Kisses to Remember

by Christine DePetrillo

  Kam hugged Alex. “I will, Dad.”

  Alex stood. He took a long moment to look at Johanna. Time stood still as his good eye stood frozen on her face.

  “Hey, kid,” the guard said, causing Alex to blink and take a step back. “You like dogs?”

  “Yeah,” Kam said. “I have one. His name is Miles, and he’s a Border Collie.”

  “You want to see some police dogs? Big German Shepherds?” The guard looked at Johanna, sending a silent message she could have a few moments with Alex alone if she wanted them.

  “Can I, Mom?”

  “Sure. Five minutes.” She nodded her thanks to the guard.

  “Go to the front desk and they’ll page me. Ask for Cooper.” He swung his hand out to the hallway, said a brief word to another guard who would take up his post watching Alex, and led Kam out of the room.

  The new guard said, “Five minutes. That’s all you two have.” He looked at his watch and shut the door.

  “Tell me what happened,” Johanna demanded.

  “A fight. Not a big deal.” Alex sat again.

  “A fight about what? I know this isn’t a country club, Alex, but you haven’t gotten beaten up before.”

  “Drop it, Johanna.” Alex stretched out one leg then the other as he stared at the wall behind her.

  “I will not drop it.” Johanna took a step forward and maneuvered herself into Alex’s line of sight. “A fight about what?”

  He huffed out a breath and winced again. “A fight about whether I wanted to be somebody’s bitch or not.” He looked up at her now. “See? You didn’t really want to know, did you?”

  “I…I…” She couldn’t think of anything sensible to say.

  “It’s better I emerged with these bruises than becoming someone’s man-whore, isn’t it? You should see the other guy. He won’t be wanting a date with me again.” His voice rose to a very non-Alex volume. Prison was changing him as only it could. She was surprised it had taken this long. The worst part was she couldn’t do a damn thing to help him.

  “Look, maybe you and Kam shouldn’t come anymore.” He studied his shoes. “It sounds like you’ve got someone. Time to move on and all that shit. Coming here isn’t doing you any good, and Kam shouldn’t have to see me like this.” He raised his cuffed hands, gestured to his face. “We got divorced so you guys could have a life.”

  “No, we got divorced because you insisted upon it.” Johanna pointed a finger at Alex. Ending their marriage had not been a mutual decision at the time.

  “It was the right move. You know it was.” Alex wouldn’t look at her again. “Don’t come anymore. Please.”

  “Is this really what you want?” Tears burned at the corners of her eyes.

  “No. What I want is to go home with you. I want to go to Kam’s birthday party. I want Kallie to be there too, along with the shitload of other kids we would have had by now. I want to kiss you, hold you, make love to you. I want to erase what I did to get me here. I want a fucking do-over.” He slammed his joined fists down on the table.

  The guard opened the door, his hand resting on his holster. “Everything okay in here?”

  Johanna nodded.

  “Two more minutes.” The guard disappeared back into the hall.

  “This Holden guy, he’ll take care of you two?” Alex reached out for Johanna’s hand.

  She took it and he sandwiched her hand between his. The cold metal of the handcuffs chilled her as they rested on her fingers.

  “Kam and I can take care of ourselves.”

  “It’s a good thing our son has you. You’ll keep him from ending up like me.”

  “He’s already like you, Alex, and that isn’t a bad thing. I fell in love with you, remember? I have high standards.” Johanna let out a breath when Alex smiled.

  “Does the new guy know that?”

  “Not yet. I’m breaking him in slowly.” She pulled Alex to his feet and embraced him. Into his ear, she whispered, “If you change your mind, get someone to call me and we’ll visit again.”

  Alex nodded against her cheek. After dropping a light kiss on his bruised cheek, she stepped back and squeezed his hand.

  “Tell Kam I love him.” He looked at her for a second longer before knocking on the door.

  The guard opened it and escorted Alex out. Johanna leaned against the threshold as Alex trudged down the hallway with the guard. They turned a corner and he glanced back at her, a sad smile on his face.

  Then he was gone. Cell doors rattled in the distance, and Johanna struggled to keep herself from sobbing. Her relationship with Alex had been over for a long time, but this…today…was so final.

