Finding Forever (Living Again #4)

by L. L. Collins

  “I know exactly what that means,” Brant murmured, continuing to tease her with his fingers. She was gripping his arms with her hands, small whimpers escaping her lips. “I just want to make sure you that you’ve thought this through.”

  “Don’t overthink it,” she breathed, taking one of her hands and touching him under his shorts. He sucked in a breath, the soft pressure of her hand almost making him lose the last shred of control he had.

  He stood up abruptly, and she frowned at him. He wasn’t doing this out here. “Let’s go inside,” he said, holding out his hand for her to stand up. She smiled, standing up and pressing her body into his. He groaned when she began rubbing herself against him as she kissed his neck. “Now, Lacey.”

  She laughed as he practically dragged her into the house, but now that she had given the green light, he could barely contain himself. They were staying in one of the guest suites, which was nicer than most five star hotels he had been in. Sam hadn’t spared any expense.

  They stopped and kissed several times along the way, Brant pressing her gently against the wall as they touched and nipped each other’s bodies. He hadn’t tried to touch her breast, and he wouldn’t unless she said it was okay. He didn’t want to do anything but make her feel as good as possible.

  Brant swung open their door and they practically fell in, all mouths and hands. “Now,” she whispered against his lips. She stopped and slid his shorts to the ground, making him the first one naked. When she began touching him, his mind warred with itself on what he should do next. He settled for sliding her bottoms to the floor and resuming what he had been doing on the porch, walking her gently to the bed.

  He lay them both down, their mouths fused in heated passion. When she wrapped her leg around him and began rubbing against him as they touched each other, he couldn’t wait any longer.

  “Doc,” he gasped. “Are you sure?”

  She nodded, rolling over so she was on top of him. It wasn’t lost on him that she was still wearing her tank top, a padded sports bra on underneath. He knew she needed this, so he didn’t press taking the shirt off. He wanted to feel her skin on his, but he wasn’t going to be selfish.

  “Protection?” God, he hated killing the moment. He wasn’t sure what the likelihood was of her getting pregnant, with chemotherapy only a week away, but he had to say it.

  She shook her head no, caressing him as she guided him into her. Brant gripped her hips as she began moving on him. God. It was quite possible that he had just entered heaven. She rocked back and forth, her head thrown back. His eyes wanted to close from the sensations, but he fought to watch her. Her eyes were partially closed and there was a blush on her cheeks. She breathed out in short bursts from her lips. His eyes traveled her face, down to her chest, trim waist, slim hips and muscular thighs. She blinked her eyes open and shifted, leaning over and sucking his lips into her mouth.

  Her chest was pressed against him, and he could feel the nipple of her right breast pebbled through her shirt. He took the chance to touch her, rubbing his thumb across her nipple. She froze, and he wanted to kick himself. He didn’t stop, though. He wanted Lacey to know that everything about her was sexy to him. He’d touch the other one if she would let him, but that he wouldn’t push.

  He cupped her behind and pulled her closer into him, and that seemed to be enough to stop her slight panic. She went back into action, her hands roaming his body as she rode him.

  “Brant,” she breathed, and he could feel her body starting to tighten. He had never seen anything as sexy as her, right here, right now.

  “Lacey,” Brant said, her name a sigh on his lips. God, she was beyond fabulous. Nothing could top being in love with her and being able to show it. She entwined her fingers with his and began moving faster, the only sounds in the room their breathing and moans.

  He couldn’t wait any more. He had waited so long for this moment, and she was so striking, her hair cascading down her back and around her face. She threw her head back and screamed out his name, and he lost it, both of them crashing down around the other.

  As they both came down from what for him was the best feeling he had ever had, she lay on his chest, her hands caressing his sides as their hearts thumped in tandem.

  “Lacey,” Brant said, kissing the top of her head. “That was… beyond my wildest imagination. You’re an amazing lover.”

