Swallow Me Whole: A Friends To Lovers Romance

by Gemma James

  Whatever I was thinking stops dead in its tracks. Long heavy moments pass, raindrops furious on the windshield.

  “What?”

  “Natalie’s pregnant. She said she was the one at the hospital. Corinne was only there to offer support.”

  “Natalie was nowhere around when I picked up Corinne.”

  Sadie shrugs. “I’m just telling you what she told me. She was adamant that Corinne isn’t pregnant.”

  I rub a hand down my face and consider the possibility that Corinne’s been lying to me all along. The timing is suspect, her news coming on the heels of her wanting more than I was willing to give. Muttering a curse under my breath, I turn the key in the ignition and crank up the heat.

  Sadie shifts in the passenger seat, huddling inside her jacket. “Did Corinne give you any proof?”

  “Yeah, an ultrasound picture.” I peek at Sadie and find her brows drawn together.

  “Was her name on it?”

  That night is a blur in my mind, overshadowed by the way things went down between Sadie and me, but I focus on the moment I gazed at that photo, overcome with a sense of awe at what I was looking at.

  “I remember the date and her last name.”

  “So it could have easily been her sister’s.”

  Holy shit, she’s right.

  “I guess so.”

  “What are you going to do?”

  “I’m going to drag the truth from her.” What else can I do? The waiting game is drawing closer to the finish line with each new day. If she is lying to me, then time is not on her side. There will come a point when she’ll either have to fess up, or fake a miscarriage.

  The thought makes me sick.

  “I can’t believe she’d go to these lengths,” I say.

  “Me either. A sane person wouldn’t do something like this.”

  I take Sadie’s hand in mine. “Thanks for telling me.”

  Carefully, she withdraws her fingers from mine, and my heart takes a nosedive to the bottom of my sickened gut.

  “We’re friends, Ash. That’s all we can be right now.”

  Even as friends, we used to hold hands all the fucking time. Sadie and I never held back when it came to displaying our friendship in a physical capacity.

  Hugs, hand-holding, piggy back rides. It’s been a while since we horsed around like that.

  But none of that matters now since everything has changed, and the only way we’re going to find our way forward is by fixing what needs to be fixed.

  The situation with Corinne is first on the list.

  “I’ll drive you home.” I shift the idling car into gear, and Sadie doesn’t say anything until we’re a few blocks down the road.

  “Are you going to talk to her tonight?”

  There’s a hopeful lift in her tone, and I can’t help but respond to it on a visceral level. Her hope gives me hope.

  “This isn’t something that can wait until morning. If she’s lying, it’s ending now.” I give her a meaningful look. “She’s already caused enough damage.”

  Sadie turns away, and neither of us speak for the rest of the drive. Once we reach her apartment, she tries dodging me on my offer to walk her to her front door, but I don’t give her the chance.

  “Can’t wait to get rid of me, huh?”

  “That’s not it.”

  “What is it, then?”

  “Being around you is…”

  I drag a hand through my hair. “I’m not trying to upset you.”

  “That’s not what I was going to say. Being near you is too tempting right now.”

  My heart leaps at her words, and I have to bite my lip to keep from saying anything as she unlocks her darkened apartment.

  She flips on a light and stalls just inside the front entrance. “Will you let me know how it goes?”

  I fit my palm along her cheek and brush my lips across the other. “You’ll be the first to know.”

  Chapter Thirty-seven

  Ashton

  Not pregnant.

  It would make my life a hell of a lot easier if it’s true. I’ll be able to move on from this shitstorm without worrying about Corinne going straight to the abortion clinic. If it’s true, I can walk away, wash my hands of her, and do it without guilt.

  I can get Sadie back.

  Maybe not tomorrow, but eventually, because we’re stronger than this.

  I rap on Corinne’s door three times. Seconds later, I detect footsteps, followed by a pause in which I’m sure she’s checking the peephole. The deadbolt switches over, and there she stands, brown eyes brightening at the sight of me.

