My Sister’s Secret

by Tracy Buchanan

  Yes, she’d give Hope time. But she could send her a postcard. It wouldn’t arrive for a while anyway. As she continued getting ready, there was a knock on her door.

  She checked her black hair in the mirror, smoothing it back. It got so frizzy in this heat. She took a deep breath and opened the door and was surprised to see Dan standing there. He was wearing pink shorts, revealing long tanned legs and an immaculate white t-shirt. Beneath the tan though, he looked exhausted.

  ‘I’m so sorry to disturb you yet again,’ he said. ‘I wouldn’t have come if I wasn’t desperate.’

  ‘What’s wrong?’

  ‘It’s Lana. She’s a mess. Ever since last night, she’s refusing to eat. She even—’ He paused, taking in a deep breath, his green eyes swimming with tears. ‘She even threatened to commit suicide.’

  Charity put her hand on Dan’s arm. ‘Has she been like this before?’

  ‘Once or twice.’

  ‘Did she see the counsellor I recommended?’

  He nodded. ‘Twice. But she didn’t like him, refused to go again.’

  ‘I think you need to go back to the UK, Dan. Really get her some proper help.’

  ‘But you’re here, right here, a qualified therapist.’ He looked desperate. ‘It doesn’t have to be in a professional capacity. Just one chat. She even said herself the only person she’d be willing to talk to is you. I can’t tell you how grateful I’d be if you could just spend an hour talking to her. I’ll take us on the speedboat to the villa. I’m so worried, Charity.’

  Charity would never forgive herself if Lana hurt herself. She had a professional duty to help.

  ‘Okay, I’ll come,’ she said softly.

  Dan surprised her by pulling her into a hug. ‘Thank you so much.’

  ‘I can’t believe this place,’ Charity said as an hour later they walked up to the straw-roofed villa Dan was renting. It lay on the lake’s banks and stood on stilts that dipped into the water. In the distance were green mountains and lush trees.

  ‘It’s lovely, isn’t it?’ he said. ‘When Lana mentioned the lake, I did some research, found out about this villa. But she insisted we stay at the hotel.’ He sighed. ‘Obviously, now I know why. She knew you were staying there.’ He paused before getting to the door. ‘You know,’ he said, lowering his voice. ‘The more I think about it, the more I think it was less about match-making, more about Lana just needing a friend. I should pay her more attention, work less. You must be very honest with me after you talk to her, I can take it. If I’m the one who needs to change, I will. I love Lana very much.’ His voice cracked and he tried to cough to hide it. Charity’s heart went out to him.

  They walked inside and Charity took a moment to breathe in the cool air. Then she looked around. They were standing in an open-plan living room with sprawling white leather sofas, a state-of-the-art kitchen leading out on to the veranda nearby. Rooms led off either end of the living room and kitchen, and there was a small alcove where it looked like Dan had set up an Atari computer and fax machine.

  Was he doing work here? Maybe Lana was just very lonely.

  ‘Drink?’ Dan asked. ‘We have iced tea.’

  ‘Perfect.’ She watched him stroll to the large glass-fronted fridge. He seemed relaxed on the surface now but she could sense the stress bubbling beneath.

  ‘Hello, Charity.’

  Charity turned to see Lana standing in the doorway to one of the rooms at the back. Dan paused, his face pained as he looked at his wife. She was wearing what looked like one of his light pink shirts, the cuffs hanging over her small hands. Her hair hung in messy strands and there were dark circles under her navy blue eyes. She still managed to look beautiful though.

  Charity thought of Faith as she looked at Lana, especially those last couple of weeks she’d been alive, seeming lost in her thoughts, vulnerable. She wished she’d asked Faith what was wrong. She realised in that moment that she was right to come. Lana needed her help.

  ‘Hello, Lana,’ she said gently. ‘How are you doing?’

  Lana’s eyes filled with tears and she bit her lip, looking down at her bare feet. ‘Not great.’

  ‘I’ll leave you both to it,’ Dan said, handing Charity her iced tea before placing another one on a glass table for Lana. He gave his wife a quick kiss, looking into her eyes. Then he left the room, his hands in his pockets, head bent.

