Swallow Me Whole: A Friends To Lovers Romance

by Gemma James

  Her dark brows creep up under her bangs. “Now that’s surprising.”

  “Gee, thanks,” I say, giving her a playful punch in the shoulder.

  She laughs. “You know what I mean. I didn’t even know Ash knew the definition of the L word.”

  “It’s different with us. Things are…intense.”

  She leans closer, her gaze roaming my face. “Not that I want to hear about my brother’s sex life, but…did ya…you know?”

  “No, not…not yet.”

  “But you want to?”

  I feel my cheeks flush with embarrassment. She’s my best friend, but this is still so damn hard. “It feels right, like he’s the one I’ve been waiting for.”

  “You love him, he loves you. What’s stopping you then?”

  I swallow past the thickness in my throat. It isn’t my place to tell her this, but I have no one else to talk to about it. “He was fucking Corinne a few weeks ago.”

  “This is Ashton we’re talking about. Is he still screwing around with her? Because then I will have to beat his ass.”

  “He said he’s not involved with her anymore.” I let several beats pass, and the silence seems to grow louder with each pump of blood to my heart. “But she’s pregnant.”

  Mandy’s jaw slackens. “Are you shitting me?”

  “I wish. Things were starting to go in a different direction for us and then bam! He didn’t even have the guts to tell me.”

  Her lips form a severe line. “How’d you find out?”

  “She sent him a text last night after we fell asleep. I happened to see it.”

  “Was he planning to tell you?”

  “He says he was going to.” She stares at me for so long that I start to feel self-conscious. “What it is?” I ask.

  “He should have told you. There’s no question. But maybe you’re using this to put up walls. You’ve done it for years. Intimacy scares you, and the fact it’s with Ashton…”

  She doesn’t need to finish that train wreck of a thought. There’s too much risk with Ash—not just his record with women, but the idea of ruining what we have. I’ve known it from the start. But that didn’t stop me from taking the leap toward concrete over him. He could have knocked up a hundred girls, and I wouldn’t love him any less.

  “I don’t know what to do.”

  “Give it some time. You guys have been dancing around each other for years. I don’t think my brother is going anywhere.”

  Chapter Thirty-one

  Ashton

  “You’ve been in a shitty mood all day,” Bryce says as he pops off the top of his second beer.

  I’ve barely put a dent in my first. I gaze down at the bottle in my hands, not really wanting it but sipping it anyway. If I’ve been in a shitty mood, it’s because it’s been a shitty week. Corinne has turned into the clingiest woman I’ve ever met, and if she weren’t pregnant with my kid, I would have put a stop to it before it started.

  “What can I say? It’s been a shit day.”

  Not even Corinne’s incessant demands managed to get my mind off Sadie, and the longer she shuts me out, the more I want to barge into her apartment and make her fucking talk to me. But she asked for space, and I’m determined to give it to her, especially since my sister chewed me out the day after Sadie left me at the hotel. Mandy’s pissed I hurt her best friend, and she claims Sadie just needs some time.

  But staying away has never been so hard.

  And facing fatherhood has never been so terrifying.

  “You having issues with the ladies?” Bryce asks.

  I can’t help but laugh, but it comes out more of a snort.

  “That bad, huh?” He takes another long draw from his beer.

  “Corinne’s pregnant.”

  His eyes go wide. “Holy shit. For real?”

  “Yep.” I take a sip of my own beer, but it tastes like piss. Or maybe I’m just not in the mood to muddy shit up with the haze of alcohol. I set the bottle aside.

  “At the risk of sounding like an insensitive ass, are you sure it’s yours?”

  “She says it is.”

  “Man, that’s a tough blow. Is she keeping it?”

  “Yeah. It might sound insane, but I wouldn’t want her to get an abortion anyway.”

  “Wow, so you guys are doing this.”

  “Having a child together? Yeah, but that’s it. Corinne and I aren’t…” I trail off, unable to say the words. The truth is just…harsh. If I were really manning up about this, I’d try to make it work. It’s not as if I don’t care about Corinne.

