Swallow Me Whole: A Friends To Lovers Romance

by Gemma James

  She takes a long draw from her cocktail, no doubt entertaining thoughts of sex and beaches that include the tall guy with the wild blond hair sitting beside her. It’s not long before she tilts her head toward the busy dance floor. “Want to dance?” she asks Brett.

  “Lead the way.” He’s only got eyes for her as he follows her into the fray.

  Shane shifts next to me. “You sure you don’t want to dance?” He gestures to where his brother and Mandy are getting down and dirty.

  “I don’t really dance, but thank you.” I take a sip of my drink and raise my brow at the sweet, fruity taste. A person could get drunk fast off this adult Kool-Aid.

  It sure tastes like Kool-aid.

  “I don’t either,” he says with a shrug. “But I would’ve gotten out there and embarrassed myself for you.”

  It’s at that particular moment I wish I were anywhere else. It’s not that Shane is rude, bad-looking, or has horrible breath. The problem is he’s a man I’d be interested in getting to know, if I weren’t already in love with someone else, and that makes this night feel pointless, not to mention unfair to Shane.

  Despite what Mandy said, I feel like I am leading him on.

  Music pours through the speakers at a tolerable level that invites conversation, but silence stretches between us as we watch Brett and Mandy bump and grind.

  “How long have you guys known each other?” Shane asks, nodding his head toward Mandy.

  “Years. It’s hard to say when I met her and Ashton. First or second grade, probably.”

  “Ashton’s the twin, right?”

  “Right.”

  “She told me about their childhood.”

  “She did?” Now he’s got my attention. Mandy doesn’t talk about that with just anyone. “What’d she tell you?”

  “She said their father took off when they were young, and her mother worked a lot. Sounds like they had it rougher than most, but she doesn’t let it keep her down.” He pauses. “I admire her strength.”

  I study the profile of his face. Strong jaw. Wide, sensuous mouth that would draw the attention of any woman with a pulse. Maybe even a few men. As if he senses my scrutiny, he swallows hard, Adam’s apple bobbing, and drags a hand through his thick, brown hair. All the while, his hazel eyes never waver from the sight of Mandy dancing with his brother across the club.

  “Have you told her yet?” I ask, breaking the lull in conversation.

  His gaze swings in my direction. “Tell her what?”

  “That you’re into her.”

  “I’m not…why would you think that?”

  I lift a brow. “Because it’s true?”

  He expels a breath. “She’s my brother’s girl.”

  “I don’t think it’s serious.”

  “Maybe not on her end.”

  I’ve gotta admire his loyalty to his brother, but I feel bad for him. Probably because I recognize the longing on his face. It sucks not being with the one who makes your heart throb, your body sing, your soul sizzle to life.

  “Some date I’m turning out to be.” His mouth is a line of apology.

  “We’re just two friends hanging out, so I wouldn’t worry about it.”

  “Point taken. I don’t blame you. I’m rusty as hell at this.”

  “Why’s that?” I’m genuinely intrigued.

  “I got out of a long-term relationship a few weeks ago.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Nah, don’t be.” He picks up his beer and takes a swig just as the other half of our quad returns to the table. They slide into the booth across from us, breathing labored and bodies covered in sweat. Mandy wipes away a drop sliding down her temple.

  “You guys having fun?” she asks, still catching her breath.

  Playing with the straw in my glass, I swirl the ice into a miniature whirlpool. “Yeah. How about you?”

  Mandy grins at Brett. “We’re having a blast.” She presses her mouth to his, and in the next instant, they’re sucking face.

  And that’s when I know Mandy is clueless about Shane’s interest because she’d never intentionally do something so cruel. Shane and I exchange a glance, and he mutters something about not being able to take his brother anywhere.

  I know the feeling.

  I finish the rest of my drink, and I’m about to go in search of another as it would take a saint to get through a blind-date—though not really a blind-date—without a good dose of alcohol, and that’s when my cell buzzes from my purse. I ignore it at first. If it’s not my mother begging me to come home for dinner to “work things out,” it’s Ashton.

