My Sister’s Secret

by Tracy Buchanan

  Lana wrapped her arms around Dan’s waist, pressing her lips against his cheek. ‘You can take Charity back if you want, darling, I’ll come with you.’ She lifted her leg, wrapping it around Dan’s thigh. ‘Then we can go to that place we went to yesterday. Remember?’ she whispered.

  Dan carefully unwrapped Lana’s leg. ‘Are you sure you’re okay, darling?’

  Lana sighed. ‘I’m fine, honestly. Can we please just stop pretending I’m a mental case? I was drunk when I said I’d top myself.’

  Dan looked at Charity, a confused look on his face. Then he sighed. ‘Fine. We’ll take you back, Charity, thank you for your help.’

  ‘As long as you’re sure,’ Charity said.

  Lana looked Charity in the eye, her navy eyes turning to steel. ‘I’m sure.’

  After they dropped Charity off, she headed back to her room, her mind buzzing. She just couldn’t figure Lana out. But what else could she do? As she was about to open the door to her villa, she noticed Niall walking down the path outside. He had his head down and was fiddling with his camera, his shoulders already deeply tanned. When he saw her, he slowed down to give her time to get into her villa without having to speak to him. But she realised she didn’t want him to. After the strange past few hours with the peculiar Norths, she welcomed a familiar sane face. Charity smiled to show him she was fine with seeing him.

  ‘You heading out?’ she asked him, gesturing to the rucksack on his back.

  ‘Yep, diving the forest.’

  ‘Great. You’ll love it.’

  ‘Come with me?’

  Charity stared at him, not quite sure what to say.

  He laughed. ‘Sorry, that just came out without me thinking.’

  ‘Do you know what?’ Charity said, thinking of the conversation she’d just had with Dan about her feelings for Niall. ‘I think I’d like to go now actually.’

  Niall’s face lit up. ‘Great.’

  They both laughed and it was like they were teenagers again.

  ‘It must’ve been strange seeing the three of us turn up the other night?’ Niall said, as they headed out into the lake on Dan’s hired boat.

  ‘Very.’

  ‘Lana’s an odd one. It looks like Dan’s the one with all the power when I think it’s actually her.’

  Charity sighed. She didn’t want to talk about Lana. She gestured to Niall’s camera. ‘You excited about taking photos?’

  ‘Yep.’

  She smiled. ‘You used to have that old camera when we were kids but I never thought you wanted to make a career out of it.’

  ‘Faith suggested it to me actually.’

  Charity frowned. ‘Really?’

  ‘Yeah. I was trying to figure out what to do with my life and she said if I loved diving so much, I ought to look for a career that involved it. She kind of threw the underwater photographer idea in randomly with a few others. I guess it stuck.’

  ‘I like that Faith influenced you like that.’ Charity examined Niall’s face. His cheeks were red from the sun, the rest of his skin tanned and stubbled. The scar on his chin was puckered and white, his lips slightly dry. His blue eyes stood out, so distinctive and alarming. She couldn’t help but feel her body react. ‘I don’t think I’ve said how much it meant to me to hear you came back to Busby to find the submerged forest,’ she said softly.

  ‘I didn’t.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘I came back for you, Charity.’ She swallowed, unable to drag her eyes away from his intense gaze. ‘I heard you were back and I couldn’t help myself. I needed to see you again, even if it was just one last time.’

  Charity’s heart thumped against her chest. She thought of their last meeting on that windswept beach the week after Faith died. ‘You were the one who said we must never see each other again.’

  ‘For your own good. ’

  The boat slowed down, the submerged forest coming into view. But Charity and Niall only had eyes for each other. To Charity, it felt as though she’d jumped into the lake already and was swirling in uncontrollable currents as she looked into his eyes.

  ‘We’re here,’ the captain said.

  Niall dragged his eyes away from Charity’s. ‘Wow,’ he said as he looked out at the submerged forest, what remained of the trees darting up from the lake’s shimmering surface.

  ‘Impressive, isn’t it?’ Charity said.

  ‘Very. Shall we get ready?’