  Lana walked to the sofa, curling her long legs beneath her as she sat down. Though she was tall, she looked tiny against the large sofa. Charity sat on the chair to her side. She preferred to do that with her patients: not too close to invade their personal space, but not directly across from them either otherwise it felt like an interview.

  ‘Dan asked me to come chat to you, Lana,’ Charity said, leaning forward and looking her in the eye. ‘Is that what you want too?’

  ‘Yes,’ Lana said, nodding. ‘Definitely.’

  ‘Good. Anything you tell me will be kept between us, okay?’

  Lana nodded again.

  ‘You said you’re not doing great,’ Charity said. ‘Do you want to tell me more about that?’

  ‘I just feel like my life is pointless,’ Lana said, peering out at the window as she twirled her hair around her finger. ‘Dan’s Mr Perfect with his perfect business. He’s achieved something. I just mess things up, like trying to get you and Niall together.’

  Charity found it interesting how Lana saw her match-making as a project. It made the boredom theory even more plausible.

  ‘You haven’t messed anything up, Lana,’ Charity said. ‘We all understand the sentiment was there, you wanted to do good. Now, tell me more about this idea you have that your life is pointless. What about that beautiful home you’ve created? That takes a certain level of talent.’

  She pulled a face. ‘So what? Home decorating. Wow.’

  ‘Many people make wonderful careers out of interior design.’

  ‘I suppose.’

  ‘Can I ask about your life before you and Dan met, Lana?’

  ‘Not much to say, really. I grew up on a council estate, was rubbish at school. My dad liked to slap my mum around every now and again.’

  ‘And you witnessed that?’

  Lana nodded.

  ‘That must have been very hard for you?’ Charity asked.

  ‘I wished my mum would grow some backbone and leave the idiot, if that’s what you mean.’ She laughed. ‘And now here I am, typical trophy wife, another form of abuse, really.’

  Charity waited for her to expand but Lana just sat staring out of the window at Dan.

  ‘What do you mean by abuse?’ Charity said.

  ‘It affects my confidence, doesn’t it? Knowing I was chosen for my looks.’ Lana flickered her hand up to her face then over her body. ‘I look good on his arm at parties. I don’t overshadow him.’

  ‘And you feel that makes you similar to your mother?’

  ‘In a way. She was really pretty, didn’t say much. My dad overpowered her.’

  ‘You use an interesting word there. Overpowered. Do you feel powerless?’

  Lana nodded vigorously. ‘I don’t get a say in anything.’

  ‘How did you and Dan meet?’

  ‘Modelling assignment fifteen years ago. I was so young then, just eighteen, he was twenty-five. He personally oversaw the casting for an advert for his first shipping business. We got married a year later. A whirlwind romance.’ She looked out at Dan. ‘Fourteen years we’ve been married.’

  ‘So you’re a model?’

  ‘Was.’

  ‘How did you get into that?’

  ‘A scout noticed me while I was shopping when I was fifteen. I even did a shoot for Vogue once.’

  Charity smiled. ‘Very impressive.’

  ‘It’s hardly difficult, is it? Pouting and throwing some poses.’

  Charity took a sip of her iced tea. ‘I’m sure there’s more to it than that, Lana. Did you enjoy it?’

  Lana smiled slightly, the first sign of a smile
so far. ‘I did actually.’

  ‘So you were happy?’ Charity asked carefully. ‘You didn’t have moments like what you’ve experienced lately?’

  ‘No, that happened when I gave it all up, really.’

  ‘Why did you give it all up?’

  She shrugged. ‘I guess when I married Dan there was no need to make money any more. And I got so busy with renovating the house, I just ran out of time.’

  ‘Have you ever considered going back to modelling?’

  ‘Sometimes.’

  ‘Maybe that’s something you should consider.’

  Lana nodded. ‘You know what, I think I will.’

  Charity frowned. It usually wasn’t as easy as this.

