Writer's Block

by Kluivert Galea

“Rather brief,” said Gary.

  “That’s what she said,” chimed in Kraig, no one laughed.

  “Anyway,” Ron continued, “this lovely specimen right here, is my girlfriend, Emma.” He pointed towards a petite, red-headed girl.

  “That’s what Emma said,” said Kraig again, adjusting his previous joke without missing a beat, and this time laughter was heard, but also a long, deep sigh, as if they couldn’t believe that he managed to make them laugh with such a stupid joke.

  Eric spoke after the laughter died down, he gave Kraig a light jab on the arm and spoke, “And this is Anna, she’s my girlfriend and she’s also really cool. She likes Overwatch too, so we’ll all get along.”

  “So, where’s Gary’s?” asked Kraig.

  “Oh, you’ll meet a new one every two weeks. Give or take,” said Ronald and Eric in unison, as if they had practised the line before. Kraig looked at Gary, but he just sort of looked away in a sheepish manner.

  “Anyway,” said Gary, “this is the girl you couldn’t stop staring at, and her name is, drum roll please.” Ron started banging on the table, providing a drumroll. “K—”

  “Drum roll please is a strange name indeed,” said Kraig, rubbing his chin inquisitively.

  “Her name is Kate, you shithead,” said Gary, jabbing him on the arm.

  Kate looked at him, he had never seen her this up close before. She was definitely pretty, but in the same way you would find a puppy sweet. She was cute and the freckles on her nose also helped to smite Kraig.

  “You were staring at me?” asked Kate, with an eyebrow raised.

  “Oh no,” said Kraig, crossing his eyes, “It’s just lazy eye. I was actually staring at your friends.”

  “So you were staring at your friends’ girlfriends?” she asked.

  Kraig said, “Well, fuck. Someone assemble a crowd because I am walking a very, very tight rope here and I don’t believe it’s going to be amusing when I crack open my skull down below, the only thing tighter than this rope is my pu—”

  “That’s enough out of you,” said Gary, putting his hand over Kraig’s mouth. Kraig struggled to get free; he was too weak, but Gary eventually let him go.

  “I’m just busting your balls,” said Kate, laughing hysterically and lightly punching him on the arm, “Despite your gloomy appearance, you sure do know how to make people laugh.”

  “Ouch,” said Kraig, half-joking and half-serious, “Also, why is everyone punching me, is this some sort of plot? What’s going on?”

  “Trust me, there’s a lot more to him than meets the eye. You should have seen him back in secondary, leader of the literature club, although we didn’t really speak much in those days. Point is, he looks retarded but he’s actually alright,” said Gary.

  “Leader of the literature club? Well that’s something I really wasn’t expecting,” said Kate, her eyes drifting towards Kraig’s.

  Kraig shied away from making eye contact, “I don’t really write anymore, though,” he said, scratching the back of his head.

  “And why’s that?” asked Kate.

  “Various reasons,” Kraig responded coldly.

  “Come on, dude, why’d you quit? I used to hear the teachers say you were quite good at it; hell I even saw your name pop up in the school magazine from time to time.”

  “I’ll tell you when I’m piss drunk,” said Kraig.

  “You’re that confident in your ability to stay sober?” said Eric.

  “No, not at all. I just made a promise to never get sloshed,” said Kraig with a cocky smile.

  “And you honestly think you’ll stick to that?” said Gary.

  “Promises make a man, I don’t intend to break this one. If I do, I’ll name my first son something super lame, like Fabio.”

  They all laughed, but the sudden emptiness came over Kraig again and he only let out a forced chuckle, so he wouldn’t look like the odd one out. Even though he was feeling sad out of the blue, he still felt a strange sense of belonging with these people, even though they had only known each other for a couple of days.

  He suddenly recalled his mother’s words, he wasn’t quite ready to trust again, he wasn’t sure if he was ready to call these people ‘true’ friends, who he could eventually open up to (even though he already told people (Ray), they were his friends), but he figured he had to start somewhere and pop his bubble. Now that was easier said than done, but he decided to take the first baby step.

