The Leaders and the Led

by Ao Jyumonji

  What am I trying to say? What am I saying? I guess it doesn’t matter. It really doesn’t matter.

  Merry left the bar.

  The next thing she knew, she was somewhere else. It was dark. She was on the street.

  “...Huh?” she mumbled.

  My staff isn’t here. Did I forget to take it with me? Where did I leave it? I have no clue.

  “Hey, are you okay?!”

  Who could that be? Oh, the guy from before. Why is he here? What’s he following me for?

  “What do you want?” she demanded.

  When she asked, he gave her an indignant “Huhh?!”

  He went on, “That’s some way to talk to the guy you’ve made treat you at two places now.”

  “Treat me...?” Merry asked unsteadily. “What are you talking about?”

  “Your drinks. You never paid, you know. I covered it all, Merry.”

  “Why do you know my name?”

  “Because you told me, obviously.”

  “I did...? I’ll pay...”

  She didn’t really get it, but she didn’t want him grumbling at her over it. Merry tried to pull out her money. If she gave him what she had on her, the man would probably be satisfied. Her hands were unsteady, though. Not just her hands, her legs were, too. She couldn’t stand.

  When she felt like she was going to collapse, the man caught her in his arms.

  “That’s not it, Merry,” the man said. “I’m not telling you to pay me money.”

  “...Let go.”

  “I don’t want to,” he said.

  “I said, let go—”

  Merry tried to escape from the man’s embrace. She couldn’t push him off her. The man’s arms were wrapped tightly around Merry. He brought his face close to hers. Merry put her hand on his chin and pushed upwards.

  “I’m telling you...!”

  “Shut up, bitch!” the man shouted. “After we’ve come this far, there’s no way I’m letting you go! I know you were looking for this, too!”

  “What?! Looking for what?!”

  “You were frustrated, so you thought you’d play around with me, right?! I can figure out that much!” he yelled.

  “Play around...?”

  What’s this guy talking about? He’s not making any sense. Play? I’m not in the mood. Doesn’t this guy know what happened?

  Suddenly, she felt cold inside.

  “...What did I tell you?” Merry murmured.

  “Huh?! What, you ask? Just your name, and... Well, just small talk...”

  “Whew.”

  That’s a major relief. If I’d opened up to a guy like this, that’d be awful. Even if I am drunk—Hey, wait.

  Merry was drunk, and she was more than just tipsy. She was absolutely, totally, falling down drunk.

  I’m in danger, she realized. The state I’m in, and this situation. I’m definitely in danger. I need to run.

  Merry headbutted the man as hard as she could. He cried out in pain and flinched, but he didn’t let go.

  “Now you’ve gone and done it! No more Mr. Nice Guy!” he screamed.

  “Ah—” Merry gasped.

  He lifted her up. Her feet weren’t touching the ground. Merry thrashed around like her life depended on it. However, the man’s grip didn’t loosen.

  What was he planning to do with her? The man seemed to be carrying Merry somewhere. It was dark and she couldn’t see very well, but he was trying to take her down a narrow alley.

  When she tried to scream, he covered her mouth. Merry bit his fingers. The man groaned in pain, throwing Merry to the ground. Merry landed on her butt, then hit her head on something.

  “...Ouch... Ow...”

  Her eyes were spinning. She needed to get away. She crawled away from him, but he grabbed her by the arm and dragged her into the alleyway, forcing her onto her back. He held her down, covering her mouth again.

  Am I going to get raped? she thought. Here? By this guy?

  No. Don’t be ridiculous.

  Merry kneed the man in the groin. “Take this!”

  “Augh—” he gasped. “...D-Dammit! Why, you...!”

  He punched her. In the face, with his fist. For a moment, she lost consciousness.

  When she came to, he was trying to strip her out of her priest outfit.

  I may not be able to do anything, Merry thought.

  Maybe this is karma.

  I mean, I let him die.

  I let a comrade die, again.

  Even though I’m a priest.

  I’m responsible for protecting my comrades’ lives, but I couldn’t.

