Always You

by Belle Brooks

  “Don’t. Just help me get them moving.”

  A lot of loud wailing noises pass my lips as Dad tries to push my legs up before pulling them back down again. It takes several heat packs and a lot of rotating of my limbs until I finally get into a comfortable position and the agony I was experiencing dulls.

  Dad lies beside me stroking my hair, telling me over and over how strong and brave I am and how much he admires my strength. It helps. Finally, he asks me where Will is and I mention I sent him away and how he’s unaware of the situation because I needed my parents more at this time. Dad doesn’t ask questions and I don’t divulge any more information. All I say is, “Whatever you do, don’t tell Willard.”

  He nods in recognition of my request.

  I sleep on and off for the entire day. At different times, I open my eyes to see Dad still beside me, so I close them again each time. I dream on and off about different things Willard and I have done throughout the years and it brings me comfort.

  At four p.m. Willard wakes me and asks if I still want to go to the soup kitchen tonight. He’d planned for us to mark another thing off my bucket list. I agree, but I’m worried about how I will cope.

  “Your dad says you’ve had a rough morning. Maybe we should give it a miss and go next week?”

  “No. As long as I can sit in the wheelchair, I’ll be fine to do it.”

  “No. I think we should do it next week.”

  “Please, Willard, I’m fine, I promise you.”

  “I’m never leaving you again. It seems every time I leave, something happens and I’m not here for you.”

  “Don’t be silly. You’re here for so much. You can’t handle everything on your own. It’s why we have other people staying, remember?”

  “I know.” He sighs, stroking my arm. “Do you think your legs were bad today because of what we did last night?”

  I knew he’d ask it, although I’d hoped he wouldn’t. “Not at all, it just happened. No connection,” I lie to spare him the guilt.

  He doesn’t seem convinced, but says not another word.

  The soup kitchen is not how I’d imagined it to be. I’ve never been before today, although now I wish I’d had. It’s a lot bigger than I’d thought it would be and there are plenty of people in need of this service, many more than I realised. My heart aches from this realisation, and as two hours pass by with the door constantly rotating, I feel thankful for all I’ve had in my life.

  The soup kitchen is not just a place for the homeless like I thought it was. It’s also a place for people trying to get clean from drugs and mothers and children escaping domestic abuse, as well as the elderly who are struggling to make ends meet. The food prepared is not crap either. I’m not sure why I thought it would be your basic cheaper items, but I did. I’m happy to find it’s good quality, the portions are large, and the servings aren’t limited. I’m relieved I came here tonight and Willard brought me.

  I spend most of my time wheeling around the open eating area collecting trays and talking to some of the people using the facilities. The job I’ve been assigned is called ‘A Friendly Ear’. It’s my task to sit and listen to those who want to talk about their struggles. The stories I hear make me grateful for the life I’ve been fortunate to lead. Even though I’m exiting the world much sooner than any of us had hoped, the time I’ve been given has been an amazing adventure, one filled with love. I’ve been very fortunate. So many are not.

  With the lights turned off and the door locked after another ‘successful night’, as Barbara the manager referred it, I offer my heartfelt goodbyes and tell her I’ll come back because I’d like to help out some more. Willard doesn’t seem to take this statement well.

  He twists his mouth and says, “Maybe, if we can swing it, May, but I’m not sure we will be able to.”

  Another item on the bucket list has been completed. Maybe I will complete this list after all.

  On the drive home Willard seems irritated. Why, I’m not sure, but I continue to chatter away about all the true fighters I met tonight. Once home, Willard helps me out of the car and then carelessly drops my hand from his before walking the short distance to the front door. He hasn’t done this before. I wonder what’s eating him.

  “Willard, what’s wrong?”

  “Nothing.” His tone is clipped as he turns the key under the bright porch lights.

  “I think you’re not fine.”

  “May, drop it.” He huffs.

  “Why?” I finally reach him.

  “Just because, please, May, drop it.” He takes his finger under my chin and pecks my lips three times consecutively before releasing his hold.