  Turning around, she wandered to the front desk and asked for Cooper. Her son would come out, they’d go back home, and she’d try to pretend the blank slate in front of her wasn’t the scariest thing in the world.

  ****

  Sabrina had listened to the dramatics in the visiting room at the Valentine Correctional Institute through the bug she’d had another inmate plant on Alex Ware while he was beating the stuffing out of him. Well, technically, Alex had gotten in far more jabs and hooks than Sabrina’s man had, but for the price she’d paid, she was satisfied with the outcome.

  Alex Ware was quite the actor. He’d done as he was told. Cut the kid and ex-wife loose and they got to live. That was what Alex thought the deal was anyway. Sabrina hadn’t decided the fate of Johanna and her son just yet. For right now, she needed them. They were the perfect distraction for Holden. He was so busy playing house with them that his old life was still a blur. As long as it stayed that way, Sabrina didn’t have to kill Holden right away.

  She should take him out as was her original plan, but something deep inside her—something between her legs—wouldn’t let her. Sabrina had wanted to fuck Holden Lancaster since she hired him. That was one of the main reasons she took him on as a corporate pilot. He had interviewed with about ten other applicants, but his resume and his sex appeal had won her over instantly. She loved the idea of hiring both a competent employee and a lover. Very convenient.

  He had been a competent employee. Too competent. Uncovering the activities DE was involved in had gone above and beyond his job description. For that, he had to die.

  He also had to live. Sabrina was not willing to let Holden take all the sexual fantasies she had imagined with him as the lead role to the grave with him. He’d survived the plane crash for a reason. Obviously he was meant to please Sabrina physically before he left this life. She’d have him first, then she’d kill him.

  And if he didn’t live up to her every hope, she’d kill Johanna and the kid too. Who was she kidding? She’d kill Johanna and the kid just for the fun of it.

  ****

  Johanna hadn’t been right since she returned from visiting Alex. Holden didn’t get the chance to pull her aside and talk, because she jumped into getting hot dogs ready for grilling, watermelon sliced for eating, cake candled for wishing. Soon after, guests poured in with their chaperones and chaos reigned. Boys Kam’s age, his girl cousins, which weren’t related by blood but by their mothers’ friendships with Johanna, and of course, Christina Darren and her mother gathered in the backyard.

  The children immediately got involved in the many games under the direction of Ted and two fathers. Squeals of excitement echoed from the cart race, and Holden was pleased it was such a big hit. Kam was laughing now, but he too was a little weird after the prison visit.

  Must be hard to see one’s father in prison.

  Holden scanned the yard, looking for Johanna, but got caught by Mrs. Darren’s gaze instead. She waved and weaved through the other adults to get to him on the porch.

  “Holden, wasn’t it?” She fiddled with the turquoise stone on her necklace.

  “Nice to see you.” Nicer to see you leave.

  “So how did you meet the Wares?”

  “Actually, Johanna saved my life.” Why not give her a little fuel for the gossip mill?

  “Saved your
life? How?”

  “I crashed my plane in her field and she pulled me out of the wreck.” He hunted for Johanna again in the crowd of partygoers and found her WareTeez.com T-shirt over by the Pin the Wheel on the Dashboard game. She was spinning a blindfolded boy around and around while the onlookers clapped and shouted, “More, more!”

  “Well, that’s quite a story, Holden.” She stepped a little closer. “I’ll bet a pilot has lots of wild stories.” She raised her eyebrows on the word wild and joined him on the porch.

  Yeah, but I don’t remember any of the wild stories. When Johanna looked up from across the yard and stuck her tongue out at him, he didn’t care about wild stories. He only cared about the one being written presently.

  “Christina looks like she’s having a good time.” Holden gestured to where the girl was speeding around the racetrack. “She’s really moving in that cart.”

  Mrs. Darren pursed her lips. “Yeah, she can be such a…a boy sometimes. I’ve tried to get her into dance or piano lessons, but she insists on things like karate and skateboarding. You’d think a pretty little girl like her would want to wear dresses and play with dolls, but no way.”