  Her suspicions were confirmed when Lana started laughing. ‘God, who am I kidding with this bullshit?’ she said. ‘Truth is, I’m just telling you what you want to hear, Charity.’ Charity looked at her in shock. ‘I hated modelling,’ Lana continued. ‘It was full of skinny bores like your sister Hope with the added bonus of a coke addiction.’

  Charity blinked, not quite believing she was hearing right. ‘I’d rather you didn’t mention my family, Lana.’

  ‘Why not, you asked me about mine!’

  Charity looked back out of the window at Dan who was staring out at the lake, his hands in his pocket.

  ‘Look, I’m bored out of my fucking mind,’ Lana said, leaning back in her chair. ‘There’s nothing you can do to help me. You need to talk to him,’ she said, jutting her chin at Dan. ‘He needs to pay me more attention. Or if not that, let me buy the house I want in LA. I love that place.’

  Charity stared at Lana as she smiled to herself. Was she for real? Or was she trying to cover some deep pain she didn’t want Charity to find? She just couldn’t figure her out. Either way, she started to feel for Dan.

  ‘Have you been to LA?’ Charity asked, trying to bring things back on track.

  ‘On a modelling assignment, and then for mine and Dan’s honeymoon.’

  ‘Why do you love it so much?’

  ‘The weather. The people.’ She yawned. ‘I’m pretty tired actually. Maybe we can continue this chat another time?’

  Charity felt a sense of panic. She needed more time with her. What if the last strange few moments were all an act?

  ‘I’d like to talk to you a little longer, if that’s okay, Lana?’ she said.

  ‘Oh come on, I’m sure you wouldn’t. It’s like Dan said, you’re on holiday.’ She jumped up, stretching her arms above her head, her shirt rising above her thighs to reveal a neat triangle of pubic hair. Charity turned away, embarrassed. ‘Thanks for coming,’ Lana said, leaning down and giving Charity a kiss on her cheek. Then she skipped out of the room.

  ‘I’m here if you need me,’ Charity shouted out after her. ‘Any time!’

  Lana gave no response.

  Charity sat where she was a few moments. She’d seen this before, the quick change of subject, the pretending nothing was wrong. Often, it hid something deeper. But she wasn’t sure with Lana. Maybe she really was simply bored? It would explain her attempted manipulation of Charity and Niall.

  Either way, she needed more time. If she missed something and Lana hurt herself, she’d never forgive herself.

  She walked out to the beach where Dan was now sitting. He was very tanned, small freckles starting to form on his nose.

  ‘That was quick,’ he said.

  ‘She didn’t want to talk for long.’

  ‘How is she?’

  ‘I’m not sure. I’d like more time to talk to her.’

  ‘Will she be okay today?’ he asked, peering inside, brow furrowed. ‘After all her talk of ending it…’

  ‘I think so.’

  ‘You don’t seem sure.’

  ‘Like you said, we didn’t talk for long.’

  Dan nodded. ‘I understand. Can you stay? Even if it’s just for the day? She might want to talk for longer, take it at her own pace.’

  Charity squinted up at the sun. She wasn’t sure what to do. She could head back to the hotel and do what she’d planned: relax. But with Niall there, it was hard. And knowing Lana was here, possibly on the verge of doing something to hurt herself, it made things even more difficult.

  ‘I’ll stay for a couple of hours,’ she conceded. ‘Maybe if she knows I’m here, she might want to talk again. I don’t want her to feel pressured though. If she clearly doesn’t, I’ll head back.’

  Dan nodded, relieved. ‘Thank you. Would you like to sit out here? I can get you some shade?’

  ‘That would be nice, thanks, Dan.’

  A few minutes later she was sitting on a plush sun lounger with an umbrella above her, another iced tea in her hand, Dan beside her, reading a business report.

  She took the time to watch the aqua ripples froth against the soft grass banks of the lake. It felt tranquil, contained, a contrast to the sea she’d grown up beside, which had always seemed wild and vast. Maybe Faith would be disappointed with the lake? She always seemed to enjoy the rough ebb and flow of the English Channel. Would she have been disillusioned visiting this place?

  Who knew. That was the problem. If only Charity had had more time with her.

  ‘You seem lost in your thoughts,’ Dan said after a while.

