Always You

by Belle Brooks

  “It is.” Dad’s chuckling.

  “Get me back up,” Lex pleads, and I cry and laugh at the same time.

  Watching them lowered towards the water, I begin to panic. “Are they going to drop them in the drink, Fox?” I’m quick to swing my head in search of him.

  “Wait for it.” He points out towards the water as his brown locks mess from a lightly stream of wind.

  Shifting my eyes in the direction of his hand brings relief as a speedboat comes into view quickly, and without a moment more passing, it stops by each dangling body and someone on board has them unattached and sees them safely on board.

  Thank God.

  “It’s okay, May, we know what we’re doing.” Fox hands me a water bottle. “Here, drink up, we can’t have your heart stopping—” Not another word follows. It seems Fox knows why this is happening and is regretting his choice of wording. This is one of the annoying things about being terminal. People worry about saying the wrong thing. It doesn’t bother me, though. I wish they knew this.

  “I think it almost did. It’s okay. It’s just a figure of speech.” I try to reassure.

  “Yeah,” he responds, nervously running his hand through his hair.

  Helping Mum, Dad, and Lex from the boat, Fox gives each of them a high five before they make their way over to me.

  “Oh my God, I can’t believe you just did that!” I shriek.

  “It was so beautiful, May-Day.” Mum wraps her still shaking arms around my shoulders.

  “Slugger, the mountains upside down are as good, if not better, just like you’d hoped.”

  I giggle as he kisses my cheek. “Lexi.”

  She just shakes her head before walking into Mum’s outstretched arms when she can stand upright once more.

  “Are you ready?” I hear Willard loud and clear again. Grabbing the binoculars, I secure them to my eyes.

  Gem, John, and Streeter are now in the positions Mum, Dad, and Lex were moments ago. They also give a solid thumbs-up.

  “In three, two, one…go!” Willard sirens again, and without permission I gasp, holding my breath as they lean forward and then begin the free fall. Their screams are just as ear-piercing and I can’t help screaming with them as well.

  “Fuuuucccckkkk!” Gem roars, and I laugh so hard my stomach jiggles from the pressure. Placing one hand to my stomach, I keep the other gripping the binoculars until it gives way from the weight and they fall onto my lap.

  “I’ve got you, Slugger.” Dad is quick to take control before placing them back against my eyes so I can watch the blood-rushed faces dangling above the water.

  The speedboat collects another three victims and witnessing the high fiving and laughter that follows when they plant their feet back on solid ground, I find myself experiencing an epiphany. I clearly see a life now without me in it. I know the ones I love will find their laughter again and it will boom loudly because they will all have each other to get them through. Who knew that the pending end of my life would create such a need for living life to the fullest. What a gift to receive.

  “Okay. I’m ready. Tie me up.” Willard’s cheeky laughter has us shifting our attention sky bound. Dad kneels beside my wheelchair, holding the binoculars to my eyes as I wait for Willard to take his eager leap of fate. I’m so nervous, my stomach twists and turns, making me feel ill.

  “Be careful.” My voice is barely audible.

  “In three, two, one…go,” an unfamiliar voice instructs this time.

  Just as Willard begins to fall he shouts, “Geronimooooooo.” Five times he bounces, then on the sixth bounce, he allows something to open from within his hands.

  “What’s he holding?” I question outwardly.

  Dad fiddles with the binoculars before placing them back in front of my eyes. The vision is much more zoomed in when I look at Willard’s hands.

  Tears begin to wet the lenses as I read…Number Seven: May Bungy Jumps. I sob uncontrollably as that unfamiliar voice says, “Today Maybelline bungy jumped from Wellington’s Gate Eight Bridge, through the eyes of the ones who love her. For her they saw the mountains upside down. It was breathtaking, May, and everything you’d hoped it would be.”

  Shaking my head, I push the binoculars away from my face and curl my head into my arms, letting all my pride wash from my heart down my chin.

  My reflection bounces back at me and I’m confronted by my round rock hard tummy. Twenty-six weeks today, and Willard still has not felt this baby of ours move from his touch. However, I’m completely in awe at how much movement is happening inside of me.

