Renewing Hope (In Your World #2)

by Jennyfer Browne

  "It will be a busy time that we will welcome," Jonah said and looked at me thoughtfully.

  "Would you like me to stay?" he asked softly.

  I blushed and shook my head.

  I still had to get used to the idea that he would help deliver my baby. But I had questions I wanted to ask the doctor that I didn't really want my father hearing. He nodded and smirked before stepping out, leaving me alone with the doctor.

  The doctor looked over my charts, his glasses falling down his nose many times before he finally looked up at me with cheerful blue eyes. He was grey and clean-shaven, which was a little odd to look at now that I had lived in the community for so many months, but he had a kind smile and was friendly as he spoke to me.

  "The tests are positive," he said simply. "Probably about four weeks, if your last cycle was about six weeks ago."

  I nodded and he continued.

  "Jonah tells me you came from the outside world, so I assume you had some health classes that your sisters may not have?"

  Again I nodded. I remembered the class in high school about childcare. I had hated that silly flour sack child we had taken care of. Now I had wished I had paid more attention in the class. And maybe not dropped the sack so many times. I was doomed to drop my child one or several times.

  "Any questions you have that maybe you can't ask your father?" he asked gently.

  "Um," I said, hesitating.

  It was awkward even to speak with the doctor, knowing he knew Jonah.

  "Is your husband excited about this?"

  "Oh, yes. Very much so. He's been very careful with me this last week or so, since we suspected," I said quietly and felt the blush rise in my cheeks.

  "Careful how?" he asked. "You know that the human body is fairly sturdy, and being pregnant doesn't necessarily precipitate needing to bubble wrap you."

  I laughed at the image. It was a little like what Nathan had done all this week. It had been maddening.

  "So I can still help out in shoveling out the barn and things like that?" I asked, smiling.

  He laughed and nodded.

  "I am always surprised by the Amish women, to tell you the truth. I see pregnant women out in the field beside their husbands up until they give birth, sometimes returning to the work with a newborn wrapped tightly against them," he said and leaned back. "But the young couples are usually very careful with their first time. The husband doesn't allow her to do more strenuous chores, or even have sex during the pregnancy. But it is perfectly safe for someone as healthy as you.”

  I sat up a little straighter.

  "So, I can work around the house as usual and still be intimate with my husband?"

  I whispered, to which he laughed and nodded.

  "With moderation, of course. Typical chores will actually help to keep you in shape and healthy. You should not overwork yourself. Nor should you be overly affectionate in your private activities. Perhaps different positions when it becomes difficult for you as you grow," he said and cleared his throat.

  He looked at me intently, trying to clarify without using words as to what he meant.

  I had a pretty good idea.

  I simply nodded.

  He let out a breath and looked back at my chart, moving on with his lecture. I supposed he wasn't used to an Amish wife asking about having sex with her husband. It wasn't something we talked about after all.

  "Your iron levels are low, so I am giving you prenatal vitamins to take, you should be sure you are eating enough meat and vegetables too," he continued and went down the list of basic prenatal things a new mom needed to know.

  I listened in a sort of daze, excited by this news even more, now that I knew I was not some fragile thing that Nathan feared I was. The last few days had been a challenge for me with him. I knew we'd be having a talk when we were alone.

  I fully intended on taking back some of my duties.

  Outside and in.

  CHAPTER 24

  Emma was quiet as we rode back, listening to me answer some of the questions and advice Hannah had for me. I felt uncomfortable talking to Hannah about what to expect, thinking again and again that it was something that Emma and Hannah should be sharing, not me. I distanced myself from conversation finally, holding onto Emma's hand in a quiet way to show her that I cared.

  She squeezed my hand and offered me a tender smile, but stayed quiet for the rest of the ride.

  It was more somber than it should have been.

  Hannah was having twins, and I was with child.

  The Berger home would be crawling with grandbabies before long.

  But we knew talking about it would upset Emma.

  So when we finally made it home, I hugged Emma as she made to leave with her husband. John seemed to know what the results would be. He quietly congratulated me and took his wife in his arms, spiriting her off as only John could. I saw the beginnings of a smile on her face, the first of the day, and knew that they would be working hard to catch up. That in itself made me smile.

  Emma had a good husband in John. Always supportive and loving unconditionally.

  I glanced at Nathan as I said my own goodbyes, his smile beaming while Mark slapped him on the back again. Hannah was neatly tucked into Mark's giant one-armed embrace, his eyes beaming down at his proud wife. We had all been amazingly lucky with our husbands. I felt a moment's guilt in thinking Nathan was being too protective of me. He had been only trying to take care of me.

  My internal argument with him fizzled as we walked hand in hand back to the house, his shining smile reminding me again what he had said.

  He would be there for me. No matter what, and he was.

  We just needed to set some ground rules now that another person was involved.

  He was quiet as I made a quick supper from leftovers. As I brought the food to the table he finally pulled me into a hug and held me hard.

  "Are you still upset?"

  I pulled away a little and looked up at him in question.

  "What do you mean upset?" I asked.

  He held me around the waist, looking down between us, his eyes bashful.

