by Lucy Lennox
“I’m not the only one you should be apologizing to.”
“I know, alright? I know that,” he said in a huff. “But Lucky… that— that guy drives me fucking crazy, you know? I mean, he’s just… and he… well, shit.”
Ah, so that’s how things were. It was all finally starting to make sense. I was pretty sure I knew what was behind Calvin’s behavior now, but I needed to tread carefully if I was going to be of any help to the kid.
“You like him,” I said carefully.
“No,” he blurted, looking up at me with wide eyes. “I definitely don’t like him. Didn’t you hear what I just said? He drives me crazy.”
“Okayyy. Well, he can’t be all that bad. Tell me three things that you do like about him,” I suggested.
He rolled his eyes at me, and I laughed. “Humor me,” I said.
“Fine,” he huffed. “He’s smart. I guess… I mean, the kid does really good in school, you know? Works hard, I think. Studies a lot.”
I nodded. “Go on.”
“And he’s nice to other people. He holds the door open a few extra seconds, even if the bell has already rung and he’ll get in trouble for not being in his seat. If he sees me coming, he waits so the door doesn’t close in my face.”
“That’s thoughtful,” I agreed, biting my tongue to keep from smiling. “What else?”
He blew out a breath and looked up through the canopy of the trees above. “He draws pretty good pictures,” he said in a small voice. “He doesn’t know I know, but I saw his notebook once.”
“Hmm,” I said. “Sounds like the kind of guy I’d like to be friends with.”
Calvin rolled his eyes again, but didn’t spout off a snarky remark like I was expecting. I waited for him to say more, but he didn’t.
“So why does he seem to bother you so much?” I asked. “Why do you give him such a hard time?”
He thought for a beat before responding. When he finally spoke, his eyes were bright and he looked earnest. “Because the kid needs to learn that being smart and nice and shit is just going to get him beat up. People don’t like that. People don’t like it when you’re artsy-fartsy, you know? So, he needs to keep himself to himself. Grow a thicker skin or he’s gonna get hurt again. He’s gotta learn sometimes you gotta use your fists to make people listen, you know?”
Nerves skittered in my gut. “What do you mean, again? You mean like last night, or did something else happen?”
Calvin looked off into the woods to avoid meeting my eyes. “Nah, man. I just meant last night.”
I wasn’t sure I believed him, but knew he wasn’t about to tell me whatever else had happened. “Calvin, do you understand that you’re the one who has a problem with him being the way he is? That last night, the person who was out to get him wasn’t some random stranger, but you?”
“Yeah? Well, better me than someone who could do some real damage,” he muttered as he turned to walk off, back toward the group.
“Calvin, wait,” I said, reaching out to stop him. When he turned back toward me, his eyes were full of unshed tears. “Talk to me. What’s this really about?”
“I don’t want him to get hurt,” he said, one tear slipping over the edge and making its way down his face. He dashed at it, flaring his nostrils in disgust at the show of weakness. Clearly he hadn’t intended to get emotional around me.
“You’re the one who’s hurting him, Calvin. If you stop, he won’t be in danger anymore. Don’t you see that?” I asked in frustration.
Defiant eyes snapped up to mine and Calvin leaned in toward me. “I’m not the one who wants to hurt him. Last night was an accident! Frankie got between us, and he’s the one who hit him. But it was an accident. It ain’t me he’s gotta worry about! It’s his goddamned foster family, you asshole.”
And just like that, he took off through the trees to rejoin the group. I stood there in total shock as his words left me reeling. Could it be? Could Lucky really be in danger from Ed and Gloria Durant? No. No way. I’d met them personally many times, and Lucky would have told me if he was in trouble.
Wouldn’t he?
Surely, Calvin was just trying to stir shit up.
But the reminder of that lone tear slipping down his face hit me right in the gut, and I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I needed to figure out what the hell was really going on.
