The Secrets of Their Souls

by Brooke Sivendra

  I stayed on all fours, my eyes stinging with tears of hatred. Hatred for this Godforsaken life. How much pain was one being supposed to endure? No more, I promised myself, no more. They would all pay. But Dryas would pay first.

  Slowly, I stood up, my legs still shaking but now able to hold my weight again. I had my weapon of choice strapped to my leg, beneath my flowing white gown: a sadistic image. I inhaled deeply, assessing the exit: it was clear. I moved fast, fueled by a level of anger unbeknown before this time. My vision was blurred, no longer by tears but by raw vehemence. I was going to bring down this entire kingdom!

  I knew where Dryas would be, because he had asked me to meet him there after the evening meal. I would give him no chance to explain because he didn’t deserve it. He didn’t deserve to speak another word. I opened the door and saw him sitting at the desk, writing a letter. Dryas looked up at me, smiling that beautiful damn smile. He had no idea I’d seen him leave her chamber. He stood and walked toward me, oblivious to his approaching death. “Raven, where have you been? I was becoming worried.” He looked genuinely concerned, but she knew better now, he was a spectacular liar. The best.

  “I have a surprise for you,” he said, encircling me in his arms.

  “So do I,” I replied, my voice scathing. I withdrew my weapon and plunged it into his abdomen, my anger transformed into pure power as it pierced his middle and I withdrew it again. His eyes went wide, his mouth dropping open as he gasped. He fell to his knees and looked down at the vile pool of blood. “You shouldn’t have betrayed me,” I told him.

  He looked around the room, blinking slowly, no doubt faint from the lack of blood. He had a few seconds left, I guessed. He turned his attention back to me, attempting to speak.

  “I… did-n’t…”

  “What?” Why would he deny it now? It served no purpose. Panic replaced the anger and my veins were as cold as glaciers.

  A tear fell from his eye as he shook his head, clutching his stomach. I dropped to the floor, catching him in my arms as he fell forward. What had I done? I looked down at him, sucking in his last wheezy breaths.

  I had murdered my lover.

  “Zahra!”

  She jolted upright, her body so cold that she trembled. Zahra looked at Jayce as he sat next to her on the bed, alarmed. She stayed still, very still. Zahra looked at Jayce again, her eyes on his naked torso, free of stab wounds. The room tilted, spinning backward and she scrambled out of bed and ran into the bathroom, locking the door behind her. Jayce banged on the door but she didn’t open it. Instead she heaved into the sink, her body retching over and over until there was nothing left.

  “Zahra! Zahra! Open up!” Jayce yelled, banging his fists on the door.

  She blocked out his cries and sank to the floor. Raven, who trusted no one, had gone into a blind rage and murdered Dryas. How could Zahra live with this now? And how could she hide it form Jayce? There was a part of her that had hoped, believed even, that Raven and Dryas might’ve had a happy ending, but she was a fool—Raven was a cold-hearted murderer and Zahra should have known better.

  The banging on the door intensified as the door splintered and swung open. Zahra pulled her legs up, protecting herself.

  Jayce looked ill, his skin tainted green. He knelt on the floor in front of her and she hid her face in her knees. “Zahra, don’t push me away. It’s okay.”

  Zahra shook her head. “No, it’s not.” She felt nauseated again and she just wanted to be alone—her emotions were too raw and she was still reeling from her dream. She couldn’t deal with Jayce right now.

  “Zahra, stop and look at me. It’s okay. I know about the dreams. I know who Raven and Dryas are.”

  Zahra’s recoiled. Her eyelashes didn’t flutter, her body didn’t move.

  “I know the story,” he said quietly.

  Shock turned to anger. “You know?”

  “Don’t yell at me, you haven’t exactly been forthcoming either.”

  “I wanted to tell you, but I was terrified that I would end up in an asylum and lose you, lose everything.” He does know, she thought, he knows everything. “How?”

