Tara: Catch Me if I Fall

by Meredith Costain

  I rush after her. ‘Kat!’

  She spins round. ‘I didn’t come here to Three Musketeer with Grace. Have you forgiven me? Or is this just punishment in close proximity?’

  I bite my lip, realising nothing’s really changed. Not in my heart or my head.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ I tell her. ‘I honestly thought that if I was over Christian …’ I meet her eyes. ‘But it’s what you did.’

  ‘One kiss, T,’ Kat informs me. ‘And you were broken up.’

  I shake my head. ‘No, it’s not that. You liked him the whole time I was with him. And before that you lied to me.’ I pause, struggling for the right words. ‘I want to forgive you …’

  Kat shrugs. ‘But you can’t. So we’re never going to be friends again?’

  ‘I guess not,’ I say, no longer angry. Just unbearably sad.

  The next morning, we’re back at the trapeze for more lessons. Only this time, Charlie’s paired me with Kat. We stand together at the rosin box, preparing our hands for the swing.

  ‘You don’t get dibs on feeling betrayed, Tara,’ Kat tells me.

  ‘Please,’ I stall, ‘can we just …’

  Kat’s eyes flash. ‘Look. I liked Christian all that time and I tried to make it go away. Because hurting you is the equivalent of cutting off my own arm.’

  She cuts me off before I can respond.

  ‘But that doesn’t go both ways, does it. You are the one that ended our friendship, like it never meant anything.’

  My heart wrenches as she ascends the ladder. Deep down, I know she’s right. I follow her up to the platform, a thousand thoughts crowding into my brain. I’m going to have to put my trust in Kat, the best friend who betrayed me. What if I fall?

  Charlie gives me a push and I swing away from the platform towards Kat. ‘I’m not going to drop you,’ she promises.

  I close my eyes and leap. Instantly I’m flying through the air. Swooping. Soaring. Then my hands connect with Kat’s.

  ‘I’ve got you, T,’ Kat whispers.

  I grin. ‘I know.’

  Gravity takes over and we’re suddenly falling through the air, then thudding into the net in a tangle of arms and legs. Together. And I realise that I no longer have a best friend. I have something stronger.

  A sister, who I would trust with my life.

  CHAPTER 5

  I’m bored. Well, maybe not bored exactly, but cranky, and I don’t know why. Now that I’ve finally made up with Kat, you’d think I’d be feeling pretty good.

  ‘A headache?’ Kat suggests.

  ‘Nope.’

  ‘Backache?’

  ‘Uh-uh.’

  ‘I’m developing a severe case of invisibility,’ Grace chimes in from the step behind us.

  ‘Pardon?’ I ask her.

  Grace sends me a sweet smile, then curls her lip. ‘Exactly.’

  I shrug. ‘Sorry, I just don’t know what’s wrong with me. My dancing’s fine, my back is fine.’

  Grace waves the glossy magazine she’s reading. ‘Have you checked your star sign? Cosmic Carla doesn’t lie. Taurus?’

  ‘She’s a Libran,’ Kat says.

  ‘Star signs are only useful when you’re in love,’ I say. ‘Or at least, have a crush.’

  Suddenly I realise what’s wrong.

  ‘Of course I feel scratchy and unfulfilled,’ I say, excited now I’ve finally worked it out. ‘That’s what’s missing!’

  Grace stares at me, puzzled.

  I grin. ‘A crush.’

  Kat looks nervous. ‘Oh, no, T, don’t you think a hobby would be safer? I’ve heard quilting is making a comeback.’

  I shake my head, convinced. ‘A crush.’

  Now I just have to find one.

  There’s obviously no point trying to find a crush amongst the guys in my class. They’re either mouth-breathers, clammy, gay or mute, like Silent Luke. How would you ever know what he was thinking? I settle for a game of Celebrity Heads with my friends instead.

  ‘Am I single?’ I ask.

  Kat checks the name on the Post-it Note stuck to my headband. ‘Eternally.’

  ‘Am I hot?’

  ‘You could be if you changed out of that formal jacket,’ Ben jokes. ‘If you put on something floaty, or let your hair down in the middle of class.’

  ‘I’m Miss Raine,’ I say. Everyone laughs.

