Silent Sins: A Lotus House Novel: Book Five

by Audrey Carlan

  “Get up, take off your panties, and present your ass to me. Get on all fours in the center of our bed.”

  She moves quickly, scrambling off my legs. So eager, my girl.

  I watch her like a hawk as she slips off her simple cotton panties and crawls to the middle of the bed. She gets into position, and I have to grip my cock and press hard to stave off the desire to come. My nerves are rattled, and my palms are itching for a fight, but every breath she takes eases the tension from my nightmare. Brings me back to the place where it’s only her and me in this room and the beauty that we are together.

  I remove my boxer briefs, place a knee on the bed, and ease my hard dick in between her ass cheeks. I close my eyes and groan around the pleasure that simple act provides. She pushes back on a moan, wanting more.

  “Did I say you could move?” I use a stern and forceful tone, reminding her exactly who is in charge tonight.

  Her body stills magnificently.

  “Dove, I’m going to do things to you tonight that will make you scream, cry, and possibly beg for more. If at any time you don’t like something or want to stop, you just say stop. Specific safe words won’t be necessary between us. I plan to learn your body, your wants and desires as if they are my own. Your pleasure will be my pleasure. Your happiness is my happiness. Your tears are my tears. Understand?”

  “Yes, Nick.”

  “Are you ready to take a little pain?”

  Her head drops between her shoulders, and a calm wave of energy rolls off her form. “So ready.”

  And right then it dawns on me that, seeing me break down, being there for me, my violent response, probably triggered her own corporeal need.

  I rub my hands along each plump globe. Her ass is heart shaped and silky smooth. Not for long. I grin, levering one hand around her hips, the other along her cheeks. Then I pull back and lay the curve of my palm against the roundest part in a fast, firm smack. She squeaks, her body pushing forward momentarily before she eases back. I give her another, and another, until I’ve got a cadence of whacks going. Top, down, left, right, other side. She cries out, louder in the bedroom than she’s been before, and I want so badly to make her scream. Force the demons rolling around inside her to make their way out, for at least one night. Give her peace.

  “Does it hurt?” I smack her in a new position, wanting every inch of her ass red and throbbing with a beautiful ache.

  “Yes!” she cries out as I smack the part where ass meets the back of the thigh. I rub my hand around each cheek, appreciating the heat.

  “Have you had enough?” I growl between clenched teeth. I’m so focused on her body, on each sway of her hips moving closer to my punishing hand, proof she’s enjoying every second of her submission. Her tits are bouncing below, both tips erect, begging for attention. When my hand hits her skin, she makes a little noise in the back of her throat, the same noise she makes right before she comes, only this sound is shorter, more staccato. My girl is loving her spanking as much as I love giving it to her.

  She shakes her head.

  “No?” I confirm to make sure she’s heard me.

  “No. More. Harder.” Her voice is caked with longing.

  “You want harder than my hand, Dove?”

  Her body twitches at my question. “Please, yes. Hurt me good, Nick. It’s so, so good.”

  My body trembles at the magic of this moment. I like gifting pain, whether in the gym by working over my members or in the ring by battling it out, but what I haven’t had since the early army days is a willing masochist. Someone who enjoys the pain I inflict and begs for more. As with any true gift, it has to be appreciated, respected, given with care and concern, and reciprocated. I intend to always be the man to give this woman what she desires. What she craves.

  Walking up to my closet, I pull a belt off a hook and fold it in half. “You sure you want more? My leather belt here would love to kiss your ass, but you need to be sure.”

  Her voice is dense with lust. “I need it. Please,” she pleads.

  “Dove, I love hearing you beg.” I toss the belt over my shoulder and rub my hands down her back, under where I can tweak and pull at each nipple, and then back around.

  She shivers at the loss of my touch, making my dick weep with the need to be inside her. I stroke my cock a few times, allowing the beast a little me time before I dispense a lashing to Honor’s perky reddened ass.

