What A Person Wants

by Bell, Kris

  “Uh, uh, um!” Lawanda stammered. “Izzy, it isn’t what you think. Kyle and I have been together for a while, and he just wasn't happy with you. He loves me now.”

  I couldn’t believe my cousin's audacity. “Oh, he loves you now? Please! The only reason why he was with you in the first place is because you opened your legs to him like you do everyone else. Any man with a nose is likely to sniff an open ass.”

  “That’s right!” Tara agreed.

  Kyle took this opportunity to interject. He held a hand out to Lawanda, who immediately moved to his side, hugging him with all her might.

  “First of all, Isabel, I’m with her because I love her. She’s a better woman than you. A better fit for me and my life. Face it. You really don’t have what it takes to be my woman, much less my wife. Lawanda Wade does. The fact that she’s your cousin is really trivial to me.”

  His harsh words sunk into me the way an overdose of arsenic would travel through a bloodstream. I looked at my ex hugging my best cousin close, smiling down at me. Everyone in the room stared at us, waiting for someone to make a move. But I couldn't. The hurt was too much.

  Tara spoke first. “So, Lawanda, Kyle was man you were talking about at the mall that day I whooped your ass, right?”

  “You didn’t whoop anything, Tara. But, yes, it is.”

  “So all that shit you were talking about your man's woman…you were really talking about your cousin?”

  Hanging her head slightly my cousin replied, “Yeah.”

  Tara nodded her head and said to me, “You want me to whoop her ass now or do you want first dibs?”

  I was too hurt to respond verbally, but seeing Kyle hold Lawanda the way I had wanted him to hold me for so long made something snap inside me. I found myself walking across the room and yanking Lawanda’s hair.

  “After all I’ve done for you! After all I’ve done for you, you do this to me! Why? I don’t deserve this!”

  I cried, screamed, kicked and scratched, but no matter what I did, I couldn’t erase what Kyle had said: She’s a better woman than you. A better fit for me and my life. Face it. You really don’t have what it takes to be my girl, much less my wife. I felt a pain that cut deep into my heart. Kyle was the one who gave me confidence in myself as a woman in the beginning of our relationship. He had done so much to help build my self-esteem and self-assurance. I was ready to devote my life to him and live as his wife, but in one fell swoop, he had snatched everything away from me. I was beyond heartbroken. I was crushed.

  “Why didn’t you just tell me?” I cried while I turned my attention to my ex. Lawanda had long since gotten away from me, but I didn't care. I just wanted to give Kyle pain. I wanted him to feel what I felt. “If you didn’t want me, why didn’t you just tell me? Why did you leave me here to wait for you? Why didn't you just let me go?”

  Lawanda took this opportunity to pull my long ponytail to get me away from him. I punched any piece of her that I could lay my fists to. It took both my mother and Tara to pull us apart when it was all said and done. I think Richie and Rhys might’ve detained Kyle again, but my cousin was in my line of vision now, and a renewed pain flowed over me.

  Lawanda knew all the times I had cried over my relationship with Kyle. She knew every wish, hope, disappointment, fantasy…everything. She knew everything, and yet she still allowed herself to be bamboozled by a man who was never hers to claim. Since we were children, I had prided myself on the fact that the bond between Lawanda and I was unbreakable. Despite our faults, we had known that a friendship like ours did not come often. But it was all a lie. If Lawanda had loved me as I loved her, she would have never crossed that boundary with the man I loved. I would never have done that to her.

  It wasn’t long before my knuckles were sore, Tara was sweaty, and Lawanda was bruised and begging forgiveness.

  "Just go!" I yelled once all the fight had left me. Kyle had no problem walking out without a word, but Lawanda straggled behind pleading with me to understand why she did what she did. I couldn't care less for her reasons. My mother pushed her out the door anyway.

  Shortly after she closed it, someone knocked. By then, I was on the couch staring at my bruised hands while Tara tried to clean the blood off her own hands with a napkin. My mother stood to answer the door, but Richie beat her to it. He opened the door enough to get a good view of whoever was in the hallway.

