Lace-Covered Compromise

by Silvia Violet

  “But it could have been something else.”

  “I don’t want to be worried about how I’m going to react to you or that that I might say the wrong thing or I might touch you when we’re in public. I want to know where we stand, what you’re comfortable with now that I understand about your anxiety.”

  I looked away, willing him to accept what I could offer. “I don’t think I’m ready for kissing you in public.”

  “Isn’t it too late for that?”

  My face heated as I thought of how risky our behavior at the club had been. “That wasn’t . . . Okay, it was, but that’s not the kind of kiss I mean.”

  “We could’ve been caught doing far worse than kissing, but you’re right, it’s different.”

  Deep breath. You can do this.

  “I’ve known all along that getting involved with you would mean coming out. That’s why I’ve fought it so hard. We can’t hide this, not for long anyway.”

  “This?”

  “What’s going on with us.”

  “Which is?”

  “I care about you Nate. A lot.”

  His face lit up. “Good. I care about you too.”

  “You don’t hate me?”

  “I’ve never hated you.”

  I looked away, my eyes tight and stinging. The last thing I was going to do was let Nate see me cry. “Someone at Kingston is going to see us together sooner or later if we do more than fuck occasionally. Our relationship will end up exposed.”

  “Are you ready to accept that?”

  I thought for a few moments. Was I? “Yes, but I am worried about what people will say since we’re running the company together.”

  “Couples run companies together all the time.”

  “True but—”

  “Let me finish. I know that doesn’t mean we won’t get shit for it. I already have to deal with bigots who hate me just because I’m gay, and you’re much more a public figure.”

  “You’ve had your share of publicity.”

  Nate sighed. “I have, and I don’t want to make things even harder on you.”

  I shook my head. “I care about you, Nate. I’m no longer going to let any of this bullshit stop me from doing what I want. I asked you here, didn’t I? And that was the scariest thing I’ve ever done.”

  “So I’m scary, am I?”

  “Very.”

  He smiled.

  I wanted to grab him, kiss him, shove his shorts down and suck him off, anything to revel in how good he made me feel.

  “So you know how you try to live like you did before you were an executive and I . . . never have?” I asked.

  Nate looked confused. “Yes.”

  “I want you to show me how to have fun like someone who doesn’t have his own driver, someone who doesn’t use money or power to manipulate people.”

  “I can do that. Tomorrow?”

  I nodded. “It will also prove we can do something other than fuck.”

  “We did have one very nice dinner.”

  “And I thought about fucking you the whole time.”

  Nate laughed. “Did you now?”

  “I did.” I gave him a once over, and had to ask. “Do you wear them every day?”

  “Panties?”

  “Yes.”

  “Not all the time.”

  “What about at work?”

  He grinned. “Occasionally.”

  “Right now?”

  “Right now I’m not wearing anything.”

  “Fuck. I did not need to know that.” Though my cock was very pleased with the knowledge.

  “Enough about my underwear choices. Are you really saying you want me to take you for some normal Saturday evening fun?”

  “I am.” I’ll do this even if it kills me. “But can you wear some underwear so I don’t think about . . .”

  “Blue? Pink? Yellow? You choose.”

  “Fuck, that’s worse than commando.”

  “I thought it would be.” Did he have to look so hot when he smirked at me?

  “You really like tormenting me, don’t you?”

  He gave me a slow once-over. “I do.” Then he took a step toward me and took my hand as his look turned more serious. “Are you sure you’re okay with us being seen together?”

  “I am. I’ll restrain myself from making out with you in a restaurant, but if someone sees us and guesses we aren’t just out as work colleagues then yes, I’m good with that.”

  Nate smiled. “Perfect. I know exactly where I’m going to take you.”

  “Where?’

  “You’ll find out tomorrow night.”

  I arrived at Nate’s apartment in the late afternoon the next day. Once again he was wearing shorts, but this time his shirt was turquoise and short-sleeved. I’d left my suit jacket at home as a concession to dressing down.

  “So how do you plan to introduce me to the world of normal dating?”

  Nate studied him for a few moments before saying, “Let’s go to Navy Pier.”

  “Are you serious? There will be tourists everywhere and it’s crowded and—”

  “You said you wanted to do something regular people think is fun.”

  “So Navy Pier?”

  He nodded. “The Ferris wheel. Popcorn. Ice cream. Pizza.”

  “Pizza sounds good.”

  “And fireworks.”

  That not so much. “Let me guess. We’re walking there.”

  “Of course, unless you’d rather bike.”

  “No.” I glanced down at my suit. “I’m not properly dressed.”

  “There’s not a dress code.”

  “But it’s hot as hell.”

  He laughed. “Can’t take the heat?”

  “Why don’t we stay here and fuck instead and I’ll show you how much heat I can take.”

  “You’re not getting out of this now. You can borrow some of my shorts and maybe my shoes. What size do you wear?”

  I wasn’t getting out of this. “Eleven.”

  “Perfect. So do I.”

  A bit later, wearing Nate’s shoes and shorts, with the sleeves of my button-down rolled up, we headed out the door. Nate managed to flash the lace edge of his underwear as he dramatically bent over to pick up keys he certainly dropped on purpose.

