Chloe stared at him. “You were having an affair before he went away?”
Nick looked at Chloe then as if he’d forgotten she was in the room. He ran a hand through his hair. “Yes. She was already unhappy. They’d been married two years. She said they’d both tried to make it work, and he hadn’t been unfaithful that she knew of, but she could tell he didn’t love her.” He turned back to Garth. “You were always going away, leaving her. She was lonely.”
“So you stepped in,” he said through gritted teeth.
Nick met his gaze. “Yes. I meant what I said. I loved her from the first moment I saw her. I worshipped the ground she walked on. She was everything to me.”
“And you killed her,” Garth said cruelly.
“Yes.” Nick’s eyes shone. “I did.” He swallowed. “You have every right to be angry with me. But I don’t think it’s me you’re really angry at.”
Garth covered the room in a heartbeat, catching Nick by his shirt collar and thrusting him up against a filing cabinet with a crash. “Are you sure about that?” he yelled, towering over the shorter man.
Sweat beaded on his brow, and his eyes were glazed. Chloe’s heart went out to him, and she came forward to touch his arm gently. “Nick’s right.” She flinched as Garth turned his blazing eyes on her, but she continued, “I think maybe you’re angry because while you were away, you survived by dreaming of mending your marriage when you returned—that you’d make it into a perfect relationship. And you’re angry at Nick because you feel he took that away from you, just as your captors took away eighteen months of your life.”
She squeezed his arm. “Nick’s not to blame, love. He’s certainly not innocent in this sorry story, but the crash was an accident, and he’s more than paid for what he’s done. Doing this—destroying the shop, trying to destroy Nick—it won’t make you feel better. Because he’s not the one you’re trying to get revenge against. That year and a half of your life is gone, honey. You can’t get it back. And you can’t make the people who took it from you pay. You’ve got to deal with it and move on. Or you’ll end up destroying yourself.”
His eyes met hers. His chest heaved with emotion, and his eyes shone with unshed tears. “I can’t,” he whispered.
“She came here to buy the shop,” Nick told him bitterly. “I thought you looked so happy together at the beach house—I was certain you’d bought it for her. But all you can think about is yourself.”
Garth stared at her. “Is that why you came here?”
She nodded, biting her lip. Realization dawned in his eyes that he’d ruined her plans, that he’d ruined everything. His eyes went flat, dead.
He thrust Nick to one side, who stumbled into the wall. Then he walked over to the desk and took the edge in his hands. It was a heavy, sturdy desk, but he lifted it easily and threw it over, sending the computer, the pens and calculators and all the paperwork crashing to the floor. She screamed, and Nick yelled in fear.
Then he walked out, leaving the two of them in stunned silence.
Chloe just stared at Nick, who stared back.
Finally, he grabbed the jacket from the back of his chair. “I’m sorry, Chloe. I’ve screwed everything up.” Face crumbling, he walked out of the shop before she could stop him.
Chapter Thirty-One
Chloe left the shop and walked to the beach. She took off her shoes and let her toes sink into the sand, while the waves crashed on the shore and seagulls cried overhead.
Her life lay in shattered pieces around her, but the memory of the pain in Garth’s eyes overrode everything. He missed his late wife so much, and he’d been so caught up in his past, he’d been unable to find his way out of the dark forest he’d ended up in. His frustration at his incarceration had led him to hit out at the only person he could hurt—Nick Stewart.
It felt like the end of the world, but Chloe made herself take deep breaths and let the cold sea air cleanse the anguish from her system.
Garth had said she helped him to feel free. Instinctively she knew she was the only one who could help him out of the deep chasm of rage and grief he’d fallen into. That didn’t necessarily mean a future lay ahead for them together. But it did mean she might be able to help him begin to heal.
And to help herself to heal, as well. She’d made a mess of so many things, including the relationship with her mother. And that would be the first place to start.
She walked along the beach, thinking all the while, turned up the main road and headed for Nina’s house up on the hill. She knocked on the door and waited for her mother to answer. As Nina came to the door, Chloe heard her talking to someone behind her. The new boyfriend.
