Strictly Confidential Attraction

by Brenda Jackson

  Heat of the highest intensity rushed to pool between her thighs when his hand suddenly reached out and went there, at the same time that he pulled her close to him and began sucking on her breasts. She shuddered, already so close to climax with the feel of his fingers stroking her between her legs and his mouth making a treat of her breasts. Her shivers became so intense that it was becoming hard for her to stand upright.

  “Mark!”

  “Not yet, baby, just hold on for a little while longer.”

  That was easy for him to say, she thought as his assault on her became more intense, more pleasurable. The feelings he was causing to flow through her were too great and she didn’t know how long she would be able to hold on.

  “Can’t last until we get to the bedroom,” he growled in her ear as he walked her backward until the backs of her legs touched the daybed and they tumbled on it together. She reached out to touch him but he shook his head. “No, not yet. There’s something I have to do. It’s something I’ve dreamed of doing to you for a long time.”

  Before she could ask what that something was, he dropped to his knees in front of her and curved her legs around his shoulders. He looked at her and she saw how his hazel eyes darkened and heard how deeply he was breathing just moments before he dipped his head between her legs, pressing an open-mouth kiss to her womanly core.

  When the tip of his tongue touched her, she thought she was going to moan her throat raw, and when his tongue began twirling around inside of her, then licking and flicking out torture of the most sensuous kind, she threw her head against a huge fluffy pillow and instinctively raised her hips against his mouth. “Yes…oh yes.”

  What words she muttered after that she couldn’t remember, but she was sure she said, Please, don’t stop, go deeper, and Yes, right there. The intimate kiss grew more intense. It was as if he were hungry and planned to feast on her all night. She had heard about men and women engaging in this special form of lovemaking, but had never in her wildest dreams thought she would ever indulge in anything like this. Mark was proving her wrong. And when the swift signs of an orgasm began taking over her, she couldn’t help but scream, grateful that Erika’s bedroom was on the other side of the house.

  “Mark!”

  And then he was moving over her, parting the slick flesh that he had kissed greedily just seconds before. He entered her, sinking inside of her to the hilt and filling her completely.

  “Hold on, baby. We’re about to test this daybed’s endurance,” he said, pinning her arms above her head and smiling when her breasts jutted out. He began feasting on them at the same time the thrusts began. He pumped his throbbing arousal into her and pulled it back out again, over and over. And each time he filled her, he absorbed the shivers that hit her body with the impact. It seemed her womb was contracting with every stroke of his manhood.

  Each time he withdrew, her hips followed him, almost coming off the bed, refusing to be disconnected from him, only to have him thrust back inside of her. When she heard him growl out her name, he let go of her arms and grasped her hips.

  “Alli!”

  She watched how he gritted his teeth, stretched his neck and threw his head back as an orgasm rammed through him. He pulled out slightly but was thrusting back inside of her again, gripping her hips, refusing to sever the connection and she knew he was having yet another climax.

  Watching his intense pleasure spurred her into another one and her fingers dug into the muscles of his shoulders and almost instantly she cried out. Words she had held back for two years found their way out of her throat and she heard herself saying, “I love you, Mark,” just moments before another shudder worked its way through her body and she was entrenched in the throes of total fulfillment.

  She had literally driven him wild and the shock of it jolted right through Mark. But what was even more detrimental were the words she had whispered while having an orgasm…I love you, Mark.

  The sheer shock of her words had sent him into a panic. He didn’t want her to love him. Want him, yes. Need him, yes. But love him, no.

  Alli was the kind of woman a man could, and should, love but Mark wasn’t the one to do it. He had issues to deal with and they were issues that the rest of his life wouldn’t resolve. He looked down at her. So that both of them could fit in the daybed, her body was spooned intimately against his. She had drifted off to sleep. He studied her features and wondered how a sleeping woman could look as if she were ready for the next round of making love.

  He sighed deeply. She was not supposed to fall in love with him. There was no place for love in his life, which meant there was no place for her in his life, either. He should have known, should have expected. Alli wasn’t the type of woman who would give her body to a man without believing that her heart was involved. He had made a humongous mistake in letting his desire for her get in the way of his better judgment.

  Long moments later, he listened to her even breathing and he knew what had to be done. Picking her up into his arms, he carried her into her bedroom and placed her in her own bed. After placing the covers over her, he stood back, deciding since she’d slept in the nude before, he wouldn’t wake her to put on a nightgown.

  Mark knew that the intimacy the two of them had shared during the past three weeks would always be a part of him. The thought that he was the first man ever to make love to her was truly special and at no time would he ever regret what they had shared. But there could never be anything lasting between them. He was a man who understood duty and not love.

  After Patrice’s death he had made a vow never again to let a woman matter to him and he meant to keep it.

  The bedroom shone in the brightness of the morning sun by the time Alli awoke the next morning. She sat up and glanced around.

  She was in her bed.

