A Life Less Ordinary

by Bernadine, Victoria

  Rebecca raised an eyebrow but kept silent until Tris closed her bedroom door.

  Jaime jiggled her leg in a fit of nervous energy then blurted, “Look – Mom – Max found my dad.”

  Rebecca froze, her eyes widening as she stared silently at her daughter. She felt suspended, caught in time and her memories.

  For a moment, she was once again sixteen-going-on-seventeen, being disowned by her father, the door being closed in her face by her mother. She was once again hysterically sobbing, pounding on the Mankowskis’ door, expecting it, too, to be slammed in her face, her only two friends turned away from her just like her family had turned away.

  Instead, Mrs. Mankowski had taken one appalled look at the broken child on her doorstep, and bundled her inside. They’d dried her tears, coaxed the story out of her, and tucked her into bed with Daisy and Manny. Manny had been only fourteen, almost fifteen; Daisy the same age as Rebecca, and neither had known what to say or do. So they’d just hugged her close, and told her everything would be all right.

  She hadn’t believed them.

  The next morning she could hear the Mankowskis’ whispered conversation in the kitchen, but she couldn’t make out the words. She’d been in that suspended state between waking and sleeping, and the low murmur of voices had been unusual, yet soothing. Then she heard Mr. Mankowski leave the house.

  Jaime was almost a year old before Rebecca learned that Mr. Mankowski had gone on the warpath that day. He’d talked to her parents; told them to accept the baby and her.

  They refused.

  He told Jaime’s father, Devon, to man up, and at least acknowledge the baby and support his child.

  Devon left town that afternoon.

  Rebecca had always thought the Mankowskis could forgive anyone anything. It turned out they couldn’t forgive a boy who deserted his child, or parents who disowned their pregnant daughter.

  Rebecca had thought she’d gotten over the pain of it all.

  Until now.

  She blinked, and wondered if she looked as green as she suddenly felt.

  “All right,” she said slowly, wondering what Jaime was hoping she’d do or say; wondering what Jaime wanted her to say or do.

  “I...I’m going to go and meet him.” Jaime said, her chin raised, her eyes glittering defiantly.

  Rebecca stared at her and realized she was looking at a stranger. Her own daughter – it had been just the two of them for so long and they’d gone through so much – and she couldn’t recognize this young woman sitting in front of her, looking at her like she, Rebecca, was the one who had abandoned Jaime before she was born.

  Or was she simply projecting, she wondered dazedly.

  “All right,” she said again and wondered why this had knocked her so far off balance. It wasn’t like she wasn’t expecting it; Max was very good at what he did, after all, and Devon probably hadn’t been that difficult to find.

  Jaime waited, carefully watching her mother. She continued speaking after she realized Rebecca didn’t have anything else to say.

  “Can you look after Tris for me? I – I just want to meet my dad and get to know him before introducing him to his granddaughter.”

  “All right,” Rebecca said for the third time.

  “Great! I’ve got Tris’ stuff in the car. I’ll go bring it in. I want to hit the road early tomorrow.”

  “When will you be back?”

  Jaime shrugged as she stood and picked up her purse. “However long it takes me to get to know my dad.” She grinned, and Rebecca could see the little girl she used to be. “I’m going to get to know my dad!”

  “Does he know you’re coming?”

  Jaime rolled her eyes. “No, Mom. But I’m sure once he sees me, he’ll want to get to know me – and we have thirty years to catch up on, after all. I’ll call and let you know how it’s going.”

  Rebecca nodded and walked Jaime to the door on numb legs.

  “Yes. I...look forward to hearing all about it.”

  Jaime brought in Tris’ suitcase and then left with an airy wave to her mother. Rebecca closed the door and leaned against it. She wondered how Jaime’s father would react to the child he’d denied so many years before. Would he be sorry about what he’d done? Would he open his arms and heart to her now? Rebecca hoped he would, for Jaime’s sake. She and Jaime had their conflicts, but she was still Jaime’s mother, she loved her, and she wanted her to be happy. If finding her father would do that, then Rebecca wouldn’t stand in her way.