When I emerged into the sunshine of the meadow, the bears were gone and the boys had broken into song again as they skipped through the wildflowers and joked about being in a movie. All except Lucky and Calvin. Lucky was kneeling by a tree, his hands roaming over Bear’s big body, while Calvin was sending the younger guy covert glances as he pretended to tie his shoe.
Xander cocked a brow at me as I approached him, and he asked what was wrong.
“Tell you later,” I said in a low voice. “I might need your advice about this one.”
Once we arrived at Gin Lake, the boys set up camp like pros. It was satisfying to see each boy falling into his role within the smaller tent groups. Some snapped together poles, others shook out the nylon tent shells over ground cover tarps, and they all seemed to be joking around while doing it. It was a striking contrast to only a few days before when Xander had demonstrated those skills over and over to the group of city kids who’d never seen even a tarp in their lives, much less a small gas-powered camp stove.
I saw Frankie following Calvin around like a puppy while shooting hard looks at Lucky, and wondered if I needed to say something to Calvin about how his behavior toward Lucky was rubbing off on his sidekick. I decided to wait for a less-conspicuous opportunity and turned to head to the water’s edge to rinse off my hands.
Aiden approached and crouched down next to me to fill a collapsible water jug we used for cooking. He hadn’t said much since blowing up at Xander and me the night before.
“Hey,” I said tentatively. “I had a talk with Calvin earlier, and I think there’s more to his story than just being a regular bully.”
Aiden turned his head toward me and smiled. “There usually is, Bennett. You should know that by now.”
Heat filled my face as I realized he was right and I was an idiot. I hadn’t even thought to examine Calvin’s point of view and what might be causing him to target Lucky. Not that there was any excuse for his behavior, but often kids who abused others lashed out because they were victims of their own abuse.
“Yeah, well. I see that now. Forgive me if I’ve been a bit preoccupied.” My words came out sharper than I’d intended, but I clamped my jaw together to keep from apologizing. I was still annoyed at Aiden for being such an ass to Xander.
“And how is your… ah, preoccupation going?” Aiden’s smile turned into a smirk as he stood, preparing to close the now full jug.
“Fine.”
He barked out a laugh, drawing the attention of a few kids nearby.
“No, sir. I’m going to need more details than that. Go ahead and tell me. You know you will eventually, anyway.”
I sighed, knowing he was right. After looking around to make sure none of the kids were close enough to hear, I started talking.
“He fucked me,” I said as quietly as humanly possible.
The jug hit the ground and water came spouting out of the narrow opening in the top.
“Shit,” he said, scrambling to upright the jug and close it. He wound up drenched in water, and when he looked up at me, he looked like he’d been sprayed with a hose. “Say that again?”
I rolled my eyes at him. “You heard me. Plus, I thought you knew. You implied it when you chewed us out last night.”
“Yeah, I thought you were making out. I didn’t think you were fucking in the goddamned woods!”
My face flooded with more heat and I couldn’t help but look around again, this time trying to make sure Xander was well out of hearing range. I couldn’t spot him through the clusters of trees surrounding the campsite, so I could only hope he wasn’t nearby.
“And?” Aiden asked so l
oudly and enthusiastically, I jumped in surprise.
“And, what?”
“Jesusfuckingchrist, out with it. How was it?”
“I… ah… well… it was…” How did you describe something that was so quick and dirty it belonged in a porn scene, but at the same time so perfect and meaningful, it was too sweet to put into words?
“Good.”
“Good?” Aiden’s eyebrows were in his hairline. “That’s it? Good? After all that? Christ, do you need me to take you into the woods and teach you a few things?”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “I believe I’ve learned everything you have to teach already.”
“Oh, you’re cute, Bennett Crawford, if you think you’ve seen all my tricks. You haven’t even scratched the surface of what I have to teach. Get naked, let’s go,” he said with a grin as he stood. “I’ve always fantasized about fucking you in the forest,” he added cheekily as his eyes drifted past my shoulder.