  "For being so protective of you. Mark laughed at me for half the day when I told him what I did," he mumbled.

  "Do you tell them everything?" I asked, a little irritated. I didn't tell my sisters everything.

  His eyebrows shot up at my tone and he shook his head emphatically.

  "No, really I do not," he said in a rush, relaxing some when I patted him on the cheek and pulled him down to sit.

  "What did you say then to make Mark laugh at you?" I asked, my tone reassuring that I wasn’t upset with him.

  He rubbed at the back of his neck and let out an embarrassed laugh.

  "I told him you were upset with me for not letting you do the chores," he started and I nodded in agreement.

  "I was upset with you, but we're going to fix that right now," I said, watching his eyes widen once more. I shook my head and put up my hand.

  "I understand you want to protect me, Nathan. But the doctor says I can do my share of the chores," I argued.

  He let out a breath and I couldn't help but scowl when I saw his brow furrow.

  "Can we discuss that?" he asked.

  "Why don't you want me doing the chores in the barn, Nathan? Or carry clothes, or hitch the buggy? I can do those things," I said, my determination growing stronger.

  "I overreacted," he whispered, and then his eyes drew up to capture mine, and I saw it then.

  That fear he had. The one I saw when we talked about his family, or when I had been kidnapped.

  He was so afraid of being alone.

  "I don't want to lose you. Is it wrong that I want to make sure you are safe, always?" he asked, almost pleading.

  I touched his cheek, my ire suddenly gone. His family's deaths would always be his burden.

  "I'm not going anywhere. I won't get hurt by doing my chores," I replied softly.

  "What if the horses spook?"

 
"They won't."

  "What if you fall?"

  "I won't."

  "What if you get sick? You are more susceptible now."

  I took his head in my hands and kissed him hard, shutting up his nonsense.

  "Women have been doing this for a very long time, Nathan. I can do this," I whispered.

  He closed his eyes and let out a long breath.

  "That is what Mark said," he replied. "Can I at least be the one to muck out the stalls?"

  "No."

  He opened his eyes at my answer, shocked by my resolute answer. I shook my head at him.

  "Partnership, Nathan. We are in this together. And the doctor said I could do these things, within reason. I can do my fair share for a while still," I replied.

  He thought about my request for a while, rubbing the back of my hand as he processed my words.

  "Just promise me you will not over do it?" he begged, a hint of a smile fighting his lips.

  "I won't go join the rodeo with Magnus, okay?" I said, trying to be light.

  "I will always worry, Kate. Just promise me you will not try to prove yourself. You have done so much for me already," he asked, still serious.

  "I promise."

  He tugged me close and kissed me tenderly, our dinner long forgotten until he finally broke off the kiss with a low moan.

  "Kate," he groaned and let out another long breath. I could tell he was struggling to behave.

  "Oh, right. That's the other thing," I said, his eyes opening up to find mine.

  "What other thing?" he croaked.

  I let my hands slowly trace beside his suspenders, holding him in place when I reached his trousers. He swallowed and made to pull away, only my hands had a firm grip on his waistband, barring him from distancing himself from me.

  "Another thing the doctor told me, Nathan," I whispered, raising an eyebrow at him when he jumped at my hand as it ventured further south.

  "Kate."

  "Don't ‘Kate’ me, Nathan Solomon Fisher," I growled. "You and I are getting naked tonight and I am going to show you that it's okay to make love to your wife while she's pregnant. Doc says so."

  His mouth opened and closed, as if he were fighting a losing argument.

  "He said it was all right?" he asked instead.

  "Yep, he even suggested different positions when I get all big and gross," I said, matter of fact.

  Nathan's grin broke out across his face, and I didn't have time to react when he scooped me up into his arms and all but ran up the stairs into our bedroom. He laid me down on the bed carefully and slid in over me, careful not to crush me.

  "Firstly, Kate," he said against my neck. "You will never be big and gross, you will be beautiful always."

  His mouth found mine and he kissed me fully, leaving me breathless.

  "Is there a secondly?" I asked breathlessly when his lips moved to my jaw.

  He looked down at me with his playful eyes and grinned.

  "Secondly," he said, reaching for the clasps to my dress. "Secondly, I have some catching up to do. I have neglected you for too long and I want to discover these new positions with my wife."

  I let out a low moan when his hands found me, so sure and earnest in making me want to feel pleasure.

  "Supper?" I gasped, my thoughts scattering at his touch.

  "Later. This is what I wish to feast on," he growled and his lips moved down to find my breasts.

  Supper was long ruined before we even thought to eat, breakfast perhaps being the better choice given the hour that we finally chose to venture out of our bedroom.

  It was difficult to tell. It was still dark out, and a heavy snow was falling once again.

  Nathan didn't argue when I dressed with him and made our way to the barn to get the morning chores completed.

  Many hands make fast work, after all.

  And I had every intention of getting those chores done quickly.

  Our warm house was calling.

  That warm house was a Godsend when it snowed, non-stop it seemed, for half of February.

  Not that I minded so much.

  It was cold when we went out to Sermon. It was cold when we had chores to do.

