My Stepbrother, My Lover

by Ward, Alice

  “I… no… I don’t know.” He blushed. “I guess I knew it wasn’t a date, but I was still… hopeful.”

  “You’re a great guy, Steve, and I’m happy that you’re my friend. But I’m just not in a place in my life where I can even think about a relationship. I don’t want to hurt you, but I felt like I should be honest. I’m so sorry if I did anything to lead you on.”

  He was quiet and fidgety and I knew I’d upset him.

  “I’m sorry,” I said again.

  “It’s okay, you don’t have to apologize. You didn’t do anything to lead me on. I just took things too far. It’s always been pretty clear that you only see me as a friend. But you can’t blame a guy for getting his hopes up.”

  “Of course not. Maybe it would be best if we skipped lunch. I’m not feeling very well. I’d like to go home and lie down for a while.”

  “Okay… I’ll walk you back to campus.”

  “No, that’s okay… I need some time to myself,” I explained.

  He shrugged. “Whatever you want. I’ll see you later.”

  “Bye.” I started to walk away, but he called after me.

  “Kennedy?”

  “Yes?” I asked, turning to face him.

  “I know I’m not your type, but neither is Jackson. And he won’t just break your heart. He’ll destroy your whole family,” he warned.

  I turned and walked away without responding.

  ***

  “I told you it wasn’t a good idea,” Lauren scolded me for what seemed like the hundredth time.

  “Yes, I know,” I replied impatiently. “You were right. How many times are you going to bring this up?”

  “I’m sorry, it’s just frustrating for the rest of us to watch all of this unfold,” Lauren replied defensively.

  “Lauren, Kennedy has told you that you were right six times since we’ve been here,” Lewis said patiently. “She apologized to Steve, she apologized to us, stop beating her up about it.”

  It was Monday afternoon and the three of us were at the storage facility, sorting food from the donation day. Our lease on the room was almost up and we were determined to get all the food handed out before public schools let out for summer vacation.

  “Thank you, Lewis,” I replied gratefully. I filled a cardboard box with cans of vegetables, bags of pasta, and tins of canned meat. I avoided making eye contact with Lewis and did my best to sound casual.

  “How is Steve handling everything? He seemed pretty upset when I left him Saturday.”

  Lewis shrugged. “He’s doing as well as can be expected. I think he’s embarrassed more than anything. He’s not mad at you, but it may be a while before he feels like hanging out with everyone. I’m not mad at you either, but can you help me understand what you were thinking? I told you how he feels about you. You should have known he’d read too much in to Saturday. Why did you agree to go?”

  I searched for words as I slid the full box over to the finished pile. “I don’t know... you’re right. I knew how he felt about me. Steve’s a nice guy, I guess I was hoping that if we spent some time alone together, I’d develop new feelings for him.”

  “I take it that didn’t work,” Lewis said. He pursed his lips and I knew he was trying not to judge me.

  I deserve it. I’m a terrible person.

  “Not at all,” I sighed. “Steve is so nice, he’s almost too nice. I wanted to feel more for him. Deep down, I think that I should feel more for him. But I just don’t. I need someone who’s take charge and assertive. Someone who will challenge me instead of agreeing with everything that comes out of my mouth.”

  “Someone like Jackson Montgomery?” Lauren asked and ran her tongue over her teeth.

  “Yes,” I replied without thinking. “I mean, not Jackson himself, of course. But someone more like him than Steve.”

  “I never pegged you for the asshole type, Kennedy,” Lewis told me.

  “What are you talking about?”

  “You like aggressive guys. It’s surprising, that’s all.”

  “Kennedy, do you still have feelings for Jackson?” Lauren asked bluntly.

  “I don’t know,” I confessed. “Everything happened so fast. One second we were so happy together, the next he was with Meredith. And then suddenly, we’re related. I thought I’d worked through my feelings about everything, but I’m more confused than ever.”

  “What?” Lewis gasped. “Wait a second, you and Jackson got together? When? And what happened with Meredith?”

