Imperfect Love (Heart 0f Hope Book 4)

by Ajme Williams

  “Do we have to? Can’t we take him home?” Lanie said, her pretty little eyes looking at me.

  “This is his home. He’ll miss his family if we take him with us.” I picked up the slick squirming fish and removed the hook.

  “Does George miss his family?” Lanie asked of Noah’s fish.

  “That’s different. George was an orphan. We’re his family now.” How that stuff came to me, I had no idea. I suspected there was something triggered in the brain when I became a dad that allowed me to concoct such strange tales. “Do you want to throw him in or me?”

  Lanie reached out to the fish, but then it flopped and she jumped back. “You do it.”

  I tossed the fish in the water. “You know, finding your mom was sort of like fishing. I had to toss a lot back before I found the one to keep.”

  Terra snorted. “The truth is, I lured your father to my hook with bait.”

  I looked at her and winked. “Thank God you didn’t toss me back.”

  “When can I catch a fish?” Noah asked, oblivious to the moment between Terra and me.

  It took a long time. I was beginning to think it wouldn’t happen, but finally, a fish bit Noah’s line. We reeled in another little guy, and tossed him back.

  “Can we go to the playground?” Lanie asked, now bored by the whole thing.

  “Yep.” The playground was at another part of the park, so we loaded up the car and drove to the area.

  As they played, Terra and I sat on a bench.

  “When should we tell them?” Terra asked.

  I hated bringing her cancer into a perfect day, but of course, we had to tell them at some point. There was much to consider and prepare for with her treatment starting next week.

  “We don’t have to today. Let’s just enjoy this. We’ll have time before your first treatment.”

  “Yes, okay.” She leaned over to rest her head on my shoulder. “Did you really toss a lot of fish back?”

  “A few.”

  She sighed. “I did too.”

  “How many?” I asked, feeling that twinge of jealousy that other men had once touched her.

  She looked up at me, and I could see mischief in her eyes. She held up a hand. “Let’s see…one…two…three…”

  “Stop. You’re killing me.” I gave her a squeeze.

  “You asked.”

  “Did you ever think of tossing me back?” The minute I said it I regretted it because clearly she had when she spoke to a divorce lawyer.

  “No. I knew almost from the minute I saw you that you were a keeper.”

  “Are you sure?”

  She looked up at me. “I broke the rules at work to have you.”

  I kissed her nose. “I wanted you from first look too. I nearly quit because of those rules.” We sat in silence as we watched our children play. Our love created them, I thought. Sure, many kids, myself included, were conceived from an emotionless sex act, but my kids weren’t. Each time Terra made love to get pregnant, I felt the miracle of what we were doing. Of what our love was creating. This was another part of my life that I wasn’t cherishing enough.

  The kids played until they were worn out.

  “How about ice cream?” I said as I helped clip Noah’s seatbelt on his booster in the car.

  “Yay!” Lanie shouted.

  “I can show you where I convinced your mom to marry me.”

  “Will there be kissing?” Lanie said with a distasteful tone. “I don’t want kissing.”

  I bit back a laugh as I looked at Terra who had an amused smile.

  “I can’t promise no kissing,” I said. “Sometimes I can’t help it.”

  “Kissing monster,” Lanie groaned. “Noah, do you like the kissing monster?”

  I looked back through the rear-view mirror at Noah to see his reaction.

  He shrugged. “It’s alright.”

  As I drove out of the park, I spoke in a low voice to Terra. “Do you like the kissing monster?”

  She turned to me. “Yes, I think I do.”

  I pulled her hand up to my lips to kiss it. In the back, Lanie groaned again.

  “Someday you’ll like kissing,” Terra said.

  I frowned. “Not my little girl. No boys will be kissing her.”

  Terra shook her head and laughed at me, but then a sadness crossed her face. “I hope I see that.”

  My heart broke. “You will.” I gripped her hand, willing her cancer to wither and die, and leave Terra to live a long happy life with me.

  We rode in silence until we reached the ice cream shop well-known for crafting its own iced desserts and where I asked her to marry me. We got the kids out of the car and went into the shop.

  As we stood in line, I leaned over to Terra. “I’d marry you again in an instant.”

  She turned to me. “Me too.” Her eyes were filled with love and I knew she was also thinking of the night I’d proposed to her. It hadn’t been flashy or overly romantic, and yet, it had felt perfect for us. That day, she’d agreed not only to spend her life with me, but also build a business as well. I remembered thinking we’d achieve a perfect life. Our love was solid. Our goals were in line. How had we lost that?

  I pushed our problems away and focused on the fact that we were back on track. Life was as it should be. And when Terra beat this cancer, we’d finally have our happily ever after.

  18

  Terra

  It was harder than I wanted to keep the thoughts about cancer at bay. I’d wanted a perfect day with my family before everything changed, but every now and then, reminders of my illness would filter in. Like when Brayden said no boys would ever kiss Lanie. It made me think of her being older and wondering if I’d be here when she had her first boyfriend, her first heartbreak. Would I attend her wedding or hold her child?

