Kisses to Remember

by Christine DePetrillo

  “Yes?” Just a whisper.

  “Kam is going to be fine.”

  Ted and Nancy sighed along with Johanna.

  The doctor smiled. “That little guy’s a fighter. He lost a great deal of blood and was very weak going into surgery, but fortunately, the bullet passed right through and didn’t hit anything vital. He’ll need physical therapy and may not regain total range of motion in his shoulder, but considering the other possible outcomes, I’d say he got lucky.”

  “Can we see him?” Ted asked.

  “Yes. He’s asleep right now, but I know you’ve been waiting.” Looking at Nancy, the doctor said, “He’s in Room 508. Do you want to take them down?”

  “Sure do.” Nancy popped up from her seat. “This way.”

  Johanna got up, but Ted stayed put. “I’ll be along in a minute,” he said.

  “Tell him not to come.” Johanna stared at Ted.

  “Tell who?” Ted blinked quickly, a clear sign he knew exactly who.

  “I know you’re going to call Holden. I heard him say he wanted to know how Kam was. You can tell him, but I don’t want him here.”

  “Johanna—”

  “I mean it, Ted. Please.” Johanna tugged on her T-shirt. She was a big mess of frazzled nerves. Seeing Holden would only make the mess bigger. Huge, in fact. They needed to make a clean break of it.

  Ted nodded and Johanna followed Nancy to the elevators. She wouldn’t believe her baby was all right until she saw him, touched him, kissed him. The last she’d seen of him he was covered in blood, brows creased in pain, telling her not to cry as they wheeled him into surgery.

  When the elevator doors opened, Nancy led Johanna to room 508. The room was dark with only a light on by the bedside. Kam’s body was a small lump on the soft whiteness of the bed. A few machines clicked and hissed as Johanna approached.

  “I’ll give you some time alone with him,” Nancy said, still standing by the door.

  Johanna wanted to say thanks, but she couldn’t tear her eyes off her son. The sheet was pulled up to his waist. His shoulder was heavily bandaged and his left arm was in a sling-like contraption that bound it to his torso. Wires traveled from his chest and right arm to the machines, and Johanna squeezed her eyes shut.

  Her baby was going to live. That was all that mattered.

  Kam’s dark hair was a wild mess, and Johanna gently smoothed it back. A small sound escaped from Kam’s slightly open mouth. His legs shifted under the sheet, and he turned his head toward Johanna. When his black-brown eyes opened, his lids heavy, Johanna finally breathed.

  “Hey, baby.” She leaned forward and kissed his forehead.

  “Mom.” The right side of his mouth turned up as he flipped his uninjured arm over and opened his hand to Johanna.

  Instantly taking it, Johanna pressed his hand between both of hers as she kneeled beside the bed. She put her head down, resting it on the bend in Kam’s elbow, and sobbed. Tears plip-plopped on the sheet, on Kam’s arm. She knew it was foolish. The doctor had said Kam was going to be fine, but seeing him, touching him opened a floodgate she couldn’t close.

  Kam slid his arm free and ran his hand over the back of Johanna’s head in a soothing gesture. “It’s okay, Mom. I’m okay.”

  “I know.” Johanna sniffed as she raised her head. “I’m so glad, honey. So glad.”

  Kam blinked slowly, looking as if he might fall asleep again. He yawned and asked, “Where’s Pep?”

  “He’ll be along in a few minutes.” Johanna sat on the edge of the bed, careful not to jostle Kam. “Does it hurt?”

  Kam shook his head. “I don’t really feel anything right now. It’s like my body belongs to someone else.”

  “That’s the medicine probably.” Johanna cupped Kam’s face. “You’ll feel more like yourself in a few days.”

  “Mmmm.” Kam closed his eyes again.

  Johanna watched him, overjoyed he was here with her. She traced a finger along his cheek and couldn’t wait to take him home. Take him home and figure out the rest of their lives. She let out a sigh, and Kam opened his eyes.

  “Where’s Holden?” he asked.

  “You don’t have to worry about him, Kam.”

  “What do you mean?” His brows lowered, then his eyes widened. “Is he okay? Did that lady hurt him?”