  Shit, shit, shit! I completely forgot that Lewis didn’t know about my night with Jackson!

  “We went out to celebrate the end of finals week, it really wasn’t a big deal,” I explained. “The next day I found him on the frat house couch with Meredith.”

  “What were they doing?” he asked.

  “What do you think? They were all over each other. He insists that she showed up and threw herself at him. I didn’t believe him at first, but now I do. But it doesn’t matter, because Gloria and Jack made their announcement and now we’re off limits to each other. No good would come from us dating.” I’d been repeating the last sentence to myself all week, but I still wasn’t convinced.

  “Does Jackson feel the same way?” he pressed.

  “He didn’t at first. I think he does now, but not for the same reasons I do,” I said as I absentmindedly filled another box. “You know how I said he called my mom a gold digger? It was really me he was talking about. He said I was just like all the other poor girls he’d dated. That I was after him for his money, and now that my mom is marrying in to it, I don’t have to pretend to like him anymore.”

  “Why have you kept this to yourself?” Lewis asked. “Or rather, why haven’t you told anyone but Lauren? I can tell by the look on your face you’ve known the whole time,” he told her.

  “Don’t be mad at Lauren,” I insisted. “I asked her not to say anything. And I’m sorry that I kept our date a secret, but it really wasn’t a big deal. It’s awkward enough that Jackson and I are going to be step-siblings without the entire campus knowing that we went out on a date.”

  “I’m hardly the entire campus, Kennedy,” Lewis argued. He folded his arms in front of his chest and for a moment, he looked like a pouting little kid.

  “I know, you’re not,” I agreed. “But you know how things get blown out of proportion. Lauren only knew because she lives with me.”

  “I know,” he agreed, but his brow remained furrowed in concern. “I read the article about your mom and Jack in yesterday’s paper. Their engagement will bring a lot of attention to you all. Of course you don’t want to feed the gossip mills… especially with something so scandalous.”

  “So you think it would look bad? If Jackson and I started seeing each other again?”

  “I think that the press would have a field day with it,” Lewis answered after a moment, then he nodded as if agreeing with himself.

  “But it’s not like Kennedy and Jackson are related by blood,” Lauren chimed in. She was playing devil’s advocate and I was incredibly grateful.

  “I’m not sure that would matter in the public eye,” Lewis warned. “The Montgomery family is one of the oldest, most powerful families in the country. They bankroll political candidates, negotiate international trade regulations, and Montgomery Enterprises has been at the top of the Fortune 500 list since before they started printing it. Families like that always have to deal with a certain amount of public scrutiny. You’ve seen all the articles about Jackson’s dad and grandfather. Not all of the reporters are nice. What do you think they would say about you and Jackson dating?”

  “They’d crucify us,” I groaned.

  “Exactly. Why put yourself through that for someone who doesn’t deserve you? You had reasons for resisting Jackson for as long as you did. Deep down, you know that the two of you aren’t compatible.”

  “But opposites attract,” Lauren reminded him.

  “Lauren, you aren’t helping anything,” he told her as
he taped up another box. “Encouraging Kennedy to be with Jackson will only get her hurt.”

  “Lewis do you… am I… do you think the press will write about me regardless of what I do?” I stammered. “I mean, will they suddenly find me interesting just because my mom and Jack are engaged?”

  “You already know the answer to that,” Lewis replied. “I’d bet a hundred bucks that there are at least three profiles run on you and your mom before the end of the week. Jackson the Second is considered one of the country’s most eligible bachelors. Everyone will want to know as much as possible about the woman who finally won him.”

  “I don’t know why I didn’t think about this sooner,” I groaned. “So it’s probably just a matter of time before the whole world knows everything about us?”

  “Probably,” Lewis agreed.

  I thought about everything in my life that was about to be exposed. I didn’t have anything to be ashamed of, but the thought of complete strangers knowing personal details was unnerving. I was beginning to see some of the downsides of joining a wealthy family.