  Charity nodded, suddenly feeling self-conscious; she’d need to strip down to her navy swimsuit in front of Niall. She pulled her shorts and vest top off with her back to Niall, conscious of her round tummy and dimpled thighs. Out of the corner of her eye she noticed Niall watching her as he pulled his t-shirt off. He held her gaze again and she felt her skin flush. He looked so handsome, blue eyes so vivid. She could hardly breathe.

  She reached for her wetsuit, pulling it on. Then Niall helped her shrug her stabiliser jacket on, his warm breath on her cheek making her face flush. She did the same for him and, after popping their masks and fins on, they did a safety check on each other, aware of the tension between them.

  ‘Ready?’ Niall said after, smiling to her beneath his mask.

  She gave him the thumbs up and they jumped off the side of the boat.

  As Charity sunk into the lake, silence descended, visibility was hazy. She noticed Niall’s fin turning from yellow to green as the light from the sun above changed the colours around her.

  Niall appeared ahead of her. He gestured towards the trees and she nodded, following him towards them. They looked as beautiful as the ones she’d seen a few days before, seeming to sway to some unheard music as the lake rippled. They explored them, carefully touching, Niall taking photos as Charity watched, unable to stop the pride she felt at seeing him do something he was clearly talented at.

  After a while, they came to two entangled trees nearby. Faith had told them it was known as ‘inosculation’.

  ‘Inoscul-what?’ Charity remembered Niall asking when Faith had explained it to them the summer before she started university.

  ‘Inosculation,’ Faith repeated, tangling her long fingers together and moving them up and down to demonstrate it. ‘The friction caused by two trees rubbing against each other. Over time, it damages the bark, causing them to “self-graft” and grow together. Isn’t that cool?’

  ‘Not really. You’re a complete dork, Faith,’ Niall said as Hope threw a pebble at him and Charity rolled her eyes. But his smile told the sisters he loved her for her dorkiness, just like they did. That night, they’d all been allowed to stay out later, eating fish and chips on the beach, talking and laughing into the night as the sun set. That was the first time Faith had told them she’d got a place at university to study the course she’d so dreamt of. Niall had been so happy for her, he’d high fived her as Charity and Hope laughed.

  Niall twisted around so he was lying horizontally, paddling his feet as he took a photo of the surface from below, the conjoined trees darting up above him. His tattoos were bright black beneath the surface, the muscles in his thighs and arms tense as he tried to keep himself steady.

  Niall noticed her watching him and swam towards her. He stopped in front of her, paddling his hands to keep upright. A current pushed her closer to him and him to her. Her breath came quick and stuttered, the sound of it loud in her ear. Around them, the water rippled, bits of sea moss lifting eerily in the haze from the trees before them. The sound of bubbles from their snorkels, the feel of the warm water on her arms, made Charity feel so relaxed, she moved towards him again and, before she knew it, she was in his arms.

  She leant her chin against his shoulder, knew she’d be crying if she wasn’t underwater. All the years wasted, the love lost, spilled out in that embrace.

  Then she thought of Hope.

  She moved away from Niall, guilt slamming through her. He frowned beneath his mask. She pointed to the surface. She couldn’t remain under here with him. She found it impossible to resist
him, too many memories from similar moments beneath water drawing them together.

  As she swam back up to the top, she turned once, noticing Niall etching into the tree.

  ‘I think I got some great photos,’ Niall said, looking down at the camera back at the hotel.

  ‘I know you did.’

  ‘I’ll send copies, if you want?’

  She smiled. ‘I’d like that.’

  They stood awkwardly in front of each other. ‘Well, I guess this is it,’ Niall said. ‘I’m flying out tomorrow.’ He paused, looking behind him at the restaurant. ‘Unless you’re eating in the restaurant later? Who knows, maybe we’ll bump into each other there?’

  Charity couldn’t help but smile. ‘Maybe.’

  ‘Cool,’ Niall said casually. ‘I’ll probably be there around sevenish. Seven’s usually a good time for dinner, right?’

  Charity nodded, playing along. ‘A very good time.’

  Niall backed away, glancing at her through his eyelashes. ‘Take care.’

  ‘You too!’