  Gem is sleeping over tonight and I’m really excited it’s her turn again. She’s been very quiet of late, more so since the beginning of this week when I had my worst fall yet and broke my wrist. It’s now in a supportive brace even though they’ve told me the bones won’t fuse back together. I’m happy it was my left arm and not my right. I’d hate to have to try and do everything without my dominant hand. My worry in regards to Gem has been a big part of this week. Over the last thirteen days I’ve been in and out of the hospital, and losing consciousness for short periods has been a frequent occurrence, as well as everybody panicking like it’s the last moment of my life. This has been the worst part of it all, but I’m hanging in there.

  Tonight, I get to mark off number eighteen on my Fuck-It Bucket List. I’m about to give a heartfelt surprise to someone. I decided to make Gem and Lexi special memory books. Well, with Mum’s help I did. Using a collection of photographs, I wrote some of the best moments of my life beside each of them after we glued them securely to the pages. Two scrap books have been completed so when I’m gone my sister and best friend will always have a piece of my heart left behind in remembrance. I haven’t given Lexi hers yet. I’m going to give it to her in a few more weeks. She’s not ready, but considering how quiet Gem has been, I think she needs hers now.

  Mum sewed some material covers on the front, green for Lexi as it’s her favourite colour and pink for Gem as it’s hers. They turned out much better than I’d envisioned. Each cover now has my favourite photo of the two of us stitched on the front. Mum is truly crafty. The picture on Lexi’s book is of the two of us smiling by the lake with our arms wrapped around each other on the day I graduated. Gem’s is the one taken on my Hen’s night when we were decked out in crazy wedding attire. I can’t wait to gift my special surprise today.

  As the brush moves up and down unknotting my hair, I watch clumps of it fall to the tiles below me. I thought you only lost your hair when you were going through the use of cancer drugs like chemotherapy, but Doctor Saunders said this week that with the baby taking the remaining good vitamins and minerals out of my body, plus the added bonus of the cancer chomping away at my insides, it was bound to happen—I mean, I had been prewarned of this possibility. It’s only hair and it’s only shedding. If this is what it takes, then so be it.

  “Babe, it’s okay. I’m sweeping it up.” Will is behind me with the dust pan and brush when my attention is turned back to the floor. It seems he is trying to lessen the obvious for me. I’m not sure when he came in, but I’m glad he did. Will has such a sweet and caring nature, this much I know to be true, so it brings me relief he wants to lessen any blows coming my way.

  “You’re the sweetest man in the world,” I murmur against his lips after he puts the dustpan and brush on top of the vanity and slinks his arms around my waist.

  “I’d do anything for y—” He jumps backwards. “Holy, shit, I felt that.” He’s awestruck. His wide eyes tell me so.

  “What?” I’m puzzled by why he is, though.

  “I…sh…ummm…it…the baby, it kicked me.”

  My own eyes widen as my lips curl upwards and I study this surprised, yet pleased expression Will is now sporting.

  “Quick.” He links his fingers in mine and slowly guides me to the bed, helping me to lie down on my side. I jolt from his cold fingers against my bare skin when he lifts the shirt he put on me not long ago. “Too cold?�
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  “A tad.” I shiver.

  “Sorry.” He rubs his hands together rapidly, then blows upon them in an attempt to warm them. I can’t help admiring his attentiveness. Willard is going to make the best father to our baby.

  Gently his hand meets my skin once more. “Better, May?”

  “Much.”

  “Okay, kick me, little one. Is the baby kicking you?”

  “Not now. It was before in the bathroom, though.”

  “I swear this kid doesn’t want me to feel its acrobatics.”

  “Of course it does. Move your hand around and apply a little more downward pressure. I promise you won’t hurt me.”

  “You’ve felt the kicks from the outside, yeah?”

  “Yes.” I bob my head while placing my hand on top of his. “This much pressure, you’re not going to push too hard, I promise.”

  “Okay.” He stares at our hands as I press down more firmly.

  BAM!

  “Arrrggh. There it is again.” The way Will’s lips pull tightly and his eyes gleam has a tear pricking my eye.