  But ignoring the persistent buzz-buzz is about as easy as ignoring the suckfest happening across the table. With a sigh, I dig out my phone.

  Ashton: What are you up to tonight?

  Casting a glance around me, I find Shane drinking from his beer, and Mandy and Brett are so tied up in each other, they barely notice my presence. I quickly reply to Ashton’s text.

  Me: Nothing much. Just hanging out with Mandy.

  Ashton: Really? From where I’m standing it looks like you’re on a fucking date.

  My heart thumps painfully in my chest as I gaze around the club, attention landing on anyone with dark hair. Bonus points if they’re wearing black.

  But I don’t see Ashton anywhere though I’m pretty sure that’s Bryce sitting at the bar with his back to me. With a frown, I return my attention to my phone.

  Me: Are you spying on me?

  Ashton: Meet me by the restrooms.

  Oh shit.

  Swallowing hard, I tap Shane on the shoulder, gesturing that I need to exit the booth. He slides out so I can scoot to the edge. Mandy and Brett unlock their tongues long enough to acknowledge my sudden movement.

  “Whatcha doing?” she asks.

  “I need to use the restroom. I’ll be right back.” I make my way through the crowd and find Ashton leaning against the wall outside the men’s restroom.

  Either I’m starved for the sight of him, or he’s never looked hotter.

  Low-slung jeans, faded from working outside. Fitted long-sleeved black shirt that emphasizes the broadness of his shoulders and hugs his abs just right. I have the strongest urge to press against him, to wrap myself in his heat and woodsy smell. As soon as I’m within reach, he grabs me by the arm and hauls me through the back door and into the designated smoking area.

  And then I am pressed against his chest, my back to the concrete wall as he shelters me from the cool breeze of fall. It’s a pure Ashton move, and I’m light-headed and a bit delirious.

  He leans down until our lips are inches apart. “Are you trying to hurt me?”

  “Of course not.”

  He slides a palm against my cheek, his touch incongruent with the fervor in his eyes. “You’re on a date—a fucking date. Do you know how that makes me feel?”

  “Do you know how it made me feel to see you and Corinne shopping for groceries together? You two seemed like the perfect little family.” I wince at the bite in my tone, but I can’t help it.

  I’m jealous.

  And obviously, the jealousy goes both ways, or he wouldn’t have me against a wall in the alley behind the club, staking his claim with the heat of his hands and the determination in his eyes.

  Widening his stance, he wraps an arm around my waist and pulls me flush against his body. “I haven’t touched her. I only gave her a ride since her car’s been in the shop. That’s why we were together at the store.” He jerks his head toward the back entrance of the club. “What’s your excuse for the Jake-wannabe in there?”

  “I don’t need an excuse. You and I aren’t together.”

  He glances down at our joined bodies. “Could’ve fooled me.”

  “It’s not a date. We’re just friends.”

  “Like you and I are friends?”

  “Not even close.”

  He shutters his eyes for several seconds. “I miss you so damn much.”

  I miss him too. More than I ca
n say. “Isn’t Corinne wondering where you are right now?”

  “She’s not my fucking keeper, Sadie.” He cradles my face between his warm hands. “This bullshit with Corinne will be over soon.”

  “You don’t really believe that, do you? She’ll still be pregnant, and maybe she won’t be able to yank on your leash by threatening abortion, but she’ll come up with something else. She wants you, Ash, and from what I remember of Corinne in high school, she can be fucking ruthless.”

  She never liked me, and now I know why. She probably saw what everyone but Ashton and I saw at the time—a close friendship that masked what neither of us were ready to admit.

  “So that’s it, huh?” Ashton shakes his head. “Are we not worth fighting for?”

  “It doesn’t matter what I think, or how I feel. You’ve got obligations neither of us can ignore.”

  “Try ignoring this.” His hand disappears under the hem of my dress, but he stops short of touching me where I’m aching for it the most.

  My breath hitches, and I’m instantly on fire.

  “You’re torturing me,” I groan.