  “Okay,” I mumble.

  Showered, redressed in pyjamas, and sipping on a cup of hot chocolate Willard brought, has me still pondering why he was acting funny tonight. I decide to keep my lips stitched together and allow it to drop. Whatever it was must have hit a raw nerve, because this is not normal behaviour for him.

  Switching off the light, Will clambers into bed beside me. He is quick to lift the bottom of my pyjama top and run his nose across my stomach before whispering sweet words against my ever-expanding belly.

  “Your mum and dad are going to stay with us one more night, May. That’s your grammy and papa, bubba,” he says against my stomach before returning to his previous mumbling to the band of my pants.

  “Okay, so Gem and Lexi will come tomorrow night?”

  “Yes.”

  “Okay.”

  “May, it’s amazing how firm this bump is, don’t you reckon?”

  “I know, and it kind of feels funny, and I can’t explain it. But I like it.”

  “Me too. You look very cute sporting it.”

  He’s relaxing. This is good.

  When he traces his fingers, he breathes heavy as he kisses a line from my navel to my side. I jolt and my eyes widen. “You’re so ticklish.”

  “No. Willard, it moved, the baby moved. Do what you just did again.”

  He repeats his act once more.

  “Will, I can feel the baby.”

  “You can?”

  “I can. It’s like a popping feeling and then like a tug, I think. Keep talking and running your fingers. He or she likes it.”

  “I will,” he confirms quietly, continuing his gentle prods and touches.

  The colour of the darkest emerald I’ve ever seen fills a large open area. This grass must be fake. It’s too amazing not to be. In the centre of this seemly impossibly green grass sits a wicker basket and attached to this basket is a large inflated balloon.

  “Happy day of our first meeting, Maybelline. Another year of happily ever after.” Willard kisses me as he passes over a gorgeous bouquet of brightly coloured flowers. In the centre of the display sits one perfect red rose.

  I take no time in sniffing their individual fragrances until I sneeze and scream out from a pain that seemly bows my ribcage momentarily. It’s a quick sharp sensation that leaves behind an awful sting, but quickly leaves just as it commenced.

  “Thank you, darling husband. Happy blissful happiness to you.”

  Admiring the hot air balloon, the colours of red and yellow painted on its structure, I tilt my head sideways until it lies against Willard’s shoulder. “Thank you,” I whisper.

  “I’d do anything for you, May.”

  “I know.”

  “Are you ready to go up into the sky?”

  “Am I ever.”

  Willard takes the flowers and locks them in the car before we head towards the hot air balloon I’ve always dreamt of travelling in. Climbing into the basket is easier than I thought it to be. It’s also smaller than I’d imagined it would be, once we are on board.

  “Hi, Maybelline, I’m Taff and I’m going to take you up and show you how beautiful Wellington is from this balloon.” Taff has a kind smile. His soft chocolate eyes with lighter hues are welcoming, and when he removes his hat momentarily to scratch at his head, I’m taken by surprise when I see his tight
woven curls.

  “It’s lovely to meet you,” I respond while wrapped securely in Will’s arms.

  “Well, let’s get you two up there then, shall we?” Taff’s tone seems oddly excitable for someone who does this journey often. Maybe it is going to be more spectacular than my mind could have ever imagined.

  Pointing to the left-hand corner of the basket, Taff instructs, “Stand there, guys, and get ready for some warmth and more noise. This old girl can get quite noisy, okay?”

  I nod, trying to contain the screech wanting to explode past my lips. I don’t contain it. It flows freely, causing Willard to chuckle deeply in response.

  There is some heat at first. However, it’s short-lived and without so much as a blink, we are floating upwards and rather quickly. Willard tightens his grip around my stomach and rests his chin beside my neck. “Wow,” he breathes before he kisses the soft skin below my ear. “This view is something else, isn’t it?”

  “Hmmm.” There doesn’t seem to be any better reaction than this.

  “I love you, Maybelline.”

  “And me you. I can’t believe we are here, babe.”