  BAM! Another big kick.

  “Hello. Hello in there, I can feel you kicking now. Hello, bubba, I’m your daddy,” he speaks against my tummy as he slides his body down closer to my belly button.

  BAM!

  “Are you having a party in there or what? May, this has to be the most amazing thing I’ve ever felt in the world.”

  Wiping at my eyes, swiftly trying to hide my tears, I agree with a simple hum from my throat.

  “Wow!” He gasps.

  Soon the movements decrease until they stop completely.

  “I think she or he is worn out, May.” Will is quick in his observation.

  “Yes, a big adventure just took place in there.”

  A soft kiss to my tummy has Willard back to his feet before he tucks the blankets high to my chin.

  “What are you doing? I only just got up.”

  “I need you to rest. I have a surprise for you later today and you had a rough night last night. We both did.”

  “You have a surprise?” I enquire with curiosity.

  “Uh-huh. But you will need rest first. Plus, the day is gloomy and cold out. I’d prefer it if you stayed in bed anyway.”

  “Do you, now?”

  “Yes. Maybelline, you look really tired, babe.”

  Yawning is not going to help my defence any, but I can’t rein it in and soon my mouth stretches wide and I allow it free.

  “See, told you, you were tired. Now do you want me to tie your hair up for you?”

  “No, thank you, not if I’m being forced back into bed.”

  He chuckles lowly before repositioning on the bed to lie behind me. “Sleep, beautiful.” Playing with the strands of my hair, Willard whispers, “I love you.” With these soft spoken words my eyes fold close and my last thought is how did I get so lucky to have Willard chosen as the one for me.

  The heat was excessive, so we decided it best to head home to be indoors. The shade of our tree was limited with the sun at full scorch and the breeze non-existent this close to lunch time in the summer. Walking hand in hand, we took the shortcut through heavy bushland until we popped out the other side, entering Willard’s back paddock.

  “Are we going to your place or mine?” he asked as we grew closer to his back door.

  “Yours, Mum and Dad are home at mine and your house is empty for the weekend. We can watch movies with the sound fully blasted if we stay there.”

  “Good thinking.” Willard had light stubble covering his face. I loved to run my fingers over his chin when he’d let the hair grow out slightly like this. As I admired his turned head, I couldn’t quite believe he was an adult now at nineteen.

  We hurried through the back door and, as Willard locked it behind us, I felt a swarm of bees buzzing wildly throughout my core. I’d never felt like this around Willard before. What changed today?

  “I’ll turn the air-con, babe. You don’t mind if I have a beer, do you?”

  “No,” I whispered. “Maybe I could have one with you?”

  “A few mouthfuls maybe. You’re still underage, Miss.”

  “Hey, I’ve had drinks with you plenty of times now.” I slapped playfully at his chest in passing.

  “Yeah, but it’s best we don’t do this too often.”

  “Whatever.” I pouted as he passed by me once more.

  “Pouting, really.” He stopped cocking his eyebrow.

  “Seems fair I’d say.” His arms gathered me quickly and he kissed my lips in a way I’d never experienced before. Or was it my body had never reacted like this previously? I wasn’t sure.

  “You’re flushed, May,” he said when we parted.

  “I am?”

  “Yeah, are you okay?” Willard eyed me curiously as he unwrapped a hand from my waist and played with the few strands of my hair that had fallen over my shoulder—ones that had fallen free of the tie binding them together.

  “I’m not sure.”

  “Overheated?”

  “You could say that.”

  “May.” Willard laid his head to the side before taking his hand to scratch at his chin in what I’d believed to be uncertainty.

  Sliding the hair tie out of my long locks, I flicked my head until my hair lay over one shoulder…securing the tie to my wrist. “I don’t know what’s happening to me, Willard.”

  “Why don’t you sit down?” Helping me to the three-seater coffee-coloured lounge had Willard placing the back of his hand to my forehead. “Maybe you’re getting sick. Let me crank the air up to a cooler temperature…it was bloody hot out there today.”

  “Kiss me again,” I beckoned.

  “Kiss you?” His voice deepened.