  But Niall didn’t go. Charity was the first to turn away virtually running down the path to her villa and shutting the door behind her, staring up at the ceiling, heart thumping.

  Charity spent a while getting ready for dinner that night, comparing her more sombre self to the teenage Charity with her permed black hair and blooming skin, fashionable clothes and bucket loads of confidence.

  By the time she got to the restaurant, it was quarter past seven and Niall wasn’t there. Maybe he’d left thinking she wasn’t coming. She felt a shimmer of disappointment as she sat at the table she’d taken each night. But then she told herself off. It was a good thing.

  Just as she was thinking that, Niall appeared. He was wearing grey trousers and a white shirt, his sleeves rolled up to reveal his tattoos. A couple nearby turned to stare at him and Charity wondered what they were thinking. Did they notice his bright blue eyes, so vivid against his olive skin? Or was it the black tattoos twisting up his arms? Maybe it was his shaved head?

  Were they intimidated by him? Intrigued?

  His face softened when he noticed her. He walked towards her, the bar’s lights bouncing off his white shirt. As he sat down, his eyes travelled over her emerald blue dress, the curve of her neck exposed with her dark hair piled high. ‘You look lovely,’ he said.

  ‘Thank you. You look nice too.’

  A waiter came over to take their drink orders. When he left, Charity smiled nervously. ‘This feels strange, doesn’t it? Sitting here as adults, the very place Faith marked on her map.’

  Niall nodded. ‘Very strange. But also very right. Does that make sense?’

  She laughed. ‘Totally.’

  ‘I’m pleased. I was always scared I’d never see you again. Being here with you now…it feels like something more has come from what we had as teenagers. That it didn’t abruptly stop.’

  Something more?

  Charity looked down at the table. What was he expecting of her? ‘Niall, I—’

  ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean that like it must have sounded. I’m not expecting anything. I mean just us being here, talking like we used to, as friends. It feels good.’

  Charity smiled. ‘It does.’

  Niall reached for the menu and raised his eyebrow. ‘I have to say though, I think I preferred the price of the fish and chips from the Busby chippie than this stuff,’ he said with a low whistle.

  ‘Don’t worry, I’ll be paying my way,’ Charity said.

  ‘You really have changed then.’

  They both laughed.

  Their waiter brought over their drinks and they ordered their food.

  Niall leant back in his chair. ‘So, I have an idea.’

  ‘Oh yeah?’

  ‘You just mentioned Faith’s map. I’ve decided to photograph all the forests on it.’

  ‘Really?’

  He grew serious. ‘Yeah, really. You think she’d like that?’

  Charity bit her lip, trying not to cry. ‘She’d love it. I’ll make a copy of the map for you.’

  Niall moved his hand towards hers then thought better of it, drawing it away.

  ‘What about you?’ he said. ‘Any grand plans? Sometimes redundancy makes people re-think their lives. Maybe you can become a dancer after all. Remember you once told me you wanted to be one?’

  Charity laughed. ‘You’re kidding, aren’t you? That was yet another pipe dream. You’ve seen me dance.’

  He smiled. He had, once, on the beach on her sixteenth birthday. He’d laid out a midnight picnic for her under the stars near the cave they’d discovered. That was the first night they’d told each other they loved one another…and the night she lost her virginity to him too. Looking at Niall now as the memories flooded between them, she could still remember the wonder of feeling him inside her, the delicate way he’d held her after, how he’d gently wrapped her naked body in the blanket he’d brought with him. She’d been so elated about what they’d done, she’d jumped up, twirling the blanket around as she danced under the moonlight.

  She could see those memories in his eyes, hear them in the way his breath grew shallow.

  She broke his gaze. ‘I want to convince Hope to sell the house, move somewhere new with me. We used to talk about living in Brighton so maybe there.’

  ‘You’re very close to Hope now, aren’t you?’

  ‘Haven’t I always been?’

  ‘I don’t know. It always seemed like you and Faith were the close ones, Hope watching from the sidelines.’

  Charity felt a pang of pain for Hope.

  ‘It’s not your fault,’ continued Niall. ‘It was clear you and Faith loved her just as much as you loved each other. I guess it’s just that Hope was always the quiet one.’

