Collide

by Juliana Stone

  Shane watched them sparkle and when her head rolled back and her nails bit into his bare shoulders, his hands slid down to her butt and he held her as he rocked into her. As they came together.

  For several moments she trembled against him, her body flush to him, his still buried deep inside hers.

  “Hey,” he finally said, unease rolling through him as he reached for the tears that still gathered in the corners of her eyes.

  “Bobbi, what the fuck? Did I hurt you?”

  She shook her head, but said nothing. He stared down into those dark, blue eyes, and cradled her head in his hands, kissing away the tears and resting his forehead against hers.

  He sensed that something was different but wasn’t sure what it was. He wasn’t sure if it was a good thing or something he didn’t want to think about.

  And before he even knew what he was going to do, he murmured, “I love you, Bobbi.”

  As the words fell from his lips, she shuddered and began to cry in earnest, which totally wasn’t the reaction a guy who had just declared his love wanted to hear. The sounds she made as she tried to stop the flow of tears ripped into him.

  “Jesus, Bobbi. What is it? You’re freaking me the hell out.”

  Gently, Shane withdrew from her. He pulled up her jeans and fixed her top, his hands never leaving her body. He didn’t want to stop touching her. Ever.

  When she was respectable and he was tucked back into his pants, Shane kissed her once more, hoping the huge eyes and pensive expression wasn’t an indication of where her head was at. Why the hell had he opened his big mouth? Obviously, she wasn’t ready for the kind of stuff he was thinking about, the kind of stuff that required planning and futures. A future that was all about Bobbi and Shane.

  He must not have heard her right, that night up at the cabin. Or if he had, why the hell hadn’t he told her then where his head was at?

  Shit. Had he just screwed things up?

  “Bobbi,” he said roughly, “I’m sorry, babe. Just tell me what’s wrong. Tell me what I did to make you cry.”

  He would have pressed forward but stopped when she put her fingers on his mouth, when she silenced him and cupped his face.

  “I love you, Shane.”

  His heart thrummed. It thrashed and nearly beat out of his chest at the words. At the sound of those words. At the idea of those words.

  “I loved you before we met. Before I ever laid eyes on you. I think I loved you before I was born. Is that possible? You’re the other half of my heart. The other half of my soul and I don’t want to lose you.” Her voice broke and she whispered. “Not again.”

  “Babe, you’re not gonna lose me.” Relief flooded him. Was that all she was worried about?

  But her eyes remained dark and the sadness in them tore at his heart.

  Shane glanced away. He was confused and barely holding on to the emotions buffeting him.

  Everything she’d just said was what he wanted to hear. All of it. Every. Single. Word. Yet, why the hell did he feel as if he was standing on the edge of a cliff? Why did he feel as if everything he’d accomplished in the last few months…hell, in the last few years was about to disappear?

  He’d paid his dues. His life was on track. Why the hell couldn’t he have what he wanted most?

  “We need to talk about some things,” she said eventually and then quickly added, “But not now. I have to go. I have to…it’s Easter and I promised the girls I’d help prepare for dinner tomorrow.”

  Dinner? Easter? He didn’t give a flying fuck about any of that shit when there were ‘things’ to talk about. What things? What the hell had her so sad that she cried when he was inside her? What the fuck was going on?

  Shane cleared his throat and opened his mouth but the door to his shop flew open and his sister Eden strolled in as if she had every right to. She doffed her purple and black toque, flicked her long hair behind her shoulder as she stopped dead in her tracks and stared at the two of them. “Am I interrupting?”

  “Damn, right,” Shane said loudly.

  “No, I was just leaving,” Bobbi replied at the same time. She touched her lips to his, a soft caress that made him ache, and whispered. “I love you. Remember that.”

  Then she pulled away, waved to Eden, and disappeared out the door before he had a chance to stop her.

  “Wow, that was weird.” Eden shoved her hands into her jacket pocket and bit her lip. “Is it okay that I’m here?”

