Swallow Me Whole: A Friends To Lovers Romance

by Gemma James

  Shifting between my knees, she wraps her fingers around the base and bobs her mouth on the head, sucking it like a lollipop. Her little moans and whimpers vibrate pleasure straight to my balls. I feel them tighten, feel my cock pulsing in the glove of her mouth.

  “Damn,” I choke out. “Faster…don’t stop…fuck.”

  Her eyes dart up to meet mine, and I swear her lips curve into a smile around my erection.

  “You’re gonna tease me out of my mind, aren’t you?”

  She pulls off my dick, but the firm strokes of her hand traps me under her spell. I arch my hips, thrusting my cock inside her fist, my body begging her to fuck me faster with it.

  “Maybe.” She increases the pace of her strokes.

  “Mission accomplished,” I groan through gritted teeth.

  Now there’s no mistaking the self-satisfied smile curving her mouth. “You taught me well.”

  Hell, that sexy-as-sin mouth has no right grinning at me. Those lips should be wrapped around my cock, sucking me off right now—not taunting me.

  “Damn right, I did. I also taught you to finish what you start.”

  “What if I don’t want to this time? Maybe it’s your turn to be punished.”

  “Fucking hell.” The back of my head hits the sofa, and I drown in the disappointment of my own making. “Do whatever you want with me, Sawyer.”

  She attacks with renewed fervor, and her slurping noises and my rapid breaths coalesce to drown out the movie. Impaling herself to the edge of my restraint, she takes me deep enough to trigger her gag relax, and I think fuck yes! She’s going to show me some goddamn mercy.

  Because I’m so close to blowing my load down her throat, secure in the belief that she doesn’t have it in her to deny me. So fucking desperate for that sweet completion only her mouth can give me.

  That’s when my cell buzzes from my pocket.

  Sadie halts, lips motionless around my cock, and waits for me to either ignore the call, or answer.

  And that’s when I resign myself to leaving her apartment with the worst case of blue balls known to man because I know who’s interrupting this moment of pure heaven, and Corinne won’t let me blow her off. She’ll keep calling and texting until I give in and answer.

  She’s been doing it all damn week.

  Why the fuck didn’t I shut off my phone before coming here? I want to scream and gnash my teeth and wring Corinne’s neck. Instead, I close my eyes and let out a frustrated sigh.

  Sadie’s mouth slips off my tip. “That must be one important phone call.” The bitterness in her voice is unmistakable. She tucks me back into my jeans and jerks up the zipper. Despite the unwanted interruption, I’m still hard, my pissed-off cock straining against the seam of my pants.

  “We are nowhere near being done here.” I stand, pull out my phone, and set it to silent before shoving it back into my pocket.

  “Is that her?”

  My non-answer is answer enough.

  Sadie frowns. “You should’ve told me she was pregnant. If you had, I wouldn’t have—”

  “Wouldn’t have what?” I grip her by the shoulders. “You wouldn’t have fallen for me? You wouldn’t want me still? Is that what you’re trying to say?”

  She averts her eyes. “I don’t know.”

  Letting go of her shoulders, I cradle her cheeks and close the last bit of distance between us. “Corinne happened before you. And I wasn’t irresponsible, Sadie. I’ve always used a condom. Always.”

  “I never said you were irresponsible.”

  I tilt her chin until she meets my eyes. “I was going to tell you.” My gaze lands on her mouth, and I brush my thumb across her bottom lip. “But you already know that. I think you’re using Corinne to push me away.” I pause, the weight of those few beats heavy and suffocating as I search her guarded expression for answers. “What are you so afraid of?”

  “You,” she whispers. “You said you were waiting for the right one.” She pauses, guard lowering, and all the hurt and fear she’s fighting fills her jade eyes. “What if Corinne is the right one for you?”

  “She’s not.”

  “You don’t know that. She’s going to have your baby, and you could fall head over heels for her.”

  “I could walk out of here and get struck by lightning too.”