  “Say the word, and we’re outta here.” He trails his lips along my jawline before reaching the arousing spot beneath my ear. His mouth is greedy and wet and so fucking hot against my neck that my knees almost give out. His teeth sink into my flesh with enough bite to leave a mark.

  “Ashton, please…” I don’t even know what I’m pleading for at this point.

  “Tell me what to do, and I’ll do it. Just don’t tell me to stop loving you because that isn’t going to happen.”

  I’ve never wanted to give in as much as I do now. My body throbs for him. My heart aches for him. My soul is lost without him. But my head is the loudest, and it’s screaming at me to retreat before this goes any further.

  Because Ashton Levine will consume me if I let him, and no matter what he claims, he’s not free to be with me.

  We might get our chance, but now isn’t it.

  “You need to leave me alone,” I say, shoving past him.

  “Not a chance.” He’s on my heels as I head back into the club. “Dating other people isn’t going to make you forget what we have. You’ll still think about me, still want me just as much as I want you. Fucking admit it.”

  “No.”

  He grabs my arm, halting my progress down the hall, and we step to the side, out of the way of people coming and going. “Why are you so damn scared to let yourself love someone? To let them love you?”

  His words slam into me, and I’m flattened by the truth in them.

  “I don’t know,” I say, my throat constricting.

  “I have a theory. Wanna hear it?”

  I shake my head, vocal cords frozen.

  “Too bad. I’m telling you anyway. Your parents gave you everything you could ever want, but they failed in the single, most important area. Because of that, I know you think you’re unworthy.”

  Sharp pain barrels through me. “Please, Ash.”

  “I’m here to tell you how wrong you are.” He presses his lips to my forehead. “You are so fucking lovable, Sawyer. You have no idea.”

  Shaken to the center of my soul by his words, I’m on the verge of breaking down. It’s imminent, producing an aching lump in my throat. A horrid burn behind my eyeballs.

  “I can’t do this,” I choke out, shoving past him and escaping into the women’s restroom. Two girls are touching up their lipstick in front of the sinks, so I enclose myself in one of the stalls until I can regain my bearings.

  Ashton spooked me clear to my toes, and I’m still trembling, close to a tearful meltdown in a bathroom stall. Hell, This is the same stall where Mandy found me the night I caught Jake cheating.

  This is where it all started.

  I close my eyes and focus on breathing, all the while hoping the women hurry up with their primping and get the hell out of here. The door opens and closes a few minutes later, shutting out the giggly girls and the strong scent of whatever flowery perfume they bathed in. I come out of hiding and stumble to the sinks, knees wobbly and threatening to buckle.

  Damn Ashton. What was he thinking?

  I turn on the faucet and splash water onto my flushed cheeks. The more I think about our stolen moments in the alley, the angrier I become. Even if I weren’t terrified of putting this are-we-or-aren’t-we-more-than-friends limbo behind us, he’s got obligations to Corinne.

  I flash back to a couple of months ago when I saw her all over him, her hands in his hair and her lips attached to his. At the time, I’d convinced myself I was oblivious to the tightness in my chest at seeing them together. Now my response to the thought of him with anyone else tears at me in such a raw, primal way that I’m not sure our friendship will survive this.

  My eyes are red, my cheeks still splotchy from fighting off tears, so I splash more water onto my face and force myself to get a grip, and that’s when the door bursts open. All I see is blond hair, a red dress, and someone disappearing into a stall before the door bangs shut. Whoever’s in there starts retching, and I consider jumping ship, but my conscience won’t let me leave until I know she’s okay. A few minutes later, she exits, dabbing her mouth with toilet paper, and recognition hits me.

  Natalie, Corinne’s older sister.

  “Are you okay?”

  Natalie nods. “Yeah. It’s just morning sickness.” She lets out an ironic laugh. “But it happens all day long.”

  I blink in surprise. “You’re pregnant?”

  “Yep, about ten weeks, so no alcohol for me.”

  “Wow…congratulations?”

  She laughs again, and the lighthearted sound breaks the tension. “Thanks. It’s good news.”