  Not that Jaime would let her anyway.

  Rebecca took a deep, shuddering breath, squared her shoulders and walked down the hall to check on Tris.

  * * * * *

  Day 11

  Daisy carried the teapot into the living room while Rebecca carried the tray filled with cups, honey, and spoons. Daisy watched her thoughtfully as they set everything on the coffee table and settled themselves comfortably on the couches.

  “What does Jackson have to say about all this?” Daisy asked with a thoughtful frown after they’d fixed their tea and Rebecca had filled her in on Jaime’s visit the night before.

  “He doesn’t know.”

  Daisy stared at her, dismayed.

  “Yet,” Rebecca clarified. “He’s out of town on business right now, then he’s taking the kids on a holiday to Mexico. I won’t even see him before he’s gone again.”

  Daisy relaxed. “Ah. Well, lucky kids – not even teenagers yet and travelling the world.”

  “Helps to have a rich dad.”

  “Yeah, well, I wouldn’t know.”

  “Me, neither. Anyway – would Janika or Jakob – or both – like to stay with Tris after school? I mean, I still have to make a living, too -”

  “I’m sure they would.”

  “And I’ll pay them, of course.”

  “They’ll be home in a minute or two – you can talk to them yourself. They’re more than old enough to make their own decisions – at least in this particular case.”

  Rebecca chuckled. “I can’t believe Jakob’s seventeen!”

  Daisy nodded glumly. “I can’t believe my baby’s fifteen. Where does the time go?”

  Rebecca shook her head. “I don’t know, but I’m pretty sure we’re experiencing lost time on a regular basis. Tris is ten. Ten! Closer to eleven, actually. Damn!”

  They subsided into depressed silence while they poured more tea and added honey.

  Rebecca sighed as she took a sip of her tea, then asked with a sudden grin. “What do you think Manny’s doing right now?”

  “I know what she’s not doing,” Daisy replied drily.

  “Zeke?”

  “Exactly.”

  They snickered.

  Rebecca shook her head and said, “That girl – she has the self-control of a nun.”

  “If she can spend six months with a guy like that and she doesn’t make a pass at him? She’ll be more than a nun – she’ll be a saint!”

  “I know I’d be tempted – and I’m happy with Jackson.”

  “Oh?” Daisy asked archly. “How happy?”

  Rebecca smirked into her cup. “Very. Extremely. Wonderfully. Pick one. Pick them all.”

  They were laughing conspiratorially when Jakob and Janika walked into the house, calling greetings to their mother as they opened the door.

  “Hey,” Daisy said when they came into the living room, “how was your day?”

  “Okay,” Jakob shrugged and Janika nodded. They greeted Rebecca with smiles.

  Janika had her mother’s colouring and her father’s bland good looks, while Jakob was his grandfather all over again, tall, dark, roguishly handsome with the same wicked gleam in his eyes. Who knew that was genetic, Rebecca thought with fond amusement.

  “Hey,” she said now, “we were just talking about you. Do you guys have a couple of minutes?”

  They both nodded.

  “Great! Well, I’m going to be looking after Tris for the next little while, and I was wondering if one or both
of you would be interested in helping me out?”

  Jakob and Janika exchanged glances and shrugs.

  “Sure,” said Jakob. “What do you have in mind?”

  “Well, definitely after school on those days she isn’t going over to a friend’s house,” Rebecca said thoughtfully. “The occasional evening and weekend as well.”

  Jakob thought about it. “Between the two of us, we should be able to manage that, right, Janika?”

  “Should,” she agreed. “We do have games, though, and practices – but Tris can always come with us if they overlap and if she’d like.”

  “That’s great!” Rebecca said, rubbing her hands together. “What’s the going rate for babysitting these days?”

  Jakob winced. “Tris is our friend – and you’re...you know, you, Auntie. I...I don’t feel right getting paid to help you out.”

  “Same here.” Janika nodded.

