Kisses to Remember

by Christine DePetrillo

  ****

  The delivery trucks had left all the building materials Holden had ordered for Ted’s cabin down by the site on Friday afternoon. With Kam’s birthday party yesterday, he hadn’t gotten a chance to start the construction, but after a night of magnificent physical activity and a breakfast fit for a king this morning, Holden was ready to dive into the project. Ted needed his own space and Holden needed a little time to sort things out in his head.

  “Can I help?” Kam and Miles followed Holden out of the barn where he’d gathered some tools.

  “Sure.” So much for the alone time. You didn’t want it anyway. Better to have Kam chatting away than to get irritated over what he couldn’t remember. Johanna said she’d call the doctor. Part of Holden was hopeful. Maybe the doctor would provide some little detail that would unlock everything. He had to be close to getting his full memory back. Remembering Vaughn and the crash was a breakthrough, wasn’t it?

  He’d expected the rest to flood back after that, but all through breakfast, only two things looped in his brain. One was seeing the ground rush up to him as he did in his dream that wasn’t a dream this morning. Every time he blinked he had the sensation of falling again.

  Between blinks, however, his night with Johanna filled the void. She had made him feel as if he were someone important, someone who had a life. Someone who wanted to enjoy her body again and again. But it was more than her body.

  “Your mom is fantastic,” Holden said to Kam as they followed a galloping Miles toward the cabin site.

  “Don’t have to tell me that.” Kam beamed a smile up to Holden. “What do you like best about her?”

  Holden puffed out a breath. How to answer this one when there were a million things he liked about her?

  “I can only pick one thing?” He set the tools he carried down in the grass.

  Kam nodded.

  “Okay, then I’m going to say I like her big heart best.” The body that contained that big heart was high on the list as well.

  Kam sat on a pile of two-by-fours and rubbed Miles. “Yeah, I don’t know how she does it.” The boy’s face suddenly went painfully solemn.

  “What do you mean?” Holden didn’t like seeing Kam look so serious. Usually the kid glowed like the sun itself.

  “My dad going to jail and Kallie dying broke her heart, but she’s still able to give me all kinds of love. She makes me feel like I’m the most important thing in the world.”

  Holden let out a brief chuckle. Hadn’t he thought the same thing? “Some people are good at thinking about what other folks need.”

  “Mom should get a prize or something.” Kam hopped off the wood pile and picked up a tape measure.

  “That’s a great idea, Kam. After we’re done here for the day, let’s make her one. We can give it to her tonight.”

  “Okay!” Kam’s face brightened and Miles barked. “Yeah, Miles, Mom is good to you too.”

  “What’s your mom’s favorite dinner?” This question made Holden think about all the things he didn’t know about Johanna, all the things he wanted to know. Maybe tonight he’d ask her a few things. Tonight when he held her again on the couch in the basement for he didn’t plan on sleeping alone. Now that he knew what it felt like to be that close to her, he wouldn’t settle for anything less.

  Kam shrugged. “She eats lots of stuff, but I’d say she likes Italian food best.”

  “Are there cookbooks in the house?” Holden hadn’t scoured every square inch of Johanna’s farmhouse. He’d tried to stay to his quarters and not be in the way, although he did seem to find himself wherever Johanna happened to be unless she was working in her office.

  “The cookbooks are in the kitchen above the refrigerator.” Kam’s smile grew as he rubbed his hands together. “Are we going to cook her something?”

  “We’re going to try.” Holden was liking this little plan more and more. Johanna deserved a night in tribute to her greatness.

  “We can get Pep to help. He’s a good cook. He’ll tell us what to do.” Kam giggled. “Mom will be so surprised!”

  “That’s the hope, kid.” He patted Kam on the shoulder, then handed him a pair of work gloves. “Now let’s get to work on this cabin.”

  Holden consulted the more detailed blueprint he’d sketched of Ted’s new cabin. He was glad the man liked simple because with a crew consisting of a ten-year old and a dog, anything more complicated would have been…complicated.

  They worked until Johanna came out with lunch. Man, boy, and dog wolfed down sandwiches, chips, and fruit, then agreed to work for one more hour before coming in to go to the hospital.