Nina opened the door, and her smile faded. But she didn’t yell or slam the door in her face. “Hey Chloe.” She stepped back. “Come in.”
“Thanks,” Chloe said awkwardly. She walked into Nina’s pretty little home, through into the living room, stopping as she saw a man standing waiting for her, hands tucked into the pockets of his jeans. He wasn’t very tall, maybe the same height as herself, with greying hair. Nina’s usual type was built like a rugby player with his brain in another part of his anatomy. This man looked gentle and nervous, and he swallowed when she walked toward him and held out her hand.
“You must be Sam. I’m Chloe.”
He bobbed his head. “Yes, hello Chloe. Very nice to meet you.”
Chloe shook his hand, liking the firm grip and the way his eyes skirted immediately over to Nina to check she was all right. He released Chloe’s hand and walked over to her mother, put his arm around her and kissed her forehead. “I told you there’d be nothing to worry about,” he said. Giving her a squeeze, he smiled at them both. “I’m going to have a lie on the bed for a while, so you two can have a chance to talk.”
Chloe watched him walk away, and then she turned to Nina as he disappeared into the bedroom. “He seems nice.”
“He is.” Nina’s tone wasn’t sharp, but neither was it conciliatory. She walked into the kitchen, bustling around putting cups into the dishwasher. “He’s lovely.”
She stopped suddenly and rested her hands on the worktop. “I love him,” she whispered, looking over at her daughter. “I know I haven’t known him for very long, and I know you’ve heard it from me before, but this is different. Before, I’ve just wanted to love the guy, you know? I’ve been desperate for it to work out, for some security. But this time, I was determined to go slow, and yet, after only days, I knew I loved him.”
Tears pricked Chloe’s eyelids. “I know, Mum.” She walked up and threw her arms around her. “I’m so sorry I said those cruel things. It was unforgiveable, and I’m so, so sorry. You didn’t deserve it.”
“I did,” Nina said, her voice muffled against Chloe’s shoulder. “I know I’ve been awful to you, sweetie, just awful in the past. You had a terrible childhood, and I regret so many things I did to you. But I’ve started taking some different medication over the past few months, and for the first time in…well…ever really, I feel better. But I’m still sorry.”
“It doesn’t matter.” Tears ran down Chloe’s face. Come to think about it, her mother had been different lately, but she hadn’t paid attention, too caught up in her own misery after her split with Ethan. “I just wanted to say... I understand. I... I’ve met someone too. I haven’t known him for very long, but it’s become clear that my feelings go deeper than friendship. It frightens me though, and I was reacting to that when I spoke to you so harshly.”
Nina stepped back and held her hands. “Oh Chloe, I’m so pleased for you. Who is he?”
She wiped her face. “His name’s Garth, and he owns a flight business out at the airfield. I’m not sure what’s going to happen between us. It’s complicated and very messy. But anyway, that’s not why I came.”
“Why did you come?”
“I...” Suddenly, Chloe couldn’t raise the subject. It would sound as if she’d only gone there to ask for money, and that seemed terribly hard and cruel. “I ca
me to apologize.”
Nina cocked her head and raised an eyebrow. “Come on, I know you better than that. What’s up?”
Chloe swallowed. “I really did come to apologize. But I’ve got an idea for something, and I was going to ask...” She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter.”
Nina led her to the sofa and made her sit down. “Come on, tell me.”
Chloe looked at her hands. “It’s all horribly complicated. Garth’s bought Cocoa Heaven in town, but he doesn’t really want the shop, and I think he may sell again, if I ask him. I thought about getting a business loan, but I need some collateral. And I don’t own a house.” She finished feebly, hating herself.
Nina just studied her, though, her face blank. “You want to put my house down as collateral for your loan?”
Chloe covered her eyes and shook her head. “I can’t believe I’m asking, I’m really sorry I came, Mum, I feel awful.”
“Of course you can.”