  “That’s really sweet, and ordinarily, I’d take your offer and leave it at that. But this isn’t a one-hour deal or even a couple of days. This is on-going for, well, I don’t even know how long. Jaime might be back tomorrow, she might be gone for a couple of weeks. But during the next few days, I have business commitments I can’t break or reschedule. So, how about this: I’ll give you each a pre-paid credit card – say, a thousand dollars? You can use it for yourself or to do things with Tris and whatever. Just let me know when the cards get low, and I’ll put more money on them.”

  “That’s way too much!” Daisy protested.

  Rebecca laughed and waved away Daisy’s objection. “Nothing’s too much for my granddaughter! Besides, I trust you kids. Plus Tris knows and likes you, and I’m not going to lie to her about paying you to look after her. The cards are also for entertainment costs if you want to go to a movie, or go shopping, or whatever it is kids do these days for fun.”

  “Well,” Janika said slowly, “I’d prefer to think of it as an expense account then, rather than you paying us to look after her.”

  “That’s fine,” Rebecca shrugged. “Whatever you’d prefer. I’m just glad you can help me out.”

  Jakob grinned. “No worries. Always happy to help you, Auntie.”

  Jakob and Janika went to their respective bedrooms to start their homework. Rebecca and Daisy watched them go with fond smiles.

  “You raised good kids,” Rebecca said to Daisy.

  “I’m not sure if I should take any credit,” Daisy said thoughtfully. “Maybe they were just born that way.”

  “Come on – take the credit. Milk it, baby, milk it, and hopefully you’ll be able to continue to milk it into old age.”

  They laughed then Daisy sobered as she leaned back and stared thoughtfully at the teacup cradled in her hands.

  “I may need to milk it sooner than that,” she said softly.

  Rebecca’s eyes widened at Daisy’s tone. “Why?”

  Daisy glanced down the hall to her children’s closed doors. “I don’t want to talk about it now. Maybe in a few days. I’ll call you, okay?”

  Rebecca slowly nodded, her eyes wide. “All right,” she said slowly, curious and suddenly worried, but she allowed Daisy to change the subject. Besides, she knew Daisy would unburden herself soon enough.

  * * * * *

  Day 13

  The days were, Manny was told, unusually warm for the time of year.

  She wasn’t complaining.

  She soaked up the sun as she and Zeke wandered the streets of San Francisco, and after the first few days, her legs began to get used to the constant workout of constantly walking both up and downhill.

  For the most part, Zeke accompanied her on her daily excursions, and watched her with a distantly observant albeit slightly mocking expression. He held himself aloof from her excited and wide-eyed enjoyment of the tourist sites and of the city itself and appeared to be deliberately holding himself back from truly enjoying himself. It almost felt like he was taking notes, she thought ruefully, he watched everything so carefully. It puzzled her but then again, she sometimes watched him just as carefully. They were still strangers to each other after all and still trying to figure each other out.

  On the few occasions Zeke had begged off from accompanying her, Manny had taken the opportunity to do more shopping. During their journey through Alberta, she’d replaced the baggy sweats and t-shirt with some jeans and new t-shirts, and now she added shorts and tank tops to her wardrobe. When she pulled on a pair of the new jeans and a tank top in her room, she almost didn’t recognize herself.

  Harvey gave a slow whistle. Looks good, he said.

  These jeans are so...low! And this top clings to my tummy bulge too much.

  Stop worrying. Nobody’s looking at you anyway.

  ...aren’t you supposed to help build my self-esteem?

  That was meant to be comforting. You’re the only one who’s looking for flaws and therefore you’ll be the only one to see them.

  ...I’m not sure that’s actually logical.

  You do realize you’re arguing with yourself, right?

  Fine. Okay. Whatever.

  Now, be honest. Look at this outfit. You actually have a waist. And those jeans make your legs look longer than they are. You also look ten pounds lighter. Come on. Admit it. You look really good in this outfit. And years younger!

  Manny considered Harvey’s words with a frown, and tried to see herself objectively.

  Okay. I don’t look horrible.

  It was as far as she was willing to go.