He knew I wasn’t about to follow him into the woods for sex, but I turned around anyway to walk back to my tent and ran straight into a solid mass. Xander’s chest.
His arms came out to steady me so I didn’t stumble back into the lake, and I gasped in surprise.
“Don’t let me stop you.” Xander’s voice was cold enough to send shivers down my spine, and my stomach clenched at the look on his face. He’d obviously heard at least part of the conversation.
“I’m not going there. I mean the woods. Anywhere really,” I stammered. “I mean, with him. With Aiden. I’m not going to the woods with Aiden. For sex.”
Holy mother of god, shut the fuck up, you idiot.
Xander cocked a brow at me, but didn’t say anything.
“Fuck,” I muttered, shooting a glare at Aiden because I knew he had to have seen Xander behind me when he’d said all that shit. “You’re an ass.”
As I stalked off toward my tent, I heard Aiden laughing behind me. “You’re welcome,” he called to my back. I was too pissed to even care that I was leaving the two men alone together. Let the fuckers tear each other a new one. I was damn tired of all of it— Aiden’s “help” and Xander choosing to believe everyone else but me.
I shook my head as I walked away, not realizing until I reached my tent that Bear had followed me back. “What do you say, Bear?” I asked as I knelt down to pet the dog. “It’s just you and me from here on out, okay? They can both go fuck themselves,” I said sourly.
Luckily, the dog agreed with me, if the wet tongue that drenched my face was anything to go by. Finally, someone who took my side.
Chapter 19
Xander
Hearing Aiden make a suggestive comment about fucking Bennett, along with Bennett’s silence, was a brutal reminder that Bennett wasn’t really mine. Of course, he wasn’t mine. But the idea of Aiden, or anyone else for that matter, putting hands on Bennett’s naked body made me physically sick. And truth be told, after his kiss by the fire the night before, a part of me had started to wish for things to be different. I’d even toyed with the idea of putting the past in the past where it belonged and seeing where things could go with Bennett, even if it was just for a few days until he left. But even if I could have managed it, I knew I didn’t want just three days of Bennett. I wanted all or nothing. And that was something I just couldn’t have.
I watched Bennett long enough to see him disappear into his tent, but when I turned to go, Aiden stopped me. I was expecting him to give me a cocky smirk and then rub Bennett’s preference for him in my face. So I was shocked when he gently said, “He really likes you, you know.” He shook his head as he fiddled with the cap on the water jug. “This shit with you has been eating him up. Don’t let my teasing make you mad at him again, Xander. I was just giving him a hard time. It’s what good friends do.”
I took a moment to study him, wondering what his agenda was. Guys like Aiden always had one. I’d known a million Aidens in my lifetime and every spoiled trust fund kid I’d ever known, with the exception of Bennett, was always out for himself first, and everyone and everything else came second.
“He says you’re not together anymore, but everything I’ve seen says something different,” I said, hoping I didn’t sound as petulant as I felt.
“We’re not… haven’t been since freshman year in college.” There was a subtle shift in his voice as he glanced at Bennett’s tent. It was heavier somehow… and there was something there. Regret? No, that couldn’t be right. I really, really didn’t want it to be right.
“You touch him… constantly. You say things that normal friends don’t say to each other. I don’t go around telling my friends I want to fuck them in the woods.”
“Normal,” Aiden said with a quiet chuckle. He shook his head and then motioned to a nearby rock before sitting down on it. I reluctantly sat down next to him, but he didn’t speak again until he’d taken his boots off and hung his bare feet in the lake.
“You want to know why it didn’t work out between him and me, Xander? I mean, do you really want to know, or do you want to keep making assumptions?”
I ignored the subtle jab and said, “Tell me.”
“He needed more than I could give him. I knew that pretty much the second we went from being guys who happened to live in the same dorm to friends, then lovers.”
I flinched at the last words. Even though it wasn’t news to me, the reminder still stung, and I knew it likely always would in some way.
“His heart was so damn big, and he gave as much of it as he could to me right away.”