  “But I won’t have to give interviews or anything like that, right?” I continued. I wasn’t even pretending to pack boxes anymore. I sat down and crossed my legs on the concrete floor. Lewis and Lauren joined me. “I mean, I’m not the main character in the story. My mom and Jack are the ones they’ll want to talk to, right?”

  “Some of the reporters are sure to call you,” Lewis warned.

  “If they do, you should talk to them,” Lauren advised. “If you don’t, they might paint you as some sort of weird, antisocial recluse.”

  I was overwhelmed. “This is all so strange. Last week, nobody gave a damn about me, and my mom was only famous in the feminist circles.”

  “Well, life is about to change, Kennedy,” Lewis announced. “And not just yours. Let’s get the last of this food delivered so the kids can look forward to summer vacation.”

  We loaded the boxes into the back of our rental truck and set off for the other side of town.

  CHAPTER 3

  “Table for one?” A tall, blonde waitress asked as I stepped through the door of Le Petit Bain. She studied me critically and I knew that my simple khaki capris and white t-shirt didn’t impress her. She looked at me with impatient disdain.

  “No, I’m actually meeting people,” I replied. “We have an appointment to sample the catering menu. I believe the reservation is under Montgomery.”

  “Oh yes, of course,” she replied, her disposition completely changing. Suddenly, I was worthy of eye contact and a smile. “My name is Ariel, I’ll take you to your table. No one else in your party has arrived yet.”

  She led me to a private room with a single six top table. “Can I get you a Mimosa or a Bloody Mary while you wait?”

  “A Bloody Mary would be lovely, thank you,” I replied as I took my seat.

  “Fantastic, I’ll be right back.”

  She disappeared and I wondered if I’d ever get used to the kind of service the Montgomery name affords. I pulled my phone from my purse and checked the time. I was five minutes early. I logged on to Facebook and looked at my classmate’s vacation pictures to pass the time while I waited.

  “I believe you’re waiting for this?” Jackson’s voice interrupted my thoughts. I looked up and saw him standing next to me, a Bloody Mary in his hand.

  “I thought you weren’t coming.”

  “What gave you that idea?” he asked, sliding into the seat across from me.

  “If you’re not fifteen minutes early, you’re late,” I said, repeating one of the first things Jackson had ever said to me. “I got here five minutes early. When you weren’t here, I assumed you weren’t coming.”

  “That’s one of the many pieces of my granddad’s advice that my dad doesn’t adhere to,” he explained. “He’s usually right on time. I knew you’d be here and I thought you’d be uncomfortable if I showed up before our parents did. If I’d realized that they weren’t here yet, I’d have waited outside.”

  “You were trying to avoid being alone with me?”

  “I was trying to avoid making you uncomfortable. I’m trying to be a nice guy here. It’s five after three, I’m sure they’ll be here soon.”

  Ariel reappeared with a highball glass. “Jack and Coke, easy on the ice, just as you requested, Mr. Montgomery. Can I get you anything else while you wait?”

  “No, Ariel. Thank you,” he replied before taking a long drink.

  “And you, ma’am?” she asked, turning to me.

  “Kennedy,” I told her. “Not ma’am. And I’m fine, thank you.”

  Ariel nodded and disappeared again.

  “So, does your family ever eat among the commoners or do you get private dining rooms everywhere you go?” I asked Jackson. I knew I was being unnecessarily snappy, but it was the only way I could handle sitting with him.

  “Look Kennedy, I know you’re pissed at me, but that’s no reason to be so harsh. This is the catering room. When we went out together, I requested the private room because I wanted dinner to be romantic. You don’t have to act like my family is a bunch of spoiled aristocrats.”

  I stared at him, seething. “I see. I can’t say anything bad about your family, but you can accuse my mother and me of being gold diggers. I understand how the rules work now.”

  He seemed to deflate, as if my accusation had cost him half his air. “Kennedy, I’m so sorry. I was upset. I never should have said that. I didn’t mean it in the slightest. Of course, I know the only value you put on money is the good you can do with it.”