For a second, she didn’t think she’d heard right. “What?”
“I’m sure you’ve done all the finances, worked it all out, right?”
“Yes, but—”
“I trust you, sweetie. It’s the least I can do for you. I want you to be happy.” She leaned forward and kissed Chloe’s forehead.
Chloe could hardly speak for overwhelming emotions. “You’re sure?”
“Of course I’m sure. When are you going to the bank?”
“I’ve seen them already to get the loan okayed in principle, but then they mentioned collateral and I wasn’t sure what to do...”
“Bring the forms and I’ll sign them, sweetie. And good luck—I know you’ll turn the business around.” She smiled. “You always did like chocolate.” She patted her knee. “Now go on, I’m sure you’ve got lots to organize. And there’s a film on a minute that Sam and I want to see.”
Chloe stood and walked with Nina to the door. Then she turned and gave her a big hug. “I love you,” she said huskily.
“Love you too,” said Nina.
Chloe stepped back. She thought about what she’d considered at the beach house—that maybe Nina was like Garth, the drudgery of everyday life leaving a gaping hole in her soul, making her empty and terribly, terribly lonely. “I really like Sam,” she said.
Nina’s lips twisted wryly. “Me too.”
Chloe met her eyes. “Does he complete you, Mum? Is he what you’ve been looking for?”
A slow, beautiful smile spread across her face. “I think he is, yes.”
“Then I hope you’ll both be happy. I really do.”
She left the house and walked back to the beach, her heart a little lighter at the thought that maybe she’d now be able to talk Garth into selling her the shop. She’d seen the look on his face when Nick had told him about her plans. He’d hated himself for ruining her dream, and she was sure he’d be open to a business offer from her.
And what about a personal offer? That remained to be seen.
Chapter Thirty-Two
After he left Stewart’s shop, Garth went home and collected Orion, then rang Alan Brown, a member of the Department of Conservation who took flying lessons at Sky High. He asked Alan if he could rent the DOC lodge in the Puketi forest for the weekend, and Alan agreed. Garth picked up the key and drove the thirty or so miles to the forest, relieved when the bush finally swallowed him up. He parked outside the lodge, let Orion loose, and sat on the steps to look out at the magnificent view of the surrounding countryside.
He stayed at the lodge occasionally when he felt the need for freedom, and he’d never felt it more than now. It seemed as if the world didn’t have enough space for him, as if every wall closed in on him, making him feel suffocated and confined. Even sitting there, with no sound except the singing of the cicadas in the bush and Orion snuffling happily in the undergrowth, his throat constricted and a heavy weight pressed on his chest.
He lay back on the deck and closed his eyes.
He’d ruined everything. He’d thought Chloe wanted security, but he’d pushed her too far too soon, and she’d assumed their relationship was a fake because their feelings couldn’t possibly be so deep. And she’d obviously planned to buy out Stewart at Cocoa Heaven, but he’d ruined that too.
He was so caught up in his past and his tortured feelings that he’d destroyed his one chance of happiness.
Hot tears burned his eyes, and he covered his face with an arm, wishing he’d stayed in Afghanistan. Maybe it would have been better if his captors had finished him off. If he’d never come back. Surely everyone would have been happier.
A patter of footsteps sounded on the deck and before he could sit up, a shadow loomed over him. Orion licked his hand.
“Hey, boy.” The dog sat next to him, leaning against him heavily, and he patted the dog’s flanks. “You’d miss me if I wasn’t here, right?”
Orion sneezed and rested his head on Garth’s leg.
Garth sank his fingers into the dog’s fur, emotion overwhelming him at Orion’s unconditional love. In the past, he’d never been the sort of man to wallow in self-pity. How could he have changed so much since then?
He raised his arm, remembering the moment when he’d looked into Chloe’s eyes on the plane, thinking how much they reminded him of the sky. She was wrong. She’d thought his declaration of love meant they only had a physical connection, but that didn’t explain why he was so distraught at the thought that he’d upset her. Yes, of course, he desired her, wanted her in his bed. But there was much more to it than that.