  “I’m serious, Ash. She’s going to be the mother of your child, and you walking out on your kid just isn’t possible. It’s not you.”

  I lower my hands and back away. “It doesn’t matter what I say, does it? You don’t trust me.”

  “I don’t trust the circumstances.”

  A laugh of irony escapes me. “Your father should have saved his breath and his goddamn money. You’re pushing me out of your life all on your own.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Daddy Dearest’s proposition,” I say, fishing out the envelope and handing it to her. “This is why I came over tonight. He tried buying me out of your life.”

  She takes the envelope from me, and her fingers tremble as she pulls out the check. As she scans the face of it, no doubt taking note of the number of zeroes, her jaw slackens. “I can’t believe he did this.”

  I want to say I’m surprised by Joseph Sawyer’s actions, but when it comes to Sadie, I’ve learned there’s nothing he won’t do to get his way.

  “What did you say to him?” she asks.

  “I wanted to tell him to shove it, but I’d rather you do it. He won’t stop this bullshit unless you put your foot down once and for all.”

  A tear hinges on her lashes then slips free. “I’m sorry about this. He went way too far.”

  “Don’t apologize for your father’s actions.” I raise my hand and brush the pain from her face. “And don’t give up on us yet.”

  She blinks the tears away with a sniffle. “I think we could both use some time apart. You’ve got Corinne and a baby to think about now, and I need to fix the mess I’ve made of my life.” She clears her throat. “I quit my job.”

  “I heard, and I’m damn proud of you.” Unable to help myself, I press my lips to hers. “Just don’t quit me, okay? Give us a chance.”

  “I’ll think about it.”

  At least it’s progress. Before I do something stupid, like throw her over my shoulder and drag her off to her bedroom, I leave her apartment, determined to give her the space she asked for.

  Chapter Thirty-three

  Sadie

  I’m sitting behind my father’s desk when he walks into his office. Early morning sunlight streams through the windows, painting his masculine desk and bookcases in soft orange hues.

  Upon seeing me, he stalls in the doorway. “I knew you’d come to your senses.” He saunters into the room and lets the door shut behind him.

  Rising to my feet, I hold out the envelope Ash gave me. Inside is the check and my formal Fuck you, I quit letter. “I’m here to personally hand you my resignation.”

  “I won’t accept it. This is ridiculous. You belong here at the firm.”

  “No, you should really open it.” I round the desk and thrust the envelope into his hands.

  He turns it over for several seconds, almost as if he knows what’s inside and doesn’t want to face the evidence of his underhanded tactics. Finally, he opens the flap and pulls out my single page resignation, along with the bribery check he wrote to Ashton. “He gave you this?”

  Long, turbulent moments stretch between us. “Ashton can’t be bought. If you knew him at all, you’d know that.”

  His face reddens, lips pinched in displeasure, but he remains silent as he stuffs the incriminating check back into the envelope. “You naïve girl. He only did this to squeeze more cash out of me.”

  I’m buzzing with too much adrenaline, and as we stand in the middle of his office, three feet apart, I clench my hands. “I don’t think you understand. This ends now. If you ever want to see me again, you’ll back the fuck off and leave Ash alone. Do you understand me?”

  �
��Don’t be melodramatic, Sadie.”

  “I mean it. If I have to, I’ll move and change my number. I’ll do whatever it takes to get this through your thick head. This is my life, and you are no longer part of it.” Certain he’s not grasping the gravity of what I’m saying, I close the space between us and straighten my spine. And though I have to crane my neck to look him in the eye, I don’t dare back down, no matter how much I’m shaking on the inside, quivering like the recalcitrant child he’s made me feel like for years. “From this day forward, seeing and talking to me is a privilege you’ll have to earn back.”

  For the first time ever, my father is struck silent. His stillness is downright scary, the energy of his overbearing nature slithering under the surface, tainting the air.

  I suck in a deep breath anyway. “I didn’t want it to come to this, but you wouldn’t back off.”

  “Because I want what’s best for you.”