  As she washes her hands, I dry my face with paper towels. With any luck, Ashton will have gotten tired of waiting and left already.

  “So, you and Corinne, pregnant at the same time. That must be fun.”

  Fun for them. Heartbreaking for me.

  Natalie raises a brow. “Who told you Corinne’s pregnant?”

  “Ashton did. She told him a few weeks ago.”

  Natalie studies my face as if she’ll find the missing puzzle piece there. “You’re sure she told him this?”

  “Yeah.” And then it occurs to me that maybe I just slipped up and spilled something I shouldn’t have. “Did she not tell you? Shit, I’m sorry if I’m putting my foot in it.”

  “There’s nothing to tell. She’s not pregnant.”

  I blink, and blink…then blink some more, and a hard swallow clears my vocal cords. “But he picked her up from the emergency room a few weeks ago. She said there were complications with the baby.” I’m dumbfounded and sound it.

  Natalie shakes her head. “I was the one in the ER. She was there, but it was for moral support.”

  Why would Corinne lie about something like this? My pulse is throbbing in my ears, and adrenaline rushes through me so fast, I’m dizzy from it.

  Ashton’s been completely torn up over this—I’ve been fucking torn up over this—and to think she’s been lying the whole time? Why would anyone do something so low? So fucking cruel?

  Natalie’s expression softens, and I can’t decide if it’s sympathy or pity I’m finding on her face. “This isn’t the first time she’s done something like this. It’s an attention thing with her.” A buzzing sound comes from the pocket of her jacket, and she fishes her cell out before scanning the backlit screen. “Listen, I’m sorry, but I’ve gotta go.” She heads toward the door then halts long enough to glance over her shoulder. “Trust me. She’s not pregnant.”

  After she’s gone, I let the counter hold me up as I process what I just heard. But only two things are on loop inside my head.

  Corinne isn’t pregnant.

  And I need to tell Ash.

  Chapter Thirty-six

  Ashton

  If Sadie believes ducking into the women’s restroom will save her from me, she’s mistaken and only delaying the inevitable. As lon
g as she’s hanging out with the pretty boy across the club, who’s now immersed in an animated conversation with my sister, I’m not going anywhere.

  I lean against the wall outside the bathrooms and settle in for the wait, all the while trying to ignore the burning throb of betrayal in my chest. I have no fucking right to feel betrayed—not after asking her to give me time while I pretend to be committed to someone else.

  But fucking hell, my commitment to Corinne is nothing more than a facade on my part, and Sadie knows this.

  A few women leave the restroom, and one of them I recognize as Corinne’s sister. She’s too focused on her phone to notice me lurking in the dim hallway like a creeper.

  If Sadie doesn’t come out soon, I’m going in after her.

  Five minutes later, I’m seriously considering it when she finally emerges. All it takes is one glance at her ashen face, and I know something is wrong.

  I push off the wall. “Sadie?”

  “Can we get out of here? I need to talk to you.”

  Her complete turnabout is cause for a raised brow, but I’m not complaining. I usher her into the thick of the club, one hand warming the small of her back. “Let me tell Bryce we’re outta here.”

  “I should let Mandy know, too. Plus, I left my purse and coat over there.”

  “Meet you at the front?” I ask.

  She nods before taking off in the opposite direction, and I stand motionless for a few moments, dazed and a little confused as I watch her make her way through the crowd. Twenty minutes ago, she was ready to get rid of me.

  Now she’s leaving with me. But she’s acting odd, and that’s got me concerned.

  I say a quick goodbye to my roommate before snaking my way through the crowd. Sadie joins me at the front entrance five minutes later, and we duck out into the cold. It’s started to drizzle since our interlude in the alley. We rush through the rain, and only after we’re inside the dry warmth of my car, and no one’s around to overhear us, do I ask Sadie what’s going on.

  “I ran into Corinne’s sister in the bathroom.”

  “I thought that was her. Did she say something to upset you?” If Corinne is behind this…

  “She told me Corinne isn’t pregnant.”