  She lay back and drew in a ragged breath as she recalled in vivid detail what she and Mark had done just moments before she’d fallen asleep. She didn’t need the fact that she’d slept in the nude to remind her. Ever since they had made love that first time, she had shared his bed so why had he brought her in here? She stared up at the ceiling trying to remember anything that could have happened to make him…

  Then she remembered. She closed her eyes as she recalled the words she’d whispered to him while coming apart in his arms. She opened her eyes and pushed herself back up in a sitting position. Was this going to be his way of denying what she’d said? Did he think just because he wasn’t one who was prone to show his emotions that she shouldn’t show hers, either?

  Alli winced at the thought that yes, that’s exactly what he believed. He was no more interested in the fact that she loved him than he was in whatever was going on in Midland. And why should he when he had conveniently closed his heart ever to loving anyone again?

  “Eat.”

  Alli forced her thoughts aside when she heard the sound of Erika on the monitor. Moving quickly, she got out of bed and headed for the bathroom. She and Mark would have a lot to talk about when she saw him.

  She didn’t see Mark at all that day and she was trying hard not to think that he was avoiding her, although deep down she knew that he was. Before, even when he would be away from the ranch for long periods during the day, he would call and tell her his schedule, and more than once he had surprised her and Erika by dropping by for lunch. But today he did neither.

  The only highlight of her day had been a call she had gotten from Kara. Kara had told her all about her date at the movies. Alli had heard all the happiness and excitement in Kara’s voice and it hadn’t taken a rocket scientist to know that Kara was really taken with this guy.

  Over the past couple of days, Alli had decided to let her sister live her own life and learn from her own mistakes. Alli was certainly learning from hers. It was true what everybody said about experience being the best teacher. And deep down she knew that Kara had a good head on her shoulders.

  That night, Alli was in bed but not asleep when she heard Mark walk past her bedroom do
or going to his room after checking on Erika. At the sound of his bedroom door closing, she got out of bed and quickly slipped into her bathrobe. Leaving her room, she walked purposefully down the hall to knock softly on his door. When moments passed and he didn’t answer, she knocked again, knowing he was there.

  When he didn’t answer after her second knock, she opened the door, stuck her head in and called his name. “Mark.” She heard the sound of the shower running, figured he was in the shower and made the decision to wait.

  He walked out the bathroom stripped down to his jeans at the same moment she walked into his room and closed the door. She tried not to notice the fact that his jeans were unsnapped.

  “What are you doing in here, Alli?” he snarled.

  She winced. In all her years of knowing him, this was the first time he had used that tone of voice with her. “I need to talk with you about something. I knocked twice and when you didn’t answer, I thought I’d just come in and wait for you to finish your shower.”

  He leaned in the doorway of the bathroom. “Does what you want to talk to me about concern Erika?”

  “No.”

  “Then whatever it is will have to wait until morning. I had a rather tiring day today and—”

  “Why are you doing this, Mark?”

  He tilted his head and looked at her. “Why am I doing what?”

  “Casting me aside.”

  He crossed the room in a second flat, grabbed her wrist and stood looming before her. Anger was etched in his features. “Do you think that’s what I’m doing? Casting you aside? Don’t you know that I’m trying to be considerate of your feelings, Alli? I heard what you whispered to me last night, and knowing how you feel, how can you expect me to continue when I can’t reciprocate those feelings? I want you, but I don’t love you. As for Erika, what I feel for her is a sense of duty which I intend to carry out as long as there is breath in my body. I owe it to Matt. I care for both you and Erika but love has nothing to do with it.”

  Alli took a deep breath. No matter what Mark was saying, he loved Erika. He did more than care. Since living in his home, Alli had observed him with his niece and, although he wasn’t quick with the kisses and cuddles, he’d always been there, helping her with Erika’s feedings, baths. Why couldn’t he see what was so obvious? And why couldn’t he believe that over time he could love her as well? She knew loving didn’t come easy for him but she refused to believe he couldn’t find it in his heart ever to care anything about her. There wasn’t a time when they’d made love that he hadn’t made her feel loved, whether he knew he was doing so or not.

  “You can love someone if you let yourself do so, Mark,” she said, believing her words as she said them.

  He stiffened, then let go of her hand and stared at her for a long moment. “Is this what you’ve been about all this time? Did you take the job as Erika’s nanny because you thought doing so would be a way to get next to me? And that eventually I’d think differently about how I feel about love?”

  When she didn’t say anything but continued to look at him, he said in a sharp tone, “Answer me, dammit. Did you?”

  Unable to believe he would ask such a thing, pain ripped through Alli. She glanced at the bed, where they had shared numerous passionate nights, before meeting his gaze. She swallowed, fighting back the emotions that were thick in her throat. “The reason I’m here as Erika’s nanny is because you said you needed me, Mark.”

  She quickly looked away. “I guess I heard you wrong.” She met his gaze again and then said, “There is no reason for me being here other than that. Good night.”

  Without giving him a chance to say anything, she brushed past him and swiftly walked out of the room.

  Eleven

  “Are you all right, Mr. Hartman?”

  Mark opened his eyes and released his hand from the bridge of his nose, glancing across his desk at his temporary secretary. He had been in the middle of reciting a list of things he needed for her to do next week when thoughts of Alli suddenly had consumed his mind.