  Merry couldn’t even say she’d done the best she could. She had made a mistake.

  Literally, a fatal mistake.

  Protection. It was the most basic of basics for a priest who was moving from the beginner level to the intermediate level. This light magic spell boosted the physical abilities and resistances of the target, as well as their natural healing ability. It was vital that Protection not be allowed to wear off in combat. Little differences like that could mean the difference between life and death.

  In a fight, there were any number of things that could happen. That was why, the instant the thirty minute duration expired, it was time to recast Protection. This was something every priest had to know. It was something they had to never forget. And yet—

  “Just give up already!” The man laughed perversely, pulling on her uniform. The sound of a seam tearing echoed through the alley. “I doubt this is your first time! This’ll be easier on you if you try to enjoy it...”

  “Yeah, no. There’s no way she could enjoy this,” another man’s voice broke in.

  The scumbag on top of her turned his head to look at the newcomer. “Huh...?”

  “Sorry, but I’m not gonna hold back, okay?” the new man said.

  “Wait—”

  “Hah!”

  The scumbag keeled over. He fell on top of Merry, but the other man was quick to pull him off of her.

  “...Huh?” Merry asked, dazed.

  I have no clue what just happened.

  It looks like I’ve been saved, but why? Who is he?

  “You okay?” the guy asked. “Can you get up?”

  Merry was silent. The man who saved her from the scumbag sighed and scratched the back of his head.

  “I dunno what to say... I’m not gonna try anything weird, okay?” he said. “Are your clothes and whatnot all right?”

  He’s awfully blunt, Merry thought. But he did save me from a tight spot. That much is certain. If he hadn’t come along, who knows what would have happened to me? Well, I probably would have been raped.

  Merry sat up, fixing her clothes. The sleeve of her priest outfit was torn. It was probably dirty too, but fine other than that.

  “...I’m sorry,” she mumbled. “Thank you.”

  “Sure,” the new man said. “Uh. Well, if you’re fine, I guess that’s all that matters.”

  The alley was dark, so she could barely see the man’s face. However, there was something—his voice, maybe? It sounded familiar. That, and the way he was dressed. The man was rather tall. Did Merry know him?

  “Er...” the man said, taking half a step back. “I won’t say anything. I’m not going to tell anyone about this. You’d probably prefer it that way, right?”

  This man probably knew Merry, too. It sounded that way from the way he was talking.

  “You’re...” she said fuzzily.

  “Me? Ah,” the man said. “The name’s Kuzaku. Not that you’d know it...”

  True, the name Kuzaku wasn’t ringing any bells.

  When Merry stood up, Kuzaku took another step back. He seemed to be trying to keep his distance. Maybe he was trying to show he had no intention of doing anything to her.

  Merry looked down at the scumbag beside her. Kuzaku must have hit or kicked him hard enough to knock him unconscious. Merry could have kicked him once or twice herself, but she decided against it.

  She left the alley. K
uzaku was a little ways away from her. Thanks to the moonlight, she could see his face better now. She finally recognized him.

  “At Deadhead, you were in Green Storm Force with us...” she murmured.

  “Ah. Maybe you do remember me, then?”

  “But...”

  “I nearly died,” Kuzaku said, looking down. “...But I didn’t. Someone healed me, and when I came to, I was the only one left, you know.”

  “...I see.”

  “Um,” Kuzaku said uneasily.

  “What?” Merry asked.

  “Sorry,” he said. “I should have stepped in sooner. To tell you the truth, I was watching. When you two left the bar. Something struck me as wrong, so I followed you. Then, well, you know what happened.”

  “...I must have been pretty awful,” Merry mumbled.

  “Nah,” he said. “Not really. I mean, I was drinking, too.”

  “Kuzaku-kun.” Merry bowed her head. “Let me apologize one more time. I’m sorry. And thank you.”

  Kuzaku fell silent for some time.

  Then, finally, “...Okay,” was all he said in reply.

  “Goodbye,” Merry said.

  She raised her head and quickly walked past Kuzaku.