  ‘Maybe. I hope she never felt left out.’

  ‘I’m sure she didn’t. I shouldn’t have mentioned it.’ Charity thought of Hope sitting alone in the house. She was desperate to get back to her, to make amends.

  ‘So, you still into Fleetwood Mac?’ Niall asked.

  She laughed. ‘Of course! And what about you, AC/DC still your thing?’

  ‘A hundred per cent.’

  They spent the next hour talking about music, politics and films. By the time dessert arrived, it barely felt as though time had passed.

  ‘We haven’t changed, have we?’ Charity said. ‘Still talking non-stop.’

  ‘Like those times we’d stay up until the sun rose.’

  ‘And I’d rush home so my parents didn’t catch me out.’

  ‘I think I even set an alarm on my watch to make sure you got back on time.’

  Charity laughed. ‘Oh God, yeah. I remember that now.’ Charity frowned as a girl walked through the restaurant, blonde hair and long pale limbs, big blue eyes and high cheekbones.

  She reminded Charity so much of Faith. Of course, Charity knew that was because she was so present in her mind. But it was enough to make all the excitement drain right out of her. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself, the wine she’d drunk making her head sway.

  ‘You okay?’ Niall asked, following her gaze.

  ‘It’s nothing. It’s just – look, I’m a bit drunk to be honest. But that girl, don’t you think she looks just like Faith?’

  He followed her gaze, brow furrowing. ‘I guess she does. But then sometimes it feels like I see Faith everywhere. Any blonde girl that passes, tall, slim, that way of walking of hers like she was in a hurry to get somewhere.’

  Charity didn’t say anything, just looked out to the lake.

  ‘I think about that night a lot,’ Niall said softly. ‘Don’t you?’

  ‘I don’t want to talk about it, Niall.’

  ‘Same way you haven’t asked me what it was like in prison?’

  She looked back at him. ‘I didn’t think you’d want to talk about it.’

  ‘Maybe I do. Maybe I want to talk about that night too. We can’t just pretend it never happened.’

  Chari
ty pinched the top of her nose. ‘Don’t do this, please.’

  ‘Don’t do what?’

  ‘Ruin things,’ she said, wishing she’d never mentioned the girl to him. ‘It’s in the past. I’m trying to leave it behind. What’s there to gain by dredging it up?’

  ‘A counsellor’s asking me that?’ Niall leant forwards. ‘There’s a lot to gain. Maybe if we talk about it, really talk about it, it’ll make things better. It’s time to forgive and forget, right?’

  Charity’s head started to buzz. ‘I can’t go back there. I just can’t think about it.’

  ‘Then what hope do we have?’ Niall said, eyes pleading with hers.

  She stood up, swaying slightly as she placed some money on the table. ‘What hope did we ever have, Niall? What did you think this dinner was about anyway? You’re leaving tomorrow. We won’t see each other again. It’s all been pointless.’

  Anger flitted across his face. ‘Pointless? Is that what you think?’

  ‘I don’t want to argue.’

  His face softened. ‘Then why are you arguing? Stay, have another drink, we can—’

  The Faith lookalike sat down at a table nearby. Charity shook her head. ‘Sorry, I need to go, I’m tired. Have a safe journey back, Niall.’ She took one last look at him then walked from the restaurant.

  As she quickly strode down the path towards her villa, a sob escaped her mouth. She’d been a fool to have dinner with him. Why couldn’t she just accept that what they had died with Faith that night? She felt her head swim and sat on a nearby bench, taking a moment to pull herself together.

  She really was drunk.

  Then she felt a hand on her shoulder. She looked up, surprised to see Dan standing behind her.

  ‘What are you doing here?’ she said, trying to keep the slur from her voice.

  ‘Just paying Niall’s hotel bill.’ He gestured to the empty space next to her. ‘May I?’

  ‘Of course.’ She shuffled up as he sat next to her.

  ‘I was kind of hoping I’d see you,’ he said. ‘I didn’t feel like sitting alone in that villa tonight.’

  ‘Isn’t Lana there?’

  He shook his head. ‘We argued. She left me a note, she flew back home.’