  I shook those thoughts away as we arrived at the ice cream shop. We’d been coming here since he proposed all those years ago, but it had been a while. I wondered if his coming back here was to help solidify our refound connection.

  As we waited in line, I looked around the place. It hadn’t changed much. Only new flavors were different.

  “I’d marry you again in an instant,” Brayden whispered to me.

  I looked up at him, feeling all the love I had when he asked me to marry him. “Me too.”

  I felt uneasy as Brayden ordered our ice cream cones. We’d been dating on the downlow so as not to get fired for nearly a year. In fact, his one-year work anniversary had been earlier in the week. But something was bothering him or making him nervous, and I had a fear that he was done with me. Why else bring me to an ice cream shop in the middle of the day near our one-year anniversary, when we could have been hiking or planning a night on the town and a longer night of sex?

  We sat at an outside table with a view of Puget Sound.

  “Nice day.”

  Inwardly I groaned. If he was about to dump me, just get on with it. Small talk was only making it worse.

  “Yes.”

  “Look over there.” He pointed across the Sound. “What’s that?”

  I turned to look where he was pointing. I didn’t see anything unusual. I looked closely in case an orca or something was swimming by.

  “What?”

  “Hmm…it’s gone.”

  I looked at him, wondering what the heck was going on. I knew he had a difficult week. Lyle McClean, who’d been hired at the same time in a position just above Brayden, had once again messed things up for him. Six months ago, Brayden complained to me that Lyle had rejected an idea of his and then turned around and presented it as his own. He couldn’t prove it, but from that moment on, Brayden’s work habits changed. He worked more evenings at home and kept his ideas closer to the vest, which ended up earning him lower marks for being a team player from Lyle.

  Maybe he was going to chuck it all in; the job, me, and go somewhere else.

  “How’s your ice cream?” he asked.

  Trying not to cry as I waited for him to break up with me,
I looked down at my cone. I frowned when I saw something on top of it. I stared at it for a long moment before I could process what it was.

  A diamond ring.

  I jerked my attention to him. He shifted in his chair, looking uncomfortable.

  “I love you, Terra. Marry me.”

  I gaped. How had I totally misread him?

  He gave me a sheepish smile. “Your silence is killing me.”

  There was one reason to say no and that was because we were already breaking work policy by dating. But there were so many reasons to say yes, the foremost of which was that I was totally, irrevocably, in love with him.

  “Yes.”

  He let out a breath. “You scared me.”

  I plucked the ring from the ice cream and wiped it clean. He took it from me and put it on my finger. I pulled him to me for a kiss because I just had to tell him I loved him, but the words were too difficult to form with all the emotions running through me.

  When we pulled apart, he gave me a lopsided smile. “It’s a done deal now. No getting out of it.”

  “I don’t want out of it,” I managed.

  “You might change your mind when I tell you that I’ve put in my notice at work.”

  My jaw dropped again. “You're quitting?” As it turned out, I’d gotten that part right. “Why? Is it Lyle?”

  “It’s because I don’t want us to be a secret anymore for one. And two, yes, Douche McLean is a factor.”

  I studied him, wondering what he had planned. He wasn’t impulsive so he must have something else lined up. “You’re not one to quit without a backup.”

  “You know me so well. See, we’re going to live happily ever after.” He licked his cone to keep his ice cream from dripping.

  Mine was starting to melt too, so I licked the soft, cold confection.

  His gaze tracked my movement. “Later, will you do that to my dick?”

  “Can I put ice cream on it?”

  He shivered. “Maybe.”

  “Tell me your plans,” I said wanting to know what the man I planned to spend the rest of my life with had up his sleeve.

  He reached into his pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper. He unfolded it and handed it to me.

  I studied it and then looked at him. “It’s a business license.”

  He nodded. “When Douche McLean stole my idea six months ago, I knew I needed out. The fact that he took my idea told me I had the goods, so I started by doing a little freelancing and then set up an official business.”

  “That violates your contract.”

  He lifted a brow. “And sleeping with you violates it too.”

  Oh, right. “Six months? You started this six months ago?”

  He nodded. “It solved two problems for me.”

  “Oh?”

  “One, getting away from Douche McLean, but more importantly, being able to be with you without worrying you’d lose your job.”

  I looked down at the paper again. “When did you have time?”

  “All those nights I was working. A few weekends.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” I turned to him again. I wasn’t hurt per se, but I was a bit bothered that he kept something so important a secret.

  He shrugged. “Maybe it wouldn’t work out. Eventually, I wanted to surprise you. Surprise!”

  I laughed. “I am surprised. I thought you were about to break up with me.”

  His smile dropped. “Fuck no. Jesus…I love you Terra. I want to spend my life with you.”

  “I’m so relieved because I don’t think I’d ever recover if you left me.” It had been shocking how quickly he’d become important to me.

  He gave me that lopsided grin again. “So, you love me too?”

  “So much. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone.” It was true. He was the first man, the only man, I’d ever completely opened up with, and let myself be vulnerable to.

  He kissed me, and I loved the coolness of the sweet ice cream mixed with his hot mouth.

  “So, now you’re your own business-man?”

  “Yep.” He pulled out another piece of paper. “Just so you know you’re not marrying a bum.”