  “No, no. Nothing like that. He just…” Johanna cleared her throat. “He won’t be around anymore. I’ll keep us safe.”

  “Holden kept us safe too,” Kam said. “He came back from Texas for us, right?”

  “Yes, but…”

  “He didn’t hurt us. He made us happy, Mom.” Kam grabbed her wrist with a strength he shouldn’t have had considering what he’d been through. “That lady is the bad guy. Not Holden.”

  “I know Holden’s not the bad guy.” Johanna backed away from the bed. “I’m to blame, Kam. Me. I shouldn’t have let him into our lives.” She shook her head. “It wasn’t smart.”

  “Mom, no offense, but this isn’t smart. What you’re saying isn’t smart, and I know you’re a smart lady.” He winced a little as he shifted his legs again. “We need Holden.”

  “We don’t need anyone but us. We can take care of ourselves.” She didn’t want to talk about Holden anymore. “You should rest.”

  “You’re not going to leave, are you?” He suddenly sounded like the little boy he actually was.

  She climbed into the bed on his right side and pulled the sheet up a little higher on his chest. “Just let someone try to make me leave,” she whispered.

  Kam snuggled up next to her, and Johanna breathed in his scent, masked a little by the sterile hospital smells, but still there, still recognizable.

  “You saw the Legos,” he murmured as sleep overcame him.

  “I did, sweetie. That was smart of you.”

  His angelic face relaxed, his long, dark eyelashes fanning across his cheeks. Smart. Kam was a smart kid. Always had been. Was it possible he was smarter than her? Maybe. In some areas.

  She shook her head as Kam slept. No. They’d been fine before Holden had shown up. They’d be fine after him too. He could fly on back to Texas and figure out his own life while they figured out theirs. She had work to do with several large accounts to manage. Kam would be going back to school in another month. They’d see about hiring someone to finish Ted’s cabin to get him back on track. It would all work out.

  They didn’t need Holden.

  ****

  The hotel phone rang and Miles growled. Holden wanted to growl too, but instead he sat up and reached for the phone on the side table. The sliding glass door at the back of the room revealed that night had fallen.

  “Better be good news.” He scratched Miles between the ears, and the dog pushed his nose into Holden’s hand wanting more. “Hello?”

  Miles let loose a long howl.

  “Well, tell Miles I miss him too,” Ted said.

  “What’s the word, Ted?”

  “The kid’s going to be fine.”

  Holden ran a shaking hand through his hair. “Thank God.”

  “Alleluia. Amen.”

  “I want to see him.” He hadn’t meant to say that out loud, but he couldn’t stop himself.

  “I know you do, son, but…well…”

  “She doesn’t want me there.” Holden took a deep breath but found his chest and throat wouldn’t allow it. He got up from the bed and went into the bathroom. The bruises on his neck were unmistakable in the bright lights around the mirror. Shit, that bitch had marked him good.

  “She doesn’t. No,” Ted said. “But I could sneak you in if you want.”

  “You’d do that?” Holden left the bathroom and sat on the edge of the bed.

  “Look, kid, I know you care about Kam and Johanna. Hell, I know you love them. It’s impossible not to love them. If you want to see Kam, I’ll get you in.”

  “When?” He wanted to go now. Suddenly it was urgent that he saw the boy.

  “Johanna’s with him now. Give her a
n hour, then I’ll get her out under the pretense of feeding her. You slip in, Room 508, but make it quick, because she’s going to want to get back to him. Stay no longer than like thirty minutes.”

  “Okay. Thirty minutes. Thanks, Ted.”

  “Yep. Remember to make it quick.”

  Miles barked again as he turned in circles around the room. The dog was as stressed as everyone else.

  “How long are you staying in that hotel?” Ted asked.

  “At least the night. I haven’t mapped out where to go from there.” He needed a plan though. One that would cause the least heartache possible.

  “What room are you in?”

  “Three nineteen.”

  “I’ll get Miles later on if that’s all right. Nancy said she’d give me a ride back to the house so I can get our own vehicle.”

  “No problem. I like the company right now.” He preferred other company, but Johanna didn’t want the same.

  “He’s a good dog to have around.” Ted said something to someone else. Nancy probably. “Okay, kid, I have to go. Come by in one hour. Get in, get out in thirty minutes. Bye.” He hung up before Holden could thank him again.