  "H-hello! Is Isabel home?"

  It was a neighbor of mine. His name I forget, but his voice I recognized. He lived across the hall and always spoke when we crossed paths. Just as short as me with a balding head and glasses, he was pleasant enough. I told Richie to let him in.

  "I'm-I'm sorry to disturb you all, but I heard so-some commotion," he said, taking a step into my apartment and wringing his hands. He kept flicking his eyes to everyone in the room.

  I sat back on my couch and offered my neighbor the best smile I could muster.

  "Everything is okay. Sorry for the ruckus. It won't happen again."

  My neighbor wrung his hands harder looking back and forth at Rhys and Richie who stared right back.

  "It didn't sound like you were alright!" He took a tentative step toward me and leaned forward. His eyes quickly scanned my bruised, sweaty face and red knuckles. "Should I have called the p-police? Were you in serious, um, trouble? I didn't know if I should!" he whispered loudly.

  I shook my head. "No. Like I said, everything is fine. You didn't need to call the police." I waved my hand around the room. "I have my friends here. And my mom. Everything is okay, but thanks for your concern."

  My neighbor stood up straight and hung his arms at his side. "Alright. If you say you're fine-"

  "I'm fine."

  "Then I'll leave you and your...family alone. If you need anything, just knock." He turned abruptly to leave. Richie barely managed to get the door open in time enough for him to depart.

  As soon as he left, I slumped into my bedroom and locked the door behind me. As I passed my little vanity mirror, I could see my bruised and swollen face was sticky wet with tears and sweat. Never before had I been emotionally drained to the point where I was physically exhausted.

  My mom and Tara tried to get me to come out of the room and talk, but I refused. The two people who I had believed to be the closest to my heart had betrayed me in the worst way.

  Yet, deep down, I honestly couldn’t say that I was surprised by the fact that Kyle Bennett had been cheating on me. But what I never expected was for Kyle to hook up with the closest relative I had, save my mother. How could I trust anyone now?

  After letting a few more tears fall, I cleaned my face off as best as I could and curled up on my bed. It would be hours before all the tears stopped falling completely.

  RICHIE

  We must have sat in Isabel’s apartment for a good four hours waiting for her to emerge from her bedroom. Tiffany had long since caught a cab home, or at least “home” is where she said she wanted to be. She and Rhys had a little argument about that. He wanted her to stay with him while he made sure Izzy was okay, but she had refused. Frankly, I was glad to see her go. All she would’ve done was huff and puff about being there anyway. It was alright, though. Tara sat with Rhys and talked to him for a while, helped cool his head a little.

  Isabel’s mother sat with me on the sofa. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that she was beyond worried for her only child. I had a hunch that she had never seen just how Kyle and Isabel interacted with each other. I don’t think any of us had ever seen Isabel go off the way she had. She was like a mad woman. Not to say that she didn’t have a reason to be angry, but personally, I never thought I’d see the day when Isabel would be throwing punches and spewing curses. After all was said and done, she just quietly retreated to her bedroom, and she'd been hiding out ever since.

  We all had tried to get her to come out of her room and talk. I silently prayed she wouldn’t do anything stupid to herself after the first hour of silence. My mind immediately envisioned
the "worst case scenario." During that first hour, I almost made myself delirious with worry. I wasn't the only one. Rhys had contemplated breaking down her bedroom door, but Tara had told him no. She told us to let Izzy have some time to herself.

  “To hell with that, Tara!” Rhys exclaimed as he paced in front of Isabel’s door. “We need to make sure she’s alright. She hasn’t said anything since she locked the damn door!”

  Tara wasn’t fazed. “Well, would you be alright if you were hurt and embarrassed to the point of shame? Then to have Kyle hit her in front of us? Nah! She needs time to get her mind right.”

  I saw a tear escape Isabel's mother's eye, even though she tried to brush it away with the back of her hand. I put my arm around her and held her close. I got the impression that she didn’t know Kyle was capable of striking her daughter. Isabel had never mentioned anything like that to us before. Hell, I don't even think Isabel fully understood what Kyle was capable of. A few minutes in his presence cancelled out every good thing Isabel had ever told me about Kyle. The man was garbage. Sadly, she just had to learn it the hard way.

