The Question

by Zena Wynn

  “Look, there is the head,” Rashid said in awe.

  Gail heard a baby’s cry, then Dr. Hagan telling her to push again. There was a release of the pressure on her body when the baby slid all of the way out into Dr. Hagan’s waiting hands. She watched as he passed the baby to one of the nurses then caught her breath as the urge to push hit her again. Her grip on Rashid’s hand tightened in response.

  “Just a second, Gail, and I’ll be ready for you to push. Try to hold back for a few more seconds. Can you do that for me?” Dr. Hagan asked.

  Gail nodded her head and gritted her teeth. She turned her head to the side and rested her forehead against Rashid’s neck. She let his praises wash over her while her attention focused inwardly on controlling her body.

  “Alright, Gail. Let’s bring this little one out so that she can join her brother.”

  Gail pushed until she felt faint. She was relieved when Dr. Hagan said, “That’s enough.” He turned the baby and it slid right out into his hands.

  While Dr. Hagan was cleaning and stitching Gail, one of the nurses approached the bed. “Would you like to see your son? He’s a handsome fellow. Six pounds, three ounces, and nineteen inches long.”

  Rashid held out his hands for the baby. Since his arms remained wrapped around Gail, she instinctively reached out to help support the baby. Gail looked down and immediately fell in love. He was beautiful. He had her complexion and Rashid’s wavy, black hair, giving him an exotic look. His face was all scrunched up against the lights and he squirmed in their arms.

  “Come on, handsome. Open up those eyes and let me see what color they are,” she cajoled.

  As if he recognized her voice, his eyes opened a crack and he peeked out. Black, like Rashid’s. “He has your eyes,” she told him.

  “But his mouth, nose, and the shape of his face are yours,” Rashid replied.

  The nurse came and got the baby from them. “Sorry, but we need to take this little tyke down to the pediatric ward and have him checked out.”

  As she left with the first baby, another nurse came with the second one. “Would you and your wife like to see your daughter?” Gail barely heard her. Her arms were already reaching for the baby.

  As she brought the baby to her chest, she began to nuzzle against her. Gail laughed and turned to Rashid. “I think she’s hungry.”

  Rashid had tears in his eyes as he looked down at the baby in her arms. He met Gail’s gaze, his eyes full of emotion and kissed her lightly on the lips. “Thank you for my children.”

  Gail flushed and turned away, her heart heavy with the reminder that these precious babies were not her own. Gail reluctantly handed the baby back to the waiting nurse and watched as she was taken from the room, a piece of her heart going with her.

  One of the aides came over and helped Gail to sit up while Rashid eased from behind her. He went to confer with the doctor while Gail received instructions. The aide recommended she soak in the tub to ease the soreness, and helped her into the bathroom where she ran water in the Jacuzzi tub and poured some minerals in the water. “A sitz bath will help ease your discomfort. When you’re ready, call and someone will help you out of the tub. While you’re bathing, the linens on your bed will be changed and the room cleaned.”

  Gail nodded and took her case from the aide. She withdrew her nightgown and set it to the side within easy reach. When the aide left, Gail eased into the tub. The water felt so good. Tears came to her eyes as she thought of about the babies and all Crystal was missing. She leaned her head back against the wall and let them come. She needed a good cry. When they finally stopped, she was exhausted but much calmer.

  Her strength was rapidly giving out. She washed quickly in the cooling water and made a move to get out of the tub. She couldn’t. There wasn’t enough strength left in her arms to push up onto her feet. She called out for help. “I’m ready to get out.”

  The door cracked open and Rashid’s voice inquired, “Do you need assistance?”

  Gail drew the washcloth protectively against her chest, even though she was behind the door. “Could you call someone? I need help getting out of the tub.”

  “No need to disturb them when I am here. I will assist.” He pushed the door open further and began to enter.

  Gail squealed. “Wait! No! Don’t come in,” she protested and tried to sink down into the dubious protection of the mostly empty tub.

  “I just watched you give birth to my children. Surely you are not concerned with my seeing you in the bath?” His tone was disbelieving. He ignored her protests and came into the bathroom.

  Finding a towel, he approached the tub. “Arms up.” He held the towel out in preparation of wrapping her in it.

  Gail had her legs drawn up to her body, trying to hide her nakedness and wouldn’t move.

  “Come, this is foolishness. I do not want you catching chill.”

  I can’t sit here all day, she thought, and the water is getting cold. She looked over Rashid’s shoulder, unable to look him in the face, and raised her arms.

  In a tremendous display of strength, he lifted her to a standing position, wrapped the towel around her body, and lifted her out of the tub. When she was steady on her feet, he turned to leave. “If you need anything else, call out.”

  When hell freezes over, she thought to herself. It’s not like she expected the sight of her nude body to drive him into a lust-induced frenzy, but she could count on one hand the number of people who had seen her naked. She never intended for Rashid to be counted among them.

  Gail managed to dry off and put on her robe and gown without any further problems. She left the bathroom and went back into the room, ready to lie down. Rashid stretched out in the recliner, flipping channels on the TV.