  “You don’t get to decide what’s best for me. I decide who to marry, where to work, and who to love. I’m not a child anymore.” I’m getting caught up in trying to reason with a man who’s head is as thick as sludge. Nothing I say will get through, so I’m not sure why I bother trying.

  Except he’s my father, and I hate the thought of walking out of his life to get him to wake the fuck up.

  His jaw is set, the square shape of it unrelenting. The word stubborn is synonymous with my father, and his deep brown eyes are resolute with it as he moves past me to claim his throne behind the desk. “I won’t condone a relationship with Ashton. I’ve humored your friendship with the Levine twins long enough as it is.”

  “What do you have against them?”

  “They’re not cut from the same cloth as us. I not only expect better for you, I demand it.”

  “You’re a snob.”

  “Call me what you will, Sadie, but it’s my job to ensure your future. If you walk out that door, I’ll be forced to rescind your trust fund.”

  “I don’t need your money.” Sadness drenches my soul, coils around my heart, squeezes the breath from my lungs. I swallow hard to get my voice to work. “And if your behavior is that of a father, then I don’t need one of those anymore either.”

  His lips move, but I turn a deaf ear to his protests as I barge out of his office. Only after the doors of the elevator enclose me inside do I exhale in relief. Heading downward, I spiral into a sense of despair and disbelief. I can’t believe I just spoke to my father like that. Not only the assertiveness, but the harsh words.

  And I meant every one of them.

  I vow to follow through even though my throat burns from hurt. Even though my eyes are on the cusp of purging it. Empowerment rises inside me, and I wrap it around myself and use it as a blanketing shield.

  Still, my heart throbs with regret, and it isn’t long before the guilt penetrates. I’m halfway to my apartment when it strikes because my mother might be innocent in this latest scheme, and I don’t want to alienate her. At the very least, I need to explain my side of things before she hears it from him. I pull over, shift the car into park, and grab my cell.

  The events of the morning roar in my mind, keeping pace with the speeding cars on the highway. A full minute sneaks by before I find the courage to put the call through. She answers immediately, and I’m not sure if that’s a good thing, or a bad thing.

  Was she on the other line with Dad?

  “Hey, sweetie.”

  “Hi, Mom.” I detect movement on her end. “You sound busy.”

  “I’m in the middle of planning a fundraiser, but I could use a break.” She pauses, and I make out the shuffle of papers. “Is everything okay at work?”

  She doesn’t know—about this morning or the fact that I quit my job last week.

  “I’m surprised Dad didn’t tell you.”

  “Tell me what?” More papers. More movement. “Wait! Did you work things out with Jake? Maybe we’ll have that Christmas wedding after all.”

  She’s just as oblivious as ever, content in her sheltered world of organizing events that further Dad’s career, cleaning his house, and looking pretty on his arm when required. Instead of feeling angry, I’m just sad. This is all she knows—all she’s ever known.

  Growing up in a strict family, my mother learned at a young age the definition of expectation. My grandparents practically arranged her marriage to my father, whose family not only came from a background in politics, but a long history of wealth.

  She never discovered independence, never experienced standing on her own two feet. Never learned to follow her dreams or her heart.

  I’m too much like her, and until recently, I’d been as blind to it as my mother. But she won’t be blind to what’s happened now. Not anymore.

  “Jake and I are done. In fact, that’s part of the reason I called. I wanted you to hear it from me.”

  “Hear what? You’re starting to worry me.”

  “I quit my job.”

  She falls silent for too long, and I calm myself by counting the cars rushing by on the freeway.

  A red truck.

  A black sedan.

  A dark blue SUV.

  All swooshing past, oblivious to the pathetic girl on the side of the road trying to hold it together as her life detonates.

  “Mom, did you hear me?”

  “I heard you, but I don’t understand. Why would you do that?”

  “Because I’m done. I’m done with all of it. Dad isn’t running my life anymore.”

  “Your father means well. He’s just a little overprotective, is all.”

