Kisses to Remember

by Christine DePetrillo

  “If?” He shifted a little closer to her.

  “If you let me kiss you in the meantime.” She pulled him down and set his mouth on fire again. How could he not agree to this deal? She was fairy tale princess in ripped shorts and a tank top. He wanted to be her prince. A prince with a history he could remember. A history that would hopefully prove him worthy of such a woman.

  Johanna stood and held out a hand to him. “Kam will keep Ted busy for a while with the Legos. You want to go for a walk with me? I know a great place to kiss by.”

  “I love how you manage to combine a devilish grin with an angelic face.” He took her hand, and she pulled him to his feet. His ribs twinged a little as his muscles contracted, a subtle reminder that waiting was right.

  They walked across a field with high grass as the sun lost its golden hue. Wispy strips of hot pink smeared the sky, and muted light filtered into the woods. He followed Johanna until she stopped by a swiftly moving brook. Water gurgled a sweet melody as it rolled over smooth stones and fallen logs. Three stumps had been positioned along the mossy bank, and Johanna lowered to one while patting the one to her left.

  “Take a load off,” she said.

  Holden sat beside her and picked a long blade of grass. He used its feathery end to tickle Johanna’s calf. She swatted his hand away and scratched her leg.

  “Are you going to be a problem, Mr. Lancaster?” She narrowed her eyes at him and hooked some hair behind her ear.

  “Maybe.” He picked a wild daisy next and stuck that into her hair. “Maybe not.”

  She leaned her head on his shoulder, and his arm automatically went around her back. “Maybe we should review what you’ve already remembered. It might stimulate something else.”

  “I don’t know if I can handle any more stimulation.” Holden accepted a kiss on the cheek.

  “Seriously. Let’s see.” She sat up, and Holden instantly wanted her back touching him. “You’ve remembered something about banana-nut muffins minus the nut, your favorite beer, your construction abilities, racecars, that you want to play the guitar, and engine maintenance. That’s a lot actually for only a few days.”

  “It is, but I’m worried about why I don’t remember flying.” He ran his hand through his hair, felt some hay fall out, did a quick check to see if any more was stuck to him somewhere. “If flying was what I did for a living, I must have spent a lot of hours doing it. I should remember that, don’t you think?”

  “Maybe you don’t remember flying because the traumatic event that caused the amnesia in the first place was a plane crash. Maybe the two are so intertwined that your mind is trying to protect you by blocking out your pilot life.”

  Holden loved the way Johanna’s pupils got big as she spoke, as if she were convincing herself and him that what she said made sense. It did make sense actually.

  “That thinking could maybe explain why I don’t remember Texas. I was probably flying from there. And the company, Donovan Electronics. That would be closely related to the crash too, right?”

  Johanna made a noise that didn’t sound like total agreement. “It’s logical, however, no one at the company knows you.”

  “Maybe I’m a nobody.” He couldn’t come up with a single name of someone he might have worked with, so maybe he wasn’t very social.

  “I find that hard to believe, plus no one knows the other pilot either.” She fell silent for a moment. “I am such a jerk.”

  “What? Why?” A jerk was not a word he would have associated with her.

  “I never told you about the other pilot.” She slumped forward so her head rested on her knees and groaned. “I was supposed to tell you after you had rested and gained some memories back, but I forgot. What kind of a person forgets that? I’m so sorry.”

  “Don’t be. Kam told me on my first night with you guys.”

  She zipped upright. “He did? Well, that wasn’t good either. Hearing a possible friend didn’t survive. Jesus.” She shook her head. “We’re not taking very good care of you, Holden.”

  He swiveled on the stump so his knees pressed into her thigh. “You are taking excellent care of me. You’ve given me a place to rest, food, and people to interact with. You gave my libido the vigorous workout it needed.” He put his hand on her leg when she laughed. “I don’t even remember the other pilot as terrible as that makes me feel, especially because he didn’t make it out of the crash alive, so don’t, do not, blame yourself for not telling me sooner.”

  She nodded, but he could tell she was going to carry some blame for a little while longer.

