Kisses to Remember

by Christine DePetrillo

  “Right.” Holden scanned the menu. “I should be carrying that Epi-pen with me.”

  Johanna grabbed her purse and held it up. “It’s in here.” Her gaze met Holden’s and held there for a moment.

  Kam snuggled against his mother’s side. “Mom takes care of everyone.”

  “Yes, she does. And it’s a good thing too.” Had anyone ever taken care of him?

  The waitress came back to take their orders, and Holden focused on the menu. The fact that Johanna had thought to stow the Epi-pen in her purse for him kept breaking his concentration. Who cared about a complete stranger like that? Who?

  Johanna Ware did.

  “Cheeseburger, please.” Kam squirmed around in the seat beside Johanna.

  “I’ll go with the cheeseburger too.” Johanna closed her menu and handed it to the waitress.”

  “And you, sir?” The waitress’s pen hovered over her pad as she looked at Holden.

  “Make that three cheeseburgers.”

  The waitress gave a smile as if to say, Oh, gosh, aren’t you guys cute? Then she took Holden’s menu and scurried off to the next table.

  Kam wiggled a bit more in his seat before whispering to Johanna. “Mom, I have to go to the bathroom.”

  She slid out of the booth, and Kam bolted out toward the restrooms. A silent moment hung over the table as Johanna and Holden sat there. Just the two of them. Alone.

  Holden stretched out his legs and accidentally hit Johanna’s under the table.

  “Sorry.”

  “Are you?” She raised an eyebrow at him as she took a swig of her lemonade.

  “Not really. No.” He reached his legs back out and corralled her ankles between his. “I know we’re just doing errands, but I’m having a great time with you and Kam.”

  “Me too…and that’s what worries me. Especially how good of a time Kam is having.” She toyed with her napkin-covered silverware. “Look, Holden, we have to be really—”

  Holden reached his hand across the table and put a finger to Johanna’s lips. “I know we have to be careful, but we should be honest too.” He let his finger slip off her lips and loved how her tongue ran over where he’d just been. “You feel it, right? It’s not just me, is it?” He had to know he wasn’t the only one who wasn’t thinking rationally. Being attracted to her wasn’t a symptom of a concussion.

  “It’s not just you. I feel…”

  Kam came back before she could say more, but something beneath Holden’s still tender ribs grew, expanded, flooded with warmth, with…certainty. He squeezed his legs together around Johanna’s ankles. When she made no move to free herself, he settled into his seat a little more and just enjoyed the moment.

  The waitress brought over their orders after Johanna and Kam had teased Holden about the mystery party theme. He truly had no idea what they could have changed it to. He did know he wanted to be around to go to that birthday party even if it meant a delay in getting his full memory back.

  The cheeseburger was phenomenal. Perfectly cooked, expertly topped with cheddar cheese, bacon, lettuce, tomato, onions, and honey mustard sauce. The surrounding wheat bun was slightly buttered on the inside with grill marks. Holden couldn’t quite remember other cheeseburgers he’d consumed in his lifetime, but this one had to have beaten the record.

  Perhaps it’s the company that’s making this burger so good. Holden glanced up at Johanna and Kam as they ate. Johanna took small, neat bites of hers, while Kam bit off more than he could chew. When they both reached for their lemonades, however, he could tell they were related. The way they held the glass. The way their mouths puckered at the rim. The way their heads tipped as they swallowed. Why did he desperately want to have these little details in common with them?

  Johanna was right. They needed to be careful, but looking at them made him want to throw out all caution and make them his.

  Crazy.

  Shaking his head, Holden continued eating his own burger. Only when he heard little choking sounds did he look up at Kam. The boy had a French fry dangling half in and half out of his mouth as he stared past Holden.

  Johanna immediately turned toward Kam, her hand on his back. “Are you okay, honey? What’s wrong?”

  Kam continued to stare, the little noises dropping off.

  Holden looked over his shoulder and spotted a little blond-headed girl and a short, unnaturally blond woman approaching their table. When the girl came up next to Holden’s side of the booth, Kam’s fry dropped from his mouth onto the table.

  “Hey, Kam.” She had an angelic voice, but a gleam in her bright green eyes.