  “Hey,” she says, her voice an octave lower than usual. Softer. Designed to seduce. “I thought you were going out with Bryce tonight.” She wanted me to come over for dinner, and when I told her I had plans with Bryce, she wasn’t thrilled.

  “Change of plans,” I say, following her inside. As she clears a pile of textbooks from the sofa, I linger in the center of the living room. “We need to talk.”

  “Sure. Is everything okay?”

  “That depends. I heard something interesting tonight.”

  Stalling, she glances over her shoulder. “Yeah?”

  “I heard you’re not actually pregnant.”

  She drops the books and turns around to face me, eyes wide. “What? Who told you that?”

  “That’s not even the point. Is it true?”

  “Don’t I get a chance to defend myself? Who’s spreading rumors about me? Is it Sadie?”

  Hmm, interesting. I figured she was bound to catch on to my feelings for Sadie, especially after my reaction to running into her around town. Corinne doesn’t miss a thing.

  “This rumor came from your sister.”

  That steals the sails from her voice, and she opens and shuts her mouth a few times before spitting out her reply. “I haven’t told her yet.”

  “I might believe that, except she says she’s pregnant.” I advance on her, forcing her back by a few steps. “In fact, she claims she was the one at the hospital.”

  “My sister doesn’t know what she’s talking about.”

  “No? You weren’t with her at the ER?”

  “Well, yeah, but—”

  “I don’t want to hear any buts, Corinne. Just tell me the goddamn truth.” My voice thunders through the apartment, and her eyes sheen over with tears.

  “I’m…I’m sorry.”

  “You’re sorry?” Sucking in a deep breath, I turn my back on her and drag both hands through my hair.

  “I’m so sorry,” she cries, and I flinch when she places her hand on my back. “I was so furious with you, and the lie slipped out…and once it was out there, I didn’t know how to take it back without driving you away.”

  I whirl, seething, hands fisted at my sides. God, how I want to strangle her. “Do you have any idea what you’ve done? I was willing to rearrange my entire life for this baby—a baby that doesn’t even exist!”

  Something inside her seems to snap into place, and she lifts her chin a couple of notches. “Do you have any idea what you’ve done?”

  “Let’s hear your excuses. Tell me what I did to deserve this. Go ahead. Try justifying it.”

  “You discarded me like trash!” She jabs a finger into my chest. “You made me love you, then you threw me away like I was nothing.”

  “What you are is a lying, manipulative bitch.”

  Her mouth begins to tremble, and I immediately want to take back the words. Even if they are true. She played me, and I fell for it like an idiot.

  “I didn’t want to lose you,” she says, the fight seeping from her bones. Shoulders sagging, she folds her arms in a defensive gesture.

  “How could you think we had anything more than a fling? Outside the few times we fucked, we barely saw each other. That’s not a fucking relationship, Corinne.”

  “It could’ve been,” she says, dashing tears from her cheeks. “But I should’ve known better. It’s always been Sadie this and Sadie that w
ith you.” The corner of her mouth creeps into a sneer. “You took me to prom—you fucking slept with me—but you couldn’t keep your eyes off her.”

  “That was years ago. Let it go, already.”

  “I’m not just talking about high school!” A beat of silence infiltrates the room, poisoning the air with hurt and lies, and she glares at me. “I thought you finally wanted me…but all you wanted was a quick and dirty fuck.”

  “Jesus, Corinne.” I give her my back for a few moments, fingers raking through my hair, then I turn to face her again. “My reputation is no secret. I thought that’s what you wanted, too.”

  “Well aren’t you observant.”

  Her snide statement drains my last bit of patience, and I storm forward until she has no choice but to plant her ass on the couch. “Not observant enough, apparently.” Staring down at her, I cross my arms. “But you were counting on that, weren’t you? Did you think I wouldn’t notice when you failed to pop out a baby?”

  “I wasn’t thinking at all.”