  “As a child, I suffered from the same dreams. I would scream and scream all night and my parents didn’t know what to do with me. They tried every traditional therapy but nothing worked so as a last resort they took me so see a lady named Igraine. I don’t know how exactly, but she was able to show me my past. I, too, only saw fragments of that lifetime, but it appears I’ve been chasing you ever since. These aren’t the only lifetimes we’ve been together. I’ve seen you in two others and there are probably more. In the others, I can see you but then you disappear, around a corner, onto a train, and then you’re gone and I can’t find you again. On my first day at Mason, I saw you walk through the lobby and it almost knocked me to the floor. I didn’t know why I reacted that way until your dream, until I heard you talking about Raven and Dryas.”

  Thoughts and questions swirled in her mind like a category-five cyclone and she fought to think straight. “I asked myself if you knew. I even asked my asked my therapist and he said it would be so rare for two people to remember their past lives.” Her stomach suddenly churned with unease. Oh, God, she swore silently, looking up at him. The raven painting. Why would he hang that knowing our past? Zahra stood up, holding onto the vanity top to keep her upright. Her legs swayed beneath her and she thought she was going to be sick again. She watched Jayce carefully as she asked her next question. “Why do you think we’re together again?”

  His chest rose and fell before he answered. “I don’t know.”

  “I don’t believe you. You’ve known about this for a long time, you’ve had plenty of time to think it over.” Zahra could feel the anger rising again. And she could still feel Raven’s panic and remorse lingering in her veins. Her mind was an emotional mess.

  He squeezed his eyes shut. “Igraine told me that we would come together again. She told me that… that there would come a time for your debt to paid.”

  Fear shot through her and she looked around. She was trapped in her bathroom and he stood at the only exit.

  His eyes widened as he looked at her. “What? Do you think I would hurt you? Do you think that’s how I would balance the debt? Fucking hell, Zahra. I’m not homicidal!”

  She raised her voice to match his. “Why did you hang a picture of a raven above your bed? Why?”

  Jayce clenched his hands. “It’s just a painting!”

  “No, it’s not! It’s a painting of a raven! And you knew that Raven had killed you in a past life. You knew that I dreamed about Raven. It’s not hard to put the fucking pieces together, Jayce. What else were you going to do? How else were you going to torment me?”

  “Yeah. Okay. I put the painting there to punish you with guilt, all right? And I thought if the guilt got bad enough, that you would talk to me about the dreams, that you might apologize for the past and that we could put this nightmare to rest. I didn’t want it to be like this, Zahra. I tried so many times to get you talk. I even brought up past lives and still you fucking said nothing! And if I hadn’t kicked this door in, you still would have said nothing! What would it have taken for you stop hiding things from me?”

  “I thought you would think I’m crazy!”

  “I told you I believe in past lives. What more of an opening did you want? For fuck’s sake!” Jayce started pacing. The conversation was escalating out of control.

  “I never intentionally hurt you, Jayce. But you did, you wanted me to hurt.”

  “So this is all my fault now? Are you really going to sit back and take no responsibility for this situation? I admit I didn’t handle it well, and if it makes any difference I actually felt bad for hanging that painting, but I didn’t start this. You did,” he said, pointing his finger at her. “Raven did. She murdered the man who loved her!”

  Zahra’s entire body shook—from anger, from hurt, from sadness. She looked away. He was right, Raven had started this, but it didn’t ex
cuse his behavior either. “I can’t do this. Just leave. I need you to leave.” Tears rolled down her cheeks.

  Jayce’s jaw dropped to the floor. “That’s it? You’re going to kick me out in the middle of the night? It took you this long to talk about it and now you’re telling me to leave?” He looked like he was going to punch the wall.

  “Please,” she begged through tears. “Just get out.”

  His jaw ground back and forth before he turned and left, slamming the door behind him.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN - JAYCE

  Jayce squeezed his eyes shut. How did things get so out of control? His jaw was grinding and his palms were sweating, his knuckles were white with tension. He couldn’t think, all he could see was red. Jayce willed the anger to subside, but it was spreading through this body like a disease. He leaned against the wall and forced himself to take a couple of deep breaths but he still felt like he was suffocating; he needed fresh air.