  Holden liked Christina a little bit more. “A kid’s going to be what a kid’s going to be. No sense in going against the grain.”

  “Clearly, you’re not a parent, are you?” Mrs. Darren squinted in the sun, making her face look raisin-like.

  Holden didn’t answer her question. Didn’t have an answer. Not really. It’d been almost two weeks he’d been staying with Johanna, so he sure as hell hoped he wasn’t a parent. Watching Kam having a ball with his friends made him think being a parent might be something he’d enjoy though.

  “Have you had one of my brownies?” Mrs. Darren asked.

  “No, I—”

  Mrs. Darren grabbed his arm and practically yanked him down the porch steps toward the picnic table. “You must try one. I’m famous around here for my…goodies.”

  She plopped a chunky brownie into Holden’s hand, a brownie he didn’t want, but she waited there beside him, willing him to eat it. He brought it up to his mouth, prepared to take a bite, but Johanna darting across the yard stopped him. He searched for Kam, hoping he wasn’t hurt or something, but the kid was still playing games and running around.

  “Don’t eat that!” Johanna took the brownie from Holden.

  Mrs. Darren’s hands had gone to her hips. “What’s wrong with my brownies?”

  “Are these your famous walnut brownies the other mothers were raving about?” Johanna asked.

  “Of course.”

  “He can’t eat nuts.” Johanna bit into the brownie instead. “And it’s too bad, because these are awesome.” She wiped brownie crumbs from her lips, and Holden wanted to kiss her senseless in front of everyone.

  Instead, he bowed to her. Turning to Mrs. Darren, he said, “She saved my ass again.”

  “Guess you’ll have to keep me around.” Johanna winked at him. “Come help me.” She took his hand and tugged him toward the barn, still eating the brownie. “Really, Michelle, these are fantastic.”

  Mrs. Darren smiled, but looked a little defeated that Johanna had claimed Holden.

  “I think you saved me on a few levels just now.” He slid his arm around Johanna’s waist and loved that she didn’t shrug him off or tell him he shouldn’t touch her in front of everyone. He’d been a little concerned that her visit with Alex had made her reconsider her feelings for him. Whatever those feelings might be.

  “Yeah, I don’t know Michelle Darren well, but she strikes me as being a lioness sniffing out prey.” She pointed to Holden. “And you are some prime prey, buddy.”

  “Spoken like a true predator.”

  “Roar.” She swiped a mock claw at him, then shifted into Mom Mode. “Who’s ready for hot dogs?”

  A chorus of “Me, me” rang out, and Holden helped Johanna and the other parents corral the children to the picnic table.

  Ted was already cooking the hot dogs and yelling, “Order up,” every few minutes. Holden and Johanna played waiter and waitress to all the guests, and soon the party pandemonium calmed down as everyone ate. Parents chatted softly, a few eruptions of laughter here and there along with a few tornado tales while a cooling breeze kept everyone comfortable.

  Holden sat on the porch steps next to Johanna and ate his share of hot dogs. How was it that even simple food tasted heavenly when seated beside someone you wanted to kiss from head to toe? Feeling Johanna’s arm brush against his when she lifted her hot dog to her lips made him downright crazy with wanting her. He was a real idiot for saying he wanted to wait until he got his memory back to be with her all the way. What if his memory never came back? What then?

  “Guys, can I open presents now?” Kam rested one hand on Johanna’s knee and the other on Holden’s. Something warm popped and oozed in Holden’s chest as he realized the kid was asking permission from both of them. He respectfully remained silent as Johanna told Kam he could open presents, but he would not forget the significance of the gesture. Everything Johanna and Kam did made Holden fall a little deeper under their spell. Did they even realize the magic they wielded?

  After presents, the cake came out followed by a rousing rendition of “Happy Birthday.” Even Miles howled along. Holden spent some time playing horseshoes with Ted and some of the dads. He was pretty good at it, though he didn’t remember ever playing the game before.

  “You got good aim, son,” Ted had said. “Must be that pilot eyesight.”

