Renewing Hope (In Your World #2)

by Jennyfer Browne

  It seemed pregnancy favored me more than my sisters as spring crept forward. I seemed to have more energy most days, eating more but never having any serious cravings like my sisters did. I enjoyed baking more, much to Nathan's enjoyment, and the fact that he filled out well in the winter and spring was noted by many women at Sermons. I gained a new respect from the women of the community for taking care of my husband during the long winter. The only downfall to being pregnant seemed to be my urges, which again, Nathan enjoyed as much as I did.

  Emma was put on bedrest in her fourth month when she was told she had an irregular heartbeat due to the pregnancy, and that any hard work, given her medical history, could cause her to lose her child, or her own life.

  John was more protective over her than Nathan had ever been with me, but in her case, I did not blame him. She pouted and put up a fuss at first, but with Hannah and Fannie watching over her almost daily, she finally gave in and volunteered to be the seamstress for our families while we handled more rigorous chores for her.

  It was what we did, helping each other. My daily walk to visit with my sisters became something I enjoyed immensely. I was able to see the growing green around me start from dark rich earth, sprouting forth in tender vibrant green, to grow and flourish to that rich emerald that covered the landscape around us. Life was thriving everywhere I looked. I had never been so in love with the idea of green before coming to Iowa.

  Hannah, with her twins, became more uncomfortable in her own skin as the months passed, and by the time she was at eight months, she waddled slowly here and there and scowled at me when I could still manage to climb into the buggy without assistance to go into town. But for all her fussing, she still smiled more and cradled her giant belly when she thought people were not watching her. I knew from the way Mark doted on her that they would be fantastic parents. Hannah would be stern and protective, while Mark would surely be more carefree, carrying his children on his shoulders whenever he could.

  I seemed to expand everyday, with proud observations by Nathan whenever we settled into bed at night. He had taken to laying low beside me, one hand tracing over the rise of my belly while his lips worshipped every mark, every change in my skin. I was often left giggling before he would move up to silence my laughter with a searing kiss. Nathan seemed to love me more and more each day, even as I felt myself growing more ungainly. The happiness on his face whenever he glanced my way was worth every cramp and new mark on my body.

  His happiness was my happiness, and with each day I grew more excited for every new life lesson I found with him.

  We worked together when we could, early mornings in the barn caring for the animals, and often I helped him in the field, having learned to handle the wagon with Magnus. Magnus worked hard for me, much to Nathan's bewilderment. My grandmother had been right when she said a little sugar went a long way to getting a male to do what you wanted.

  Be it husbands or stallions, they both enjoyed the sweets I offered them.

  As the summer neared, we had the beginnings of a flourishing crop. Nathan helped Jonah every other day with his own lands, leaving me to spend time with Fannie when I wasn't travelling to the Wittmers. Fannie and I developed a blossoming baked goods business that seemed to do well at the Amish co-op. Fannie beamed whenever she had her daughters with her, and when we all spent time at her house, she would nearly burst with excitement in seeing her children come so far.

  There was much joy in the Berger household.

  Life was good, and getting better with each new day.

  It was just a matter of time before the family grew.

  CHAPTER 25

  Screaming.

  So much screaming.

  Was that normal?

  Or was this something more dire?

  I swallowed hard and shut my eyes tight, trying to focus.

  Screaming again.

  I can't.

  What was I thinking?

  No pain medicine.

  Home birth.

  All that pushing and screaming.

  I can't.

  "Kate, it is all right. Breathe."

  "That is my job!" Hannah hissed from the edge of her bed before she clamped her eyes shut and started panting again.

  I seemed to be panting with her as I stood there helping to hold her knee.

  Too close.

  Watching, breathing with her. I could almost feel every contraction with her.

  And in a few short months I would be in Hannah's place.

  "AARGGGHHH!"

  Deep breaths.

  Something about peaceful images.

  "I cannot!"

  I opened my eyes to her plaintive cry and her iron grip on my shoulder.

  I looked over to find her eyes pleading with me.

  "It is all right, Hannah," Mark breathed against her ear, my partner in holding up her knees while she struggled to breathe and push. "He is almost here. Just a little longer."

  "I cannot," she whimpered, shaking her head, making her hair stick to her face as it moved.

  He wiped it away lovingly and kissed her sweetly against her temple, whispering softly to her as she whimpered at the next contraction.

  "Hannah, my sweet wife. It is close, you are doing so well, my Hannah."

  My eyes welled up at the interchange between the two.

  So much love and affection in this moment; I felt like an intruder.

  His soft terms of endearment getting her through the next contraction were enough for her to push again, gripping me harder.

  "I cannot!"

  Again she looked to me, so scared.

  "I am so proud of you, Hannah," Fannie encouraged from in front of us, sitting on a stool with Jonah at the foot of the bed.

  I still found the notion of Jonah and Fannie delivering strange. It was too awkward to see your parents in that position, waiting to catch, as it were.

  Soon enough.

  I cannot.

  "I cannot!"

  "Yes you can, Hannah," I said finally, my courage or my absolute terror of what I saw offering me words.