  He hit the elevator button relentlessly until it came and he paced the carriage floor all the way down to the lobby. George nodded at him as he walked out but Jayce didn’t return his greeting, storming right past him and into the dark night.

  He walked and walked, not sure where he was going, fuelled only by emotion. The past was finally out in the open but hell had broken loose. He was livid and he fought to calm the rage inside of him. He was angry at himself, he was angry at Zahra, he was angry at Raven. He was angry at the fucking world.

  That was not how our conversation was supposed to go, Jayce thought. He had tried to waken her from her dream; her anguish evident in her grief-stricken cries. He’d wanted to stop her pain, to forgive her, to tell her it was all in the past. That’s why he had kicked the door in, not so they could start a screaming match and point fingers at each other.

  Fuck! He squeezed his eyes shut again; he needed the pain to stop, he needed to numb his mind, to calm down so he could think again. He knew the one person who could help him. Jayce dialed Kyoji’s number. It rang out. He called it twice more before his brother answered.

  “Jayce? What’s going on?”

  “I’m fucking walking around…” Jayce looked up at his surroundings. “I have no idea where the fuck I am.”

  “Whoa, slow down. It’s two a.m. What the hell happened? I thought you were staying at Zahra’s?”

  “You will not fucking believe what just happened. She just kicked me out of her apartment.”

  Kyoji whistled. “Ooh, that’s not going to go down well. The old ego’s taken a hit,” he said and chuckled.

  What the fuck?! “Ego? I don’t have a fucking ego!”

  “Yes, you do. It’s all right, I’ve got one too. Us Tohmatsu boys are proud ones. Look, get in a car and come see me—you need a drink. I’ll text you the address.”

  *

  Kyoji was waiting out front of the club when Jayce arrived, talking to security. “Come on,” he said and they walked around the corner and through a back door, into a private office. The music reverberated through the walls and they hummed in response.

  “Sit down,” Kyoji said, gesturing to the couch and then throwing Jayce a packet of cigarettes. He lit one up while Kyoji retrieved a bottle of whisky. He poured two large glasses and handed one to Jayce. He took a large mouthful and thought it had never tasted so good.

  “What the hell happened? You look like you’re ready to combust.” Kyoji blew out a ring of smoke.

  Jayce downed another mouthful. He shook his head. “Zahra was dreaming. She saw Raven kill Dryas—I could tell by what she was saying and the way she was crying out.” He sighed. “She ran into the bathroom and locked the door. I kept banging on it but she wouldn’t open it. In the end, I kicked the fucking door in and she was huddled on the floor. I told her that I knew about our past and who Raven and Dryas were. She got so angry that I already knew and hadn’t said anything. She asked me why I thought we were back together and then she asked me about the raven painting—”

  “You didn’t tell her, did you?!” Kyoji interrupted.

  “I tried to deny it, I told her it was just a painting, but she’s not an idiot, she put the pieces together herself. I told her I felt bad about it, but she didn’t want to hear it, she was furious. She screamed at me for intentionally hurting her and I screamed back, telling her she started this. It got so bad so quickly. In the end she just said that she couldn’t do this and told me to get out.” Jayce rubbed his face with his hands. “You should have seen the way she looked at me when she figured out I was tormenting her with the painting. She honestly thinks that I was out for revenge. She looked around the bathroom like she needed a weapon to protect herself.”

  “Fucking hell,” Kyoji said, biting his lip. “That is a fucking mess.”

  Jayce stubbed his cigarette in the ashtray and lit another. He was calmer now but the situation didn’t look any better with a clearer mind—from every angle he looked at it, they were fucked.

  “Perhaps kicking the door in wasn’t a good idea,” Kyoji said. “She had just woken up from a dream, her mind must have been scattered in a million directions. I remember how you were when you awoke from your dreams—you were an emotional mess. Granted, you were a kid, but still.”

  “In hindsight, I agree, but I thought that if I didn’t get her to talk then, when she was vulnerable, that she would never tell me.” Jayce poured another two glasses. “I tried to talk to her a few nights ago, Kyoji. I told her that our father, being Buddhist, believed in past lives and that he thought he’d been with my mother in a past life. I told her I felt like I’d known her forever too. But she didn’t say anything. She was never going to tell me unless I forced it from her, but look how well that ended.” Jayce’s head was fuzzy and he looked at the bottle of whisky; it was half empty already.

