about that for a minute. Forget about all of it.”

  He looked up
at me expectantly. I dropped to my knees, liking the flash of excitement in his eyes even though there was no way he could know for sure what I was doing. The fact that his brain automatically went to blow job was thrilling.

  “Let me help you take your mind off your troubles. Ease your tension.”

  “Terra.” He put his hands over mine as I undid his belt. “You don’t have to—”

  “I want to. I want to suck you until your eyes roll back in your head.” It had been a long time since I’d talked like that, and I liked being able to tap into the old Terra.

  “I think I just came.” He gave me a lopsided grin.

  My hand rubbed the steel hard length of him under his fly. “No, not yet.” I freed his dick, loving how he hissed when I stroked him with my hand.

  “You once told me no one sucked you like I did.”

  “It’s true,” he groaned as I licked around the rim of his cock.

  “Shall we see if I still have what it takes?”

  His hips lifted, pushing the head of his dick into my mouth. “I can tell already that you do.”

  I swallowed his cock and then using my hand and mouth, I sucked and stroked and nipped. I used his groans and growls as my guide, feeling more and more myself, more and more feminine and sexy.

  As I worked him, I lifted my gaze to look at him. His eyes were closed, his hands gripping the arms of his chair. He was completely mine. He’d surrendered to me. The power in that was heady. Brayden was a man who liked control, and yet he’d completely given his over to me.

  “Fuck, I’m gonna come….” His fingers laced through my hair as I pumped him in and out of my mouth. “Don’t stop baby, don’t stop…”

  I released him from my mouth and jacked him with my hand. He growled in frustration, and then it morphed into a feral moan as I sucked one ball into my mouth as my hand stroked him.

  “So good, so good…” he chanted.

  “I’m going to finish you, Brayden. Let’s see if I can take it.”

  “Oh fuck oh fuck…” His hips were gyrating and his body was shaking. I loved that I’d taken him so far into pleasure.

  I swallowed him again, this time taking him so deep he hit the back of my throat. He cried out, and I hoped the kids wouldn’t wake as the first jets of his cum coated my mouth. I stayed with him, sucking and swallowing until his dick softened.

  I’d barely released him when he pulled me up into his lap and kissed me hard.

  “You have the most amazing mouth,” he said.

  “Thank you. How do you feel?”

  He grinned like a loon. “Like I spewed a gallon of cum.”

  I laughed and ran my fingers through his hair. “It was a lot.”

  “My turn.” He lifted me and set me on the edge of his desk.

  “You don’t have to. I wanted to give this to you. To help you relax because I know this is stressful.”

  He ran his hands over my thighs. “It gives me pleasure to give you pleasure.”

  “Well then.” I shimmied out of my pants and underpants.

  “I can see that you like sucking me,” he said, running his finger through my pussy. “You’re sopping wet.”

  Before I could respond, his mouth was on me. Like him, I gave into it. I let myself go and savor the sensations. His lips. His tongue. It didn’t take long until I was laying back on his desk, writhing as pleasure coiled tight and then released.

  “Oh yes…yes…” I held his head to my pussy, urging him to draw out the exquisite flow of pleasure coursing through my body.

  I was barely down from the high, when he stood. “I’ve got to fuck you.”

  “Yes.” I reached for his cock, urging him to fill me.

  He rammed in, and instantly I was coming again.

  “Jesus, fuck…so good…I’m coming…” he said.

  We normally could hold out longer, so I wasn’t sure what it was about this time that we’d come so quickly, but I didn’t mind. The feel of him in me, leaving a part of him inside me, made me feel whole and complete. I wasn’t sick. I wasn’t a frumpy housewife. I was a part of him and he was a part of me. In this moment, I felt fully alive. I held onto the sensation knowing it would end. Real life had a way of doing that. But right now, my man was loving me, and that’s what I wanted to focus on.

  17

  Brayden – Friday/Saturday

  I wanted to ride this pleasure train forever, I thought as I pumped the last bits of cum into Terra. At one time, I thought our lives would always be like this, and yet for a time, we’d lost it. Now that it was back, I could still lose it if Terra didn’t beat this cancer. As I thrust one last time, I wished I could pump in my health, my strength. That somehow, being inside her, a part of her, could help cure her.

  My heart was equal parts lifted and heavy as I looked down on her beautiful face.

  She smiled. “You haven’t lost your skills either.”

  “I’ve got a good partner.” I kissed her, wanting her know that this wasn’t just about sex. It was more than that.

  “It’s nice to see you relaxed.”