  ‘It’s a spinster omen,’ I sigh. ‘What is wrong with me? I used to turn around and – bam. Crush central. Now? Nothing. There are officially no crushworthy guys at the Academy.’

  Ollie winks. ‘Ben’s hot.’

  ‘Ben?’ I snort. Is he serious?

  ‘Nice,’ Ben mutters, obviously hurt.

  ‘Exactly,’ I say quickly. ‘You’re too nice. You’re all goofy, and harmless.’

  ‘Harmless,’ Ben repeats, leaping across the gap between our couches to kiss me. Not just any kiss – a deep, passionate one. Point made, he returns to the game, mumbling something about his character. But I don’t really hear him. Instead, I sink back against the cushions, entranced. I’ve finally found my new crush!

  I turn my whole attention to Ben. Suddenly I need to know everything about him. The shape of his knees. The exact moment he was born. His star sign. It’s Aries, I discover. Excellent! I have a special connection with fire signs. And the best thing of all? According to Love Signs R Us, we are 97 per cent compatible. It’s all meant to be!

  I stand on the wharf, fiddling with my hair, unsure whether it looks better in front of my ears or behind them. Ooh. Here he comes.

  ‘Ben!’ I say, as though I’m surprised to see him. I laugh lightly, trying to sound sophisticated. ‘The way we keep bumping into each other, we must be in sync.’

  Ben looks at me strangely, then digs at his teeth with a toothpick. ‘Or we were just in class together and it’s time to eat.’

  ‘Cool toothpick,’ I tell him.

  ‘You do know that kiss wasn’t a kiss?’ Ben says warily. ‘It was a point. I was making a point.’

  ‘Absolutely,’ I say, flicking my hair behind my ear. ‘So, what are you doing this afternoon? Not as a date, it’s just … Kat!’ I squeal, catching sight of Kat and Christian further up the wharf, fooling around with their skateboards.

  ‘Kat and Christian asked me to go out with them,’ I babble, improvising wildly. ‘And I don’t want to go on my own, and feel like, you know …’

  ‘Awkward?’

  ‘Exactly. You’d be helping me out big time.’

  ‘Yeah, all right. Sure.’

  I grin at him, my heart singing. ‘Amazeballs. Later then.’

  As soon as he’s gone I race over to Kat. ‘Please tell me you guys don’t have plans,’ I beg.

  She shakes her head, then gives me a suspicious look. But who cares how she feels? My crush is more important.

  ‘Ben only kisses someone when it means something,’ I explain to Kat as we wheel our tandem bikes along the river path. ‘He told me so himself.’

  Kat shakes her head. ‘But if you were going to fall for him, don’t you think it would’ve happened already?’

  I smile at her, secure in the warmth of my crush. ‘Look, after everything, I’m back. The old me, the hopeful me, it’s back!’

  Kat laughs. ‘You always did need a project.’

  Ben and Christian are waiting for us at the water’s edge.

  ‘Tandems?’ Christian sounds surprised. Ben shoots me a look.

  ‘Who’s not a fan of tandems?’ Kat jumps in. She pulls Christian onto her bike then pedals away quickly.

  I pat the seat behind me. Sighing, Ben climbs on. It’s obvious he thinks the whole thing is a set up, but I don’t care. The sun is shining, and he’s here!

  ‘We could find somewhere picturesque, sit down together?’ I say as we wind along the harbour.

  ‘We are sitting down,’ Ben reminds me.

  ‘I made sandwiches.’

  ‘You said this wasn’t a date!’

  ‘It’s not!’ I assure
him brightly. ‘We’re just hanging out.’

  I pedal along, lost in the dream of what’s going to happen when we finally get off. Ben will look deeply into my eyes, and then …

  ‘Tara!’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Eyes front!’

  I push down hard on the handlebars, trying to turn the wheels, but it’s too late. The bike is suddenly hurtling towards the river, taking us with it. We hit the water with a splash, then slowly sink. Fortunately, it’s not very deep.

  Ben sits in the river, the bike between us. He unclips his helmet and glares at me. ‘You promised this wasn’t about the kiss. And it is.’

  I glare back. ‘You should be pleased you have such impactful kissing skills.’

  Ben rolls his eyes. ‘Yesterday I was too harmless to be a crush contender and now I’m suddenly “the one”. Are you seriously that fickle?’

  ‘I am not fickle,’ I yell at him.