  Kraig turned to Gary, “So, there was a change of plans, turns out I can make it on Saturday.”

  “Fuck yeah, dude,” Gary gave him a slap on the back and so did Ron and Eric, and he thought that maybe they’d enjoy his company, who knows?

  Saturday finally came. Kraig was ready to go out, his mother was overjoyed to finally see her son leave the house again. He kissed his mother on the cheek and went to catch the bus. He was there half an hour early, quite the annoying habit, but he thought it was better than being late. He waited near a big fountain in the plaza where they had agreed to meet up. He didn’t have much to do except listen to his music and think, the music helped him to drown out the outside noise.

  Kate seems nice, maybe she’s not as bad as I made her out to be. What am I saying? Of course she isn’t, you idiot. We’ve been over this, stop it with the stupid superstitions, not everyone is out to get you. The rest of the guys seem alright as well, I sup—

  “Hey,” his thoughts were interrupted by Gary’s greeting, “How long have you been here for?”

  “About half an hour,” said Kraig, taking his eyes off his phone.

  “Well, damn… are you always this early?”

  “Yes. Yes, I am.” The reference flew past Gary’s head, then again it was also just a common phrase, so you can’t really blame him.

  “Well, damn,” he said once more. He suddenly burst into a small chuckle. “By the way just a word of advice, dude. If you like a chick, at least look her in the eyes when you talk to her,” he said through his chuckle.

  “What are you on about?” asked Kraig, perplexed.

  “I’ve seen you these past few days, that’s all. You always go red whenever Kate talks or gets close to you and I’ve seen the way you look at her,” said Gary, curious if his theory was correct.

  “What? You mean with my eyes?” said Kraig sarcastically.

  “I mean, you look at her as if you want to say ‘Please go out with me, oh fair mistress!’, so do you happen to like her or not?” said Gary, looking for a definite answer.

  “Dude, I’ve known her for like what, three days?” said Kraig, knowing himself well enough to know that in fact, it would take him less than that to start liking someone.

  “I’m going to ask you again, do you like her?”

  “Eat a bag of dicks,” responded Kraig.

  “Look, man, she’s been asking about you, you know,” said Gary with a smirk.

  “Yeah, yeah, sure she did. And Bruce Wayne is poor, pigs can fly, speed-runners get laid, Bilbo is seven feet tall and Eric and Ron are here.”

  “I don’t like that sarcasm, I’m serious,” said Gary.

  “Oh no, the last bit wasn’t sarcasm. They’re genuinely here.” Kraig pointed to his right and Gary saw Ron and Eric walk towards them.

  They all greeted each other, and Ron apologised for both of them for their tardiness, since the bus was late, although they were only late by a few minutes, it wasn’t like they were going to miss the movie.

  They made their way to the cinema and got their tickets to watch Kingsman: The Golden Circle. They watched the movie together, occasionally whispering a joke or two into each other’s ear in the nearly empty cinema.

  When they all came out of the cinema, Kraig collected all their 3D glasses and put them on, on top of his regular glasses (his vision was way too poor) and started walking around, telling his friends to address him as ‘Lord Ten Eyes’, as he talked in a very bad, Posh-British accent for about fifteen minutes.

  They found it a bit weird but in
a good sort of way and Kraig was happy that (as far as he could tell) they were enjoying his company. Who would have thought it would actually go well?

  Chapter 2a

  I Saw Her Standing There

  “She was just seventeen, and you know what I mean,” Kraig said, reciting the lyrics, “And I was like no Lennon, I don’t know what the fuck that means, she’s underage. So at this point, I’m convinced Lennon was some kind of fucking weirdo, right? So I google when the Beatles were formed; 1957, he was born in 1940. I was like okay, he wrote it in 1957, since that’s when the Beatles formed and it was on their debut album.”

  Gary, Eric and Ron stared at him and said nothing.