  “Dr. Sakala has agreed to meet us while Ted has his appointment,” Johanna said.

  “Great. Thanks.” Holden followed her gaze to the beginnings of Ted’s cabin behind him. He was actually impressed at how much he and Kam were able to frame so far. The existing foundation had been surveyed and found to be sound so slapping up walls had gone rather smoothly. Not to mention the fact that Kam was an excellent helper.

  “You look as if you know what you’re doing out here,” she said.

  “You doubted us?” Holden slung an arm around Kam’s shoulders.

  “You shouldn’t doubt us, Mom.” Kam shook his head.

  “No, I wasn’t,” Johanna defended. “I thought…I don’t know what I thought. Good job, guys.”

  Kam turned around, picked up the blueprint, and walked toward the structure. When he was out of earshot, she took Holden’s hand and said, “Thank you.”

  “For what?”

  “For allowing Kam to help you. For spending time with him.” Her blue eyes softened, and Holden’s gaze zoomed in on her supple lips, on the sunshine in her coppery hair, on her hand in his.

  “I really ought to be thanking you, Johanna.” He tossed a glance over his shoulder at Kam. “For letting me spend time with him.”

  “He looks up to you.”

  “That’s why we need the full picture on me. I shouldn’t take the kid’s admiration if I don’t deserve it.” He wanted to deserve it. More than anything.

  “Regardless of the past, Holden, what you’ve done while being here with us makes you worthy.” She reached up and dropped a quick kiss on his lips. “See you in an hour.” With a wave to Kam, she turned around and started back to the farmhouse.

  “Kam?” Holden asked. “Close your eyes and don’t open them until I tell you to.”

  Kam didn’t question Holden. He just did as he was told. Holden waved a hand in front of the kid’s face. Convinced Kam wasn’t peeking, he ran to Johanna and scooped her off her feet. She let out a squeal that was sure to have Kam opening his eyes, but Holden didn’t care anymore.

  “An hour is too far away,” he whispered in Johanna’s ear. “Can’t wait that long.”

  Catching her mouth with his, Holden took what he wanted. His body pulsed with desire when Johanna didn’t hold back. She kissed him as if they were two teenagers in the backseat of a borrowed car and curfew was just moments away.

  Kam’s giggling was close. Too close. Reluctantly, Holden pulled his lips from Johanna’s. He loved how dazed she looked. Drunk. Daydreamy. He was certain he looked exactly the same.

  “Are we going to build this cabin or what?” Kam pretended to be annoyed, but the boy’s dark eyes gleamed as he pulled on Holden’s tool belt.

  “You peeked.” He put Johanna down and cuffed Kam on the back of the neck.

  “I’m a kid, Holden. Kids peek.” Kam threw up his hands as if this were an obvious truth.

  “I’ll have to remember that.” He sent Johanna a grin and enjoyed the flush on her cheeks. A flush he’d put there with his kiss. A flush he’d like to put there again and again.

  Chapter Twelve

  A small beam of light shined into Holden’s eye as Dr. Sakala examined him. He hadn’t expected an actual appointment. More of a question and answer session was what he’d been looking for, but when the doctor told him to sit on the end of the exam table, Jo
hanna had nodded and stepped out of the room. Holden wished she’d stayed.

  “So,” Dr. Sakala said as he pressed his stethoscope to Holden’s bare chest. The instrument was cold, and Holden sucked in a breath until his skin warmed it. “You’re still staying with Ms. Ware?”

  “She hasn’t kicked me out yet, so yeah.”

  The doctor smiled. “No headaches, dizziness, vision problems, vomiting?”

  “No.”

  “Good.” Dr. Sakala took Holden’s arm and inspected the healing skin where the stitches had begun to disintegrate. “This looks well on its way.” After checking Holden’s head where hair had grown back, the doctor gave a satisfactory nod then sat on the stool next to the exam table as he handed Holden his T-shirt. “What about your memory?”

  Holden slid his shirt on and ran a hand through his hair. “That still seems to be a problem, Doc. I’ve remembered little things, like my favorite beer and that I can build things. Yesterday, I remembered the other pilot and the plane crash, but there’s so much more I still don’t remember.”