  ‘More like lost in the past.’

  ‘Your sister?’

  She sighed. ‘Yes.’

  ‘I understand. I lost my mother a few years ago. Cancer. Whenever I do manage to sleep, I see her.’

  ‘I’m so sorry to hear that, Dan. You’d think it would get easier over time, wouldn’t you?’

  Dan shook his head. ‘I’m afraid it just gets worse for me.’

  ‘I know the feeling. Each time I leave Busby-on-Sea, I think I can escape the pain. It follows me everywhere though. Then when I return to Busby, it overwhelms me. Everywhere I look, something reminds me of Faith. I’m dreading going back.’

  Dan swilled his drink around his glass. ‘Interesting how people cope in different ways. I found I wanted to be reminded as much as possible, hence why I wanted to get a house in the area.’

  ‘You grew up in Clayton, didn’t you?’ Charity asked, referring to the village next to Busby-on-Sea. ‘I read it in an article.’

  ‘Yes, funny little town.’

  ‘Aren’t they all funny little towns around there?’

  They both laughed. Then Dan tilted is head, examining Charity’s face. ‘Seeing Niall must bring back memories too?’

  She sighed. She’d been stupid to think Dan hadn’t read the article about Niall’s role in her sister’s death. ‘You must think it’s all a bit odd, me and Niall still talking to each other?’

  He smiled. ‘On the contrary. I think you must truly love each other to have survived such a thing.’

  ‘No, Dan,’ she said softly. ‘Our love didn’t survive it.’

  ‘Are you sure? You must still have feelings for him, I see the way you look at him.’ He laughed. ‘Sorry, I must sound like Lana. But I’m just saying what I see.’

  Charity’s face flushed.

  ‘I imagine it’s hard for you to admit you still have feelings for the man who was jailed for your sister’s death,’ Dan continued.

  ‘That’s exactly why I don’t have feelings for him.’

  ‘He was so young, Charity. From what I read in that article about you both, it was just an accident.’

  Charity felt herself tense. Should she tell him to mind his own business? But the fact was, she didn’t want to. She really felt she could open up to Dan. ‘Yes, it was an accident,’ Charity said, nodding. ‘It really was. But it’ll always be there, what happened that night. Plus it wouldn’t be fair on Hope. She hates Niall. It’s all too much. In the end, the bad outweighs the good when it comes to me and Niall.’

  Dan was quiet for a few moments. She wondered if she’d made a mistake opening up like this.

  ‘Do you miss Niall?’ he asked eventually.

  She thought about it. ‘I suppose
I do. We were just kids, but we had this connection. And my sisters really did adore him before what happened.’

  ‘So you were all close?’

  Charity nodded. ‘We used to hang out in the school holidays, five years’ worth of them. We grew close. I guess he was like a brother to us. He was such good fun, protective of us too. Seeing him again the past few weeks has brought all that back.’ She looked into Dan’s kind eyes. ‘Can I admit something to you?’

  He nodded solemnly. ‘Of course.’

  ‘I often wonder what would have become of us if Faith hadn’t died.’ She shook her head. ‘God, that sounds selfish, doesn’t it?’

  ‘Of course not! It’s perfectly natural.’

  She smiled. ‘You sound like the counsellor in this conversation.’

  He matched her smile, his green eyes sparkling. ‘Okay, imagine I am. What should I say to you now?’

  ‘You’d tell me it was time I let go of the past…and the guilt.’

  ‘Guilt?’

  ‘That it was my boyfriend who caused my sister’s death. And – and I need to stop judging my feelings for Niall. It was an accident. I loved him. Those feelings were – are – valid.’

  He nodded. ‘Good advice, Charity.’

  She leant back in her chair, smiling up at the swaying palm trees as Dan did the same. It was good talking to him.

  ‘This looks cosy.’

  Charity looked over her shoulder to see Lana standing by the sliding doors in a bright yellow bikini, a cocktail in her hand.

  Dan jumped up. ‘Hello, darling, how are you?’

  ‘I’m fine, talking to Charity did me the world of good.’ She shot Charity a smile. Charity frowned.