  “Still scared shitless of commitment, huh?” He shakes his head before taking another drink. “You’re going to be a bachelor until the day you die.”

  “I’m not scared of commitment. She’s not the one, Bryce.”

  He arches a surprised brow. “I didn’t know you believed in that stuff.”

  “Me either.”

  Not really. Not on a level beyond the subconscious. Until recently.

  I’m about to spill about the mess I’ve gotten myself into with Sadie when a knock on the door derails my intentions. My heart leaps at the hope it’s Sadie, even as it nosedives at the thought that she feels the need to knock. I cross the living room and fling open the door, and the scowling face of Joseph Sawyer stares back.

  “We need to talk,” he says, then without preamble, he turns around and walks toward the black SUV waiting at the curb.

  “What the hell was that about?” Bryce asks from behind me.

  “That would be about Sadie.”

  “Sadie Sawyer?”

  “Yep. That’s her father.”

  “What’s he doing here? He looked ready to disembowel you, man.”

  “I’m sure he is.” As I grab my coat by the door and pull it on, I eye Bryce. “Because Sadie is the one.”

  Bryce lets out a low whistle as I step onto the porch. “Good look out there.”

  The thing about Joseph Sawyer? One doesn’t need luck to deal with him. One just has to have a strong ass backbone. He’s never intimidated me, and that’s probably why he hates my guts.

  He’s waiting by the vehicle, one hand on the open door to the backseat. A mist-like rain falls, but he seems impervious to it. “After you,” he says, gesturing to the back of the running SUV, and I toy around with the idea that he’s planning to kill me and dump my body somewhere.

  I slide in, and Joe takes the seat next to me before shutting the door and closing us off from the chill of nightfall. The driver remains facing straight ahead as if we aren’t in the backseat.

  “What’s this about?” I ask.

  “Sadie was foolish enough to quit her job. But I’m sure you already know that.”

  She finally did it. Pride wells in my chest, and even though his statement is a shock to my system, I feign bored interest as I wait for him to get on with it. Joe clears his throat then pulls an envelope from the pocket of his jacket.

  “My daughter is young and impressionable. A bit naïve, which I fear is my fault for trying to protect her from the harsh realities of life.” Staring me down, he taps the envelope against his palm. “You’re not a bad kid, Ashton. I know your family has faced many hardships, and that’s why I’m here.”

  “I don’t understand,” I say with a tilt of my head, wishing he would stop speaking in riddles and just say what he came here to say.

  “I want you out of Sadie’s life.”

  “Well that’s the benefit of being an adult. She can make her own decisions.”

  “I thought you might say that, which is why I came prepared, Mr. Levine.”

  “Mr. Levine is my father, and I assure you I’m nothing like him. Get to the fucking point, old man.”

  My shitty language burrows under his skin like I intended, and his face reddens.

  “You, Ashton, are a distraction my daughter can no longer afford.” He passes the envelope to me, and I take it as if it’ll burn me. “You’ll find my generosity more than agreeable.”


  Lifting the flap, I pull out a check with my name on it, and my heart stumbles at the amount of zeroes on the face of it. “What the hell is this?”

  “It’s enough to pay off your mother’s debts and your sister’s student loans.”

  The man is fucking shrewd as hell and knows how to aim where it’ll hurt the most. Gritting my teeth, I glare at him. “I didn’t ask for your goddamn money.”

  He merely shrugs. “Consider it payment for removing yourself from my daughter’s life.”

  “You’re a special kind of low.”

  He’s unfazed by the insult. “Think about it, Ashton. She’ll come to her senses soon enough, and where will that leave you, hmm?” He nods toward the check. “At least this way you get something out of it.”

  The rage boiling inside me is rampant, nearly impossible to contain. I’m seconds away from ripping the check to shreds and throwing the pieces in the bastard’s face, but I have a better idea instead. Taking a deep breath, I slip the check back into the envelope and pocket it. As I reach for the door handle, Joseph grabs my arm.

  “Do we have a deal?”