  “But I realised my mistake, right. The debut album ‘Please Please Me’ came out in 1963, which means that while John was singing this song, he was like what, 22, at the youngest? That’s going into creeper territory right there, but here comes the real fucking kicker; the person who wrote that song was McCartney but I couldn’t figure out when he wrote it, so I do a little digging right? Turns out, he’s two years younger than Lennon but that still leaves a fucking problem. If he wrote it the same year as the album debuted, he’s still 20 and she’s 17, and the album title already seems a bit fucking sexual, you know?”

  “No, we don’t. We spend our weekend masturbating like regular teenagers, not worrying about the Beatles,” said Gary.

  “Okay, shut the fuck up, I’m not done. So I can’t figure out if the song was written when McCartney was 17 and he kept it for the album or wrote it in 1963, but if he did keep it, why didn’t he edit it? And who’s weirder, McCartney for writing it or the band for accepting it? So, I don’t want to believe that my heroes are paedophiles. So I do some research and the Beatles were prominent in 1970s and the age of consent was 17 back then, so it’s sort of like how guys today fantasise about 18-year-olds, you know? But the problem is the song doesn’t hold up today where the age of consent is 18, that’s the real problem and so, to conclude my point, the Beatles were never up to any weird shit and therefore they remain sacred and will forever be my heroes. So what do you think?”

  “I think you need a girlfriend, and quick,” said Gary.

  Chapter 3

  Got to Get You into My Life

  A good couple of weeks had passed since the first day of school. It was mid-October now and Kraig had gotten used to his new routine. He’d go out on weekends with his friends, play videogames nearly every day, maybe read a book or a volume of manga every now and again, and he’d chit chat with his friends at school every day, but he never imagined that the girl he was so afraid of would end up hanging around him almost daily. What works of fate made it so, she was best friends with his new friends’ girlfriends (that’s convoluted). Kraig started to feel comfortable with these people now but even then he still never revealed much of his past to them nor did he trust them with any of his (few) secrets.

  The following day, Kraig told all of them that the carnival was open at that time of year, so Kraig suggested that they go next weekend and everyone agreed, even Kate, who didn’t really like the big rides.

  All seven of them were standing by the red, brightly lit, arched entrance by eight. They all noticed the beaming curved sign on the arch flashing ‘Carnival’ so brightly, it was as if it was trying to blind every passer-by. They all walked in together, the strobing lights, the cheery upbeat music and the wonderful smell of snacks all stirred up distant memories of pleasant pasts for the whole group, mostly from their childhood.

  For Kraig, however, his memories weren’t all pleasant. He remembered about the time he was there with Ray, how they were there together, but still it was his idea to come here after all, so he was intent on enjoying it. No, he was determined to.

  “So what are we going to do?” asked Emma, addressing the whole group.

  “I want to try the thing with the cans, can toss or whatever it’s called,” replied Ron.

  “You do know that’s a sham, right?” said Kraig, “No one actually knocks them all down.”

  “I don’t care. I want to win her a plush,” said Ron, grabbing her hand. He looked her in the eyes and gave her a small kiss on the cheek.

  And so they all walked towards the booth, Ron holding Emma’s hand and Eric holding Anna’s. The romantic vibe stung Kraig just a little bit as he remembered vividly how the same thing had transpired before, as he held Ray’s hand. You had a hand to hold once, didn’t you? Now look at you, alone, pathetic, he thought to himself, as he kept walking on, squished in the middle, with the couples in front and Kate and Gary in the back. He looked behind him, he thought, She likes him, I suppose.

  Kate picked up the pace and walked over to Kraig quickly and was now walking side by side with him, only a few inches away. “So, what are you going to do?” asked Kate.

  “I don’t know, I guess I’ll try the can toss, although I doubt I’ll even knock a single one down, considering I’m pretty pathetic in bouts of strength, and even if I did win a soft toy, I don’t really have space for it, so I’ll probably just give it to Gary.”

  “You’re a fucking idiot,” Gary whispered into his ear after he caught up to him.

  “What?” asked Kraig, unsure of what he did to earn that comment.

  “Nothing,” said Gary, as he walked ahead.

  When they got to the booth, Ron handed the fairly attractive female worker there three euros and he was handed three balls. He took his time with each shot, carefully assessing the cans, and he knocked all of them down with two balls, and since he had a ball to spare, he got one of the huge soft toys and so, as was custom, he gave it to his girlfriend and she gave him a hug and a quick kiss on the lips.