  “Christina. Hi.” A single bead of ketchup rested at the corner of Kam’s mouth.

  Holden passed the kid a napkin and pantomimed wiping his own mouth. Slowly, Kam caught on and did the same.

  “I’m Johanna Ware.” Johanna held out her hand to the woman standing beside Christina.

  “Michelle Darren and this is Christina.” The woman paused, waiting for Christina to speak, but she was staring at Kam as he stared at her. Finally, Mrs. Darren elbowed Christina. “Say hello to Mrs. Ware, Tina.”

  With pinked cheeks, Christina wrenched her gaze from Kam and focused on Johanna. “Hello, Mrs. Ware.”

  Mrs. Darren peeked at Holden and offered him a smile. One that was less “nice to meet you” and more “want to see my panties” than he cared it to be.

  “This is our friend, Holden Lancaster,” Johanna said, causing Mrs. Darren to look back at her.

  “Nice to meet you,” Holden said.

  “Likewise.” There was a purr to the word that goosepimpled Holden’s flesh. Standing near Johanna put this woman in a category Holden didn’t even want to give a name to. Michelle Darren had cropped hair and tired brown eyes rimmed with heavy black eyeliner. She appeared to be a lot older than Johanna too, but it may have been the flowered skirt, blousy tank top, and purse hanging from the crook of her elbow. Holden didn’t know if he had a “type,” but Michelle Darren wasn’t it.

  Johanna rubbed one of her legs along Holden’s under the table. When he looked at her, she grinned and Mrs. Darren cleared her throat.

  “Well, Christina saw Kameron and had to come over. She got your birthday party invitation and…well, go on, honey. Reply to the boy.” Again, she nudged her daughter.

  “Can you come?” Kam’s fingers gripped the end of the table, and Holden felt a little anxious for the kid.

  “I’d love to come to your party, Kam.” Christina darted her gaze away quickly, and everyone let out a collective exhale.

  “Great!” Kam said.

  Mental note, Holden thought, teach kid to be cool and aloof around the ladies. As if he were doing such a wonderful job at that himself with his ankles still hugged around Johanna’s.

  “We’ll see you then, Christina. Nice meeting you.” Johanna nodded to Mrs. Darren.

  “Nice meeting you all.” Mrs. Darren only zoomed in on Holden, however. “We’ll leave you to your lunch.”

  “Bye, Kam.” Christina gave him a wave then flipped her blond hair off her shoulder. In a few years she’d be dangerous.

  “Bye.” Kam released his grip on the table.

  After Mrs. Darren and Christina walked away, Holden reached across the table and held out a hand to Kam. “High five, Kam. She’s cute.”

  Slowly, Kam high-fived Holden. The boy’s palm was soaked.

  “Oh, Christina makes your palms sweat, does she?” Holden winked at Johanna who had thrown an arm around Kam’s shoulders.

  “Yeah.” Kam used a napkin to wipe his hands. “Is that bad?”

  Holden arrowed a glance at Johanna. “No. I’d say that’s good. Very, very good.”

  ****

  Johanna had felt like a teenager on the drive home. She stole quick glances at Holden , remembering the feel of his legs around hers under the table at the restaurant, daydreaming about kissing him as she devoured her cappuccino-flavored ice cream. She couldn’t muster up the caution she needed to protect her
self and Kam.

  Protect yourself from what? Holden had made no alarming moves. He’d been a perfect gentleman so far. Hell, he’d been a damn hero during the tornado with Ted. There didn’t seem to be anything to fear about Holden Lancaster.

  Only that he’ll break my heart. And that would be messy. Johanna didn’t like messes. Alex had caused a huge mess, and she spent a part of every day still cleaning that one up.

  She’d tried to push Holden out of her head by getting in some work time in her office while Holden, Ted, Kam, and Miles took a walk—a slow one—down to the cabin site. The quiet house was conducive to work, and she’d accomplished a great deal, but still, a little piece of her brain kept wandering to Holden.

  Sitting at her desk now, staring at the tall grass waving in the gentle summer breeze, she decided there was still enough day left to mow the lawn around the house. The buzz of the tractor might rattle her back to her senses. She clapped her laptop shut after saving her work and padded to her room to change into a pair of frayed jean shorts and a purple tank top. After pulling on socks, she eased her feet into gray, steel-toed workboots.