  Shrugging his hand off, I turn a dark stare on him. “You’ll know soon enough if we have a deal.”

  “I knew you were a smart kid,” he says, and it’s all I can do to leave the vehicle without blowing a gasket, especially upon noting his smug expression as I slam the door.

  The bastard thinks I’m taking the money.

  I put as much distance as possible between Sadie’s father and myself before I lose my cool and drag him from the backseat of his overpriced SUV.

  Focus, asshole. Take a chill pill.

  Sadie needs to know what she’s up against, and there’s nothing more effective than seeing proof with your own eyes. It’s going to hurt like fuck, but she needs to know the lengths her father is willing to go to in order to control her life. Taking cover on the porch from the light rain, I wait for the black vehicle to wheel away from the curb before I text Sadie.

  Me: Are you home? I need to talk to you ASAP.

  She doesn’t answer right away, and I’m growing antsy. Finally, after six long minutes, she replies.

  Sadie: You said you’d give me some space.

  Me: This can’t wait.

  Sadie: I can’t do this with you right now. I need some TIME.

  With a low growl, I pocket my phone, fingers brushing the envelope in my pocket, and set off for Sadie’s apartment whether she likes it or not.

  Chapter Thirty-two

  Ashton

  My sister is working at the club, so I don’t think twice about barging in on Sadie. She’s in the kitchen nuking popcorn when she glances up. “What part of ‘I need some time’ do you not get, Ash?”

  I’m distracted by the front door and the fact that it was unlocked while she’s in here by herself, looking too damn sexy in PJ’s. “I should spank your ass for leaving your door unlocked.”

  My threat does zero to ruffle her. With grating nonchalance, she pulls the door to the microwave open and removes the bag before carefully dumping the steaming contents into a bowl.

  “We already went over this. I’m not 4-years-old.”

  My gaze falls to her flannel-clad ass. Jesus, her pajama pants are hugging her body to perfection, and my hands twitch with the need to pull her over my lap. She passes me on the way into the living room, ponytail swinging. Before she gets far, I yank the black elastic band from her hair and pull it onto my wrist.

  She rolls her eyes at me, but she doesn’t tell me to get lost, so I consider that a win. Taking one corner of the couch, she tucks her legs under her then reaches for the remote control to the TV. “Hope you’re in the mood for sappy romances because that’s what I’m watching.”

  My blood simmers in my veins. Despite the walls she’s trying to put up between us, she still doesn’t have the heart to send me away, and I find that encouraging. “I’m in the mood for anything if it involves you.”

  As I settle on the other end of the couch, I spy the corner of her mouth creep up. Her father’s check is burning a hole in my pocket, but I can’t bring myself to tell her about it yet—not when I have her sitting mere feet away in soft flannel, her defenses coming down the way her hair did.

  She pulls up the TV menu and begins scrolling through the movies available. “Serendipity or Ever After?”

  “You choose.”

  Without a word, she selects Ever After and the opening scenes begin. As the older woman starts narrating the tale that every little girl fell in love with at some point during childhood, I watch Sadie. Her eyes are on the TV, but the way she fidgets every so often between bites of popcorn, twirling her hair or smoothing a hand down her thigh, tells me she’s as aware of me as I am of her. I’d bet her father’s check she’s growing hot between the thighs.

  It isn’t until the prince and the heroine meet that Sadie breaks the silence. “You said you needed to talk to me.” She’s back to twirling her hair, and now she’s peeking at me from her peripheral. “Sounded important.”

  It is important, but I’m not ready to wreck this tenuous peace with her. If she’ll let me sit next to her, watching her watch movies all night long, I’ll be happy. “You were right. It can wait.”

  She lets out a frustrated sigh. “I’m not in the mood to play games.”

  “Neither am I. We’ll talk about it later, I promise. Just let me enjoy looking at you for a while.”

  Her gaze is full of heat and longing, and I can barely keep from launching across the couch and touching her.

  “You’re not the type to look and not touch.”