  When he didn’t answer—how could he answer his mind was still on Bobbi—she hunched forward. “Okay, I’ll just leave. This was a stupid idea anyway.”

  Shane’s head shot up. “What? No. It’s fine. Is everything alright?” He hadn’t seen Eden since dinner at his father’s a few weeks back. He’d stopped in once at his father’s request, but she had been at the library.

  Eden shrugged and glanced away. “Mom had to go for chemo, so Dad took her. They’ll be at the clinic most of the day.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “It sucks,” she answered. “I didn’t want to stay home by myself and I didn’t want to go to the clinic. I went the last time and it freaked me out.” She paused. “Did you…”

  “Did I go with my Mother?”

  She nodded, though her eyes were averted.

  “No.”

  As soon as he spoke she turned her head and the relief in her eyes nearly broke his heart.

  “I felt bad not going.” She twisted a piece of hair in between her fingers. “I mean, I want to be there for Mom, but that place…” she shuddered. “Those people are all just waiting to die and I can’t look at any of them.” She glanced up then, her eyes tortured. “I can’t look at Mom in there because in there, in that place where she needs to be, all I see is death, you know?” Eden shook her head vehemently. “And she’s not going to die.”

  “No,” Shane said softly. “She’s not.”

  It was as if Eden needed to hear those words. As soon as he said them, her shoulders relaxed. She exhaled and unzipped her jacket. “Do you have a soda?”

  “It’s ten in the morning, Eden.”

  She shrugged. “I know, but do you?”

  “Sure,” Shane answered, heading to the small bar fridge he kept in the back.

  “Do you think you could show me some of your paintings?”

  Shane returned with a soda and handed it to his sister, nodding toward the far end of the room where his easel was set up and a bunch of canvases lay against the wall.

  “Sure.”

  “Cool,” Eden said taking a sip, her eyebrow arched quizzically. “Um, also do you know a boy named Brian Danvers? I think he said his brother plays on your hockey team? The one with your girlfriend’s sister?”

  Shane stopped cold, his expression darkening. Shit. His sister was interested in one of the Danvers? Christ, that was all he needed.

  “I know his brother, Jason.”

  We won’t talk about the other one.

  He led the way over to his easel and judging by the quick, cursory glance Eden gave to his paintings he knew this visit wasn’t about his talent with a brush. It was about her mother and her pain and fear in dealing with the unknown.

  It was about her interest in some boy who he knew was no good for her.

  Eden leaned against the bench. “So, is Brian a good guy? Like, do you know? Cuz, I’m not hooked into the buzz around town yet. I’m still new and I just, well, I just don’t know. I heard he likes me.”

  Shane picked up his sketch pad and a pencil. He settled back in his chair, the one facing the window, the sunlight and clear blue sky, and he began to draw. He could tell her that every single Danvers was a no good son-of-a-bitch, except he knew that would backfire. Hell, he was pretty damn sure that was exactly what Travis Barker had told his daughter the first time she’d brought him around the house.

  Damn, Travis was right. Shane was a son-of-a-bitch. But he was a son-of-a-bitch who loved his daughter more than anything and he was going to do whatever it took to ma
ke her happy. He was going to drive through and smash to pieces whatever the hell it was that was bothering her.

  He would do all of that this weekend because Shane knew he couldn’t rest until things were settled and Bobbi was his.

  He glanced up at Eden.

  But first he needed to be there for someone else.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  A pillow landing on her head wasn’t exactly the way Bobbi envisioned waking up Sunday morning. In fact, a warm arm wrapped around her stomach and attached to the man she loved was more of what she was wanting.

  Except things were complicated and on this particular Sunday, she was home, in her old bed, under the faded pink and white covers she’d had since she was sixteen. Pretty damn pathetic.

  “Hey, are you getting your ass out of bed or what?”

  Bobbi groaned and rolled over, squinting at the clock that sat on her night table. “Betty, it’s six in the morning.”

  “I know. Happy fucking Easter.”

  “Really? Do you have to be so crude first thing in the morning?”

  “Crude? This is me being nice. Happy if you will.”