  “You definitely know how to take the edge off.” I didn’t want to move away, but my dick had gone flaccid and at any second was going to slip out. Of course, if I held them there a little longer, maybe he’d come to life again. But Terra’s eyes, while happy, also looked tired. So, I stepped back, grabbing a tissue to stop any cum from dripping on the floor.

  When we were clothed again, we sat on the couch in my office and she told me about her day, specifically lunch with Emma. I realized that it had been a long time since she and I had talked about our days. That was my fault, since I often got home from work so late.

  “Do you have more work to do?” she asked as our conversation wound down.

  I wondered if she was suggesting we go to bed and get busy. But again, I noted her fatigue and the truth was, I had a little more I wanted to do.

  “I can do it later, when you’re asleep.”

  “You can do it now. I’m going to check on the kids and then take a long soak in the tub. That’s another thing I haven’t done in a long time.”

  “Another?” I asked looking up at her as she stood.

  “Fuck my husband is the other.”

  I grinned. “Maybe when I finish, I’ll join you. You can do two past times at once.”

  Her green eyes flashed with interest, and I was determined to finish quickly.

  I watched her leave the room, wondering about her mood change. The woman had cancer, but tonight, she seemed to be lighter. Was she savoring life because she was sick? Had our night of passion the night before reawakened her in some way?

  I hoped it would last, and I redoubled my efforts to find a way to spend more time with her so I could be sure she was living her happiest life.

  She was still in the tub when I finished, although the water was tepid and her fingers showed signs of pruning.

  “I was worried you wouldn’t make it,” she said as I climbed in with her.

  I pulled her over me to straddle my thighs. “I was motivated by the idea that you might fuck me.”

  She snorted. “Men and their one-track minds.”

  “It’s my dick, not my mind.”

  She settled over said dick, putting her tits in perfect sucking position. I had a moment to wonder if I should focus on them. I didn’t want her to worry about what it would do to our newly found sex life if she didn’t have them.

  But as she started to ride me, she said, “Suck my nipples, Brayden. Make me come.”

  My purpose in life was to make my wife happy, so I did as she asked.

  I’d planned to wake up first and deal with the kids. Terra had a tough road ahead of her and I wanted her to get all the rest she could. But I woke to jumping on the bed and children’s voices chiming, “Get up daddy.”

  I popped one eye open and then the other. “What’s going on?”

  “We brought you breakfast.” Lanie pointed to a tray sitting on the bedside table.


  Both kids plopped down beside me.

  “Eat it, daddy,” Noah said handing me a piece of toast.

  I looked up to see Terra leaning against the door jamb. She had a sweet smile on her face like she was taking in the scene of her kids and her husband.

  “Is it good?” I asked Noah. “I don’t like yucky toast.”

  “It is good,” Lanie said. “We made it for you.”

  “Well then.” I took the toast and bit into it. It was perfect. Sopping with butter. “So how is it that I’m getting breakfast in bed? It’s not my birthday.”

  “Because.”

  “Because?” I quirked a brow at each of them. “What’s the catch?”

  “We want to go fishing,” Noah said. “Remember when you took me to see the fish?”

  I nodded. “We can’t fish there. But there is a spot down at Mt. Baker Park.”

  “Yay.” The kids were up and jumping again. Noah fell, nearly landing on my groin. “Careful.”

  I looked up at Terra who winced.

  We got up and dressed, and drove down to the fishing area at the park. This was another thing that had gotten away from Terra and me; taking the kids on outings. Seattle was loaded with fabulous activities, events, and more. For some reason, we’d stopped our regular adventures with the kids to explore all that the area offered.

  “Daddy, daddy!” Lanie squealed as she yanked on her pole, the taut line indicating there was a fish on the end.

  “Hold on, baby,” I said handing my pole to Terra, who was helping Noah. I went to Lanie. “Okay, turn the wheel and reel him in.”

  “I got a fish.” Her body vibrated with excitement. I hoped that the line and hook held. It would be a disappointment if it got away.

  A little fish wriggled at the end of her line.

  “Mommy, mommy, look. I got a fish.”

  “You did honey.”

  “I want a fish,” Noah said.

  “We just need to sit quietly and wait,” Terra said, kissing Noah on the head.

  I helped Lanie get the fish to shore. Still on the hook, she laid it in the sand where it flopped.

  She squatted down. “What’s he doing?”

  Dying, I thought but didn’t say. I imagined it was uncomfortable for fish to be out of water. “Dancing. But I think he misses his dance partners. We should throw him back.”