  A few of the guests started to leave, and Kam politely thanked each of them for coming. When Mrs. Darren told Christina it was time to go, the girl pulled on her mother’s arm until Mrs. Darren bent down. Christina whispered something, and Mrs. Darren nodded with a small smile.

  “Kam,” Christina said after she waited for another guest to say their good-byes.

  Kam turned around and an instant flush filled his cheeks.

  “I had fun today.” She kicked dirt off her sneaker.

  “I’m glad you came.” Kam made wavy lines in the dirt with his heel.

  “Maybe you could come over to my house next week. I have a pool and my mom said it was okay if I asked you.”

  Johanna looked at Holden with a mix of “Aww, isn’t that cute,” and “That girl did not ask my baby to go to her house, did she?” He slid an arm around her shoulders and the tension there sifted out. Nice to know he had that effect on her.

  “I love swimming,” Kam said. “Mom, can I go?”

  Mrs. Darren put a hand on Kam’s shoulder and said, “My brother lives with us and he’s an EMT who happens to be on vacation next week. Kam will be perfectly safe at our house.” She looked at Holden. “As would anyone else who would like to visit.”

  Did she not see his arm around Johanna? Or was she merely refusing to see it?

  “Can I, Mom?” Kam asked again.

  Holden had to applaud the kid’s use of his big, brown eyes. How could anyone say no to him?

  Johanna took a step forward and cupped her son’s cheeks in her hands. “Yes, you can go. Give Mrs. Darren our phone number while you walk her and Christina to their car.” She looked up to Mrs. Darren who gave her a nod.

  “We’ll set up a day. Thanks for inviting us.” Mrs. Darren gave Holden a final glance then followed Kam to the front of the house where the cars were parked.

  The last of the guests filtered out after the Darrens, and once they were alone, Johanna’s shoulders slumped in Holden’s grip.

  “My baby has a date. Ugh.” She slapped a hand to her forehead.

  “It was bound to happen. Kam’s a good looking kid. I’m sure Christina is the first of many dates.”

  “Double ugh.” Johanna started throwing paper plates and cups into a big trash barrel.

  “Well, you have a date too,” Holden said as he dumped ice out of a cooler. “Any time you want one.” He dropped a kiss on her cheek as he put the empty cooler on the porch.

  Kam ran into
the backyard and began cleaning up the games until Johanna called him over.

  “It’s your birthday, sweetie.” She kissed his forehead. “Take a night off at being the World’s Greatest Son and go play with your gifts.”

  Kam hesitated. “Really?”

  “Really. There’ll be plenty of chores for you to do tomorrow. Chores befitting an official ten-year old. More responsibility, more challenge…”

  Kam let out a groan, but hugged Johanna around the waist. “Thanks for the laptop and design software. I can’t wait to figure it all out.” He looked at her for a moment before asking, “Did Dad tell you what happened to him?”

  Mother-son moment. Holden busied himself by walking over to the cart racetrack and wheeling the carts into the barn. He hadn’t been mistaken. That prison visit this morning was more than a visit. He couldn’t imagine being Alex. Being part of a family like this one and then having it ripped away from you. By one’s own actions on top of it all. Regret must weigh heavy on Alex Ware. Regret was something Holden didn’t want to live with. Uncertainty was bad enough.

  He peeked out one of the barn windows. Johanna and Kam were sitting at the picnic table. Both of them wore glum expressions on their faces as Johanna talked. He’d give them their time, then he’d spend the rest of the evening making sure all Johanna did was smile.

  Smile and maybe shout his name a few times.

  Chapter Eleven

  Johanna grabbed her glass of wine and stepped onto the porch where Holden sat with a beer. Miles scooted out of the house and bolted off in pursuit of something rustling in the bushes. She thought of calling the dog back, but let him have his fun instead. He had been cooped up in the basement for the afternoon because one of Kam’s friends was terrified of dogs. As if Miles would ever hurt anyone. That dog was the sweetest animal she knew. Ted was always telling her how Miles sucked as a guard dog, but she didn’t care. She hadn’t gotten him for that reason. She’d gotten him to fill the gaping holes in their lives.

  “Kam asleep?” Holden was angled in the corner of the bench, one arm draped over the back as if inviting her to fill the space beside him.