  Of course, I still haven’t sobered up. I’m nauseous. Just how much did I drink? I don’t remember at all. Too much. This is the first time in my life that I’ve drunk so much that I can’t remember what happened.

  That guy should have messed me up while I still didn’t know what was going on. If that’d happened, maybe I’d have been satisfied. Maybe I drank so much because I wanted that to happen. Maybe that’s why I didn’t chase off that scumbag when he came up next to me.

  Kuzaku got in the way. He didn’t need to get involved. But, if that scumbag really had raped me... Just the thought of it makes me sick. Disgusting. I can’t stand people touching me. He touched me a lot. He groped me all over. He’s the worst. This is the worst.

  “Ugh...” With an unbearable wave of nausea sweeping over her, Merry stopped walking.

  She wanted to throw up. But she didn’t. She couldn’t. She crouched down. She felt awful. She wanted to die. She just wanted to lie down and die. After all, others already had died.

  Here was an incompetent priest who let her comrades die not once, but twice, and she had the gall to think that she wanted to just lay down and die. How could she think that?

  “...I’m the worst,” Merry mumbled.

  5. This Mess

  It’s the middle of the night, that much I know, but what time is it now? Haruhiro thought. That’s not clear to me. All I know is that we’ve been here for quite a while.

  They were on Flower Garden Street in the northern district of Alterna. Why was it called Flower Garden? Haruhiro had no idea, but maybe there had been flowerbeds or something similar along it a long time ago.

  Stretching out from the market, Flower Garden Street and its side streets had lodging houses running all the way up and down both sides of them. Near the entrance to the street there were a number of buildings that provided temporary accommodation for those passing through. As you got further from the market, the number of large buildings increased. Past those expensive-looking lodging houses with their majestic appearance, there were decent lodging houses, so-so lodging houses, and then finally the squalid outskirts filled with run-down old lodging houses.

  Haruhiro and one other person were in front of a kind of decent lodging house not far down one of the side streets.

  They had been standing in front of it at first, but now one of them was sitting with his back against the outer wall of the building. That was Haruhiro. The person with him was still standing.

  They were both silent.

  When had they last talked to one another? It felt like it had been a while. He didn’t remember what they had said then, either. Neither Haruhiro nor the person with him were the talkative type. They were both reserved, you could say, or passive.

  Hunching over and hugging one of his knees, Haruhiro thought, That’s why. That’s why we’re not a good match, probably.

  Neither Haruhiro nor his partner would take the first step, so nothing happened. The conversation never started.

  This is awkward, he thought.

  If the other person would say something, anything, to spark a conversation, he’d do his best to keep it going. The person with him likely felt the same way. They were probably both thinking, Why aren’t you saying anything? Say something!

  Okay, Haruhiro thought. I get it. Fine, I’ll do it. I’ll totally do it. I’m so going to do it.

  “Um... er... Shihoru?” he ventured.

  “...Huh?” she asked.

  “Are you tired?” he asked.

  “...I’m fine.”

  “Oh, you are.”

  “Yeah.”

  That was the end of it. He had worked up all the willpower he could muster to start that conversation, and it had died in no time.

  What the hell? he thought indignantly. That’s not fair. Put a little more effort in. This is communication, you know, communication. It’s important, really.

  Besides, why was he alone with Shihoru?

  No... the reason, how it had happened, was clear. He had needed to get in touch with Merry regarding the paperwork and her share of the reward. Unbelievably, Ranta had eaten too much and couldn’t move, while Yume had said she was too “funya-funya” to do it. Whatever that was supposed to mean. That was why he had left with Shihoru, who had been feeling fine and had known where Merry lived.

  Merry was supposed to be staying in a women-only lodging house, so Haruhiro couldn’t very well visit her on his own. On that point, he was glad Shihoru had come with him. But only on that point.

  It wasn’t that he disliked Shihoru. But she was hard to deal with when it was just the two of them.

  They were a poor match for one another. Haruhiro and Shihoru didn’t go together very well. That’s what it was. Basically, they weren’t compatible.