  So we just sat in the living room and waited. Eventually, everyone else ate some of the food Isabel had set out for everyone, but my appetite was nowhere to be found. I occupied some of my time by cleaning up and making small talk to fill the too quiet atmosphere, but I mostly just sat and stared at her door.

  A few short hours ago, I was making excuses not to go to Isabel’s party because I was being a chicken shit about having to meet her fiancé. Then I when I found out he was a cheating bastard, I evolved from "chicken shit" to "giddy." Somehow, in my warped mind, I knew if he was cheating on her, she’d leave him and come to me. I would be the one to pick up the pieces and let her know what a real man was like. However, knowing Kyle was a bad man and seeing firsthand just how much his and Lawanda's actions crushed Isabel were two completely different things. Never before had I felt so ashamed in myself.

  How could I have been so selfish? As a friend, I should want the best for Isabel. Whether the best is me, Kyle, or some other random man, I should be happy knowing that she's happy. What the hell was I doing rejoicing in the fact that her man had done her wrong? I knew how it felt to love someone so deeply that when you're betrayed, it feels like your world is over. Chloe had cut me more times than I could count. I knew that pain intimately. So why would I want that for my friend?

  Jealousy. That was the answer to the questions that kept floating through my mind on a never ending loop. I always knew I had a little jealousy toward Kyle because Isabel was his and not mine, but my actions today showed me just how deep the jealousy river flowed. On one hand, I was ecstatic Kyle was no longer in the picture. On the other hand, I was ashamed for feeling even the tiniest bit of joy because I knew Isabel was hurting. I felt like shit, and I deserved to.

  But Kyle...that motherfucker was the epitome of an asshole! What the hell did she see in him? He was okay looking, very arrogant, smug. He didn’t even try to hide the fact that he was sleeping with her best cousin and had been doing so for a while. When he hit, Isabel I couldn't get to him fast enough. All I wanted to do was make him bleed for even daring to touch her. The memory alone of how the left side of Isabel's face had swelled when Kyle slapped her the first time made me want to punch a hole in the wall.

  I was still sitting, lost in my thoughts, when I heard the lock click on Isabel’s bedroom door. We all watched Isabel leave her room and lean again her living room wall like she needed support to stand. Wearing an oversized tee shirt and sweats pant with her long hair tied back into a sloppy ponytail, she looked like a lost child, worn out and scared.

  After what seemed like an eternity, her mom finally got up and gave Isabel a tight hug. It was the kind of hug that could reduce the strongest man to tears. The floodgates soon opened and Isabel sobbed freely against her mother's shoulder as she stroked her head and whispered words of comfort no one else in the room was privy to.

  I looked over at Rhys. My boy was staring off into space, totally detached from what was going on. I knew he was bothered by the day's events. You don’t become close to someone without feeling some of their pain when the other is hurt. Tara, on the other hand, kept inconspicuously wiping her eyes. Deep down, she wasn’t as hardcore as she seemed.

  After Isabel and her mom had their moment and she'd calmed down, I spoke.

  “How are you holding up, sweetheart?”

  She looked at me, but didn’t move. “I’m alright,” she finally answered in a raw voice. It broke my heart.

  “Are you sure, honey? You sure you okay? Because if you're not, whatever you need to do, I’m there. Just say the word,” Tara earnestly replied.

  Isabel simply shook her head and repeated, “I’m okay. I got it all out of my system. I’m cool now. I just—”

  She broke off and hung her head. I wanted to run to her and wrap my arms around her, tell her that I would make her forget about everything that happened today, but I remained seated. I knew what it felt like to be betrayed by a loved one. It hurt like nothing else in this world. I also knew that she would need time to get her mind right. Stuff like this didn’t cure itself over night.

  “I just need some time alone,” Isabel finally said. She disappeared into the kitchen and reemerged with a soda.

  None of us had moved.