  “Do you know the other pilot’s name?” Maybe that would spark a memory.

  “No, but the doctor who handled you at the hospital knows. He’s the one who told me Donovan Electronics didn’t recognize the other pilot. We can give him a call.” She popped up from the stump, but Holden pulled her back down.

  “Tomorrow.” He dropped a kiss on her cheek and hugged her to his side. “There’s always tomorrow.”

  Chapter Ten

  “It looks great, Mom!” Kam surveyed the yard behind the farmhouse. Red, white, and black streamers wound around the porch’s posts, black and white checkered flags lined the stairs, and the racetrack tablecloth covered a long picnic table. Goodie bags filled with plastic racecars and candy sat in a red tin bucket on which Holden had helped Kam paint the word NASCAR.

  There were games too. Johanna had made a Pin the Steering Wheel to the Dashboard game that she had tacked to the side of the barn. Ted had relabeled some plastic bottles so they looked like motor oil bottles and filled them with water for a game of Fill Up Your Engine. A black bucket with a marked fill line served as a mock engine.

  And the most extreme game, the one that had Kam busting with excitement, was the Cart Race. Running parallel to the barn, Holden had cleared a swath of land after he and Kam had picked up all the large branches and yard debris caused by the tornado. The two of them had spread and compacted fine gravel in a big loop and spray painted a dotted white line down the middle. They used scrap wood and wheels to build two pedal-powered carts. They’d even painted the carts in flashy colors and put sponsor names and numbers on them. The party guests would get to take turns racing each other around the mini-track and would no doubt be exhausted by the time the party was over.

  Kam had never looked so happy. He’d had a wonderful time working on the party stuff with Holden, and if Johanna wasn’t mistaken Holden had gotten something out of spending time with her son. She’d enjoyed watching them work together as well and was selfishly relieved Holden hadn’t remembered anything that would take him away from them yet.

  Since their kiss in the barn three days ago, they’d kept a lid on their attraction in front of Kam and Ted, though Johanna caught the looks Ted tossed between them when they all sat at the dinner table. Were they giving off pheromones or something? Probably, because the moment Ted hobbled to the guestroom and Kam fell asleep in his bedroom, she was following Holden down to the basement where they kissed, cuddled, said naughty things to each other, and basically turned each other on until one of them came to their senses.

  Waiting was getting to be a challenge. When simple things like seeing Holden standing at the refrigerator, combing the shelves for a snack, raised her heat level, she knew she was in trouble. Everything he did awakened her girl parts. Everything. She couldn’t stop thinking about him. Even when she sequestered herself in her office to work, part of her brain was still focused on Holden. She would have called herself pathetic if he hadn’t admitted to being in the same situation.

  A set of lips brushed against her cheek while Kam and Miles were inspecting one of the carts. She turned to find Holden standing behind her.

  “Thought I’d sneak that in while the kid wasn’t looking.”

  “I’ve been thinking about that.” Johanna looked up into Holden’s eyes and knew what she was about to say was right. “Maybe we don’t have to hide.”

  It had been both of their ideas to keep a
low profile so as not to get Kam involved in something that might not work out in the end. Protecting Kam was top priority to Johanna, but so was making him happy.

  “For some reason, Kam genuinely likes you.” She poked Holden in the stomach, and he grabbed her hand to hold it there.

  “Is that so hard to believe?” He took a step closer and already Johanna felt warmer.

  “No.” She gestured to the party set up. “You’ve bribed the boy nicely with cool party ideas.”

  “Least I could do. I mean, the kid changed his theme to something he thought I’d like better than monster trucks. He’s awesome.”

  “That’s Kam. He just does nice things. Doesn’t even have to think about it. Wish the world were full of more folks like him.” She looked back at Kam who was laughing to himself as he pedaled around the track. “I also wish he’d stay ten years old forever. Just look at him.”

  She sniffled a little, and Holden slid his arms around her, pressing her back to his chest and kissing her lightly on the neck. “Nothing says you can’t send birthday wishes to Kallie too. Wherever she is, she’ll hear her mama.”

  Johanna closed her eyes and leaned her head back against Holden’s shoulder. “Kam told you about Kallie.”