  “Do you think you can fix this?” Kyoji asked.

  Jayce shook his head. His heart was filled with regret and sadness. “It’s too complicated. How can we possibly get past this? There’s too much history, too many secrets, too many lies. And believe me she’s not going to get over that painting stunt any time soon. She hates me for that.”

  Kyoji cast him a lopsided smile. “Do me a favor then, Jayce—if she ever finds out about the sound recorder and the fact that you were going to ruin her career—run like hell.”

  Jayce laughed, despite not finding any humor in the situation. He relaxed back into the couch and brought the cigarette to his lips. “You know, I keep thinking that this debt has to be balanced otherwise we’re going to keep hurting each other for forever, but I don’t know how that’s supposed to happen. I wanted to balance it, to end this, but I couldn’t do it because I didn’t want to hurt her.”

  “It’s not your job to balance this debt, Jayce. I told you that right from the beginning. If she really does have debts to pay, life will sort it out—you said it yourself: bad things happen to good people. You don’t need to control everything.” Kyoji swirled his glass in his hand. “I suppose you don’t want that knife anymore, then?”

  “You’ve got it already?” Jayce asked, surprised at Kyoji’s efficiency. He had expected it to take a lot longer—ancient Greek knives weren’t easy to come by.

  “I have. And you will never believe where I found it.”

  Jayce groaned. “I don’t want to know. Just get rid of it, I don’t even want to see it.”

  Kyoji laughed. “It was a good idea, to send her a knife just like Raven’s as a parting gift. That’s something I would fucking come up with.”

  “There was nothing good about that idea.” Jayce looked up and the ceiling shifted—he was definitely drunk now. “I love this girl, Kyoji.”

  “Ah, stop it. You’ll get over her, Jayce. And, actually… if things are not going to work out with Zahra, I’ve got something that might cheer you up, or distract your mind at the very least.”

  “I doubt that.” Jayce sighed but sat up straight again.

  Kyoji grinned like a naughty boy. “Do you know what this place is?”


  Jayce eyes darted around the room they sat in. “No, should I?”

  “It’s a strip club.”

  The pieces of the puzzle clicked together. “So that’s what you’ve been doing in New York,” Jayce said, taking a better look at their surroundings—it was Kyoji’s version of an office.

  “Exactly. I’ve purchased six and counting.” Kyoji looked at his watch. “Come on, let’s go upstairs. Our feature girl should be dancing right now.”

  Jayce wasn’t really in the mood, but he didn’t want to go home either—he wouldn’t be able to sleep and he would only replay the night’s events over and over again. Living it once had been bad enough; he couldn’t go through it again, not tonight.

  Jayce stood up too quickly and had to steady himself as the room tilted. Kyoji laughed at him and draped his arm around Jayce’s shoulder. They walked through a series of dark hallways and up a set of stairs, into the VIP area. Jayce looked through the glass wall to the stage—he knew who the feature dancer was before she even turned around: Rebecca O’Sullivan.

  “Two doubles and a packet of cigarettes,” Kyoji ordered to a lingerie-clad hostess. “And get them out of those seats.” Kyoji gestured to the couch that sat center behind the glass wall, looking over the stage.

  It took just thirty seconds for the seats to be vacated and then the brothers sat down.

  “I told you I had just the thing,” Kyoji said and laughed. “Forget Zahra, forget about your problems for a few hours. You can torture yourself about that in the morning.”

  “My head is going to be fucking pounding in the morning,” Jayce said. He brought yet another drink to his lips but his eyes were on the stage and he’d seen enough of Rebecca’s routines to know that she was nearly done. She looked straight through the glass when she turned around and a sultry smile formed on her lips. Rebecca walked toward them, turned back to the crowd and, with her ass almost touching the glass, she rolled her chest forward, grabbing her ankles. Jayce inhaled, looking at her pussy.