  And, of course, the workboots made her think of Holden.

  “Holy Hell, you’re pathetic.”

  She tied the boots and filled a bottle with water in the kitchen. Grabbing a baseball cap hanging on a peg by the back door, she headed for the tractor shed. If she squinted, she could see Holden, Ted, and Kam in front of the cabin debris. Kam made a move to go toward the debris, but Holden called him back over. Kam immediately did as Holden had asked. Her son stood beside Holden, his little face looking up at the man as if every word that came out of his mouth was something amazing.

  “We already want him,” she said. Too late to undo that. She and Kam were in too deep.

  Sighing, Johanna unlocked the tractor shed and hopped onto the machine, fitting a pair of noise-reducing headphones over her ears. She revved it to life and rolled out of the shed. Throwing a wave to the boys who had turned at the start-up noise, she drove around to the front yard and started there. The tractor had seen better days, and the sound of it was horrendous, like a cross between an angry buffalo and an elderly chainsaw. The vibrations beneath her weren’t as smooth as they used to be either. In fact, today they were a little jerky and sputtering.

  She turned the corner, and even with the headphones, she heard the loud knocking emanating from the tractor. Grumbling, she hopped down as Holden jogged toward her and Miles galloped alongside him. Ted and Kam followed behind at a pace Ted could manage.

  When he caught up to her, Holden said, “That didn’t sound right.”

  “Nope.” Johanna kneeled beside the tractor, trying to get a look underneath. “I don’t think I ran over anything.”

  “I don’t think you did either. Not that kind of noise.” Holden opened up the engine area and poked around. “Nice V-Twin engine.” His hands moved expertly over the jumbled up cluster of parts. “Here we go. Just what I thought. Not enough lubrication in the crankcase.”

  “Huh?” Johanna peered over his shoulder.

  “The oil is too low right here.” He pointed inside the mess of parts and wires. “Do you have more oil?”

  “In the tractor shed,” Ted said as he and Kam approached. “Been meaning to get to that before it caused a problem. Sorry, Johanna.”

  “It’s not your responsibility, Ted. I should learn more about the stupid thing if I’m going to use it.” She turned to Holden. “You didn’t hesitate at all over this engine.”

  Holden’s eyes widened. “You’re right. I didn’t have to think. I just knew where everything was and what the problem could be. Guess it’s not a far stretch from racecars. You’ve proven to be a memory jog once again.” He elbowed her and sauntered off to the tractor shed, Kam scrabbling after him.

  “Handy guy to have around, isn’t he?” Ted asked now that they were alone.

  Johanna fiddled with her baseball cap. “He is.”

  “I’m going to do a one-eighty here and say I think he’d be good for you and Kam.” Ted held up his hands when her eyes popped open. “I know, I know, but I can’t find anything wrong with him.”

  “Me neither.”

  “He could be good at hiding his darker side, but I don’t think he’s got one. I really don’t.” Ted shrugged. “I’m going to sit on the porch for a while. It’s shaping up to be a nice evening out here, me thinks.” He threw a glance out over the field where the sun was still a few hours away from setting. “I may be on crutches here,” he added, “but I’m capable of keeping an eye on Kam. You know, if you need some time to yourself or…” He gestured toward Holden coming out of the barn. “I’ll even play Legos with the kid.”

  Ted pulled the bill of Johanna’s cap down and laughed when she fumbled with righting it. When she turned around, Holden and Kam were back with the oil.

  Some time? Maybe some time was exactly what she needed. Looking at Holden as he explained the inner workings of the tractor’s engine to Kam, she knew time might be short. Holden was remembering things in bits and pieces, but it would all come back to him. She’d been focused on keeping her distance so when he remembered she could let him go easily. Maybe she should be working it from another angle. Maybe she should help him build some memories of Nebraska, of Kam…of her, so when he did regain his full memory, he’d choose to stay right here.

  Falling instantly in love with this new plan, Johanna stepped closer to the tractor. Like a trained mechanic, Holden added oil and tinkered with a few other parts while he had the engine opened.