  Bobbi rubbed her eyes and glanced toward her sister. Betty leaned against the doorframe, dressed in jeans, a crimson, low-cut stretchy top, and cowboy boots. Her long hair was a tangled mess, her make up smudged and she smelled like a damn brewery. Same old, same old.

  Bobbi sighed. “Let me guess. Matt Hawkins.”

  “Nah, he’s old news.”

  “So who then?”

  “No one you would know. Get up. Let’s have coffee and talk.”

  Bobbi fell back onto the bed. “I don’t want to talk.”

  Betty tossed another pillow at her. “Who gives a shit what you want? The fact that you’re here and not in bed with Shane, tells me you need to talk. So I’m heading down to make a pot of coffee and if you’re not there in like, ten minutes, I’ll be back and trust me, it won’t be a pillow that lands on your head either.”

  “Go to hell,” Bobbi muttered into her pillow.

  For a moment there was nothing.

  “I’m already there, but that doesn’t mean you have to join me.”

  And then she was gone.

  Bobbi heard a toilet flush down the hallway and knew it was Gramps. He was always up at this time for a morning pee, but he’d be back to bed and asleep within minutes. You could set your watch by Herschel’s schedule and she knew he wouldn’t be fully awake until nearly nine in the morning with her father on his heels.

  Shivering, Bobbi pulled the blankets up a little higher. She was cold because she was alone in the bed. Tired, because she wasn’t used to sleeping alone, and upset because she knew that she couldn’t hide the truth from Shane any longer. If they were to have a chance at a future she needed to come clean.

  She had spent all afternoon the day before, baking with Billie, while Betty watched more than helped. By the time eight o’clock rolled around, Betty had left for the night and she’d sent Billie back to Logan while she stayed behind to clean up.

  The two girls hadn’t discussed Billie’s pregnancy. First off, Betty had been around for most of the day and for whatever reason, the two girls weren’t exactly friendly. Secondly, Bobbi wasn’t sure if she had the emotional backbone to deal with her sister’s crisis right now. Things with Shane were still way too fresh in her mind. That morning was still too fresh in her mind.

  I love you. Those were his words. The ones she had wanted to hear long before she’d realized it herself. And what had she done?

  She’d cried like a baby. Cried.

  “Oh, God, what am I going to do?”

  She’d called him the night before and told him she’d be over later. She had made up some bullshit excuse about why she needed to stay longer, it had rambled and she knew he wasn’t fooled. Bobbi had lied to Shane. She’d told him to go to bed and she’d wake him up when she got in.

  Lies.

  How could she go back to his place when it meant that she would have to spill her guts? And she would have to spill because she knew that there was no way in hell she could sleep with Shane…let him touch her and make love to her the way he’d done this morning, until he knew the truth about everything.

  And for one more selfish night, Bobbi had avoided dealing with her lies. She’d avoided it like the coward she had always been and instead of going to Shane, she’d texted him. She had told him she was too tired and that she would see him for dinner Sunday.

  He was still hers, at least for now.

  Bobbi glanced at the clock and with a groan threw the pillows and the covers off. She grabbed an old, faded robe, pulled it on over her pajamas and made her way downstairs.

  The smell of coffee wafted in the air as she walked into the kitchen and she spied Betty at the table, a mug in her hands.

  “There’s one for you already poured.”

  Bobbi grabbed her coffee and sat down across from her sister, sipping from her mug as the silence in the room ate her up.

  “So,” Bobbi said. “Where did you go last night?”

  Betty arched an imperial eyebrow. “Really? We’re gonna play nicety-nice-nice? You don’t give a shit where I went last night, but I sure as hell want to know why you’re here and not with Shane.” She paused, and her voice was gentle when she continued. “Did you tell him?”

  Bobbi shook her head. “No, but I have to…tonight.”

  Betty took a sip of her coffee. “Are you sure? Maybe it’s something that should just be. I mean, it happened. It sucked but what’s the point now? What is that saying? Let sleeping dogs lie?”