  She lifted her head, a smile so big it made his heart ache on her face. “I want to do that again.” He laughed, rolling her gently so they were lying side by side.

  “I will never say no to that. Come on, let’s go get cleaned up. That’s a kick ass shower for two in there.”

  He saw the look before she hid it. She was worried about being naked in the shower with him. “I love you, Lacey Russell. My favorite doc.”

  She smiled. “I love you, too, Brant Tucker. My one and only GQ.”

  “Come on,” he prompted. She allowed him to pull her to the bathroom. He opened the glass shower and turned on both of the shower heads. When he turned around, she was staring at the mirror, still dressed only in the tank top.

  “Can I say something?” She met his eyes in the mirror and nodded. “I want you to take it off.” Panic showed in her eyes. “All of it, Lacey.”

  Tears filled her eyes, one spilling down her cheek. He wrapped his arms around her from behind and rested his chin on her shoulder. “Do you believe that I love you?”

  She nodded, reaching up and touching his face with one of her hands. “Then I want you to know that you are beautiful. In every way. It may not look the way it did before, but you know what it shows me?”

  “What?”

  “That you’re a survivor. That you took cancer and cut that shit from your body. That you never give up. That you’re my hero, Lacey Russell.” Tears ran in rivulets down her cheeks now, but he knew he had made some headway when she put her hands at the bottom of her tank top. He mirrored her action, ready to help her. She nodded, and he helped her lift the shirt and drop it to the floor.

  She was left in a sports bra now, what she spent 24 hours a day wearing. She stared at the mirror, her eyes zeroed in on her left breast, which was flat in comparison to her size C right breast. She lifted her eyes to meet his.

  “I’m not a hero,” she whispered. Brant snaked his arms around her waist and pressed a kiss behind her ear.

  “Yes, you are. You’re my hero, and you don’t get to tell me that you’re not.” He reached around to the front clasp of the bra, and her hands immediately covered his.

  “No.”

  “Lacey,” he said gently, rubbing his thumbs on her hands. “Do you trust me?”

  Her chin wobbled. “With my life.”

  “I’m right here, Doc. You can do this. Be stronger than your fear, my love.”

  He knew he was pushing it, but he took the opportunity to unclip the bra. She began breathing heavy, her eyes shut and her hands gripping onto his.

  “You’re the boss, Lacey,” he said. “You show this damn scar that it’s insignificant.”

  She opened her eyes, zeroing in on her chest in the mirror. Her hands still on his, he opened the bra the rest of the way and guided it off her shoulders until it hit the bathroom floor. She was naked in front of a mirror for the first time since before the whole thing started.

  Her eyes were squeezed so tightly shut, he wasn’t sure if she was going to be able to do this or not. He rubbed her shoulders, loosening the knots of stress balled up in her muscles.

  “You can do it,” he murmured. “You’re so damn gorgeous, Lacey. Seeing you only makes me want to take you into that shower and show you again and again.” He meant every damn word. He was having to tell himself that this was difficult for her to keep him from being ready to go again. “Open your eyes, babe. What you’re imagining is probably ten times worse than the truth.”

  She opened her eyes, looking only at his eyes in the mirror. He watched as her eyes began moving. She was going to do it. Brant knew the moment she
had seen it, because her hand came over her mouth and she cried out, her knees buckling. He held onto her, caressing her as she came to terms with what she had lost, but also what she still had.

  After a few moments, he took her hands into his and guided her to her chest. Realizing what he was doing, she shook her head. “No,” she cried.

  “You can do this,” he prodded. He moved their hands again, and after a moment she stopped fighting him. Her hand, covered by his, touched her right breast first. He kissed her neck as they both held their hands there. It was time.

  He moved their left hands up, careful not to move her too much since her arm was still sore. Her eyes watched his every motion, and he could feel her body quivering against his. When their hands reached the skin that once was her left breast, she whimpered. Scars crossed her chest, and the skin was wrinkled from the loss. She had a spacer underneath her skin that was pumped up by her doctor at every visit to keep her skin pliable for possible reconstruction, but it wasn’t easily seen.