  He looked up when she entered the room. “Lay down before you fall down. They will arrive soon with dinner.”

  Gail slowly eased her body onto the bed. As she settled, she heard a cry and looked for its source. Both of the babies were in the room. “Rashid, why are the twins in here instead of the nursery?” Where they belong, she finished in her mind.

  “The nurses are short staffed. It was requested that the babies remain in here with us.” He crossed over to the crying infant and picked it up before it could disturb its sibling.

  She’d just bet the nurses were short-staffed. It seemed mighty convenient to her. “What do you mean by ‘us’?” She watched him while she adjusted the bed to a more comfortable position.

  “Us. You and I. I am here and will remain as much as possible to see to the care of you and the children.”

  Gail closed her eyes, too tired to argue with him. She needed to be at full strength to deal with Rashid and right now, he had her at a disadvantage. Instead of calming, the baby seemed to become more agitated. She opened her eyes, curious. “Rashid, what are you doing to that baby?”

  “I am attempting to calm him.” He was walking around, gently bouncing the baby in his arms.

  She knew she was going to hate herself later, but the crying was bothering her. “Bring the baby to me.” Rashid handed him over with relief. The baby’s eyes closed tight, his face all red. Gail unwrapped the blanket and checked the diaper. As soon as his hands were free, his fist shot to his mouth and he began to suck.

  “Oh poor thing, you’re hungry. Rashid, see if they brought any bottles.”

  Making no move to look, Rashid asked, “Can you not breastfeed?”

  Gail gave him a look of disbelief. “No, I can’t breastfeed. I have no intention of nursing these infants. Even if I wanted to, my milk hasn’t come in yet. Now see if they brought in some bottles before this little one finds a way to eat his fist.”

  Rashid went to the correct drawer and pulled out a bottle and a nipple, displaying his knowledge of their presence. He put the nipple on the bottle and placed it in her hand. “Breastfeeding is best for an infant. The mother’s immunity is passed through the breast milk to the child until the infant’s immune system is strong enough to defend
itself.” He sounded like he was quoting from a manual, which he probably was.

  Gail ignored him as she fed the baby. Breastfeeding was not in the agreement so he could just get over himself. “Have you decided upon names for the babies?”

  “My daughter shall be called Jamilah Melek Al Jabbar. It means ‘beautiful angel.’”

  “And your son? What name have you decided on for him?”

  “I’m considering Ahkeem Jamal Al Jabbar.”

  “Does that name have meaning as well?”

  “It means handsome ruler,” he said with pride.

  “Those are beautiful names, Rashid. So, handsome, what do you think of the names your daddy picked out?” The baby, intent on its bottle, didn’t even look at her.

  Rashid watched her very carefully. She had no doubt that he was memorizing her actions so that he could repeat them when the time came. When the baby began pushing the milk out of his mouth, she removed the bottle. Lifting little Jamal to her shoulder, she began a combination patting/rubbing motion until she heard him burp.

  “Rashid, bring me a diaper and see if they left any wipes.” Once he handed her the requested items, she changed the baby and swaddled him again.

  “Why do you wrap the baby so tightly?”

  “It’s called swaddling. It comforts them. Makes them feel like they’re still in the womb. You can put him back in his incubator now. He should sleep. I’ve shown you what to do. Next time, it’s your turn.”

  “You’re friend Greg stopped by to see you while you were in the bath. He asked me to pass the message that he would see you tomorrow. Some business came up that needed his attention.”

  Wondering why Rashid hadn’t given her the message earlier, she let it go without question when dinner arrived. They ate in silence. When she finished eating, Gail could barely keep her eyes opened.

  Rashid moved the tray from in front of her. “Rest. You’ve done enough for today. Do you need anything?”

  “Another blanket. I’m a little cold.”

  Rashid found one and spread it over her. “Sleep. If you need anything, I’ll be here.”

  * * * *

  Late the next morning, Gail awakened to the sound of someone tapping on the door. “Come in,” she called out groggily.

  Greg came through the door, a vase full of red roses in his hand. “Morning, Beautiful. How’s my lady doing today?”

  “How lovely.” She reached for the flowers. “I’m doing better. Still tired and sore. I’ll be glad when they let me out of here so that I can actually get some sleep. I’ve forgotten what a full night of sleep feels like.” She brought one of the roses to her nose.

  Watching her, he asked, “Don’t I get a thank you kiss?”

  “Put these over there, then come and get your kiss. A dozen roses deserves a great kiss,” she concluded.

  Greg placed the vase on the table she indicated then came to claim his thank you. Gail wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him deeply, making sure to give him plenty of tongue action.

  “Mmm, very nice and look,” he gently squeezed her waist, “no belly coming between us.”

  “The belly’s gone but these are still here.” She cupped her breast.

  Greg covered her hands with his. She slid hers out of the way, leaving him cupping her breast alone. With his thumbs, he gently rubbed the distended nipples. “Can we keep these? They’re nice,” he drawled.

  She laughed and pushed his hand away. What he was doing felt too good and her body was in no condition to do what it wanted to do.

  He sat on the side of the bed facing her. “How are you feeling, seriously? No complications from the birth?”