  When I’ve calmed down a bit, I take the belt and lay it over her back, each side dangling over so she can see the object of what will soon be her affection. She trembles and shimmies. I cover her ass with kisses, licking against the hottest bits of flesh and then delving between her thighs to taste her honey. Her arousal is dripping down her thighs.

  “You fucking love my hands on you.” I grip her reddened cheeks hard, spreading them apart so I can have deeper access to her pussy.

  I lick her from her clit to the tiny hole that puckers and winks. I swirl my tongue around the dark rosette, and her body arcs into cow position, wanting more.

  “One day I’m going to take your pretty ass too.”

  She moans. “Yes, please. Whatever you want.”

  Nothing but pride enters my chest and swarms around my heart with her light. She’s it for me. This moment, tonight, seals it. I could never want or love another the way I do her. Never. My heart, my head, and my cock know it as fact. The next step will be making her accept it.

  “Good girl.” I pat her ass, take a few more long licks, coating my tongue in her sweet nectar, before I pull back, grab the belt, fold it in half, and lay it firmly against the center of my girl’s ass in one stinging crack.

  She shrieks with the first blow, but I let my arm fly, giving her three more in quick succession. Her entire body is trembling as white rectangular welt lines appear on her ass. They are a stark contrast to the marks from the spanking I’d given her minutes before.

  I rub her ass as the tears come, and she sobs. “Yes, yes, yes.” Each word is a chant, and it’s so beautiful, I can’t take a minute longer of not being inside her. I line up my cock, spread her lips so I can get as deep as possible, and slowly enter her, inch by inch, until my pelvis is smashed against the heat of her ass.

  I tip my head back and cry out at the glory, the sheer rapture of bonding with her on this plane of existence.

  “Oh, Dove, you are my salvation.”

  With no words needed, I lean over her body, kiss her neck, her spine, and cup her breasts. I pluck and pull at her overly sensitive nipples until the walls of her sex lock around my cock and she’s coming. Splendidly. My entire body is humming with energy. The gift that she’s given to me tonight is coating every pore with pure love and devotion.

  Honor was created for me. To take my hand in all things, pleasure and pain, equally harmonious.

  Her body is trembling so much, I grip her chest and haul her up to her knees, letting her lean back against me as I take her. Every stroke of my dick is better than the last. My heart is full inside my chest; my mind is focused on nothing but her and the pleasure between us.

  I bring one hand down her front and find her clit hiding in the wet thatch of curls. I pinch her hot bundle of nerves, and she roars, tears dripping down her face onto her chest.

  “Nick, God, Nick.” Her head lulls to the side as she gives herself to me.

  I’m a greedy motherfucker, and I want more. I rub her clit and fuck her hard, holding her pinned on my cock. She takes me like a champ because that’s what she is. My champion.

  Fire burns up my legs from holding the position, and my cock is as hard as granite and ready to blow. My girl is loose-limbed but holding on, her arms around my neck as I fuck her into that ethereal place where nothing exists but serenity and pleasure.

  I want one more out of her. As her body shakes in my arms, my balls draw up tight, and I grit my teeth and power her down on my cock until we’re both screaming out in euphoric release.

  For what feels like eternity, I gently thrust into h
er, not wanting to leave the safety of her body, but I realize I’ve become selfish. My girl is a complete ragdoll. She may have even fallen asleep with my dick inside her while leaning against my chest.

  I kiss along her neck and rub her body where I can reach. Her breasts, belly, hips, thighs, and up to her face. She hums in delight, the only sign she hasn’t passed out completely.

  “Did that hurt good?” I know the answer already.

  “Better than good,” she mumbles and then sighs.

  I chuckle, pull out, and lay her onto her stomach. Once she’s set, I whisper in her ear. “Be right back. Gonna clean you up and get some lotion.”

  She hums again but doesn’t move. A love so pure and profound fills my heart. When I met Honor, I knew there was something special about her. I also knew there was a troubled side. I didn’t know how far that side to her went, but I’m finding the side that loves life, and loves me, is far brighter and bigger than the negative voice inside her.