  “Bullshit,” I say with a shake of my head. “You knew exactly what you were doing.”

  “I want you to leave.”

  “How convenient. Now you want me to go.”

  “I don’t want to do this anymore. It was a mistake.” Face bathed with tears, she sniffles. “I really am sorry.”

  “The only thing you’re sorry about is getting tangled up in your own lies.” Keeping my anger in check, I brace my weight on the back of the couch and bring my face close to hers. “You and I are done. Do you understand?”

  Blinking rapidly, she nods.

  “And stay the fuck away from Sadie.”

  “O-okay.”

  Her timid voice burrows underneath my anger, and I pull back, giving her space. “I swear to God I never meant to hurt you.” I pause, watching the tears slide down her face. “The next time you get it in your head to yank on some poor idiot’s chain, think twice. You’re better than this.”

  She buries her head in her hands, and I take that as my cue to leave. Maybe she really is sorry. Maybe she’s not. As I storm out of her apartment for the last time, I really don’t give a shit either way.

  Chapter Thirty-eight

  Sadie

  “How’d it go?” Mandy settles into the seat across the table from me.

  “Good. I start next term.”

  “I can’t believe we’ll be going to school together again. I’m so excited.”

  “Me too.” Though I’ll be on my own after she graduates next summer. It’s a scary leap—starting all over again, exploring what I want to do with my life, discovering who I really am.

  It’s also exciting. The roadmap of the future is wide open, free of pressure from my father. I can do and be anything I want, and I plan to dabble in all kinds of things until I find something that speaks to me.

  The cafeteria on campus is a busy place no matter the time of day, but during the traditional lunch hour, it’s exceptionally boisterous. Mandy leans forward and raises her voice to be heard over the collective chatter.

  “Bryce is throwing Ash and me a birthday party. You coming?”

  I hate how the mention of his name causes an ache deep in my gut. It’s hard to believe I used to watch him with all sorts of women without breaking in two, and now I can’t even talk about him without feeling like I lost something.

  We’re still friends, but it’s not the same.

  “Your birthday is a month away,” I point out.

  “I know, but I figure if I start badgering you about it now I might wear you down enough by the time the party actually arrives.”

  “I don’t know.”

  “You can’t avoid him forever.”

  “I realize that, Mandy.”

  Ever since he showed up the morning after his confrontation with Corinne and told me she wasn’t pregnant, I’ve existed in a state of limbo.

  Wanting him.

  Not wanting to risk my heart anymore than I already have.

  It’s been 25 days.

  600 hours.

  36,000 minutes.

  The seconds seem endless.

  “I mean, technically, you could avoid him forever, but I don’t think you want to. And I know he doesn’t want you to.”

  “He wants us to take the next step, but…”

  “But what? You can’t blame it on Corinne this time.” Frowning, she works the top off a plastic fruit bowl. “He’s miserable, Sadie. So are you.”

  “I want to be sure.”

  Her voice softens. “What aren’t you sure about?”

  “We jumped into a physical relationship without really considering the consequences…or maybe we did, but we ignored them.” I pause, counting the seconds on the huge clock hanging over the entrance to the building. “And it happened so fast. One minute we’re friends, and the next we’re…” I swallow hard. “I don’t want to make that mistake again.”

  “Okay,” she says, spearing a bite of cantaloupe with a fork. “What are you worried about the most?”

  Glancing down, I push rice and orange-glazed chicken around my plate. “He’s never done the relationship thing. It’s always been sex for him, so what if we take that leap, and he gets bored with me? You think our friendship is strained now?” My voice wobbles, and I jerk my head back and forth. “Mandy, you guys are my family.”

  A reality that was driven home over two weeks ago during Thanksgiving. I considered going to my parents’ for dinner until I learned Dad invited Jake and his new fiancé. The slimeball didn’t waste time.

  Mandy begged me to come with her and Ashton to their mother’s house, but I didn’t want to put a strain on their holiday, so I spent it alone in the apartment, decked out in PJ’s in front of the TV.