  It had been almost a week since their argument, which was the last time he had seen her. He deliberately was gone from the ranch by the time she got up in the mornings and he didn’t return until way past her bedtime. He would check on Erika every night when he got in, and a couple of times he had paused outside of Alli’s door. But knowing the way things were between them was for the best, he had quickly moved on.

  “Mr. Hartman?”

  The woman was staring at him strangely. “Yes, Mrs. Roundtree, I’m fine. I just had a tension headache. Let’s finish this later, all right?”

  She nodded as she stood. “Yes, sir. Buzz me when you’re ready to get started again.”

  Mark heaved a deep sigh and leaned back in his chair when Mrs. Roundtree closed the door behind herself. He knew that his accusations had hurt Alli and he wanted to kick himself in the rear end every time he thought of what he’d said. But at the time, he still had been in shock at the thought that she could be in love with him.

  Although he believed that letting her know how he felt had been the right thing, he owed her an apology for some of the other things he’d said. He had been wrong to suggest she’d had an ulterior motive for taking the job as Erika’s nanny. He knew the only reason she was there was that he had asked her to help him out. He had told her that he needed her and he still did.

  When he saw Alli again, he would give her the apology that she deserved. She was the type of woman he should be running away from. She had been pretty clear that whenever she married she would want kids and he’d been adamant about not wanting any. She always would be the type of woman who would expect her husband to love her and Mark was incapable of loving anyone. With Erika, he was there to meet her physical needs, be her caretaker and nothing more. Why was it so hard for Alli to accept things?

  His thoughts were jarred with the ringing of his telephone. He quickly picked it up. “Yes, Mrs. Roundtree?”

  “Jake Thorne is on line one, sir.”

  “Thanks. Please put him through.”

  As soon as the connection was made, Mark said. “Jake? What’s up man?” He wondered if Jake’s call had anything to do with them getting a possible lead on the Jonathan Devlin murder.

  “I just left campaign headquarters and passed by the studio, saw your truck and wondered if you wanted to join me for lunch at the Royal Diner since Alli and Erika won’t be at home.”

  Mark lifted an eyebrow. “They won’t?”

  “No, they’re out shopping with Chrissie.”

  “Oh.”

  Jake chuckled. “Can’t you keep up with your womenfolk?”

  “No, I guess I can’t.”

  “Trust me, it’ll get easier.”

  Mark doubted it. He checked his watch. “I can join you in half an hour.”

  “That’s good timing. I’ll stop by the sheriff’s office and talk to Gavin to see if there’s news on anything.”

  “Okay, I’ll see you there.”

  “Oh, look Erika, this is such a pretty playsuit and it’s going to look so nice on you. I can even see you wearing it on Christmas Day,” Alli said as she folded the newly purchased item to place in the drawer in the little girl’s room.

  Too bad I won’t be here to see you in it, she thought as a pain settled around her heart. She had made her decision and it was final. During the past week, Mark had withdrawn so much, retreated into a shell, that not only was he trying to avoid her, but in doing so he was avoiding Erika as well. Alli couldn’t let it continue.

  As painful as it had been, she had gone to the Royal newspaper office and placed an ad for someone to replace her as Erika’s nanny. Once she felt comfortable the person Mark hired would work out, she would give him her resignation as both Erika’s nanny and his administrative assistant.

  She had decided that leaving Royal would be for the best. She had contacted a real-estate agent in Austin and, although she hadn’t mentioned anything to Kara when she’d called yesterday, s
he was seriously considering moving there. With Alli’s secretarial experience and good work record, it shouldn’t be hard to find a job in Texas’s capital. She had never lived anywhere other than Royal but felt that now it was time for a change. She hadn’t told anyone about her plans other than Christine. Alli would tell Kara when she came home next weekend to get the car Alli had gotten for her.

  The only thing Alli had to keep her going were the memories of the time she and Mark had spent together, alone and with Erika. Like the fuel she needed, she constantly replayed those special moments in her mind. And she believed that no matter what Mark thought, he was wrong. There was room in his heart for love but he was just too bullheaded to see it.

  “Da-da.”

  Closing the drawer, Alli crossed the room and picked up Erika. “Your da-da hasn’t forgotten you, little one. I know for a fact that he checks on you every night when he gets in. It’s me he’s trying to avoid, not you.” She pulled Erika to her and hugged her tight. This little girl had come to mean a lot to her during the past three weeks and she would miss her dearly when she left.

  But she had to do what she had to do.

  Mark walked into the Royal Diner and glanced across the room. He saw Jake and quickly moved in that direction. Jake stood, stuck out his hand and Mark took it in a handshake.

  “I was beginning to think you weren’t coming, Mark,” Jake said smiling. “I just finished talking with Chrissie and she says that Erika and Alli are back at your place. I might as well warn you that they spent a lot of your money.”

  “It was for a good cause I’m sure,” Mark said pulling out a chair and sitting. Not wanting to discuss Alli and Erika any longer, he asked, “Did Gavin have any other news?”