Renewing Hope (In Your World #2)

by Jennyfer Browne

  "You have not had supper yet," I replied, rinsing my hands in the cold water. I was tempted to dip my head under the water to cool my neck.

  As if he knew, I felt Nathan move behind me, his arms reaching around me with one of the dishcloths to wet it under the cold water. He placed it on my neck, eliciting a long sigh from my lips. I leaned back toward him, rewarded with a brush of his lips along my jaw.

  "I think we can finish the bread and the fresh tomatoes you picked for a light supper. Then maybe a cool bath?"

  I moaned at the idea of a bath. I felt gross with the constant sweating these days.

  The sticky trickle of sweat that would run down my legs as I walked from house to house these days made me think fondly of air conditioning and cool swimming pools.

  "All right," I breathed. I couldn't argue with his logic.

  He disappeared to draw the bath while I made quick work of sandwiches for supper. It was simple, but perfect on a hot summer night. We retired to the bath, Nathan insisting I enjoy it by myself while he brushed the cloth over my back to cool me off.

  How did people in the English world think that we did not have comfort in our simple ways?

  Aside from making love to Nathan, having him massage my aching back and cool me down with a wet cloth felt like heaven. He smiled and chuckled with each subtle brush over my sensitive areas, his own needs put to the side in order to please me, even if it was just a touch. I hummed quietly and leaned into him, my hand brushing across his thigh outside the tub. He sighed and bent to kiss my bare shoulder, a smile of contentment on his face.

  I stepped out of the bath finally, much cooler and perhaps a little pruny, but Nathan's soft sigh as he slipped into bed with me and snuggled in close made me feel more beautiful than perhaps my ungainly figure made me seem.

  "I love to see you like this," he murmured and moved toward his spot by my belly.

  His hands caressed over my taut skin, while soft kisses made their way down from my shoulder to the top of my belly. He lingered there, eyes closed and lips heating up my skin, just above my flattened belly button. And then he started with his quiet murmurings.

  I chuckled at the tickling of his hair against me and traced my fingers over his forehead, pulling his hair up some so I could see his eyes that were now looking up at me.

  "What do you talk about down there?" I whispered, amused.

  He looked up a little and the smile on his face made his eyes crinkle.

  "That is between me and our little one," he whispered, laughing when I groaned and moved to drag him up.

  Nathan crawled up beside me, his hand lingering over my belly as he spooned me close.

  His lips were close to my ear.

  "I tell him how blessed we are and that I will always be there for him. I tell him I envy him some days, how he gets to be there inside of you and how I wish I could every time I desire it," he whispered breathily against me.

  I moved to turn to look at him and he offered me a bashful look.

  "I haven't said you couldn't, Nathan," I whispered and moved to turn.

  He shook his head and looked a little embarrassed when he held me in place, his body tight against me. I knew he had needs, and I had pleased him many times with my mouth because he asked. But I was beginning to wonder, now that I was so huge, if maybe he didn't want me because of it.

  "Do you still want me like that, Nathan?" I asked, my voice a little too soft.

  His eyes held mine intently.

  "Yes, but," he stammered. "But I do not want you to be uncomfortable. These last couple of weeks you have been aching and tired."

  "Never enough to not want you," I argued softly and reached around to hold his hip to me.

  "I do not want to hurt you or him," he mumbled.

  "You won't hurt me," I said reassuringly. "We just need to be gentle. And you are always gentle."

  His head disappeared behind my neck, kissing between my shoulder blades and working their way back up to my shoulder, his body tucking in a little closer to me.

  One hand made its way to my hip and lower, teasing me as he had learned early on would bring me closer to pleading for him. He was quiet against me, just soft breaths and gentle kisses as he moved slowly, my leg cradled in his hand as he adjusted and groaned at the feel of me.

  It had only been a few weeks, but the loss was real when we both felt the energy play between us as he found me and pushed inside slowly. I sighed and melted against him, having missed this closeness. Cradling me as we moved, no words were needed, just the touch of our hands on one another's body, and the gentle press of lips against skin when he could manage it between breaths. I trembled against him and let out a soft cry when I felt myself let go, his own stuttered gasp heating up my shoulder.

  It was a warm night, and the soft sheen of sweat on our bodies should have been uncomfortable, but I smiled as my fingers slipped over his hip, still tight against mine.

  "We shouldn't let this go for so long next time," I said softly.

  "I agree," he chuckled and hummed against me.

  We were quiet, listening to the breeze flutter through the window in the night.

  "Soon we will have less time to ourselves," he whispered.

  "Yes," I replied and hugged him closer.

  "I will savor this time then, and promise you that we will have it whenever we can," he replied and snuggled in.

  Was I afraid we would lose this bit of intimacy after the baby was born?

  Absolutely.

  So for him to say that made me smile and hope for every minute I could have alone with Nathan.

  I let out a contented breath and relaxed against my husband, my thoughts drifting.

  Before I slipped into sleep, a thought occurred to me, something Nathan had said earlier.

  "How do you know it's a boy?" I asked, turning toward Nathan's closed eyes.

  He smiled and kept his eyes closed.

  "Because I know," he said simply.