  “Yes.” Holden squeezed her a little tighter.

  A few tears meandered down her cheeks and for a moment she allowed herself to picture a ten-year old girl twirling about by the picnic table in a pair of shorts and a pink T-shirt. Her long, brown hair swung around, and her laughter, Kallie’s laughter, filled the air. It was the best vision she’d ever had of Kallie—one she’d keep tucked away in her heart.

  “Kam!” Johanna called.

  Holden started to release her, but she held his arms firmly around her.

  When Kam looked up, the largest smile in recorded history bloomed on his face. He abandoned the cart and ran toward them, throwing his arms around Johanna’s waist. Kam was a first rate hugger, but Johanna felt this embrace reach deeper than any hug he’d ever given her.

  He stepped back and tossed a glance between Johanna and Holden. “I wondered when you guys were going to stop sneaking around.”

  “You little punk.” Johanna reached out to grab him, but he skittered away.

  “Holden and Mom have sweaty hands, sweaty hands, sweaty hands,” Kam sang as he hopped down the steps and jumped around in the yard.

  “What is all the noise out here about?” Ted pushed open the screen door with his crutch.

  “Mom and Holden like each other!” Kam yelled.

  Ted let loose a low chuckle. “No crap, kid. Tell me something I don’t know.”

  Kam fell over into the grass, laughter shaking his small body.

  “Well, I guess there’s no harm in doing this then.” In a swift move, Holden dipped Johanna low and planted a wet, sloppy, noisy kiss directly on her lips.

  Ted and Kam hooted and cheered, but Johanna almost didn’t hear them over the thumping of her heart. A thumping Holden caused every time he got close, touched her, looked at her.

  Kam stepped back onto the porch. “This doesn’t mean you can get all kissy during my party.” He pointed a scolding finger at Johanna and Holden. “My friends don’t want to see that kind of stuff.”

  “Yes, sir.” Holden saluted him. “We’ll behave.” He grabbed Kam around the waist and hoisted him in the air. He let him dangle over the porch railing, and Johanna was impressed with Holden’s ability to hang onto a wiggling eighty-pound boy.

  Holden set Kam down when Johanna mentioned the boy’s face appeared ready to explode. Red-cheeked and still laughing, Kam righted his bunched up camouflage T-shirt and twisted shorts. He looked at the watch Ted had given him that morning for his birthday, one with a compass and calculator, and pushed Johanna toward her purse on the porch bench.

  “C’mon,” he said. “We’d better go visit Dad.”

  He set off for the Bronco, and Johanna glanced at Holden.

  “I promised Alex I’d bring Kam by so he could wish him a happy birthday in person.” Johanna looked down to her sneakers.

  Holden lifted her chin so she’d look at him. “You don’t owe me an explanation, Johanna. He’s Kam’s father. He has a right to see him.”

  “My son gave up his rights when he acted like a dumbass.” Ted let the screen door slam shut as he retreated back into the house.

  “Ted hasn’t exactly forgiven Alex.”

  “Kam told me why he got arrested. He believes his father is a good man.” Holden looked in the direction of where Kam had run off. “He must be if he contributed to that kid of yours. Good begets good.”

  “Alex is a good man. He just…acted like a dumbass, as Ted said. He got wrapped up in bad decisions. Decisions that cost him his freedom and Kallie her life.” Johanna sifted out a long breath. “I’d better get Kam over there so we can be back in time for the party.” What she meant was, I’d better keep my distance from you, Holden Lancaster, before you hurt me too.

  She grabbed her purse from the bench and headed down the stairs.

  “Johanna?”

  When she turned around, Holden was sitting on one of the porch steps. “I promise never to act like a dumbass. You have my word.”

  She pointed a finger at him. “You better remember you said that.”

  And I’d better not be a dumbass for believing you.

  ****

  Waiting to see Alex took forever. Was it because Johanna didn’t really want to see him today? Was it because Kam talked about Holden the entire time they sat in the waiting area? Was it because a mega-dose of guilt was attacking her system?