His feelings for her ran deep—deeper than anything he’d ever felt for Jess. And maybe that was why he’d got so confused. His marriage to Jess had been born of the moment, a marriage of convenience that had been failing even before he went to Afghanistan. He’d convinced himself while he was kept captive that he’d be able to turn the relationship around, that she’d be waiting for him, having missed him desperately. It had hurt incredibly to find that not only had she not been waiting for him, but she even seemed disappointed that he’d come back.
He’d struck out the only way he could, but he’d been wrong to do so. Nick Stewart wasn’t the one who’d ruined his life. True, he hadn’t helped the situation, but he’d been foolish to think punishing Nick would make him feel better. All it had done was make him feel small. And in the process he’d ruined Chloe’s dreams.
A tui bird sailed across the bright blue sky to the trees. Garth frowned. Had he ruined everything irrevocably? Or could he retrieve something from the tangled mess he’d created?
Already asleep, Orion snored, and Garth stroked him as the sun beat down on them both. He’d dug himself a huge hole, but he was the only one who knew the way out. And he could either give up and remain there, alone and confined, or he could climb out and escape. Only he could free himself. Maybe all along, he’d been the one to hold the key to his own shackles.
***
On Sunday evening, he knocked on Chloe’s front door. Orion sat by his side, waiting patiently, but after a few moments, he realized no one was in.
Sighing, looking up at the rainclouds gathering above them, he sat on the tiles inside the porch. “Looks like we’ll have to wait, boy.” He stroked the dog, and Orion flopped down beside him. “I’ll wait all night if I have to,” Garth murmured. He’d done some serious thinking over the weekend, and he refused to leave until he’d seen Chloe to sort things out.
After about half an hour, he saw her walking along the road toward them. She’d obviously been on the beach, judging by her windswept hair. She stopped at the gate and stared, eyes widening as she saw him waiting for her, and she bit her beautiful bottom lip, hesitating. Would she walk off? Refuse to talk to him? But to his relief, she opened the gate and walked up to him.
“Hey.” She ducked into the porch as the heavens opened and the rain hammered down.
“Hey,” Garth said. His heart pounded at the sight of her, beautiful and clean-looking in denim cutoffs and a bright pink T-shirt that cl
ung to her curves, making his mouth water.
He’d missed her so much over the weekend that it hurt to have her standing in front of him and not take her in his arms. But he had no right to any sort of positive reaction from her—not after how he’d behaved. So he made himself wait.
She dropped to her haunches and stroked the boxer’s ears, letting him lick her hands and face. “I missed you too,” she murmured.
“I’d lick you all over as well,” Garth said, unable to stop himself, “but I figure I have some explaining to do before you let me do that.” Hoping he looked suitably contrite, he produced a single red rose from behind his back. “Happy Valentine’s Day for tomorrow.”
Chloe stared at it, and he could see he’d surprised her. She took it from him, holding it up to her nose to sniff the aroma as she met his gaze. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” The rain pounded on the ground, and he edged closer to the door.
She lowered herself down opposite him. Orion shuffled over to her and put his head on her knee.
“Traitor,” Garth said.
She smiled then. “Have you two been working on this?”
“No, that’s all him,” he said. “Nothing to do with me.”
She scratched the boxer’s ears, but kept her eyes on him. “What do you want, Garth?” She twirled the rose in her fingers.
He studied her. He’d gone over and over this in his mind, but now that he was facing her, words failed him. She’d smiled, but her eyes were cool, cautious, and he felt suddenly tongue-tied. “I don’t know,” he said honestly, after a full thirty seconds of silence, during which she waited, patience turning to curiosity at his inability to compose a sentence. “I’ve got so much to say, but I don’t know where to start.”
She stroked Orion’s soft, velvety ear rhythmically, and the dog grunted with pleasure. Jealousy stabbed through him. He glared at the dog, who raised his eyebrows as if to say, “Eat your heart out.”
“Start at the beginning,” she said. “The most important thing.”
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