  "You know?" I asked, amused by his smile and brilliant eyes that flashed in the moonlight.

  "It just feels like a boy," he said and slid his hand across my stomach again.

  "And if it turns out to be a girl?" I asked, a little nervous.

  "Then she will be our pride and joy," he replied and leaned in to kiss me again.

  I couldn't argue with that. I planned on treating this child as I had wanted to be treated all my life.

  Whether boy or girl, it would be so very special.

  CHAPTER 26

  I looked out into the field to find Nathan near the top of the far end, Magnus pulling him along as they tended the soil from the latest harvested crop. We had already harvested the wheat and had thriving winter crops bursting through the ground. We were ahead of the game this year.

  I smiled as I filled up the water bucket and looked out over our flourishing farm.

  A year ago it had been a wreck. Too much for one man. It was still too much for just the two of us. But with Mark, John, and even Benjamin, we had planted five times what Nathan had accomplished on his own. We had our first earnings from the wheat and it had helped get us through the summer. Soon the corn would be harvested and come late October, we would be able to begin harvesting the pumpkins and squash.

  It would be a good winter this year.

  I pulled at the water bucket, hoisting my sack over my shoulder a little harder before I stepped into the nearby cornfield toward where Nathan worked. I walked purposefully, ignoring the prickling fear I always felt when I had to walk through the corn. Old feelings, never truly buried, even though the reasons for those fears were long gone.

  Sean would always be in my memory, regardless of how much I tried to push thoughts of him aside. And the corn only reminded me of the last time, around this time of year, when I had almost lost everything.

  I took a shuddering breath as I tiptoed over the dark, rich earth that Nathan and Magnus had turned. I gained a little strength in seeing Nathan turn his eyes toward me and smile as
I approached. Magnus came to a halt, biting at his bit and shaking his mighty head as if to object to stopping.

  "What is the water for?" Nathan called as I trudged closer.

  "You are not the only one working hard in this heat," I said.

  Magnus nickered softly and bobbed his head when I drew close, his lips covering my palm in greeting. He had become more careful around me as my belly grew, as if he understood I was more fragile now. I held the bucket out to him and let him drink before I looked up to Nathan, who was shaking his head and laughing.

  "You have spoiled him!" he accused, only to smile a little wider when he noticed the bag on my shoulder.

  "I can spoil you, too, if you like," I replied and handed it to him, his tongue licking at his lips as he dug through it.

  He pulled out the thermos and drank deeply, wiping at his mouth when he had drained it.

  "You spoil me every day," he whispered and looked out over the field he had been working on, a thoughtful smile on his face.

  "You have done a lot today," I commented, looking out with him.

  "It is still not enough. John was supposed to come and help but with Jonah insisting on taking Emma into town to watch her more closely, it has been difficult for him to help," he replied, a frown appearing on his face.

  "You cannot blame him, Nathan," I chided. "She is at risk of delivering early."

  He looked at me in surprise.

  "Oh, I am not upset with John!" he exclaimed. "I am just worried that I am out here, and you are alone inside and then what if something happens? You need help, too."

  I smiled up at him and sighed.

  "If it will make you feel better, I will ask Fannie to come and visit every day, but I cannot stop doing my tasks because you are worried," I admonished.

  He took a bite of the sandwich I had brought, his eyes back on the field.

  "I was thinking that," he conceded. "Or maybe Abigail could spend the days with you. She is out of school in a week.”

  I laughed and nodded.

  "That would be nice. We can prepare her for becoming a babysitter,” I teased. I had missed Abigail, only seeing her lately when she came after school.

  He leaned down and kissed me on the forehead.

  "I will ask Fannie and find out how soon she can be here," he murmured before straightening up and handing me the bag once more.

  "Do not be too late in the field today, Nathan," I said as he got Magnus moving once again.

  He waved to me and lowered his hat over his eyes, settling in once more on his task. I returned to my work in the house, staying out of the hot kitchen for as long as I could before preparing supper. The laundry took more time to fold, thanks to my stomach getting in the way of folding the sheets.

  Yes, it would be nice to have a pair of hands to help here.

  That night, Abigail was abuzz with energy at the news of coming to help me during the day. I was used to her enthusiasm, but it was amusing to watch Nathan’s wide eyes as she ran around the room listing all the things we would need before the baby came.

  He looked as if he was regretting his idea already.

  My stomach hurt from all the laughing.

  I rubbed at my belly and tried to quiet down. It was a strange feeling, sort of a pinching low under my belly. Nathan was by my side in an instant.

  "Are you well?" he asked, eyes looking up at me from where he knelt.

  I nodded and cleared my throat.

  "Yes, just too much laughing. I am fine," I said as the pinching ended.

  I would have to be more careful. I was close to term, and anything could set my body into motion. I squeezed Nathan's hand and smiled down at him. He nodded and the worry slipped from his face, lingering only in his eyes before he turned and addressed Fannie and Abigail.

  "Perhaps we should call it an early day, we have much to do in the next few days," he said.

  Fannie stood and moved to give me a tender hug, drawing away to look down at my belly.

  "You will need to be more careful these next few days,” she teased. “With Jonah away with Emma, you will let me know if you feel anything?”