  “Holden knows a lot about engines, Mom,” Kam said. “If we’d let that oil situation go any longer, it could have led to severe engine damage. Maybe the whole tractor would have died.”

  “Is that right?” Johanna looked over Kam’s head and watched Holden’s greasy fingers tighten a cap. The way he was bent over the engine caused his new jeans to showcase a phenomenal ass. Hurray for new clothes!

  “Kam, your grandfather said he wanted to play Legos with you.” She angled her head toward the porch where Ted helped her out by waving Kam over.

  “Really?” Kam hesitated, looking between Ted on the porch and Holden leaning against the tractor.

  “C’mon, kid!” Ted called. That sent Miles trotting toward the house.

  “You’d better go.” Johanna gave Kam a little nudge toward the house. “It may the pain medication he’s taking, but I don’t know if you’ll ever get another invitation from Pep like this again.”

  Kam glanced back at the tractor, and Holden said, “Don’t worry, Kam. I’ll explain more stuff to you whenever you want.”

  “Okay.” He ran off toward Ted who pulled himself up to his crutches and followed Kam into the house.

  “What was that about?” Holden searched for a place to wipe his hands.

  “Follow me.” Johanna led him into the barn and to a small half-bath where he could wash his hands.

  When he finished, she blocked his exit from the bathroom by putting her hands on either side of the doorway.

  “What’s this about?” He pulled her hat off, letting her waves loose. “First, you get rid of the kid. Now, you’re holding me hostage.”

  “I want to thank you for fixing the tractor.”

  “Do I get to choose how you thank me?” He rested his hands on her hips, and his touch awakened every part of Johanna.

  “Nope, I’ve already decided.” She pulled on the neck of his T-shirt, drawing him close until his lips were level with hers. His blue eyes stared directly into her blue eyes, locked there, and caused a slow burn to creep throughout her body.

  When her lips touched his, fireworks erupted in her soul.

  ****

  She fit into his arms as if she were a permanent part of him and always had been. Holden slid his hands down from Johanna’s hips and buried them in the back pockets of her shorts. He pressed her a bit closer against him while their mouths explored. Quick nips turned into deeper tastings, tongues grazing each oth
er, small noises rumbling in their throats.

  No amnesia here as he instinctively cut a trail along her neck and across her shoulder with his lips. She smelled like a summer garden and tasted just as good. He lowered them both to the hay covered ground, his lips never leaving her silken skin, and continued his expedition around her body. When her hands cupped his face then slid into his hair as she kissed him, he nearly loss consciousness.

  Had anyone ever touched him like this? He had to imagine so, but had it meant anything to him? Had it whipped his very blood into a red-hot frenzy?

  Johanna rolled him to his back and straddled his hips. Grinning, she pinned his arms above his head and leaned down to run her tongue along his neck. He shuddered beneath her, his hands locked on her thighs, but wanting to touch her absolutely everywhere.

  When she sat back, the feel of her pressing against his arousal made speech impossible. He didn’t want to remember anything but her.

  She let out a sigh and closed her eyes. “I’ve been wanting to kiss you like that since you looked at me from your plane.” Her lips were on him again, this time slow and gentle as she pulled him to sitting.

  He wrapped his arms around her back and gave some attention to the soft underside of her chin. When her head angled back to expose her neck, he felt like a vampire ready to drink. And God, he wanted that drink. Needed that drink.

  But she’d mentioned the plane. The plane you don’t remember flying.

  He dropped one more kiss on her neck, then leaned back on his arms to catch his breath, to gain some distance though his body screamed to get closer, only closer.

  “We’re not ready to do this.” He motioned between the two of them, one part of his brain—a pretty big part—calling him every foul name it could think of. Look at her, fool!

  “I know.” Johanna slid off his lap and let herself drop into the hay beside him.

  “You know?” Had he wanted her to agree with him? Hell, no.

  “Yeah, I have this feeling you’re one of those honorable types who wouldn’t want to go all the way until you knew for sure who you were.” She stretched out her arms and stared up at the rafters. “I can appreciate that about you, Holden.” She rose to her elbow. “I can also wait until you’re ready if...”