  “Remembering the crash is big. I’m sure the rest isn’t far behind. I know it probably feels like it’s taking forever, but it hasn’t been that long. A few weeks, right?”

  Holden nodded. “Can you tell me anything about the other pilot? Vaughn Bennett?”

  “Just that he was DOA and that company you supposedly worked for…what was it again?”

  “Donovan Electronics.”

  “Right, right. They said they didn’t know Mr. Bennett, and nobody claimed his body so we cremated him. It’s as if the two of you didn’t exist before crashing here. Like you came from a parallel universe or something.”

  “It feels like that.” Holden sifted out a breath. “I’m sick of not knowing everything about myself.”

  Dr. Sakala motioned to the door of the exam room. “Maybe I’m off here and out of line, but are there a few new things you’ve learned since your time with Ms. Ware?”

  Holden’s face got hot. Could the doctor tell Johanna made him horny as hell? “Perhaps.”

  “Well, son, my advice is to count your blessings. A woman willing to take you in, feed you, care for you, and whatever else is most likely a fantastic woman. I’d stick with her and let your past dribble in whenever it damn well pleases.” He stood and strung his stethoscope around his neck. “You’re healthy. That’s the main thing.” He clamped a hand on Holden’s shoulder. “Anything else I can do for you?”

  “No, sir. Thanks.” He slid off the exam table and followed the doctor out to the hall.

  With a handshake, Holden left the doctor’s office and took the stairs down to the actual hospital. As he walked along the corridor, he passed a room where a bunch of machines chirped and buzzed and another one where a patient moaned loudly.

  Count your blessings is right. He shuddered to think about how he could have ended up after that plane crash. Severely injured. Permanently scarred or disabled.

  Dead. Like Vaughn.

  Holden’s stomach flopped and the hallway in front of him wavered. He thought about turning around and telling Dr. Sakala that maybe he was dizzy and having vision problems, but the scene before him quickly changed. He and Vaughn were in a…a garage. After a moment, he recognized it as his garage. Tool cases lined tidy shelves on one wall of the space and a shop stool was pulled up to a work table. The scene shifted again to reveal a racecar. A work of art with its glossy black and red paint.

  Vaughn leaned against the car, and annoyance prickled Holden. He regarded his buddy, noting his sandy blond hair and tall build. Looking into his eyes, he realized he knew this face. Truly knew it.

  Vaughn’s expression concerned him. His hazel eyes were wide, and he kept glancing to the closed garage door, like a mouse looking out for a hungry cat. He opened his mouth causing Holden to edge forward, ready to hear what his friend would say, desperate to hear it.

  “Holden?”

  Something touched his arm and he blinked. In that moment, Vaughn’s face and the garage disappeared. He was back in the hospital corridor, and Johanna stood in front of him.

  “Holden, you’re so pale. Are you okay? What did the doctor say?” Her voice had gone shaky, cautious.

  He licked his dry lips and focused on her face. What was Vaughn going to say? Damn, how could he get back to that memory or vision or whatever it was?

  “Shit.” He pushed past Johanna and headed for the main doors of the hospital.

  “Where are you going?” she called.

  But he didn’t stop. He went right outside and took a big gulp of fresh Nebraska air. It didn’t do a thing to help him.

  “Dammit.” He kicked his boot against the building.

  “Well, that’s smart.” Johanna stood in the open doorway of the hospital.

  “Steel toe.” He pointed to the tip of the work boot. “I’m fucking invincible.”

  Leaning against the bricks, he stared at the sky. Fluffy, white clouds drifted by as if time meant nothing. They had all afternoon to swim across the blueness overhead. Holden focused on one cloud in particular. Shaped like a seahorse, it followed cirrus wisps, its tail end coming apart a bit as it passed.

  Sky, clouds, flying, planes. Sky, clouds, flying, planes. If he repeated these words over and over, perhaps he could get another vision. Another one with Vaughn in it.

  “What happened back there?” Johanna asked.

  Holden squeezed his eyes shut. “Can I please have a few minutes here?” He instantly regretted his tone. When he looked her way, Johanna shot fire at him from her big blue eyes.