  “So far, so good. Keep your fingers crossed. If none pop up, I get to go home tomorrow.”

  “But you won’t really be going home, will you? Remember, it was arranged for you to stay with Crystal and Rashid while you recovered from the birth,” he reminded her.

  “You don’t think he’ll hold me to that agreement now that Crystal is gone, do you? How would it look for his wife’s best friend to be living with him, not even a month after his wife left?”

  “Rashid doesn’t strike me as the kind of man who worries about people’s opinion. Unless he says otherwise, I think you should stick to the agreement. Go, let yourself be taken care of until you get your strength back. It’s not like you can return to work and you know you’ll go crazy sitting around the house for six weeks doing nothing.”

  “As usual, you’re right,” she acknowledged.

  “Glad you realize it. Now, I want to talk to you about something. I would have waited until you left the hospital, but this can’t wait.”

  “What is it? Is something wrong?” she worried.

  “No, it’s good news. Great news. A headhunter approached me from another law firm. They’ve seen my work and want to hire me. If things work out, in another two years I may be considered for partnership. This is the offer on the table.” He named a figure that caused Gail’s mouth to drop open.

  “Are you going to take it?”

  “I’d be crazy not to. I’ve checked them out and this would be a good career move for me.”

  Gail didn’t doubt it. It was the dream of most lawyers to reach partner. There was no hope of that happening where he was now. “Then go for it. I’m so happy for you. This is wonderful.”

  “I’m glad you think so.” He took her hand and held it. “The job’s in California.”

  At his words, her heart sank.

  “Gail, I’ve thought seriously about this and I want you to come with me. I’ve checked and with your credentials, you can get a job with any firm out there. I can’t promise you a wedding ring. I’ve seen too much to believe in happily ever after, but I can promise you fidelity. Live with me. I don’t know if this is love, but I’ve never felt for any woman the feelings I have for you. I’m seriously thinking of trying the rings, the church, and ‘til death do us part’ bit. No other woman has ever tempted me so.”

  Gail leaned back against her pillows, speechless. He was utterly serious and totally sincere. “This is so sudden. You’re talking a major move. How long do I have to decide?”

  “I’m flying out Monday for a meeting with the partners. I’ll officially let them know my decision at that time. They have a big case that just came to them that they want me to handle. They’re going to help me find housing until I can get something more permanent. By the end of the month, I plan to be moved.”

  “Three weeks! I won’t be released from the doctor for another six.” Her head was reeling with the suddenness of his announcement.

  “I know and I’ve taken that into consideration. Come join me when the doctor releases you. You don’t have to return to work right away. You can come, find us a home, and get settled before looking for employment. Whatever you choose for us will be fine with me. I want you to be happy in our home.”

  “Greg, we’ve only been together a couple of months. That’s not very long. Are you sure you’re ready for something like this?”

  “Yes, I’m very sure. Maybe it was not being able to have sex that did it, but I know you. Really know you, and what I know I like. I can’t wait to discover more about you. What about you? Do you have any feelings for me at all?” Gail could tell her answer was very important to him.

  She cupped the side of his face. “You know that I do. I can’t put a name on them yet, but what I feel is very strong.”

  “There’s one more thing you should know before making your decision.” The look on his face caused her heart to stutter. “It’s only fair to warn you that I’ve made the decision to never have kids. I was the victim of divorce and I see what divorce does to the families that come to me. I’m never putting my kids through that. Since there’s no guarantee that a relationship will last, no matter however much we might want it to, I prefer not to bring children into an uncertain situation. And please, understand, this is non-negotiable. I won’t change my mind later.”

  “I understand
.” And she did. She’d decide how she felt about his revelation later when it had time to sink in.

  “Good. I’m glad to hear it. I know this isn’t the best time to lay this on you but I couldn’t wait. I’m really hoping that in spite of all that I’ve said, you’ll make the decision to come with me. I know I’ve given you a lot to think about and you’re still tired. I’m going to leave and give you time to think. I doubt I’ll make it by to see you tomorrow before you leave, but I’ll call you from California.”

  “You do that, if for no other reason than to let me know that you made it there safely.”

  “Yes, ma’am.” He leaned forward and kissed her goodbye. “Say yes,” he whispered.

  As he walked out of the door, Gail’s mind went into overdrive. California. The west coast. As far from Florida as you could get and still be in the continental United States. Might as well be a foreign country. She would be away from everyone that she knew. All of her family was on this coast. Everything would be new, different, and strange. Could she make that kind of a move with a man she’d been in relationship for such a short period of time?

  And what about Greg? He wasn’t promising marriage. However, after Jason, she knew that a wedding ring didn’t guarantee a lifetime of love and happiness. And here was the clincher, if she went with Greg, she would be giving up any hope she had of ever having another child of her own. Not that she was sure she wanted any after losing Marcus, but she still wanted to leave the option open.

  While she was considering all of the potential ramifications of making such a move, the door opened and the hospital administrator came in. “Ms. Henderson. We need you to verify and sign the birth certificates.”

  “But I’m not the babies’ mother. I’m the surrogate.”