  “Feel that? It’s still you, Lacey. You’re still the beautiful, brilliant, sexy-as-hell doctor that I fell in love with. This doesn’t define you.”

  “It’s so ugly, Brant! How in the hell can you want to have sex with me looking like that? I’m half of a woman!”

  “You’re not half of anything,” Brant reassured. “And I want to have sex with you just as much, if not more, than I ever did.” He pressed himself into her back. “Do you see? There’s nothing about you that doesn’t turn me on, Doc.”

  “Take it away, Brant,” she whispered, her hands dropping to her side.

  He didn’t understand what she meant. “What?”

  She reached around and pulled him into her body. “Take it away. I want to feel your love. I want my memory of this to be a good one. Please.”

  He lifted his hands and touched her chest, one hand on each side. She fluttered her eyes closed. “Now.”

  He removed his right hand, reaching down and guiding himself into her. He wasn’t sure if using sex to make her feel more confident was the right answer, but he would do just about anything she asked to stop the tears from coming out of her eyes.

  As she took her eyes from her missing breast to watch him move in and out of her in the mirror, he kissed everywhere he could reach. “I love you, Lacey,” he murmured, reaching around and stroking her. When she began shuddering on him again, he knew he had done what she needed for the moment.

  “Where are you taking me?” She leaned her head back against the headrest, watching Brant as he drove. He had borrowed Sam’s sleek sedan that she left here to use, and he was taking her somewhere but refused to tell her where.

  “Not telling,” he smirked, looking over at her for a moment before turning his attention back to the road. “Just know that you’ll love it.”

  She studied the outline of his face, her heart constricting with the love that she felt for him. The last few days at the beach had been the best of her life. Making love to Brant had opened up something in her. When he had helped her to look at herself in the mirror, it had been one of the hardest things she had done to this point. She hated it. Every damn second of looking at her skin made her angry. Her perfectly perky right breast stood there, mocking her, every time she got in the shower or changed. She hated it almost as much as she hated the one that was gone. The scars that ran across what used to be her breast; her missing nipple. It would forever be a reminder that she wasn’t who she used to be. Even if she could have a reconstruction after all of this was over, it would never be right. She would never be whole again.

  “Where did you go, my love?” Brant, her always intuitive boyfriend, asked.

  “Just thinking about my hot and sexy boyfriend, and all the different places and positions he has shown me a good time in over the last few days. Plus, you look smoking hot in that suit. That does something to me, to see you like that.”

  When she had seen him walk out wearing that, her mouth had dropped open. He was the object of her every fantasy in everything he wore, but man, he could wear a suit.

  Brant stopped the car at a red light, then lifted his sunglasses to look at her. “Talking like that is not going to get us to our destination, Doc. All that makes me want to do is give you a new place to add to our collection.”

  Her stomach clenched. She loved when he treated her like she was just a woman, not a sick woman. For the most part, this trip had been exactly what she needed to be convinced that Brant loved her for her, not just to take care of her.

  “Can we be late?”

  Brant slid his hand up her leg and under the black dress she wore. He had told her that she needed to be dressed up for where they were going, and had even had a dress for her to wear. He never ceased to amaze her, and the dress was not only gorgeous, it fit her perfectly. She assumed that he was taking her to a nice dinner somewhere, but he was being awfully mysterious. “No, we can’t be late.” With that, he withdrew his hand from under her dress and laced his fingers with hers.

  “Tease,” Lacey complained, lifting their joined hands and kissing his like he always did to her.

  A few moments later, Brant pulled in to what looked like a packed theatre. She had never been here before, but there were so many cars, they were parked along the street. He was taking her to a show?

  “What in the world? Look at all these cars!” Lacey looked around, trying to figure out what was so popular that would attract this many cars. “Looks like a celebrity is here or something.”