  I studied his eyes and knew he was being sincere. I didn’t want to argue with him anymore, so I decided to forgive him.

  “It’s okay. We’ve both said some things we didn’t mean through all of this. Let’s just put it all behind us and focus on the future. We’re going to be family after all. We should learn to get along.”

  “The future I’d like to look forward to involves much more than getting along with you,” he said with a mischievous twinkle in his eyes.

  “Jackson, stop it!” I whispered sharply. “Someone might hear you. You have to give up on this idea and never mention it again.”

  “I know you still have feelings for me, Kennedy. Why can’t you just admit it?” He took a drink of his Jack and Coke as he stared at me with confidence.

  “Jackson!” I hissed, my face turning hot with embarrassment. I was certain someone would hear him and we’d end up all over the tabloids. Before he could say anything else, our parents appeared at the table.

  “Sorry we’re late, kids,” Mom said as they took their seats. “We were with a travel agent going over honeymoon options and we lost track of time.”

  “Good to see you, Son. You look nice today, Kennedy. I take it break is going well?” Jack asked as he took turns hugging Jackson and me.

  “Yes,” I stammered, hoping the embarrassment had left my face. “Break has been great so far. I think I’ve finally caught up on sleep.”

  “You do look fantastic, darling,” Mom added, her eyes sweeping over me. Then she tilted her head, her eyebrow lifting in curiosity. “It looked like the two of you were having quite the conversation when we showed up. What were you talking about?”

  “Just school stuff mom,” I answered quickly. “So you were booking your honeymoon? Does that mean you’ve set a date?” I wanted to change the subject before Jackson could add anything.

  “We have!” Mom smiled. “We’re going to have the wedding on July 16. The Memorial Church was open for that day and it seemed the most logical place to hold it.”

  The Harvard Memorial Church sat directly across from the library. It wasn’t the most historical venue in Boston, but I knew it held significance to the Montgomery family. It was common knowledge that generations of them had held their weddings there.

  “The church is beautiful,” I agreed. “I’m just surprised you’re going with something so… traditional.”

  I’d always thought that i
f my mother ever got married, it would be under the stars during Summer Solstice or in a field surrounded by wildflowers. In all the years we’d lived at Harvard, she’d never once stepped foot into the church. I was worried she was compromising too much of herself to make Jack happy.

  “Oh Kennedy, the church is a tradition in Jack’s family. And I don’t care where we have the wedding, it’s the marriage I’m looking forward to,” she told me.

  Ariel appeared at our table again, this time accompanied by a short brunette. “This is Rhonda, she’ll be serving you today,” Ariel explained. “Mr. Montgomery, Ms. Nightingale, can I take your drink orders?”

  Mom and Jack each ordered Mimosas and ice water. Rhonda told us that the appetizer selections would be out shortly and then they left us again.

  “So, July 16?” Jackson asked. “That doesn’t leave very much time to plan.”

  “We’re not going to make a big fuss,” Mom explained. “We’re keeping the guest list reasonable and your father hired a wedding planner as my engagement present. I’m horrible with things like color pallets and place settings.”

  “We still plan to do the fun stuff like tastings and band auditions.” Jack smiled. “Gloria and I think that will give us all a chance to get to know each other better.”

  “And we need to go dress shopping, of course,” Mom said to me.

  “Speaking of our reasonable guest list, do we need to add a plus one for either of you?” Jack asked with a smile.

  “That won’t be necessary,” I answered with a blush.

  “I’m sorry to hear that, Kennedy. What about you Jackson? How are things going with your mystery woman?” Jack pressed.

  “I won’t need a plus one either,” Jackson told him. “And things with the mystery woman are… complicated.”

  “So, did you two decide where you’re going on your honeymoon?” I asked. I was desperate to change the subject.

  “Kennedy, don’t be rude,” Mom scolded me. “Jackson was about to tell us about his relationship problems. Maybe you can give him some sisterly advice. A woman’s perspective might be helpful.”