  A plan. He needed a plan. Trouble was he’d had a plan. One he liked. No. One he loved.

  He stood and paced the short length of the room, Miles following him back and forth, back and forth.

  “I don’t think I can let them go, Miles.” He kneeled and took the dog’s face in his hands. Miles ran his tongue across Holden’s chin. “I shouldn’t let them go, right?”

  The dog barked once and licked Holden again.

  Holden released Miles and stood. “Okay then. The new plan is to stick to the old plan.”

  Johanna may have told him to stay away, but he wasn’t going to leave without a fight. He’d lost his memory and found it again. He’d get her back too. He hadn’t survived a plane crash only to live the rest of his days without her.

  Nope. He’d survived to love her forever, and she’d just have to deal with that.

  ****

  Exactly thirty-eight minutes later, Holden was showered and back in the only set of clothes he had with him. He’d washed Sabrina’s blood off his white dress shirt, but washing blood with hotel soap in a bathroom sink never went well. He ran down to the hotel gift shop to buy a clean T-shirt and then three turkey sandwiches from the little deli next to the lobby. He bolted back up to his room, removed the turkey from two of the sandwiches, and fed Miles while he ate the third sandwich.

  Each swallow killed his neck muscles, but he managed to finish the food and wash it down with a glass of water. He found a small ice bucket in the room’s closet and filled that with water for Miles. The dog eagerly gulped the water, stopping to drip on the carpet every few seconds.

  “This is it, Miles. Wish me luck.” Holden patted the dog’s back, and Miles stopped drinking to slosh his tongue across Holden’s hand. “Thanks, buddy.”

  Holden stood and ran his hands through his still wet hair. He had no idea what he was going to say to Johanna. No idea how to make her see they belonged together. He hoped she’d just know. As far as plans went, this one sucked, but it was all he had.

  He left the hotel and crossed the street to the hospital. He rode the elevator up to the fifth floor and walked down the hallway to Room 508. Peering into the window on the door, he confirmed Kam was the only one in the room. He turned the knob slowly and pushed open the door.

  The room was quiet except for the mechanical whispers of the machines beside the bed. Machines monitoring a child he had put in this condition. He hadn’t pulled the trigger, but Kam never would have been anywhere near Sabrina if it weren’t for him. He completely understood Johanna not wanting him around. If he were in her shoes, he’d do the same thing.

  He approached the bed, and the sight of Kam made him even surer he had to be with the Wares. Had to. His life had meant nothing before meeting them. Probably why it had been so easy to forget that life.

  Holden watched Kam as he slept. Aside from the loads of bandaging on his left shoulder and the slight furrow of the boy’s brow, Kam looked peaceful, angelic. Holden sat in the chair beside the bed and rested his hand on Kam’s.

  “Mom,” Kam mumbled.

  “No. It’s me, Kam.” He took his hand back and gripped the chair armrest as Kam slowly turned his head. When the boy smiled, Holden’s heart soared.

  “Hey, Holden.” Kam used his right arm to reposition himself higher on his pillow. A pained look zipped across his face, but was gone in a second. “I’m glad you came.”

  “Had to make sure they put you back together the right way, didn’t I?”

  “Yeah.” Kam sneezed, which ended with a howl of pain as he grabbed at his left arm with his right. He breathed in short bursts, his eyes reducing to mere slits.

  “Should I grab a nurse?” Holden stood, ready to sprint for the door.

  Kam shook his head. “Damn, sneezing hurts.” He opened his eyes all the way and looked at Holden. “Sorry. I shouldn’t say that word. Mom doesn’t like swears.”

  Holden glanced around the room. “Mom ain’t here, kid, and I’d say you’ve been through enough today to earn you a few swears.”

  “Shit yeah.” Kam smirked.

  “Thatta boy.” Holden sat again and dared to move the chair a little closer to the bed. “So, you’re going to be okay?”

  “Uh-huh. The doctor said my arm will be stiff for a while, but it’ll loosen up with exercise.” Kam shrugged his right shoulder. “There’ll be a scar. That’s pretty cool.”

  “Very cool.” Holden rolled up the right leg of his jeans. “Want to see a really nice one?”