  I studied the financial report he handed me. Shocked, I looked up at him. “That’s nearly six figures. In six months.”

  He nodded. “I’ve used it to pay off my student loans and car. I’m debt-free with a business set to hit nearly seven figures in the next year.”

  “Brayden.” Pride swept through me. “You’re amazing.”

  “There’s more.”

  I laughed. “I don’t know if I can take more.”

  “I want you to build it with me. You don’t have to. If you’re happy where you are, I’m okay with that. But I’ve seen you work and I know that together, we can kill it. We can make all our dreams come true. Together.”

  I felt giddy with joy and the excitement of all the possibilities that life held in store for me with this man by my side.

  “You don’t have to decide now,” he said. “Right now, I’ve got what I want and that is you saying yes to marrying me.”

  We were in a public place, but I didn’t care. I launched myself into his lap and wrapped my arms around him as I kissed him for all he was worth.

  “This is a good start on forever,” he murmured against my lips.

  From that moment on, everything had gone as planned. I continued to work at my job until we married, three months later. Then I went in full time with Brayden, and we built a multimillion-dollar company within a few years. Our marriage was solid, steady, sexy. We had Lanie, and when my maternity leave was to come to an end, I couldn’t bear to leave her in day-care. Brayden supported my desire to be an at-home mom. Two years later, we had Noah. All was going perfectly, until it wasn’t. I couldn’t pinpoint where things got off track. It was a slow progression of that came from having two different lives, I guess.

  But now, the bridge between us was stronger again. Was that why he brought us here today? As a reminder of when we started? Of how strong we were and all the hopes and dreams we had? We hadn’t planned on cancer, but that didn’t mean we couldn’t recapture all the other parts of our master plan.

  We sat at the table, Brayden with a napkin working hard to keep the kids from getting drips all over the place, and laughing at the losing battle.

  “Brayden?”

  He turned to me, his eyes filled with happiness and amusement. “Hmm.”

  I gripped his shirt and pulled him to me, planting a kiss on his lips. In the background, I heard Lanie, “Oh…no more kissing.”

  When I pulled away, Brayden’s expression showed contentment. He was in the moment. Where I was too.

  “You’ve given me everything you promised,” I said.

  He cocked his head.

  “I lost sight of that.”

  He gave me a wan smile. “I did too. Not anymore though. We’re a team. Through thick and thin.”

  “Sickness and health.”

  His smile faltered, and I felt bad for reminding him of the cancer. But he nodded. “Through everything.”

  “Daddy, Noah’s ice cream fell off.”

  He laughed. “Duty calls.” He turned to Noah, who’d started crying. “No worries, son. We’ll get you a new one. How about in a cup this time?” He picked up the ice cream and plopped it back on the cone.

  I watched as Brayden took Noah’s hand and walked him back inside the ice cream shop to get him a new serving, tossing the old cone and ice cream in the trash.

  “I don’t need a cup,” Lanie said licking her cone.

  I wiped up the drips of ice cream from her cone, as well as the puddle Noah’s dropped ice cream had made.

  “You’re a big girl.”

  “Why do you and daddy kiss all the time now?” she asked, looking at me with a furrowed brow. She was noticing the difference in her parents too.

  “Because we love each other.” I quickly licked the drips forming on my cone.

  “You didn’t
love each other before?”

  My heart hurt that she’d think that. Guilt followed that I’d let my resentments get between me and Brayden.

  “We did. We just…sometimes life gets so busy you forget to show how much you love the people in your lives.”

  She shrugged.

  “You don’t like the kissing?” I believed my parents loved each other, but I couldn’t remember them showing affection in front of me, so I wasn’t sure what Lanie was feeling about me and Brayden doing it.

  She squished her nose. “It’s silly.”

  I laughed. “You’re silly.”

  She grinned.

  “What did we miss?” Brayden said as he helped Noah back in his seat and set a cup of ice cream in front of him.

  “Kissing is silly,” I said.

  “You say that like silly is bad.” Brayden leaned over and kissed me, as Lanie did a face palm. “Maybe we can get silly later,” he whispered to me.

  Inside, my blood warmed from love and anticipation of what silly things he might do to me.

  As we drove home that afternoon, I was feeling so happy, and then it hit again. That days like this would be ending for the foreseeable future as I went into treatment. And if it didn’t go well, who knew if we’d ever have a day like this again.

  I looked at Brayden, who was singing a song with the kids. Despite how things had gotten off track, I had no doubt that he’d do whatever was needed for the kids if I wasn’t here.

  He looked at me as he sang. A knowing look came into his eyes. “Stay present, Terra,” he said.

  He was right. I joined in with the signing. I suspect we were a sight to see as we drove home; all four of us singing about milkshakes and snowflakes. I couldn’t deny that if this were my last day that it was one well-lived. I worked to not waste a minute of it perseverating on what was to come.

  19

  Brayden

  The last few days had been near perfection. Only Terra’s health scare put a dimmer on all our happiness. I suppose in some ways, it was what forced us both to relook at what was important and how our petty resentments needed to stop. But now that we were in tune again, I hated that her illness was hanging over us.