  Her skin was beginning to turn a golden brown, her mousy, not-quite-blonde-not-quite-brown hair getting bleached by the sun. As always, she ate with a hearty appetite, and her initial physical discomfort had faded to a pleasant ache brought on by exercise and sun.

  Leila’s second bed and breakfast was lovely, a large Victorian house nestled in the heart of San Francisco. Leila’s grandson managed the place and served not only breakfast but also supper for those people who wished to eat at the house with the family.

  Everyone ate at one long table, in a warm, friendly atmosphere, and Manny had become cautiously friendly with her fellow guests.

  There was the young gay couple on their honeymoon from British Columbia; the two middle-aged sisters who had more enthusiasm for sightseeing than even Manny could muster; and the elderly man and his wife who were in San Francisco for a granddaughter’s wedding and had initially been rather shocked by the newlyweds, and had subsequently been anxiously worried about giving offence. The young couple were in love with each other and everyone around them, and they’d quickly eased the elderly couple’s minds and easily befriended everyone staying in the bed and breakfast.

  Manny subsided into a position of sitting quietly at the table, listening to the conversation flowing around the room. She envied Zeke his casual ease with the others, and wondered when she’d turned into somebody with nothing worth saying.

  It sometimes made her feel very cold, lonely, small...and old. Much older than the elderly couple, and centuries older than Zeke and the newlyweds.

  What am I doing here?

  You’re re-learning how to connect with people.

  I have nothing to say to any of these people! How can I reconnect if I can’t participate in the conversation?

  But you’re listening with interest.

  ...that doesn’t help much.

  Small steps, Manny. You didn’t get here overnight – you’re not going to get out of here overnight either. Give yourself some slack. And relax. This isn’t like being on the job. Nothing is dependent on you succeeding or failing.

  Except my happiness. And my mental health.

  ...point taken.

  Harvey was almost constantly with her, usually casually dressed in jeans and a button-down shirt, or, on occasion, well-fitted t-shirts. He was always impossibly perfect, but it was oddly comforting to see him from the corners of her eyes during everything she did or experienced. Perhaps it was a sign she’d been alone too long although she preferred to think he was si
mply a way to ease the loneliness caused by leaving Daisy and Rebecca – and everything else in her life – behind.

  That night at supper, she listened to the conversations flowing around her, and by the end of the evening, she’d agreed to go the next day with the sisters on a guided tour of the city.

  She might feel awkward and lonely, but she was determined to enjoy seeing the sights on this trip, no matter what.

  * * * * *

  Day 14

  TJ spooned around Leah and breathed in her scent. They’d spent yet another evening reading pamphlets and books and web sites they’d dug up during the day related to fertility issues, treatments and options. TJ’s head pounded from once more weighing and debating the pros and cons of each option and trying to decide what would work best for them. Money was no object – they had that advantage at least - but there was still something inside him that hoped against hope that there must be a simpler solution than the ones they’d been discussing. Even, he thought wistfully, that the doctor had made a mistake.

  “Look,” TJ said softly, “I’m going to go to another doctor – get a second opinion.”

  Leah frowned, and twisted to look at him in the darkness of their bedroom. “Do you really think the clinic – the most highly respected fertility clinic in town, in case you’d forgotten – would make such a simple mistake?”

  “It happens all the time. Besides, what does it hurt?”

  Leah frowned as she slowly said, “Okay...or is this just because you want to get your hands on those girly magazines again?”

  TJ pulled back and dramatically placed a hand on his chest. “You wound me! I only have to think of you and let nature take its course.”

  Leah laughed, rolled over to face him fully, and kissed him. “You flatterer – you’re too good to me,” she teased.

  “And don’t you forget it,” TJ replied, giving her a smacking kiss.

  “Anyway,” he continued, his arms loose around her, his hands resting comfortably at the base of her spine, “I’m going to get a second opinion, and then, if the results are the same, see if there’s anything that can be done – you know, surgically maybe – to improve things. I mean maybe I have a – a - a blockage or something – something that’s simple to fix.”