  You have nothing to be guilty about. Alex divorced her when he got sentenced to prison. She had been willing to stick it out, but he had insisted on giving her freedom back. She hadn’t done a damn thing with that freedom.

  Until meeting Holden. And Holy Hell, she wanted to go wild with him.

  When Alex finally shuffled into the visiting room, Kam and Johanna were immediately on their feet.

  “What happened, Dad?” Kam sat when the guard gave him a stern look.

  Alex didn’t answer until the door closed. “Don’t worry about it.”

  “Alex, your eye and cheek look terrible.” Johanna sat and stared at the dark purple, almost black bruises around Alex’s left eye and along his left cheek. It looked as if he had on Halloween make-up. The area around his eye was swollen, almost hiding his actual eye completely.

  “There was a small issue in my cell two nights ago.” He looked at Johanna with his good eye, then glanced at Kam.

  Okay, not a topic discussable in front of the kid. “You’re okay?” she asked instead.

  “It’ll be fine.” Not I’ll be fine. He managed a lopsided smile at Kam. “So, are you all ready for your party, birthday boy?”

  “Yes,” Kam said slowly, still focusing on Alex’s bruising. They’d never seen Alex in such a condition. Usually the guards took a little extra care making the inmates look presentable when there was a child visitor, but how do you hide a bruised face like Alex’s?

  “Look, Kam,” Alex put his cuffed hands on the table between them.

  Cuffs? Alex had never remained handcuffed when they visited. He was considered a model prisoner. Docile, harmless, favored. What had happened two nights ago to change that?

  He slid his hands back to his lap. “I don’t want you to worry about me, buddy.” He stared at Johanna. “You either. This,” he gestured to his face, “was bound to happen at some point. I got it over with and it won’t happen again.”

  If Johanna had someone to watch Kam out in the waiting area, she would have sent him out there right now and demanded to know what happened to Alex. The thought of him being behind bars was bad enough. She didn’t want to think of him in danger too.

  “Tell me about the party plans,” Alex said, trying to refocus their conversation to lighter topics.

  When Kam hesitated, hypnotized by his father’s bruises, Johanna said, “It’s a racecar theme, right, Kam
?” She nudged him gently.

  “Uhh, yeah. Racecars.” He blinked and shook his head. “We made a racetrack and Holden built…” His voice dropped off as he looked at Johanna. “Should I not talk about…you know…”

  Johanna had never seen Kam this frazzled. He was usually the one who kept her calm on these visits. She half wanted to scoop her son up and leave. One glance at Alex, however, and she couldn’t do it. She couldn’t deprive him of time with Kam.

  She squeezed Kam’s hand under the table and faced Alex. “We have a friend staying with us.” Friend didn’t sound like the right word. “Actually, he’s become more than a friend to me.”

  “To me too,” Kam said. “Holden’s great.”

  Alex closed his eyes, winced when the muscles in his bruised cheek moved. “I’m glad you guys have found someone nice.” His voice was a raspy whisper.

  Is he hurt worse than we can see? Or was knowing they’d finally let someone into their lives breaking his heart?

  Johanna’s throat stung as Alex’s handcuffs jingled in his lap. Suddenly this small room seemed even smaller.

  “Do you want us to go, Dad?”

  She almost couldn’t keep her composure when Kam asked that question. Being that perceptive at ten years old had to suck. Johanna remembered being a completely oblivious kid and loving every minute of it.

  Alex looked up and cleared his throat. “No, I don’t want you to go. That’s the problem, buddy.” He scratched his scruffy chin, then squared his shoulders. “Enough of this. It’s your birthday, Kam. Let’s talk about your party.”

  So they did. Kam was careful not to mention Holden again in his description of the decorations and games. He let Alex tease him about Christina Darren and promised to take good care of Ted after describing the tornado encounter.

  When the guard knocked on the door and opened it, Johanna was torn between wanting more time with Alex to make sure he was okay and getting the hell out of there.

  “Have a great birthday, Kam.” Alex stood and glanced at the guard who nodded. He rounded the table and kneeled down in front of Kam. “Make sure you blow out all those candles and wish for something good.”