  “Popular place,” Brant murmured, pulling up to the front. A valet stepped up to the door and gave him a ticket.

  “My lady,” Brant said, opening the door on her side and helping her out. “You look gorgeous tonight, Lacey. This dress will be on the floor tonight, as well as the sexy underwear you have on under it.” How did he know? She had even worn a regular bra tonight, thanks to the insert she had ordered online that made her seem more ‘even’.

  She kissed him softly, then allowed him to walk her to the door. “What is this, Brant?” Just then, she saw a sign on the front door.

  Closed for private event.

  Entrance by invitation only.

  Thank you, Management

  Whatever this was, Brant had gone to a lot of trouble to get them there. Since he had never been to Sunset Beach before, this had Sam written all over it.

  “Why do we need an invitation? What is this?”

  Brant smiled, opening the door and handing the attendant a piece of paper. She nodded, indicating for them to head to the front. “You’ll see. Very soon.”

  “You’re killing me,” Lacey muttered, taking in the beautiful theatre in front of her. It could probably seat around 400, with a balcony that looked over the stage. Soft, classical music played, and the red curtain was closed. Soft lighting helped them find their seats. They were in the front row? What kind of show was this? “Front row? I must’ve done something right.”

  Brant leaned over and put his lips against her ear, causing a shiver to go through her without warning. “You’ve done many things right, Doc.” She turned and kissed him, not able to stop herself from tasting him. She felt it; over the last few days she had given herself completely to him. There was no turning back now.

  After what seemed like forever, the lights dimmed, leaving only track lighting on the floor to let Lacey look at Brant. The audience started screaming, and Lacey found that very odd. Who screamed at a theatre?

  Just when she was going to turn to Brant to say the same thing, a voice she knew very well came over the speakers. She froze, looking at Brant in surprise.

  “Surprise,” he mouthed.

  “Ladies and gentlemen!! Are you ready for the show tonight? It’s going to be a very special night, and I thank you for being a part of this wonderful event.”

  “Sam?” What was Sam doing here? She was in the theatre? She was so confused. The noise in the theatre was deafening, everyone chanting Sam’s name now.

  “Just wait and see,” Brant
whispered, seeing her confusion.

  She turned to the stage just as the curtain opened and the spotlights illuminated her best friend in the entire world, standing there looking like the goddess she was. She must’ve known exactly where she was going to be sitting, because she looked right at her.

  “I love you,” she mouthed. Tears filled Lacey’s eyes as she mouthed it back. What was she doing?

  Sam turned back to the audience, who had calmed somewhat but not entirely. Every time Lacey was around for one of Sam’s concerts, she was amazed at the following she had. Sam was the most talented person she had ever known.

  “Thanks for coming tonight. It was really hard work to try to keep this a secret. It didn’t work.” The audience laughed. “Well, except from the person I was trying to keep it a secret from. She had no clue.” She winked over at Lacey. Why was she keeping a show a secret from her? And why was she playing in this theatre? “Anyway, the reason you’re here in this small venue is because you were hand selected to be a part of this event tonight, for many reasons. Many of you knew that I was doing a benefit, but you didn’t know who for. Thank you for agreeing to the price of this exclusive ticket tonight. All of the proceeds are going to this person. She’s here in this audience right now. She’s one of the most important people in my life, and I love her so much for being so brave. So many of us have been touched by cancer; it effects all races, genders, and ages. But it’s especially hard when someone you consider family has to endure it. Since it’s October and Breast Cancer Awareness month, what better month to do this benefit? Dr. Lacey Russell, my lifelong best friend and biggest supporter, was diagnosed with breast cancer a few months ago. She’s getting ready to undergo treatment that is very expensive. Every dime raised here tonight, between ticket sales and merchandise, will go to her medical care. I know you’ve got this, Lacey. Everyone in this room has contributed to help you not have to worry about a thing other than to get better.”