  Shihoru may have felt the same way as Haruhiro did. Haruhiro wasn’t thinking that because they weren’t compatible, there was nothing he could do, and it was okay to let things stay the way they were. He did, however, think that Shihoru could be doing more to try to make things work.

  When they had first come to this lodging house, Merry hadn’t been here, so they’d tried going to Sherry’s Tavern, but she hadn’t been there either, so they’d come back here. In all that time, Shihoru had barely spoken. If Haruhiro asked her something, she would say a few words in response. That was all. Haruhiro wasn’t sure how he should feel about that.

  Haruhiro unintentionally let out a sigh.

  Maybe his question had come off the wrong way. Still, it may have worked to break the ice for them.

  “...I,” Shihoru said in a small voice.

  Haruhiro looked up at Shihoru. Shihoru was hugging her shoulders and trembling slightly.

  “...Listen... I... If I tell you this... you may think I’m a horrible person... but I’m mostly feeling fine.”

  “Feeling fine—wait, what do you mean by that?” Haruhiro asked, dumbfounded.

  “I’m not... like everyone else,” said Shihoru. “I’m not going through as much shock...”

  “You... aren’t?” he asked.

  “Isn’t that horrible of me?” she said. “Even I... think it is. If anything... more than being shaken up by Moguzo’s death... I’m not that sad that Moguzo died... and I’m shocked at myself for that, and it depresses me. I realized... I’m really an unpleasant person...”

  “That’s not—”

  —true, Haruhiro wanted to say, but could he really? Moguzo died, yet she’s not that affected by it? That’s crazy. I mean, he was one of us. We were together, through good times and bad. Moguzo was our precious, all-too-precious comrade, and he was the core of the party. Why isn’t she shocked by it?

  Then again, Shihoru seems bewildered by that herself. She ought to feel a heart-rending, mind-numbing sadness and sense of los
s, but she doesn’t, and she feels there’s something abnormal about that. She can’t forgive herself for it, and she’s suffering. —Oh, I get it.

  It’s Manato.

  This was pure speculation, but it was probably because of what had happened with Manato.

  Shihoru was probably in love with Manato. Manato, who she was head over heels in love with, died. That must have been harder on Shihoru than any of us. Of course, with Moguzo dying, Shihoru must have felt some pain, but it was nothing like last time.

  People could get used to suffering. Even if they didn’t want to, they naturally got used to it.

  Because if they didn’t, they couldn’t go on living.

  For as long as they were alive, things like this would happen. Because life was an endless cycle of things like this.

  If it knocked them down every time, and they couldn’t get back up, they wouldn’t be able to go on living.

  In fact—in fact, Haruhiro wasn’t stunned and in a daze anymore, the way he had been just after they had lost Moguzo. He might not be doing a good job of it, but he was trying to move forward. He was thinking about how he wanted everyone to look towards the future. How, if they didn’t, Moguzo wouldn’t be able to rest in peace. Just like that, he was using his dead comrade to give himself the power to keep living.

  Haruhiro was trying to live. Sneakily, greedily, tenaciously, he wanted to live.

  Shihoru must have been the same. Manato’s death had made Shihoru stronger. By becoming stronger, Shihoru was trying to live.

  “Shihoru, you’re not horrible,” Haruhiro said. “You’re not an unpleasant person. I’m glad you came here with me. That you’re here with me now. I really do think that.”

  Shihoru was going to say something, but she closed her mouth and looked away. Her shoulders were still trembling. She might have been holding back tears. After some time, Shihoru sniffled just once.

  “...Haruhiro-kun, I’m glad you’re here. I think... that, too.”

  “Uh, well... yeah,” Haruhiro said. “That’s better than you not wanting me here...”

  Haruhiro covered his face with his hands. He felt incredibly embarrassed. He felt guilty that he was able to be bashful now. Honestly, whenever he ate, whenever he drank, whenever he slept, he wanted to apologize to Moguzo. Not that apologizing would change anything.