  If Hannah couldn't do this, what chance did I have to do it?

  "I cannot," she cried and leaned toward me, needing more support.

  "You can, Hannah," I continued. "Think about how beautiful they will be when you can finally have them in your arms. Come on, Hannah, you can do it."

  I had no idea where the inspirational words came from. Maybe it was what I would want to hear when I was in her place. To hold that life that had been wriggling in your belly, making you eat and eat, and sleep, and wish for an air conditioner under your skirt.

  To finally be able to see your feet again.

  Hannah choked out a laugh and looked up at me with a strained smile.

  "I miss seeing my feet, it is true," she said and then hissed again with the next contraction.

  I had no idea I had been talking out loud.

  "Push, Hannah! I see a head!" Jonah exclaimed.

  "Push, Hannah!" I cried, looking down finally and seeing the dark hair of her first boy showing.

  "Almost there!" Mark choked, overcome with emotion seeing the first sight of his son.

  Hannah cried out as she pushed, and Mark and I watched in awe as first the head, then one arm made its way out.

  "Push!"

  And with that third or fourth push it was like a slick football in the rain and mud sliding out.

  I understood now why Fannie and Jonah were both there to help.

  Slippery and covered in stuff I didn't want to think about, the tiny little being wriggled and arched, Fannie wrapping him quickly and clearing some of the gunk from his mouth with enthusiasm before a tiny little cry lit up the room.

  It was the first little cry, followed by two grateful ones from the proud parents.

  "Is he?" Hannah asked hoarsely.

  "Beautiful," Mark and I chorused.

  I turned to look at her as Jonah cut the cord and Fannie pulled away to wipe him down more thoroughl
y. She brought him over to Hannah and Mark, the moment precious to the both of them as they looked on the first of their twin boys.

  "Little Isaac," Hannah whispered.

  Mark took their son carefully, a brief bit of fear flitting across his face before the little bundle made a sound. Then Mark was hooked. His eyes lit up and he laughed quietly as he looked between his wife and his new son. That look said everything.

  Mark would spoil these children.

  Absolutely.

  Of course, little Isaac was only the first. There was scarcely any time to spend before Mrs. Bowman took her grandson, and Mark and I were back to coaching Hannah, her face a mixture of joyous determination as she worked to see her second son into the world.

  Tiny Simon came a little easier, and a little louder, much to the joy of Mark.

  I could see his chest fill with pride as he held Simon in his arms while Hannah looked over at Isaac.

  I quietly took the soiled towels out of the room, leaving the new parents and new grandparents to have their private moment. I let out a breath as I closed the door, my emotions scattered. What had started as my daily visit to see Hannah turned into an event where I saw one of the most amazing and terrifying things in my life.

  How would I be able to do that?

  How had I thought this would be easy, giving up hospitals and epidurals?

  "Come, child. I will help you with that," Mrs. Bowman said softly.

  I opened my eyes to see Mark's mother waving me toward her.

  I offered a weak smile and followed her downstairs to the basement so that we could set the towels to soak. We were silent as we worked, Mrs. Bowman one of those women who seemed intimidating because of her blocky face and tall stature. But she was a strong and loving woman, just more reserved.

  "You are blessed this day," Mrs. Bowman said out of the blue.

  I turned my head to her in confusion.

  "The birth is usually reserved for the husband and Fannie and Jonah," she explained. "Although it was wise to have another hand there. With two babes, you would need another catcher."

  "Catcher?" I asked, imagining a baseball catcher in full gear sitting in between my legs.

  It was not too far from the truth, judging my Fannie's duties.

  Mrs. Bowman laughed and nodded.

  "Once you have four or five, it is simply a matter of catching!" she said and made a motion like future babies would just pop right out.

  "That is if you even have time to call for one," she continued, seeming to enjoy my wide eyes. "Mark came to me between midday meal and supper. I tell him I sneezed and there he was! And then I was putting the roast in the oven!"

  I must have whimpered, because she pulled me close and laughed, sounding like the female version of her son.

  She had certainly passed her sense of humor off to her son, Mark.

  "It will be fine, Katherine," she chided and helped me up the stairs. "Your husband will be there, and your parents, and you will see. It will be everything you hoped for."

  I hoped for painless.

  I definitely didn't want to scream like Hannah.

  For hours.

  Everything I hoped for.

  I suppose that meant I would have to endure some pain.

  Nothing so incredible could come without hard work.

  I was sent to deliver the news to Emma and John, returning just as the afternoon sun disappeared behind the hills. Nathan caught up with me just as I crested the hill to our home. He slipped into step with me, taking my hand tenderly as we walked.

  "I take it they have arrived?" he asked, his smile spreading when I nodded.

  "Did you see them?" he pressed.

  I nodded again.

  I saw it all.

  "And?"

  "It was amazing," I whispered. "And frightening."

  "Frightening?" he asked, frowning when he looked down at me.

  I was quiet for a moment, trying to put my thoughts together. Everything I had seen was something that women had gone through since the beginning of time. But to see someone as strong as Hannah break down like that‚ it was frightening.