  Bobbi stared into her cup and nodded. “I have to, Betts. I can’t sleep next to him knowing it was me who ruined his life, you know?”

  “Ruined his life?” Betty shoved her chair back so hard that the table moved and Bobbi’s coffee swished dangerously close to the edge of her cup. “How the hell did you ruin his life? From where I’m standing his life looks pretty fucking awesome. He’s not sitting in some cell with a three hundred pound convict staring at his ass. He’s still got his friends, his family and most importantly, he’s got you.”

  “It’s not that simple, Betty. I lied to him about the baby. I let him believe…” she couldn’t finish her sentence and took a moment. “Because of those lies, those nasty, awful things I told him, he gave up on everything.” Her fingers were tight around the cup. “He gave up on all of his dreams. He could have gone to that fancy art college in New York.”

  “That’s bullshit.”

  Her head snapped up and anger heated her cheeks. “What?”

  Betty glared at her. “That’s bullshit. If Shane Gallagher wanted to go to college he would have fucking gone to college. He wouldn’t have had to rely on his daddy’s money to get him there either. Shane’s a smart boy. He would have figured it out. If he wanted to do anything other than what he did, which was get his ass tossed into jail for three years, he would have. Do you think Shane Gallagher is the kind of man to do anything other than what he wants to do?”

  “You’re not making any sense,” Bobbi shouted, suddenly so angry she began to shake. “Who the hell wants to lose everything? Who wants to get sent to jail because of it?”

  “I’m not saying he wanted it. I’m saying he needed it. He needed to get his ass kicked. He needed to lose everything. I think Shane needed to see the darkest part of his soul before he could even begin to think about moving forward.”

  For the longest time the two girls stared at each other. And then Bobbi cleared her throat. “Are we talking about Shane or are we talking about you?”

  Betty was standing now. “You bet your ass we’re talking about, Shane. You two were bad for each other. Not because you couldn’t be good for each at some point, but because your feelings were way ahead of the curve. You guys were kids,” she paused. “Especially you. Your feelings were volatile and all over the place and Shane, well, he obviously had issues of his own. The loss of his mother…and eventually the loss of you.”r />
  Bobbi watched her sister pace the floor.

  “I remember how he used to look at you. As if he needed you to breathe…as if he needed you to live and you were no different than Shane. When the two of you were together there was no one else in the world. Nothing existed except you and him. But that kind of bubble doesn’t survive the real world. And shit happened and it burst. But Jesus Christ Bobbi, don’t sit there and take all the blame for it.”

  Betty’s face was pale and she sat down once more, her hands curved around her mug though she made no effort to drink it.

  “I’m sorry,” Betty said eventually. “Not for what I said, because every single thing I told you is true. I’m sorry I yelled.” She gazed at Bobbi over her mug as she raised it to her lips. “It’s too early to yell. Hell, it’s not even seven.”

  Bobbi blew out a long breath and stretched her legs out, crossing them at the ankles. She stared down at her pink fuzzy socks for so long they blurred. “You’re right,” she said softly.

  “Of course I’m right.” Betty’s brow furled and she cocked her head to the side. “What part exactly are you talking about?”

  A smile lifted Bobbi’s lips. “All of it.”

  “Betty, are you going to be alright?” She asked, her smile fading, because there was something personal in her sister’s rant. Something painful. And for the first time in forever she’d caught a glimpse of the old Betty, but it was gone just as quick. And the new version had cracks. The new version was paper thin.

  “Sure. I’m always alright, why?”

  “Because you’re not always, alright?”

  Betty laughed a soft, sad, sound. “Well, there is that, but if you don’t mind I’d rather not talk about the sad state of my life. I’d rather talk about Billie.”

  “Wow. That’s a good deflection. I thought you didn’t give a rat’s ass about, Billie.”

  “I don’t. But that doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy talking about her.”

  Bobbi pushed up from the table. “I don’t want to talk about Billie with you.” She gave her sister a hug, bent down and whispered. “Whatever it is between the two of you…this thing that’s sort of broken, you guys need to fix it, okay?”