  Kam nodded, and Holden put his foot up on the bed. He maneuvered his pant leg up over his knee and traced a finger over the deep gouge running alongside his kneecap.

  “Wow.” Kam’s eyes widened. “How’d you get that?”

  “I got hit by a car when I was in high school. Some jerk didn’t stop at a red light. He took me and my bicycle down. My kneecap absorbed most of the impact and shattered. Had to have it replaced.”

  “Too bad we aren’t Wolverine, huh? Then we’d heal in a flash.” Kam snapped his fingers.

  “I don’t think I’d want the claws though. You could never pick your nose when you were angry.”

  Kam laughed a full out Kam laugh, and Holden silently rejoiced that the boy was here, alive, and in such good spirits. God, he was amazing.

  “Pep took Mom to get something to eat. They should be back soon.” Kam stared at Holden with…with longing in his eyes? Could it be?

  “I’m hoping they’ll be back soon.” Holden looked away then focused back on Kam’s face.

  “You still want Mom.” There was definite longing in Kam’s voice now. A longing that called out to Holden.

  “Nope.” Holden leaned forward and rested his elbows on the bed.

  “Nope?” Kam’s mouth pulled down at the corners.

  Holden took the boy’s hand now. “I want both of you.”

  The smile that spread across Kam’s face was bright enough to chase away the deepest darkness.

  “I went back to Texas, Kam. I remembered my old life and you know what? It was pretty lonely. I had my job, but you met my boss.”

  Kam shivered.

  “Exactly. I have no family. I had my buddy, Vaughn, but he’s gone now too. There’s racing and a seriously sick Camaro in my garage, but there aren’t any people. Not super-extraordinary ones like you and your mom and Ted. I want to spend the rest of my life with you guys.”

  “We want that too.” Kam squeezed Holden’s hand.

  “Well…” Holden scratched his jaw. “Your mom needs a little convincing.”

  “No, she doesn’t,” said a voice from the doorway.

  Holden’s gaze shot to the door. Johanna leaned against the threshold, Ted a step behind her. He gave Holden a thumbs up and hobbled off down the hallway after giving Johanna a little push into the room.

  She walked sl
owly to Holden. He’d never seen anyone more beautiful, more graceful, more perfect. Perfect for him.

  “I know you told me to stay away, Johanna, but I can’t. I won’t.” He stood and reached for Johanna’s hands. She gave them over willingly, making Holden’s insides dance excitedly.

  “Stubborn bastard, aren’t you?” She grinned as she pulled him against her, wrapped her arms around him, dropped her head to his shoulder and pressed her lips to his bruised neck.

  “Shhh,” Holden said. “Don’t swear in front of the kid. His mother doesn’t like swearing around him.” He winked at Kam.

  “We probably shouldn’t kiss in front of the kid either then.” Johanna pushed Holden away, her eyes sparkling sapphires as she looked at him.

  Holden reached for the privacy curtain around Kam’s bed. Giving it a yank so it sailed along its track, he said, “You’ll excuse us for a second, right, buddy?”

  “Yeah. Just don’t be noisy about it.” Kam turned his head to the side and folded his pillow over his ear.

  Holden pulled the curtain the rest of the way around the bed, then stepped back to Johanna. “I’ll make sure you two are never in the situation you were today. I promise, Johanna.”

  She put a finger to his lips. “Kam said Sabrina was the bad guy, and he’s right. As usual. You’re not to blame. I’m not to blame. She is, and she’s gone.”

  “And we’re still here.” Holden gathered Johanna in his arms again. “I love you. I want to love you forever, Johanna.”

  “Forever’s a long time.”

  He pressed his lips to hers. “It’s not long enough.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  Holden led Johanna across the street to the hotel. Kam had insisted that Johanna go with him.

  “I should stay here with you, Kam,” she had said after kissing Holden and wanting so much more.

  “Mom, I’m just sleeping, and it’s creepy if you watch me.” He’d rolled his eyes.

  “Besides, I want some time with my grandson,” Ted had said, coming into the room and easing into the chair beside the bed. He’d rested his crutches against the wall and settled in like he meant to stay awhile. “Go on. We’ll be fine, us invalids, right, Kam?”