  "I do not know if I am strong enough," I whispered, suddenly ashamed of my fears and reservations.

  Nathan wrapped his arm around me and I felt his mouth against my hair for a moment before he pulled away enough to look down at me with such tender eyes.

  "You are the strongest woman I know, Kate," he said. "I fear I will be the nervous one when it is our time."

  "Why would you be nervous?" I asked.

  His face slowly slipped into that worried pucker I saw whenever he thought of his life before I arrived.

  "I do not wish to lose you."

  I hugged him tight and tossed aside my fears.

  "You won't lose me," I replied and held him harder as if to squeeze the thought out of his body.

  "We will be together," he murmured. "We can do anything as long as we are together."

  And like that, my fears were gone. Brushed aside by Nathan's faith in us.

  For now, I was sure we could do this.

  Even if it scared me to simply have nothing but faith.

  And no pain medication.

  Yes. Yes, of course we could do this.

  ~~~~~

  "I think Isaac looks like Mark," Abigail said happily as she folded another pile of diapers in the kitchen. "Simon looks just like what I imagine Hannah looked like as a small baby."

  I shook my head and laughed to myself.

  The boys were identical twins. And while I knew that Hannah seemed to be able to distinguish between the two, I couldn't. I supposed it came with parenting. Mothers could just tell those things.

  What would happen if I had twins?

  I touched my belly, already uncomfortably large at seven months and I was only having one baby. I wondered how big Nathan had been when he was born. His mother had had issues giving birth. Perhaps the Fishers had incredibly huge babies. I swallowed and rubbed at my belly once more, hoping for a small and agile baby who could do contortionist acts in order to get out fast.

  I had remembered the health classes with the birthing scenes.

  And stories of a cracked pelvis, or a fractured tailbone, or ripped…

  "Katherine? Are you all right?"

  I looked up into Emma's worried eyes and tried to smile.

  "Sorry, I was just thinking about having twins," I mumbled. "That must be really hard."

  Emma eased herself out of her chair and came over to give me a tender hug.

  "I am just happy to have this one. It is up to Him to see if we can handle something like that," she said and then leaned in close. "Hannah can sometimes bark the loudest, so perhaps He thought she could handle a litter."

  We both laughed and pulled apart when the men walked in, Mark and John carrying the little bundles and laughing.

  Mark had been showing off the boys to Nathan and John, allowing Hannah a few quiet moments to clean up. Judging by their faces, something funny had occurred. Nathan looked a little less amused as he stepped past me to wash up at the sink. His shirt was damp and he began splashing his face with water over the sink.

  Mark and John, on the other hand, were dry and grinning.

  "Isaac has good distance," Mark said proudly, laughing a little harder when Nathan made a noise over the sink.

  "You could have warned me," he groused.

  I looked over at Mark with suspicion.

  I had an idea of what had happened.

  "Did you not warn my husband to cover Isaac before pulling off the diaper?" I scolded.

  "He had a younger brother!" Mark explained.

  Emma and I both looked at them and shook our heads, pretending to be perturbed.

  But it was nothing that hadn't happened to us, either.

  Hannah and Mark both seemed to enjoy springing their boys' fountain impersonations on unsuspecting parents-to-be. I had at least ducked and thought to cover little Simon when he tried to pee on me.

 
I took one baby gently to give John a chance to relax. I settled into a seat beside Emma so that she could lean in and watch as I rocked Simon to sleep. I only knew it was him from the little cap on his head. His was dark blue, and Isaac's was light blue. It became quiet in the kitchen as the babies settled in our arms. Glancing up, I caught Nathan's eyes on me, the smile creeping onto his freshly washed face as he watched me with the baby in my arms.

  It was a special moment, like a brief look into the future when it would be our baby I rocked. Nathan moved closer to me, his hand moving gently to tuck some of the hair that had worked loose back behind my ear. The look in his eyes as he continued to watch me made my heart dance.

  This would be us in three months.

  And his smile and bright eyes told me that he would cherish every moment.

  "May I hold him?" Emma whispered to Mark.

  Mark eased Isaac over to Emma's shoulder, her eyes lighting up as she carefully rocked him while she patted his back. I chanced a look at John and saw that same look of adoration in John's eyes. It was strange for me to think that this was not something I had personally experienced in my former life.

  Had my dad looked at my mom or me like that?

  I turned away and squeezed Nathan's hand in a brief need for comfort. He seemed to sense my distress and leaned in to kiss me tenderly near the ear.

  "I cannot wait to have this in our lives," he murmured.

  Just a few words and Nathan could make me feel at peace once more.

  Thoughts of my biological parents slid away and we enjoyed the afternoon with Hannah and her babies before returning to our own homes. John held Emma more closely as they drove off in his buggy, and Nathan and I slowly made our way back home. The sun had begun to dip, much to my own relief. The early August heat was as I remembered it when I first arrived here over a year ago, and by the time we stepped into our house, I felt like I had walked through a rainstorm.

  "You should rest, you look overheated," Nathan commented as we stepped into the kitchen.