  She sets down her fork. “We’re not going anywhere. And besides, it’s different with you. Ashton’s never been like this over a girl. You’d see it too if you stopped picking apart all the reasons why it might not work.”

  “So in other words, you’re telling me to stop being a coward.”

  “Yes,” she says with a smile. “You said it started out physical. What if you guys just dated for a while?”

  “We’d end up in bed before the first date was over.”

  She covers her ears. “Let’s not go there. This is my brother we’re talking about.”

  “Hey, you asked.”

  “I know I did.” She nibbles on her bottom lip, lost in thought. “So set some rules and stick to them. Give yourself some time to discover if there’s something real underneath the…hormones.”

  “Hormones?” I ask with a laugh. Oh, the irony, as I recall saying something similar to Ash.

  “Hey, it’s no secret Ashton is a manwhore,” she says with a cringe. “So if you date for a while, keeping things platonic the whole time, that should give you a good idea if it’ll work or not.”

  We had rules before, and they worked…for a while. But even so, her idea has merit, though I’m positive Ashton won’t appreciate his sister cock-blocking him.

  “So go on some friend dates, is what you’re saying.”

  “In so many words, yes.”

  “I’ll think about it.”

  “Good.”

  We finish lunch, Mandy heads to her next class, and I decide to hang around campus for a while, enjoying a rare bout of sunshine in chilly December. Pulling my coat snug around my body, I head down the walkway leading away from the center building. Students rush past, in a hurry to get to their next destination.

  I’ve missed this, and though it won’t be easy keeping up with the class load on top of working, the rightness of being here warms my gut.

  This feels like my life again.

  Up ahead, people come and go from a building, its glass angles sleek and sharp, and voices pour through the doors. I venture inside and take in the cathedral ceiling and skylights. Students are gathered in clusters on the couches and chairs while some sort of motivational speech captures their attention.

  Findi
ng an empty seat off to the side, I settle in and listen to the guy’s deep voice implore students to take charge of their futures. He offers anecdotal stories of struggle and strife, and that’s when I zone out.

  Because I’m thinking about Ashton again. Hell, I’m always thinking about him. Only now I’m considering everything Mandy said.

  Before I lose my nerve, I dig out my phone and shoot him a text.

  Me: I’ve got a proposition for you.

  Since it’s mid-day, and he’s likely out in the woods somewhere eating lunch with Bambi, I don’t anticipate having to wait long, unless he’s out of service.

  Ashton: I’m intrigued, Sawyer.

  My heart skips behind my breastbone. Twenty-five days seems like a lifetime to spend without seeing him. We’ve exchanged texts every few days since the morning after the Corinne Situation imploded, but he’s honored my wish for time and space.

  My head tells me we needed this cooling period. My heart tells me I’m still running from what I feel for him.

  Me: I met up with Mandy for lunch today.

  Ashton: Yeah? I bet you talked about me.

  I roll my eyes.

  Me: Why? Were your ears ringing?

  Ashton: Like crazy.

  A few seconds pass, and then he replies again.

  Ashton: Seriously, what’s on your mind? You’ve got me on my toes here.

  Me: Mandy had an idea.

  Ashton: I’m almost afraid to ask.

  Me: I think it could be a good thing.

  Ashton: I’m open to good things. What are we talking about here?

  Me: She thinks you and I should date, but with rules.

  Ashton: More rules again? You’re killing me.

  I suck in a breath then let it out. I don’t want rules. I want to give in to the intensity of being with him, skin to skin, losing myself in his touch, finding myself in his kiss.

  But I need to know this is real, that it’ll last and I won’t end up another disillusioned girl on the roster of Ashton’s flings.

  Ashton: Lay your rules on me. You know you’ve got me wrapped.

  Me: We go on several dates, but no touching or kissing or anything else involving my mouth.

  Ashton: How about mine? Does using my tongue constitute touching?