  I nodded and laughed dismissively.

  "You will know the second I do,” I said and glanced at Nathan. “He keeps a constant eye on me these days when he can.”

  “And so will I!” Abigail exclaimed and turned back to Nathan with her demands on what was needed for her to babysit properly.

  Fannie smiled and hugged me once more before herding Abigail out the door.

  Nathan came to me and held me close, his hand automatically going to my stomach.

  “Abigail will be more protective than I will, if she has her way,” he chuckled.

  “She is most serious about taking care of all the babies,” I replied, finding her enthusiasm sweet.

  Nathan’s hands stroked the swell of my belly repeatedly.

  "Are you sure you are all right?" he asked.

  "I think so," I said, looking up at him. "It was just a pinch and then it was gone. I just need to curb the laughter until after the birth."

  He nodded and looked out to the setting sun.

  "It is close. We will need to be sure Fannie comes to check you each morning," he whispered and drew me quietly inside.

  Not long now, it was true.

  The idea of that, with memories of Hannah and her birth, just made me more nervous.

  How hard would it be for me?

  It seemed it was no time before we found out. I woke with a start that night, the pressure low in my stomach making me gasp.

  Nathan was up in an instant, his hand on me but his body halfway out of bed, as if he was preparing to sprint for help. I let out a few relieved breaths as the pain passed, closing my eyes and letting my head rest against the pillow once more.

  "Was that?" Nathan whispered hoarsely.

  "It felt like one," I breathed, threading my fingers in his around my belly.

  "I should get Fannie," he said and moved to stand.

  "It is early still," I said and watched while he pulled his trousers on.

  "But this could be it," he said, the excitement and fear clear in his voice.

  "It would be nice to have her here," I conceded, my own trepidation building off of his.

  A quick kiss on my forehead and he was out the door, setting off at a run down the stairs and up the hill. I lay there in our bed for several minutes, my hands around my stomach as my little person nudged me once or twice and then settled down once more. I found my shift and put it on, not knowing how Fannie would react should she find me naked in our bed.

  It was not long before I heard the door open and their hurried footsteps on the stairs.

  I saw Fannie first, her smile broad as she stepped in, wrapped in a coat over her sleep shift. She came up to the bed and sat beside me, looking me over.

  "How far apart are the contractions?" she asked. I frowned and thought about it.

  "There's only been the one," I said, blushing when I saw her eyes narrow at me.

  "I will forgive you this once, Nathan, because you are new and I said to let me know should anything happen," she said, never looking away from me. "But it is normal for mothers-to-be to have occasional contractions days before labor."

  Nathan and I both looked at Fannie sheepishly and apologized for waking her only a little after midnight. She tutted and leaned over to kiss me sweetly before standing and drawing her coat around her once more.

  "In the future, when the contractions are no more than six minutes apart, then come and get me," she said and smiled up at Nathan as she passed him.

  "Yes, Fannie," he murmured and followed her back down the stairs, only to return a few minutes later.

  He looked thoroughly abashed.

  "Sorry," I whispered and pulled him down into bed, his clothes still on.

  "I just did not want to be too late," he replied and let out a long breath. "Fannie is so like my mother it scares me sometimes."

  "What does that mean?"<
br />
  He chuckled and rubbed at his face.

  "She would have told me the same thing. That I worry too much," he groaned.

  "I am sure we are not the only nervous couple Fannie has had wake her up in the middle of the night," I said, touching his chin with my hand.

  "Still does not make me feel good about having her come all this way for nothing," he whispered.

  I patted him on the hand around my hip and nestled into him further.

  "She understands, Nathan," I whispered. "We are ready for this."

  I felt him smile against my throat and he relaxed beside me.

  "We will be better prepared."

  "Exactly," I replied simply.

  Nathan fell asleep quickly, and I lay beside him contemplating the next time. It would not be long, I knew. Every day that we drew closer to our own occasion seemed to garner exciting news from everyone else.

  Fannie came to breakfast at our house with news that the hospital had decided it would be best to induce labor with Emma, a month early. Her blood pressure had risen in the last few days and they worried that she would have more issues the closer she came to her due date. In the race to see who would have their child first, it seemed Emma would beat me to it.

  It was both exciting and frustrating.

  I waddled around, uncomfortable in my skin and always hot now. I never seemed to stop sweating, and the baby was bumping my bladder on a regular basis. All I wished was for that big day to finally come, regardless of the fears of the unknown. I had only suffered a couple of small contractions in the morning, and with each one, a wave of nervous excitement coursed through me in anticipation for the next one. It wouldn’t come and I would be forced to continue to waddle and sweat and wish my bladder was higher in my body.

  I was working in the garden as the midday sun beat down on me when I felt the dampness run down my legs. Groaning at the never-ending sweat, I moved down the line of green beans and felt the warm flow increase. I paused, looking down at the dry earth as it dampened under my skirt. I looked up, scanning the horizon for Nathan. He had said he would stay close, but I couldn't see him.

  That nervous bit of excitement turned into panic at not seeing him.

  "Nathan!"

  I heard it echo off the barn, a frantic cry that I realized was my own.