“What does that mean, ‘as much as he could’?”
His eyes slid to mine. “You know what it means.”
The bottom of my stomach dropped out at that. No, he couldn’t possibly mean…
“No,” I said. “It wasn’t like that between us… ever. We were kids… we were just friends.”
“Jesus, watching you two is downright painful,” he said softly. “Fine, I’ll let you live in your little world of denial. I’m not that guy, Xander. I’m not a relationship guy, never was, never will be. Yes, I tried for Bennett, because he meant that much to me and no one deserved rainbows and sunshine more than him.”
He swirled his toes in the water, flicking up clear droplets and watching them fall back down to the surface. “But Bennett is Bennett, and I could see that pretending I was enough for him wasn’t going to work. Not for him, not for me. Yes, I touch him and I joke around with him, but only because I know it doesn’t mean anything to him… or me.”
I looked over at the man beside me. He was tall and muscular— the kind of guy who was probably captain of the football team at his prep school and president of the fraternity in college. He was exactly the kind of guy I would have pictured Bennett with.
“You’re perfect for him,” I murmured. “You have everything a guy like Bennett could ever want.”
He looked at me and shook his head. “You really don’t get it, do you?”
“Get what?”
“Just fucking look at him, Xander. I mean really look. Stop seeing that kid who turned his back on you and see the man he’s become. And no, he never told me the details about what happened that night, but I know whatever it was, it changed him just like it changed you.”
I held my tongue, even as the instinct to lash out hit me.
“But he’s still that same kid who thought you hung the fucking moon.” Aiden let out a rough breath and then settled his eyes on the horizon. I knew what he was seeing— Woodland Rise. It was a view I lived for, but now I couldn’t see it. I was too hung up on everything Aiden had said.
“He used to call out for you.”
I jerked my head in his direction. “What?”
“In his sleep. He’d say your name and the word ‘sorry.’ Sometimes he’d cry. Never remembered it when he woke up, though. Ripped my fucking heart out every damn time.”
I swallowed hard as my throat threatened to close up. I didn’t want to believe him, but as much as I wished it was all lies,
I knew it wasn’t.
“You know why I touch him all the time and say that shit to him?” he asked.
I shook my head. I didn’t want to look at him. I just wanted to escape. I’d been ready to call foul on all his bullshit, but he’d hit me with something I never would have expected from a guy like him.
The truth.
“Because it helps me remember what we are: friends. It makes me not want more. But I still get that little piece of him that’s just so… Bennett.”
I knew exactly what he was talking about, and I wondered what this man’s life must be like to warrant his need for the light that being around Bennett brought into it.
Aiden pulled his feet from the water and grabbed his shoes and socks. “He’s going to stop fighting at some point. He’s strong, but he’s not made of stone, Xander. He might not be there when you finally decide to man up and figure all this shit out.”
“It doesn’t matter,” I said quietly, even as my insides churned. “You guys are leaving in a few days. He has a whole other life. We both do… even just being friends again would be tough.”
“He doesn’t need any more fucking friends,” Aiden bit out as he stood and stomped his feet into the boots without putting his socks on. “He needs you!” He shook his head and angrily said, “Part of me wants you to stay the hell away from him just so you don’t break his heart again. But since it never really healed, I guess it doesn’t matter. Know this, Xander, you hurt him and you’ll answer to me. You might think I’m just some rich prick who doesn’t know his asshole from his elbow, but I assure you, when it comes to protecting Bennett, I do know the difference and I’ll kick your ass if you hurt him any more than you already have.”
And with that, Aiden stalked off, leaving me to deal with the shit storm of emotions he’d left behind. When I finally did move nearly an hour later, it wasn’t my tent I began walking towards.
Chapter 20
Bennett
I was startled awake by Bear’s big tail thumping in my face. At some point after I’d fallen asleep, the dog must have turned around, because when I’d laid down to grab a few minutes of much-needed rest before dinner, the dog’s cold nose had been pressed up against my neck.