  “I’ll give it a shot,” said Kraig, “How hard can it be?”

  Kraig fished out the money from his wallet. He was handed three balls. He took one in hand, carefully assessed it just like Ron, and then he threw with all his might, and then he threw the next, and then the next. He was hoping to get at least a small to medium sized one, plus he knocked down two cans, he got a soft toy which was a keychain. He wasn’t quite sure what to do with it, but he put two and two together; Gary’s comment and countless hours of watching romantic garbage online made the answer clear.

  So he gave the keychain to Kate. She took it with a smile and a hug. That’s when he stared coldly into nothing and caught himself, what had he just done? He tried to calm himself down, his anxiety was a bitch.

  Calm yourself down, it’s just a friendly gesture, it’s not romantic. Besides, she likes Gary and we’re just friends, right? Right? Besides, even if I did like her, she wouldn’t settle for me, I mean look at her, then look at me. He thought she was the prettiest girl he had ever seen. Meanwhile, he thought he looked like a run-over ferret whose face had the map of the Caribbean printed on it in braille. He told himself they were just friends, but is that what he really wanted?

  “How romantic!” Kate laughed, while looking at the small keychain in her hand.

  “Well,” said Kraig, gaining his composure, “some girls get diamonds, some get roses, but you’re the luckiest one out of all. You get a bootleg Pikachu keychain from the carnival. No wait, it’s official merchandise, it’s just been sitting on the shelf for God knows how long.” Kraig let out a small laugh along with a slight smile.

  “So,” said Gary, throwing his arm around Kraig, “do you give all the women soft toys?”

  “No, not at all. I didn’t even manage to win anything the last time I was here,” said Kraig.

  “You’ve been here before? As in recently? I thought you said you don’t leave the house much,” said Gary.

  “Yeah, believe it or not, I was here last year with my girlfriend at the time, I never really won her anything though. We just kind of rode the bumping cars.” Kraig scratched the back of his head and looked down.

  Kate and Gary looked at him in surprise, “You had a girlfriend?” they both asked, thinking he was joking.

  “Yeah, I did. I know it’s hard t
o believe an ogre looking, piece of shit like me could ever have a girlfriend, but I did,” Kraig paused for a second, “But that’s a story for another time.”

  He smiled, Gary and Kate kept on looking at him; he felt off. There was something about that smile, they could tell it was somehow different from the one before, as if it was only there as a façade; an attempt to throw them off. But they weren’t fooled, Kraig, not at all, they know something pained you.

  Kraig walked faster to go to talk to Ron and Eric. Gary turned to Kate, “I put in a good word for you, just so you know. After the movie, he said you seem amazing, so if I were you, I’d take the opportunity and ask him out. He may seem strange, but he’s a ray of sunshine, even if he doesn’t look like it.”

  Kate had a baffled expression, “That was sudden. Besides, what makes you think I want to go out with him in the first place?”

  “Emma told Ron, Anna told Eric and they both told me,” said Gary, with a smug expression.

  “Shit!” Redness accumulated in her cheeks, “Even so, why do you want to set us up so much?”

  “He’s a good kid, but he’s broken, he’s missing something. We didn’t speak much back in secondary, but he’s giving off a different vibe now. He changed somehow for the worst and I don’t believe he’s truly happy. He used to love writing and then he suddenly just stops, it doesn’t make sense, he doesn’t seem fulfilled but it’s like he’s slowly getting better the more we talk and play and once he is better, you two seem like you’d work out wonderfully. And besides, I’m sure he’d say yes to you.”

  “Wait, how are you certain? Did he mention me?”

  Gary laughed, “He said you’re pretty and he thinks your drawings are super nice.”

  “So? Just because he said that doesn’t mean he likes me.”

  “You should have seen the glisten in his eyes then,” he laughed once again, “Come on, we’re getting separated from the others.”

  “Wait, but how are you sure he likes me?” she asked frantically.

  “Just a guess,” laughed Gary again.