  ‘Really? So if I was to ask you to be my girlfriend, right here, right now – a full on relationship – you’d say yes?’

  I shake my head. ‘Look, all I want is a nice, simple crush. How hard is it to just be a crush?’

  ‘I’m waist deep in river scum because of you,’ Ben yells back, waving his hands around. ‘All right? It’s pretty hard, okay, so please – just stop.’

  ‘If I want to like you I’m going to like you and there’s nothing you can do about it.’

  ‘Fine! Like me then!’

  ‘Fine! I will!’

  Laughing, Ben points to my arm. ‘You’ve got a bit of pondweed stuck to your elbow.’

  He pulls me up, then helps me to drag the bike out of the river. I’m going to take that piece of pondweed home and keep it in a vase in my room. After all, Ben didn’t say I couldn’t like him. And he didn’t go all moody and storm off on me either.

  As we walk back along the bike path, the sun slowly setting behind us, I hug the idea of a crush to my heart like a warm blanket. Love is a lot like dancing, I realise. I might be in for a whole world of heartache, but the chase is worth it.

  CHAPTER 6

  It’s finally here. Judgement day. After nine months of training and agonising over our solos, we’re about to compete in the National Finals of the Prix de Fonteyn.

  Only two girls and two boys out of the entire country will make it through to the Internationals. The fact that I’ve been ranked as a good chance in the finals by the teachers does nothing to help my nerves. In contests like this, you’re only ever as good as your performance on the day.

  Grace is up first. I hold my breath as she pirouettes effortlessly across the stage, finishing in a flawless arabesque. She skips over to where I’m waiting in the wings with Abigail and the guys to wait for her results.

  The Head Adjudicator coughs into the microphone. ‘Grace Whitney, National Academy,’ she announces. ‘Classical round. Seven point seven, seven point nine …’

  ‘So low,’ I gasp. Grace danced brilliantly. Ben and Sammy look equally shocked.

  ‘… seven point eight and seven point two,’ the judge continues. ‘Thank you, Miss Whitney.’

  It’s the same for the rest of us: Christian, who was wonderful as Prince Desire; Ben, a regal Prince Siegfried; Abigail, technically perfect in her solo from Giselle. Everyone scored sevens. Only one competitor – some creepy guy called Michael Slade from the Tasmanian School of Dance – scored well, with a total of eight point nine.

  Back at the Academy, everyone’s complaining to the staff about the judging of the first round.

  ‘Who appointed the judges anyway?’ Grace demands.

  ‘It’s rigged,’ Christian agrees.

  ‘They hate us,’ I add.

  Zach holds up his hands. ‘Okay, guys. Calm down.’

  ‘It’s a sham,’ Christian mutters. ‘We’re not sevens.’

  Ben smirks, stirring up an old rivalry. ‘You might be, but I’m not.’

  This sets everybody off again. We’re all yelling about how unfair it is when Miss Raine storms into the room.

  ‘Enough!’ she says. ‘I agree you have been marked harshly but there is no excuse for whining. You are all going to have to suck it up and focus on the contemporary round tomorrow.’

  Ben’s asked me to go to the beach. We stroll along the shore, looking out at the sparkling ocean. Ben holds up a clump of seaweed. ‘Do you think you could eat this raw? Sushi style?’

  I ignore him. There’s more important stuff that needs to be said. ‘Remember a few weeks ago, when I implied I wasn’t ready to go out with anyone?’

  ‘Vaguely.’

  It’s not the answer I was hoping for. I press on, my heart in my throat. ‘So, if it makes a difference, I think I’m past that.’

  Okay, it’s out there. I hold my breath, waiting to hear his response.

  Ben stops walking. He bites his lip, then grins sheepishly. ‘Okay, the problem is, there’s like a friend ladder, and a girlfriend ladder.’ He holds up his hands to demonstrate the difference between them. ‘And you can move up and down these ladders, but you just can’t cross from one ladder to another.’

  I nod slowly, the reality of his words sinking in.

  ‘And I’m on the friend ladder.’

  ‘Close to the top,’ Ben adds gently, ‘but, yeah.’

  I stare out to sea for a long moment. ‘Got it.’

  There’s nothing else to do but go home. We walk back to the part of the beach where we left our bags, but the only thing there is Ben’s beach towel. We’ve been robbed!