  But the rest of the time it was very, very warm.

  Nathan made sure of that.

  We used our fireplace in the sewing room on many nights.

  And the sewing room now had a permanent stack of pillows and blankets to lay on in front of the fire. Nathan always tried to pass off our fireplace lounging as an excuse to read and cuddle. But that usually lasted about as long as getting through one or two pages of verse before I was kissing him and slipping my hands under his shirt and down.

  My hormones may have been a little off kilter.

  I thought Nathan had been the insatiable one.

  But once the initial fatigue wore off, I was full of energy when it came to being with Nathan. There was something about his scent, while he lay there cradling me in his arms with a roaring fire beside us. Or when he laid in bed, exhausted from making love, warm and relaxed beside me. Or when he came in from outside and his cold nose trailed along my neck.

  There was a lot about Nathan Fisher that made my heart race.

  But it was amplified now.

  I could smell more. And his scent when sated only excited me more.

  I could taste more. And I really enjoyed the taste of Nathan.

  I could feel more. Every touch on my skin aroused me.

  And Nathan loved to touch me. Every inch of my skin he traced, every night. It was as if he wanted to mentally document every little change in my body.

  My breasts grew fuller within the first month.

  My hips were more pronounced the second month.

  And into the beginning of March, his hands cupped the small bump along my belly, his eyes always so full of wonder at my changing body.

  He swore I glowed.

  He kissed every new part of me he noticed had changed, and every day he whispered against my belly. I couldn't hear what he said, but I know whatever it was made him happier with each passing day.

  Every day he said I was more beautiful than the day before.

  Every day he traced my stretching and growing skin.

  Every day he made me feel the love he held for me.

  Every day I felt something new.

  One entire day I cried, panicked that I would be a horrible mother. Nathan ultimately had to hold me all night, whispering that I was everything he wanted in a wife and the mother of his children.

  Another day I was frustrated and moody. It was a good time for Nathan to go with John to mend the Wittmer barn. By nightfall I was myself again. And the house was extra clean.

  Yet another day I slept the day away, comforted only by Nathan's soft touch and whispered words in my ear while he read to me.

  My hormones were the hardest part of my pregnancy. I had been blessed to have no signs of morning sickness and the only craving I truly had was for butter. Nathan made a deal with the Snyders for more butter and I was content. And I ate a lot of butter lately.

  On bread.

  On biscuits.

  On everything I could.

  I wondered if perhaps that would change when spring finally came and we could eat fresher foods. I looked forward to spring and its fresh, clean air. I had been cooped up for long enough in the house for winter. I wanted to start planting and preparing our farm again.

  It was with the first thaw that we heard the news about Emma.

  She practically danced into the Berger home, her energy brightening an already cheerful kitchen. I knew instantly. Call it pregnancy code.

  Fannie seemed to already know as she hugged her youngest daughter tight and cried happy tears at the news.

  John stood proudly, so like Nathan had, and Mark before him.

  Proud fathers-to-be stood around the kitchen table while their precious women hugged one another tight.

  Emma held me for a long time, crying softly into my shoulder until s
he could finally breathe and looked up at me with glistening eyes.

  "It will be the best thing," she whispered and looked between Hannah and myself. "We will have each of our children within a few months. Mother will have her hands full with grandchildren and our babies will grow up together, like one large family."

  It was a wonderful feeling being in the arms of my sisters, making me a little nostalgic for my own sister in the English world.

  Often on days where I felt truly blessed in the ways of my Amish family, I wondered about my sister, Stacy, and what she was doing. And how I hoped she had found a similar happiness as I had. My Amish family had given me so much, and we continued to grow.

  A large family offered bountiful love for all.

  Something I had never known, but now knew would be how I should have lived all my life. Children running around, full of life and love. And a wonderful husband who looked at me each day the same way he had the first day he knew he loved me.

  As winter fell away to spring a sense of excitement coursed through us as life began again. A new life with a new start. The snow that had covered the sleeping ground soon melted into the earth, nurturing it so that it would be ready for seed.

  Nathan spent most of his days in the fields, preparing them for seed while I looked to the garden. Left to myself, I could decide what to plant for the season. The year's crops were more complicated than I imagined, having never worked on a farm before.

  Nathan patiently talked through the necessity for fast growing vegetables versus a garden full of slow growers, and soon we had varying degrees of growth in our new garden. It was amazing to me to find that within a month or so, I had the beginnings of a menu from which to pluck fresh vegetables, setting aside the canned greens for fresh ones.

  With spring also came less time for idle hands, and I soon discovered that working on a farm, and trying to make some sort of wage to keep that farm successful, came with the price of alone time with my husband. We woke early, sometimes eager, but most times tired, and hurried to start the day to get as much done as we could with only our own hands.

  Nathan opened up his acreage to others, delighted that the Bowmans and the Wittmers were the first to accept our sharecropping idea. I saw much of John and Mark as the tilling and planting commenced, which meant my sisters joined me many times a week to help with feeding their husbands. When they were not in our fields, I visited Hannah and Emma in their homes and helped out where I could.