  “Yes.” The desperation in my own tone was palpable.

  Sliding his hand to the back of my head had his lips laid gently upon mine. The need to deepen this kiss immediately was consuming, and I moaned as I pressed firmly against his mouth while forcing my body with need against his.

  Without a moment passing, Will ran his free hand up my side before cupping my breast over my clothes like he had done many times before.

  I moaned outwardly with desire.

  “May,” he breathed, pulling away from me.

  “Will,” I replied in a dream like state, still overcome by the darkness behind my still closed eyes.

  A tickling sensation ran the length of my thigh before he tugged at the bottom of my flowy dress.

  Slipping my hand to the back of his, I guided it up under the fine fabric of my dress.

  “Are you sure?” He sounded stunned.

  “Yes.” My breathing was laboured and the fine hairs coating my body stood upright.

  “Not here, not like this.” Linking our fingers together, Will led me down the long hallway to his bedroom. Glancing over his shoulder in my direction, his eyes smiled before they flickered in varying shades of blue.

  Opening the door, he hesitated, but it didn’t cause me worry because a sudden relief was brought about by a gush of cold air rushing my skin…this instant freeze almost extinguished the heat lapping my limbs and internal organs.

  “I must have forgotten to turn the air-conditioner off this morning,” Will choked out, his sudden tension obvious.

  We stood in the doorway, neither of us moving. “Maybelline, what are we doing here?” Willard never looked at me when he spoke these words and I felt relieved because I was pressing my thighs tightly together and my breathing had become erratic.

  “I’m not sure. All I know is there is this tingling sensation coursing through my body and I have this overwhelming need to touch your bare skin.”

  “Okay.” One simple word.

  Every step I took was tentative. I’d been in Willard’s room many times, but never feeling quite like I did at that moment. Stopping by the bed, I waited for Willard to approach, but he didn’t. He stared at me like I was the most desired woman to walk the planet.

  Taking his hand t
o the back of his neck, he tugged at the collar of his shirt before pulling it over his head and discarding it to the floor. I’d seen Willard bare chested often, but he looked different to me now. The need to run my fingers down his centre was like a need that couldn’t be extinguished.

  Taking the hem of my dress, I planned to lift it over my own head, but it was stopped when Willard clasped my wrist. “Don’t,” he said, sending a breath of his air to dance across my lips and as I searched his eyes with a forced swallowing, his eyes grew wild and fierce.

  “Willard.”

  Crashing his mouth hard to mine, I was winded by the force. He took no time holding me in place by the back of my head as he pulled my body against his by my lower back.

  I was homed by his touch.

  Skimming his fingers to my bottom, he began kneading them into my flesh and instinctively I lifted my leg to his hip and he took hold of it with a sudden grasp. I couldn’t control the moan that was hell-bent on escaping my throat and as it projected, I morphed from a teenager into a woman.

  Willard stepped away with a sudden suck of air and we both stood there breathing heavily, now fully separated. He began to pace while muttering and I couldn’t understand anything he was saying.

  “Don’t you want me?” I shied away.

  “I do. I want you, May. I really want you.” He finally made sense. “But I don’t think we’re ready for this step, May. I mean, I’ve never even touched you under…I’ve never even seen you naked.” He was rattled. I wasn’t. Why wasn’t I rattled?

  Quickly I grabbed the hem of my dress and ripped it from my body. I was left standing exposed in my black bra and underwear.

  “Maybelline.” He stilled, staring in awe of my almost nakedness.

  I was surprised by his reaction because Willard had seen me in a bikini on numerous occasions, so how was this any different?

  My sudden shaking fingers slipped to my back, freeing the clasp that held my bra in place. Allowing the straps to fall away in a slide down my arms, I shifted my eyes to the floor to watch its separation from my body. Rebounding my sight, I gazed at Willard with a heavy want for his touch. His eyes were perfect large circles and I knew there was no turning back from here. Tucking my fingers into either side of my underwear, I shuffled them free also. For the first time in our journey together I stood completely naked in front of my best friend and boyfriend. At first, he gawked with no shame in doing so, before his lips stretched into a relieved smile.