  I’ve taken it as my personal goal to show her what’s out there to live for. She’s incredible at the gym. Whipped my office into shape in a week without any help. I’ve brought more money and members in this week than I have in the last three, and I owe it all to her. She’s filled with marketing ideas, runs the money end of things so effortlessly, and seems to enjoy doing it. I know I should be paying her, but she knows I can’t yet afford it. Not that she needs it.

  I don’t even know what she’s worth monetarily, but I know it’s a lot. Frankly, I’ve never cared much about money. As long as money doesn’t get between us, we’ll be fine.

  And that voice of hers. What she doesn’t know is that I’ve secretly told Atlas about her. Not that she’s mentioned a deep-seeded desire to become a singer or anything, but he had a great idea about getting her to do an open mic night. Come out of her shell a bit more. All part of my ultimate plan to give her the tools she needs to live life to the fullest. Try new things. Live the life she was meant to live. To believe there is more out there than what she’s lost.

  She hasn’t talked much about it, but I know the loss of her brother has been devastating. I can’t begin to understand what that would be like losing one of my sisters, and they’re not even my twin. We haven’t shared everything from inside the womb and beyond. To suffer a loss like that would be catastrophic, but I’m going to teach her to find her own path. And I hope that path will continue to be with me.

  After tonight, the gift she gave, the trust… I lean my hands against the sink basin and stare at my reflection. I’ve never known such love. To allow me to lose myself in her after the hell I suffered in that nightmare…to react so perfectly to every blow. I shake my head.

  “I’m gone for this woman,” I tell my reflection.

  Then I grab the arnica and a wet washcloth to go take care of her.

  * * *

  Honor spins around in my rolling office chair, smiling. I love seeing that smile on her face. That once haunted look—the one she had when I found her in the hospital bed—has almost completely faded. She’s not entirely a new woman or done a full three-sixty, but she’s changing, growing more confident every day, and I’ll do anything to help it continue.

  “What’s the smile for, Dove?” I come around the desk and kiss her.

  She’s breathless when she finally responds, her eyes a little glassy. Fuck, I love that too. The fact that every time I touch her, she loses herself. Makes me feel like a god on high, knowing I have that effect on her.

  “Um…” She shakes her head. “I’ve been looking at the books, and everything is totally in the black! Your loans are all paid on time. You’re bringing in some real money, as in money you can use to start a savings account. Isn’t that great?”

  I tug on her hands and pull her up to my chest, where I hug her and spin her around. “Really?”

  She beams. “Yes!”

  “Awesome news, babe.”

  A pensive look flashes across her face. “You can totally add more memberships, and then you’ll be way ahead on your profit margin. I can work on some marketing plans, we can discuss advertisements in the local newspaper, and…”

  I stop her from continuing, with two fingers to her lips. She quiets abruptly and frowns.

  “Babe, I can’t add more members.”

  “And why not?”

  “We don’t have the room. The gym’s at capacity most nights. Where would we put the people?”

  A somber mood settles over her. “That sucks.”

  “Sucks?” I snicker, pretty sure that’s the first time I’ve ever heard her say that phrase.

  “Yeah.” She wraps her arms around my neck, and that feeling of contentment oozes over me like a nice warm shower spray.

  “No worries. Let’s just enjoy this win, yeah? Tonight we have a celebration to attend with my friends. Are you ready to meet them?”

  She shrugs and looks down and away. I grip her face and force it up with my thumb to her chin. “Hey, none of that.” I kiss her lips until a little brightness enters her eyes.

  “What happens if they don’t like me?”

  I shake my head. “Dove, it’s not possible. You’re hot, smart, sweet, considerate, kind, and hot.”

  “You already said hot.”

  “You’re so fucking hot, it warrants saying it twice.” I punctuate my comment by sliding my hands down to her rear and goosing her good.

  She howls and smacks my chest but does it while smiling. Mission accomplished.