  I fought the urge to grab that lacy waistband. “I forgot to choose. I like that you wore the pink ones.”

  “They brought us together after all.”

  “Indeed they did.”

  On the walk to the pier, Nate pointed things out to me: street artists, food trucks, interesting architecture, a skateboarder with amazing abs, a pink wig, and bright yellow thigh high boots.

  Did I really see so little of what was around me? Maybe that was why I’d been happy living in such a sterile space for so long. I’d never really paid attention, not until Nate. It was like seeing him in my apartment made me realize there was nothing of me for him to see. At first I thought that was great, but now, I thought it was kind of sad. So few people actually saw the real me. My father certainly never had. Valerie saw me. How the hell she pulled that off I’ve never understood. Apparently Nate had the same people-reading superpower. Maybe his skill could balance out the fact that I had next to no ability in that area. If someone wasn’t yelling at me, crying, or jumping for joy, I rarely knew what they were feeling, and for the most part, I didn’t give a fuck. At least I didn’t use to.

  When we reached Navy Pier, we made our way through the early evening crowds, which would surely grow thicker as the night went on. Nate looked longingly at a snow cone, and I offered to buy him one.

  “Dinner first.”

  We walked by the outside tables for Giordano’s, and I groaned in pleasure at the smell. “I’m starving.”

  Nate laughed as he paused near the entrance to the courtyard seating. “I love how you do that.”

  “What, starve?”

  “No, react so viscerally to food. You try to be all objective and cold and logical, but when you’re around food
you love, your passion shows through.”

  “So let’s get some, and you can expose me for the sensualist I am.”

  “You are one, you know. I’m very lucky that you show it around me.”

  I gave him a disdainful look. “You certainly are.”

  “Asshole.”

  “Treehugger.”

  We stepped up to the host station by the outdoor tables. “Two?” the host asked.

  “Yes,” Nate said. “How long is the wait?”

  The host consulted his list. “About an hour and a half.”

  “What?” Was he serious?

  “Pay no attention to him,” Nate said, gesturing toward me. “He doesn’t get out much.”

  I sputtered as Nate wrote his number down so the host could text us, then took me by the arm and pulled me away.

  “I’m not waiting an hour and—”

  “You said you wanted to have fun like normal people.”

  “No one thinks waiting for a table is fun.”

  Nate rolled his eyes. “No, but we can explore while we wait. We can sit by the lake and talk.”

  “We could get ice cream for an appetizer.”

  Nate laughed. “Maybe.”

  “But I’m starving.”

  “You’ll live.”

  I glanced back toward the host stand. “I’m sure I could—”

  “No, we aren’t going to tell them who we are. We’re going to wait like regular people.”

  I sighed.

  “You’ve really never done this?” Nate asked as we starting walking along by the water.

  “What? Walked around Navy Pier?”

  “Waited for a table in a restaurant.”

  “No.”

  “Wow.”

  “Hush.” I bumped shoulders with him. “So what do we do now?”

  “We get tickets for the Ferris wheel, but we’ll wait until after dark to ride it.”

  After we acquired our tickets, we went upstairs to the viewing area where people were watching the lake. Why they wanted to stand there staring at the water was beyond me. “Haven’t they ever seen boats?” I asked Nate.

  “Have you ever actually seen a boat yourself? Wait, let me clarify. One that’s not a yacht where you’ve hired the captain?”

  “Ha. I’ve seen cruise ships too.”

  “Canoes?”

  I laughed. “Right. Me in a canoe. Can you see that?”

  “One day I might.”

  “There’s only so far I’ll go to appease your desire to do normal things. And no, don’t even ask about camping unless you mean staying in a three-star hotel.”

  “Never say never.”

  “I’m saying it.”

  “You probably said it about fucking me too.”

  He whispered the words but I still resisted the urge to look around and see if anyone had heard him. “Just shut up and show me whatever is next on the agenda.”

  “There’s no set agenda. We’re wandering Navy Pier having fun, waiting for pizza. Then when we’re ready we’ll ride the Ferris wheel and hang out until the fireworks.”

  “Fireworks?”

  “Yes, you know. They explode in the air. They’re a little loud. They happen after dark.”

  “In crowds.”

  Nate nodded. “Of regular people.”

  I huffed. “I suppose I’ll survive.”

  “I promise, and if you’re a good boy you’ll get a nice reward.”

  I’d watch as many fireworks as necessary for another chance with Nate. How had I ever thought I hated him?

  We studied the different types of boats on the lake and then went inside and marveled at the line at Garrett Popcorn. Fortunately Nate didn’t make me stand in it and not long afterwards, our table was ready.

  We ordered the meat lover’s pizza and snickered over the name like we were twelve.

  The pizza was fantastic, all Nate had talked it up to be. After we finished dinner, we walked some more to let our food digest and the evening to get darker. Nate insisted that riding the Ferris wheel with the lights on was a far superior experience.

  “How many times have you been on it?” I asked.

  “I don’t know. A lot.”

  “Isn’t it for tourists?”