  If that’s not an invitation, I don’t know what is. I slide across the sofa, take the bowl of popcorn from her lap and set it on the floor, then palm her cheek. She’s soft and warm to the touch, and I’ve got wood just from the subtle scent of her skin. It’s not overpowering like most perfumes. Instead, it draws me in to inhale her essence. Tempts me to taste her. I pull her onto my lap, gripping her by the waist as she straddles me, and the movie is forgotten as the heat between us ignites.

  “I’ve been going crazy wanting you,” I say, nuzzling the sensitive spot underneath her ear. Gently biting her flesh, I groan as the taste of her plays on my tongue. Her head lolls back, and I kiss my way down her throat.

  “Ash…making out isn’t going to fix things between us. Corinne will still be pregnant tomorrow.”

  “Who’s Corinne?” I murmur, then I grasp her by the nape and pull her mouth down on mine. Her defenses bust wide open, and her fingers spear through my hair as she whimpers into the kiss. She’s rubbing against my hard-on, rolling her hips in a steady rhythm that’s shooting us both higher. I drop my face into the V of her tank and run my tongue over the swell of her tits.

  “God, you taste good.” I flick my thumbs over her nipples, loving how they harden and poke out beneath the soft material of her pajama top. Her breath hitches, and the next thing I know, she’s scrambling off my lap. I think she’s going into full retreat mode until she drops to her knees and surprises us both by unbuttoning my pants. Her gaze is pure fire as she slowly drags down my zipper. My erection springs free, and Sadie sweeps her tongue across her lower lip before drawing it between her teeth.

  “You know exactly what you’re doing to me,” I accuse.

  “What am I doing to you?” Her tone is all innocence, but the way she’s gently raking her nails from the base of my shaft to the tip speaks of calculation.

  “Now who’s playing games?”

  “I don’t play games, Ash. Just like I don’t lie or keep secrets.”

  “I never lied to you.”

  “You lied by omission.”

  “So you want payback, is that it?”

  “Maybe,” she hedges, her nails still teasing the fuck out of me.

  “Then get your payback, Sawyer.”

  Our eyes lock, and I’m holding my breath as I wait for her to take me into her mouth, though I don’t expect this to end well—not with the way h
er quiet anger is pulling at her lips. She leans forward, hair tickling my shaft, and lets several seconds pass while keeping me suspended in aching want. This is hell, waiting for her to make her move.

  Finally, she does, and I expel a long moan as her hot, wet mouth slides over the tip. I clutch her by the hair, my world narrowed to the sexual beast inside me that aches to thrust deep, but she pulls off my cock and glares at me.

  That harsh glance is a kick to the gut, a reminder that she’s not doing this to pleasure me, or even herself. This is about the hurt I caused her. This is about taking back the control I stole from her, and considering how upset she was the other night at the hotel, how can I deny her this?

  I can’t, so I dig my fingers into the cushions and relinquish my power to her.

  “I’m all yours.” I practically breathe the words, my chest rising and falling fast from the desire she ignited in my veins. Keeping myself in check has never been so hard. I don’t let girls get away with this shit, but Sadie isn’t just a girl. She’s my whole damn world, and if letting her torture me will bring her comfort, or give her some sort of satisfaction, I’ll do it.

  I’ll walk the fuck out of here with blue balls if she’ll forgive me for being such a dumbass.

  She dips forward again and flicks her tongue over the head of my cock, making it twitch and jump. Her wild hair frames her face, partially obscuring her eyes, and I grip the couch harder to keep from winding those deep red locks around my fist. As if she read my mind, she removes the band from around my wrist and twists her hair into a messy bun.

  “If you grab me again, I’ll kick you out.”

  Christ.

  My work is done. The woman on her knees is sassy and confident and secure in her skills at driving me out of my fucking mind. As she closes her lips around me again, I shutter my eyes and concentrate on staying still.

  Impossible.

  Especially with the way her tongue is working the underside of my cock. “God, baby,” I groan, gripping the cushions for all I’m worth. I push against the floor, feet seeking better purchase for thrusting into her mouth, and the bowl of popcorn tips and spills across the carpet. “You’re driving me crazy.”