  “He tried giving Ashton a quarter of a million dollars to stay away from me. That isn’t okay.” There’s dead silence on her end again. God, she has to see how fucked up this is. “Say something,” I plead. “Tell me you didn’t know about it.”

  “Honey, I didn’t know about it, but I can’t say I don’t want what’s best for you. I’m sure your father had your best interests at heart.”

  “I don’t think Dad has a heart.”

  “You don’t mean that.”

  “Yes, I do. He tried driving away the love of my life.” As soon as the words are out of my mouth, I know they’re true.

  And they’re terrifying. Ashton is it for me, but too much hangs in the balance still.

  Corinne and her pregnancy.

  And the risk inherent in turning our friendship to more. It’s a nagging fear I can’t escape because if Ash and I give it a go then crash and burn in the end, losing him will be like losing a huge chunk of myself. The pain will be a hundred times sharper than what I’m experiencing now.

  He and Mandy have always been there for me, more so than my own parents. They’re a staple in my life. The gravity that keeps me grounded. The electric shock that keeps me alive. I don’t know what I’d do without them.

  Without him.

  It’s a crippling thought, and that’s why being stuck in this neither friends-nor-lovers purgatory hell is preferable to trying and failing.

  Ash is right. I am using Corinne to protect myself.

  “I’ve gotta go, Mom.”

  “Sadie, wait. I—”

  I hang up, cutting her off mid-sentence, and pull back onto the highway, feeling bereft and parentless. Even worse, I’m heartbroken.

  But Ashton isn’t breaking my heart. I’m doing that all by myself.

  Chapter Thirty-four

  Ashton

  The driveway is a wet blanket of autumn leaves. I trample over them in my muddy boots, tired down to my marrow. The sun set hours ago, and the crew had to clear out of the conservation area by way of flashlights. It took over an hour just to drive home.

  The last thing I want is to deal with Corinne. Finding her on my front stoop shouldn’t surprise me, and yet the sight of her manages to catch me off guard. Dread pools in the bottom of my gut. I’m in a shit mood, exhausted, and filthy from working in the stormy weather all day, and all I want is a hot shower and a good night’s sleep.

  I’m not equip
ped to handle Corinne right now, but it looks like I don’t have a choice. If only I’d answered her damn texts, maybe she would have left me the fuck alone for a night.

  “What’s up?” I ask, keeping my tone neutral as I climb the three steps to my front door.

  Arms crossed over her chest, she greets me with a partial scowl. “Where were you?”

  I lift a brow at her accusing tone. “Work. Is that allowed?” Now there’s no reining in my sarcasm. She’s been tapping on my last button since the night I left Sadie’s apartment with the hard-on from hell and sharp disappointment slicing my heart to shreds.

  “Were you with her?”

  She doesn’t know about Sadie yet—she only knows there’s someone. But until Sadie is secure enough in our relationship, I don’t want Corinne to know. She might take it upon herself to sabotage us.

  “No, but even if I had been with someone, it’s none of your business.” I jab the key into the knob and turn. Corinne follows me inside, like I knew she would.

  “It is my business. This girl, whoever she is, will be spending time around our child.”

  “How about we wait until the baby is born before fighting over it?” I shrug out of my coat and head into the kitchen to look for something quick and easy to make for dinner. I’ve got my head in the fridge, taking inventory of eggs, cheese, and salsa with an omelet in mind, when her words stop me in my tracks.

  “I don’t think I can keep the baby.”

  Shooting her a look of disbelief, I slam the refrigerator door shut. “What?”

  “I don’t want to do this alone. I told you that last week.”

  “And I said you wouldn’t be alone. I’m fucking here, aren’t I? I’ll go to every doctor’s appointment with you, help with the bills, buy whatever the baby needs. But for fuck’s sake, you’ve gotta give me some breathing room.”

  She blinks, and my stomach takes a dive once the tears start. I’m a sucker for a girl’s tears. “I need more than that. I want our child to have two parents—not visits on the weekends.”