  “Me neither,” he breathes just before the wind kicks up and blows my ponytail in a whip. It doesn’t cause me any bother because I feel unrestricted and so incredibly free up here.

  “Titanic.” One word bursts out with a giggle from my mouth.

  “I knew you’d say that.” Taking my hands, Willard holds my arms outstretched and yells, “I’m the king of the world and May is my queen.”

  I can’t help laughing as I twist my head slightly so I can see his always contagious smile. “I am your queen, Will…always, your queen,” I emphasise.

  “Together, always and forever, no matter the weather.”

  “No matter the weather,” I repeat in a hush.

  Allowing our arms to remain in their outstretched position, I close my eyes and try to picture myself as a bird gliding and bouncing over thin pockets of air. It’s an amazing image my mind conjures up. Opening my eyes, I turn my sight downwards, taking in our little town of Wellington, relishing in the trees that are now a miniature version of what they were before we took flight. The freedom that comes with such an open basket and these spectacular views wrap me tightly like a security blanket. I never want this to end. But sadly, it does after we’ve soared and pointed out everything we could see on our skyward travels.

  “Best anniversary ever,” I squeal once Taff helps me from the basket and I cling tightly to Willard’s arm.

  Thinking this would be the end of our outside adventures for today, I’m shocked when Will says, “One more surprise and after I’m taking you home.”

  Where are we going?

  The drive makes me drowsy and trying to keep my eyelids open is fraught with difficulty, but somehow, I manage. Many precipices fill my vision as Willard pulls to the side of the road before doing a U-turn and then veering into a car park not far from the Gate Eight Bridge.

  “Stay there, babe.” He hops out briskly from the car.

  Over dramatically whipping my head has my body following and I cling to the headrest of our vehicle, watching as he opens the hatch. Closing the boot with force causes me to jolt before turning back to face forwards once more. What is Willard doing?

  A black bag is slung across his body when he pushes the wheelchair up to my now opened passenger door. “Another half marathon?” I giggle, cocking my eyebrows.

  “You are not funny. No, not a half marathon, but something I’m sure will keep you very entertained. Come on, hop on, I have an adventure for you.”

  “I love adventures,” I breathe excitedly.

  “I know you do. Your parents should have been named you Adventure Keogh instead of Maybelline.”

  “Has a wonderful ring to it, doesn’t it?”

  The grin that lifts his lips has mine mimicking. “Let’s go, Adventure Connors.”

  Climbing into the wheelchair, I clap my hands repeatedly before laying my head back and shrieking like a five-year-old version of myself. Taking the ramp at the bottom of the large arched bridge, I wonder if we will be watching a special boat sail into dock. Wellington is a place on the coast that sees many fancy cruise liners docking with holiday makers, quick to disembark and to stretch their legs on land. Willard and I have always come to see their grand arrivals.

  “Are you okay, hon?” I wince from the strained panting I hear coming from behind me.

  “All good. Just need to get up this last incline and we will be at the top.”

  “I’m getting heavier, sorry.”

  “Hey! Heavier is good, it means you are a natural at this...” He doesn’t finish. Instead, he suddenly blurts out, “Time for the big leap of fate.”

  “What?” My jaw drops when I see them...all of them waiting for me. What is going on here?

  “Are you ready, Willard?” Dad wiggles his eyebrows, stepping towards us.

  “Dad.” I’m shocked.

  He only laughs in response.

  “Mum, Gem, John…”

  “Maybelline, you have all of us jumping from a fucking bridge today. I hope you’re satisfied,” Streeter scoffs before leaning in and kissing my cheek.

  “Nooooo.” I draw out the word.

  “Yes. You and that list of yours, I swear.” His cheeky smirk tells me he is being his normal teasing self.

  I can’t help clapping my hands together before placing them over my mouth while mumbling, “I see you’re all in uniform.”

  Mum twirls in the very special shirts she made everyone for the half marathon. “Our Fuck-it Bucket List shirts should always be treasured.” There’s a hint of seriousness to this statement.

  “Mum, you swore,” Lexi gasps.