  “Fine, it will be fine. Go away and get your work done so I can start looking for my own place.”

  I snarl under my breath. Every time she mentions leaving me, I get pissed the fuck off. I like her in my space. I’ve told her that a hundred times, but she keeps coming back to this. It’s time I ended this train of thought for good.

  Chapter Seventeen

  An individual driven by the throat chakra tends to be naturally poetic with their words. That person understands the power a word, song, or sound can hold over others and chooses them carefully and wisely.

  HONOR

  Nick crowds me and then lifts me up by the waist until I’m sitting booty to his desk. When I’m settled, he raises up my loose skirt enough that he can spread my knees and insert his body between them.

  “We’re not doing this right now,” I warn, my voice cracking while my body temperature spikes. My nipples get in on the action too, hardening into tight little points. Instantly, the space between my thighs flushes with heat, readying for whatever he wants to do to me.

  He grins wickedly. “If I wanted to fuck you right now, you’d take my cock. End of.” His words are a decadent caress of my libido.

  I lick my lips and focus on his mouth. He’s right of course. The second he insinuates any mention of sex or touches me in a suggestive manner, my body’s traitorous reaction is to go soft and open up. If I didn’t know better, I’d swear he’s brainwashed me into being his willing sex slave. Not that I’m complaining. It wouldn’t be a bad gig. Definitely a position I’d excel at.

  He bites my bottom lip playfully. “See, just mention sex, and you turn sweet on me. Right now, though, I’ve got an important point to make, and I want you to listen. Really hear me.”

  I swallow, worried that he’s going to say something about not needing me in the gym now that his profit margins are up, or maybe he wants me out of his home sooner rather than later. A whirlwind of possible bad outcomes spins like a top through my subconscious.

  Nick curls both of his hands into my hair behind my neck. “Get out of your head, Dove. Nothing bad is going to happen. You and me, we’re solid. Okay?”

  The breath I was holding leaves in a rush. He always knows just what to say to make me trust him, to put me at ease. “Okay. We’re solid,” I repeat, needing to say the words and hear them in order to continuing believing they are real.

  “What I wanted to say is that it pisses me off when you talk about leaving the apartment. Do you not like the space?”

  I cring
e, and a pinch of tension fills the space between my eyes directly above my nose. “Oh my heavens…no! I love it!”

  It’s more a home than anywhere else. I think the phrase, but I don’t say it, the fear of revealing too much this soon clouding my judgment.

  “Do you not like sharing space with me? A bed, a kitchen, a bathroom?” He nudges his head against mine.

  I grip both of his wrists where they are holding me. “Being with you, sharing your space, has been the happiest I’ve ever been. Nick…I love you.” I kiss his lips so he can feel the power with which I’m speaking and feeling.

  “Then why do you keep trying to leave?” A sadness flashes across his eyes.

  His question shocks me as though I’ve been tased. “What?”

  He sighs heavily, and I suddenly want to rub his shoulders, take some of the weight from them.

  “Stop trying to move out.” He makes an animal-like snarl. “Just stay. Live with me. Make this our…for-now home.”

  Our for-now home.

  The words ping around my mind until they eventually sink in. “You want me to stay…” A million butterflies take flight in my stomach.

  “Stay forever,” he says. But that’s not what floors me; it’s the truth burning in his eyes.

  I don’t know that there’s anything I can do or say to express how much him wanting to share his home, his gym, his life with me, means. So I do what I do when I can’t find the words. I nod and look away.

  Nick chuckles, kisses my forehead, and then head-butts me. “Dove, you gotta give me the words. I need to know what you’re thinking. I’ve just asked my girlfriend to move in with me. Yeah, it’s fast, but I don’t give a flying fuck. I want you. You want me. We’re happy. The end. Okay?”

  I laugh in the space of our little huddle. “Okay, Nick. I’ll stay.”

  He grips my hair harder, tugging on the roots, which has the instant effect of me focusing on nothing but him—his voice, his nearness, only him—and kicking my arousal up a hundred notches.