  “Take all the time you want.” Her tone was equally acidic as she let the door go and stomped inside the hospital.

  Why are you being a jerk? Holden asked himself. She’s been nothing but nice to you, idiot.

  “Johanna.” He stopped the door before it closed all the way, but Johanna kept walking. She moved so fast he had to jog to catch up to her. “Wait a second, will you?”

  She turned around, her arms folded across her “Peace, Love, and Chocolate” T-shirt. Her eyebrow arched as if to say, Well?

  “I’m sorry.” He pointed to the spot in the corridor where he’d been having the vision. “When you touched me over there, I was in a memory. In my garage. Vaughn was there and about to say something to me.”

  Johanna examined her toes sticking out from her sandals. “And me touching you jarred you out of the memory?”

  He nodded.

  “Shit. I’m so stupid.” She chewed on her lip, and Holden wanted to kiss that lip. How could he be mad at her?

  “Not your fault. You didn’t know I was in a zone. I didn’t have to bite your head off either.” He stepped closer and rested his hands on her biceps. “I’ll try to get it back later. How’s Ted?”

  “He’s doing all right. They’re putting a new cast on, a smaller one.” She fiddled with the straps of her purse. “I figured I’d come find you, see what was going on. I feel wretched about interrupting your—”

  He stopped her with a finger to her lips. “Don’t feel wretched. You’ve done so much for me.” He dropped a light kiss on her cheek. “In fact, Kam and I were talking about how wonderful you are this morning while we worked on Ted’s cabin.”

  Johanna grinned now, and Holden melted a little inside. “Is that right? What did you say about me?”

  Holden shook his head. “Nope. Not going to tell you here.” He gestured to the hospital staff bustling around. “I’ll tell you tonight during a little something Kam and I are organizing.”

  “What are you two planning?” Both of her eyebrows went up now, and she leaned against Holden. In that moment, Holden solidified his plans for making love to her later tonight.

  “Can’t say.” He zipped his mouth closed. “All I know is that there will be food, speeches, applause, and who knows what else? Do you have a fancy dress?”

  “Oh, is this a formal affair?”

  An image of Johanna in a barely there dress tightened parts of his anatom
y. “I just decided that it is.” He kissed her and loved how she licked her lips when he stepped back. “Let’s get Ted and Kam and get out of here.”

  Without any argument, Johanna led him to a room where a nurse was laughing with Ted. Kam hopped off a chair and ran to Johanna.

  “Pep knows Miss Nancy from high school a really long time ago,” Kam said.

  “You could probably leave off the ‘really long time ago’ part, squirt.” Ted hooked an arm around Kam and yanked him to where he sat. “Miss Nancy here still has eyes that twinkle when she laughs.”

  The nurse, Nancy, swatted at Ted’s shoulder. “Only over your jokes, Ted.” She gazed down at Ted’s face, and Holden had to agree that her eyes did indeed twinkle.

  “Are they flirting?” Johanna asked Holden without really moving her lips.

  “I think so.”

  “Interesting.” Johanna motioned for Kam to come to her. “We’ll pull the car up to the door, okay, Ted?”

  “Okay. Five minutes.” He winked at Holden after Johanna and Kam went into the hallway, and Holden gave him a thumbs up when Nancy looked down to write something on her clipboard.

  Holden joined Johanna and Kam in the hall and prodded them toward the doors leading outside.

  “That was weird,” Johanna said.

  “Was it?” Holden asked. “I’m flirting with you. You’re flirting with me. Kam here is flirting with Christina. Why not Ted?”

  Johanna elbowed Holden in the stomach while Kam wiped his palms on his jeans.

  “Wow, the mere mention of her name breaks a sweat.” Holden pretended to inspect Kam’s hands. “Impressive.”

  “It’s not impressive,” Kam almost whined. “How can I stop it? Christina’s going to think I’m gross if I sweat.”

  “No, honey,” Johanna said. “She’ll think you’re human.”

  “But I want to be superhuman!” Kam positioned his hands on his hips, Superman-style. All he needed was a red cape.