  “So what? I think I might like it.”

  “You do not, Lexis.” Dad tuts, causing everyone to follow with laughter…including me.

  My family is crazy.

  “So are we doing this thing or are we all going to stand around here having a picnic?” Will seems keen to jump. I’ve never seen him so pumped up.

  “I’m ready,” John-John roars before bouncing from foot to foot, beating his chest.

  The laughter bellows once more.

  “I really think I should stay with May on the ground like I previously said.” Lexi is not a heights person, so this does not surprise me when my eyes fall upon hers, which are brimming with fear.

  “You don’t have to—”

  “May, she does. I’m sorry, but one in, all in. It’s the rules, Lex,” John interrupts.

  “I’ve got my eyes on you, John.” She scowls, scrunching her nose up whilst pointing her stiff finger in his direction.

  “Pffft,” he responds, throwing his head back.

  “I can do this. I can jump off a bridge on a bungy cord. You can do this, Gem.”

  I laugh harder when I hear Gem’s whispered words spilling as she paces back and forth outwardly psyching herself up and I’m not even sure she’s aware she spoke them out loud.

  “Gem, you can…” she continues and before I get a chance to speak, John steps towards her, placing a hand on both of her shoulders.

  “You will be fine. I will make sure nothing happens to you, promise.” Her eyes are wide when she pulls her tight lips back in the most unattractive forced smile I’ve ever seen.

  I snort in laughter this time as happiness washes over me at how nice John-John was to Gem. Maybe the universe is already working its magic on these two. I’m not sure what it is, but there is chemistry there.

  “Where’s that Fox fellow who is taking Maybelline down to the river’s edge to watch us do this?” Mum calls out, darting her head in every direction.

  “Fox? Huh? Mum, you’re not bungy jumping. Don’t be silly.” I stiffen my neck in fear of her reply.

  “One in all in. I’m jumping, May. Now you just be a good girl and go with Fox. If I can find him, that is. He’s taking you down to watch us all fall off a bridge so we can tick another thing off that
list of yours.” Her soft touch to my cheek has my soul melting in response. I really couldn’t have received a better bunch of people to live my life with.

  “Crazy, Mum. You’re crazy.”

  Her sweet smile flashes in my sight before she’s off in search of someone apparently named Fox.

  I’m not sure why Willard would have bothered pushing me all the way up the bridge when the plan was to push me all the way back down again, but I’m glad he did.

  Turns out Fox is this guy’s real name. Cool name. Fox Connors has a ring to it. Maybe I should make a suggestion to Willard that Fox might be a great boy’s name. No, we want something more common, I’m sure of it.

  When I’m set up safely by the river’s edge, Fox hands me my shirt and tells me I need to put it on. I don’t hesitate slipping it over my head and over my dress. He then explains that they have twenty men working on this ‘Jump for May’ today and they will be jumping my family members in groups of three due to space restrictions. When he bends down in front of me, I’m met by dark brown eyes and a peaceful glow as he hands over a large pair of heavy binoculars. “Look through the lenses and see what they are up to.”

  Dad, Lex, and Mum are spaced out in a straight line and the first thing I notice is there is quite a space between each of them. Shifting the binoculars downwards, I spy the binding around their ankles and the cords attached around the structure. My heart races out of fear for them and I try to imagine how fast their own hearts are beating right now, but I can’t. One by one, they hold a thumb up in the air before Willard’s voice echoes my name on the breeze.

  “That’s a megaphone.” Fox laughs.

  “Oh, okay.”

  “Are you ready?” Willard laughs. It’s a beautiful sound.

  I watch Mum, Dad, and Lex bob their heads in unison.

  “In three, two, one…go!” he yells even louder, and I gasp, holding my breath as they all lean forward and begin the free fall.

  The screams are ear-piercing and I can’t help screaming with them because it’s like, through them, I’m jumping too. This is magical with a whole lot of petrifying.

  “Holy shit!” I hear Mum cry out, followed by, “I did it. It’s so beautiful.”