  Isabel sighed. “Look, I know you guys are concerned about me, but I’m fine. At least I will be. I just want to be alone for a little bit, you know? Get my mind together. Y’all can leave. You don’t have to stay here and babysit me.”

  “Izzy, baby, I’m not going anywhere, so you can stop trying to kick us out,” her mom said. Isabel smiled a little and her tired face lit up a little.

  “Well, if you want to stay here and be bored, fine, but I don’t want to talk. I’m going back to bed.”

  She finished off her soda and proceeded back to her bedroom, but before she closed the door, we heard her call out to Rhys.

  “Yeah, Izzy? What’s up?” he answered.

  “I might not come out for a while, but that doesn't mean you need to bust down my door acting like you're Billy Bad Ass or some mess like that. Unless you got money to buy me another door, keep your hero acts to a minimum okay?”

  “Damn these thin ass walls,” Rhys muttered. We all burst into laughter. It seemed to fill the entire apartment, including Isabel’s bedroom. I heard her laughing right along with us. It seems baby girl might be all right after all.

  ISABEL

  It didn’t take long for reality to sink in. I was jobless, single, and less one best friend. But after my mini pity party, I cleaned myself up, pulled together and continued on with life.

  A few weeks had passed since the fiasco at my apartment with Lawanda and Kyle. I hadn’t spoken to my sorry excuse of an ex, but Lawanda tried to call me several times with piss poor apologies that I didn’t care to hear.

  So instead of dealing with the two of them (or anyone else, for that matter), I made it a point to sit in front of my laptop every day and write something. I tried to expand upon some weak ideas I had for stories, but to no avail. Those strong, creative ideas that used to flow from my imagination and down through my fingertips onto paper just wouldn’t come. I knew I was a sad sight sitting at my desk typing feverishly for hours only to reread my work and exercise my right to use the “backspace” button. It was a pathetic cycle.

  Today was on one of these frustrating afternoons when I felt the need to leave my apartment. I had been holed up for days, only leaving to look for work. Tara and my mom always came by to check on me, but for the most part, I stayed inside and kept to myself. This one afternoon, however, I had to get up and get out. I was never one to stay at home for too long anyway.

  After getting showered and dressed in black Capri length leggings and a long white button up shirt and broad black belt, I slipped into some cute open toe sandals with a high heel and ankle straps. I quickly applied some makeup and ran a flat iron through my long tresses. A
fter everything was done, I checked my reflection and smiled. It had been a while since I felt the need to get dolled up, but it felt good all the same to see how nice I looked. With that little boost of confidence, I grabbed my purse and a lightweight jacket, and walked out.

  It wasn’t until I made it to the corner that I realized I had no idea where I was headed. I knew I didn’t want to sit at home and stare at the TV or frustrate myself to the point of tears in front of my computer, but I had no true destination. This was definitely one of those moments when I wished I had owned a car.

  Not that it mattered. I kept walking. The day was clear and bright despite the fact that it was later in the afternoon. The air felt crisp against my skin, but not chilly. I walked for a few blocks and smiled to myself as I noticed people admiring me. I knew I was attractive and nicely put together. The stares I received confirmed it.

  Truthfully, I hadn’t felt this good in weeks. Something as simple as taking off the sweatpants and putting on makeup just to take a walk made me feel like there was still hope. Kyle wasn’t the only person in the world who could show interest in me. Lawanda wasn’t the only friend I could make. Angels Unlimited wasn’t the only job I could have. To hell with all of them! Isabel Maldonado was going to be just fine.

  About six blocks away from home, my cell phone rang. I answered, keeping up my brisk pace. It was Rhys.

  “Hey, sweetie!” he said. It had been a minute since we had conversed. He had called every day, but I never had much to say to him. After a while, I simply stopped answering the phone. Today, however, I felt like chatting.

  “Hi, Rhys! What's up? How’s it hanging? How ya livin'?”

  “Um…you must be feeling pretty good today,” Rhys laughed.

  “I guess you could say that. I'm feeling better than how I've been feeling these last few days. I don’t know. It must be the afternoon air.”

  “Uh huh. That's what's up! I'm glad to hear that. Where are you? Home?”