  “I love playing tourist. You miss so much of what is awesome about the city if you ignore all those attractions. Tell me you’ve been up to the Sky Deck.”

  I shook my head. “I live in a penthouse.”

  “One with a glass-floored balcony?”

  I frowned. “No, but I suppose that could be arranged.”

  “Your building isn’t nearly as tall either.”

  I pretended to consider that. “I could always try to buy the building and see if adding floors is structurally viable.”

  Nate rolled his eyes. “Now’s probably not the best time to start a project like that.”

  “True, and it might be beyond even my reach.”

  “At least something is.”

  “You like me with limits?”

  “Except in bed.” He said it low, leaning close to me. Warmth spread down my body.

  “We could go home now,” I said. “We could always come here again to explore more.”

  “Nope, we’re finishing this tonight.”

  “Bastard.”

  When darkness settled over the area, we got in the long line for the Ferris wheel. I was thankful we’d gotten our tickets earlier, but I wished there was a way around all this waiting.

  “Isn’t there like a pass or something for—”

  “Rich men who are above waiting in line?”

  “Well . . . Yes.”

  He shook his head. “You really are too much.”

  “Is all this delayed gratification supposed to make me a better person or something?”

  “It should give you some perspective.”

  I wasn’t ready to admit that it had, but despite all my complaints, the night had been one of the best I could remember. I would never have spent so much time exploring and watching the lake, the people, the shops if we hadn’t had to wait for dinner.

  When it was our turn to be loaded into a Ferris wheel car, I stepped in first. When the car wobbled, I sucked in my breath and tried to steady myself. I wasn’t getting out, though. Surely it wouldn’t be worse than a helicopter ride, and I’d handled those okay even if I hated them.

  Nate sat next to me and moved close.

  “You’re antsy about this aren’t you?” he asked as we began to move.

  I glanced around the contraption we were in, trying not the think about why the seat was sticky. “I don’t care for it but I’m doing it for you.”

  “You’ll love the view.”

  “My apartment has a great view.”

  “This is different. And with everything lit up, it’s magical.”

  View or no view, being pressed against Nate in the dark with the city laid out before us was magical.

  We dropped down and then our car rose again. The lake shimmered, and the laughter and murmuring of the people below fell away as we soared up toward the night sky.

  “Look.” Nate pointed out over the lake. “You can see for miles.”

  I nodded.

  “Amazing, right?”

  “Yes, you are.”

  I could just see his grin in the dim light.

  Eventually, the ride ended and we exited the car. After we’d walked past a few storefronts, Nate pointed to an ice cream stand. “You up for dessert now?”

  “Yes!”

  He gestured toward a bench someone was just vacating. “Wait there and I’ll be back.”

  “You don’t know what flavors I like.”

  “Trust me.”

  He returned with two cups of salted caramel.

  I smiled at him. “I approve.”

  “I knew you would.”

  My ice cream began to melt as I watched Nate eating his, licking it from the spoon, slowly and carefully. He held my gaze as he did so, teasing me on purpose, and it
was working all too well. I wanted his tongue on me.

  “You shouldn’t be allowed to eat ice cream when children are present.”

  “What?” He frowned as though perplexed. “Children love ice cream.”

  “I hope they don’t like the obscene way you eat it.”

  “You mean this?” He looked right at me as he brought the spoon to his mouth. My gaze dropped to his lips. They were sexy as hell, even though he wasn’t wearing any lipstick tonight. He sucked at the creamy-caramel-laced goodness, then swiped his tongue over the spoon to get any remaining drops.

  “Fuck.”

  He laughed, clearly pleased with himself. “Later.”

  Before too long the fireworks started. I stood as close as I could get without putting my arm around him, though I wanted to. I also longed to sit in the grass with Nate on my lap, run my hands through his hair, feel the weight of him leaning against me, bury my face in his neck and breathe in his smell. Fuck, I was so messed up over him.

  The familiar panic started to flutter in my chest. Not now. Not when things are going so well.

  Nate must have sensed that something was wrong, because he turned to look at me. “Are you okay?”

  “Yes . . . No.”

  He discreetly reached over to hold my hand. A person would have to study us carefully to notice in the dark. “Does this make it better or worse?”

  “Better.” I wouldn’t have thought it would, but his touch anchored me. It made me able to think when all I’d felt before was the whirl of emotions, and the messages from my mind that told me to run.

  I wasn’t going to run though, not this time.

  The fireworks banged and popped, reverberating in the night. We stopped trying to talk. My mind didn’t actually go still, but it came as close as it ever did. I squeezed Nate’s hand, and he gazed at me.

  “Thanks,” I said. “This is perfect.”

  Nate smiled softly. “Yes, it is.”

  We walked back through the crowds that poured out of the park after the fireworks ended. Families with little kids up way past their bedtimes, older couples, a group of tourists speaking French, another speaking Korean. I typically hated crowds but this was different. It felt right to be walking with the people of this city I professed to enjoy but rarely paid attention to. I liked walking in the dark, Nate beside me, the warmth of the summer night around us.

  When we reached his building, he looked at me. “Do you want to come up?”