  ‘Who steals from people in the middle of an important competition?’ Ben whines, shaking out the towel in case the thieves left a few dollars for bus tickets behind. ‘How are we supposed to get home?’

  I grab his hands and pull him up the steps to the road. ‘We can walk. Trust me, I’ve done it before.’

  Like that time I walked back with Christian, I think, smiling. Then I push the memory back down again, where it belongs. Christian and I are finished.

  We decide to avoid the busy road and take the scenic route, through a series of parks. I pick up a fallen branch and whack Ben across the backside with it, making him yelp. He flicks me with his towel. So what if he doesn’t think of me as a girlfriend? We can still have fun together.

  By the time we reach the grassy verge near the rotunda the sun is beginning to set. Ben is obviously flagging. Typical city boy.

  I pat my shoulders. ‘Come on, jump up.’

  Ben leaps on and I stagger about piggybacking him for a few moments, then collapse under his weight. We lie in a heap on the grass in the late afternoon sun.

  Ben’s staring at me. ‘What?’ I say.

  He grins. ‘Nothing.’

  Then he pulls me up and we head back to the boarding house.

  The next morning, we’re all back at the theatre for the next round in the competition: contemporary solos. Ben’s up next. He takes a deep breath, then reaches for my hand.

  I squeeze it firmly. ‘Don’t hurt yourself,’ I whisper. He smiles at me, then strides out onto the stage, brimming with confidence.

  Beside me, Kat raises an eyebrow. ‘T,’ she drawls. ‘That must have been some seaside adventure.’

  I blush, worried she’s got the wrong idea. ‘We’re on the friend ladder.’

  Kat shakes her head. ‘Yeah, no, he didn’t just look at you like a friend.’

  I glance back at Ben, waiting centre stage for his music cue. He’s smiling at me. Maybe the ladders are about to change …

  Ben’s music pulses out through the speakers and he begins his routine. He’s magnificent, dancing the best I’ve ever seen him.

  I turn to Kat, my eyes shining. ‘Incredible, isn’t he?’

  ‘Yeah,’ Christian butts in. ‘Maybe ask him why he’s suddenly all over you.’

  Kat shoots him a look. ‘Because he’s enchanted by her winsome charms.’

  Christian keeps his eyes on Ben, his face a mask. ‘He’s trying to psych me out.’

  ‘Re
ally?’ I say, stung. ‘I’m so hideous that no one would like me unless there’s an agenda?’

  Kat’s eyes narrow. ‘And why, pray tell, would it psych you out, boyfriend?’

  ‘It wouldn’t,’ Christian mutters, turning to walk away. ‘Just don’t get hurt, okay?’

  Kat pats my arm. ‘Ignore him. The competition is warping his brain.’

  I nod, but somehow her words don’t make me feel any better.

  I wait on stage for my music cue, willing my mind to empty of everything but my performance. When the cue finally comes, I launch into my solo, trying my best to give it my all. Placing well in these finals is an important step in my career.

  The music finishes and I rush over to the wings, the audience’s applause ringing in my ears. Does that mean I’ve done well?

  Ben’s waiting for me, a huge grin lighting up his face.

  ‘So, I’m thinking,’ he begins shyly, ‘if anyone was to have the skillage to cross ladders, it would be you.’

  I stare at him. ‘How would that work?’

  ‘Well, the ladders would have to be pretty close,’ Ben tells me, demonstrating with his hands. ‘And then if you just leaned over …’

  He pauses. I wait for him to go on, my heart in my mouth.

  ‘Or I could …’

  And then he’s leaning in to kiss me. It’s amazing. Romantic and special.

  As I pull out of the kiss, Christian walks out of the shadows on the other side of the stage. Our eyes meet, then he looks away, obviously rattled.

  I turn to Ben, Christian’s words about Ben trying to psych him out jangling in my ears.

  ‘Tell me you didn’t do that just to mess with Christian,’ I demand.

  Ben does a double-take. ‘What? Um, no! I mean, asking you to the beach was a tactic, sure, but –’

  I shake my head, my heart plummeting to my feet again. How could he play with me like that?

  ‘But it didn’t end like that,’ Ben gabbles on. ‘There was a moment when –’

  ‘Stop talking,’ I tell him, my voice icy. ‘This crush – or whatever it was – is officially over.’