The Question

by Zena Wynn

  “I understand, but legally, we have to have the birth mother’s name on the certificates. Mr. Al Jabbar’s lawyers will petition the court to have your name officially removed and the intended parent’s names added at a later date.”

  “Oh, if you’re sure I should be signing these…”

  “Very sure.”

  Gail reached for the forms and added her signature. She vaguely remembered the lawyer mentioning something about this when she signed the agreement. Rashid must have given the officials the twins’ names. “You’ll have to have Rashid verify the spelling of the names.”

  “I’ll be sure to do that,” she said and then left the room.

  Chapter Eleven

  Rashid stood outside the door of Gail’s room, hesitant to enter. He was not looking forward to the coming conversation. He took a deep breath, squared his shoulders, and entered. Gail was dozing in the recliner in front of the television. She looked so peaceful he was loath to wake her.

  He took the other chair in the room and positioned it near the recliner. Then he reached up and turned off the television. As he sat, he called her name softly. “Gail.”

  She stirred a bit before her eyes opened; then she smiled. “You’re back. I must have drifted off.”

  Rashid didn’t return her smile. “We need to talk.”

  Gail’s smile disappeared and her expression became as serious as his. “That doesn’t sound good. What’s wrong? Has Crystal been found? She’s not dead is she?”

  “No, none of that. I owe you an apology.”

  Any lingering traces of sleep cleared from her eyes as Gail tensed in the recliner. “What did you do?”

  “It’s what I’ve been doing that I need to apologize for. I misjudged you. I didn’t believe you about Crystal. Despite what you said and how you reacted, I thought that you knew where she was and was covering for her.”

  “Why would you think that?”

  “You’ve been friends with her for such a long time; much longer than I’ve been her husband. Your loyalties lie with Crystal. I knew that if you believed she had just cause, you’d hide Crystal from the devil himself.”

  Gail sat quietly for a moment. Rashid wished he could read her better. He really wanted to know what she was thinking.

  “And now?”

  “Now I know that you don’t know where she is and had nothing to do with her disappearance.”

  “You seem very certain of yourself. Do I even want to know what changed your mind?”

  Rashid allowed his gaze to drift away from hers. This was the difficult part. There was no excuse for what he’d done. It was a gross invasion of privacy. “I hired a private detective to find Crystal and told him of my suspicions. He reported to me today. He was able to track her until she reached Vegas. After that, he lost the trail. No one knows where she is. She hasn’t contacted any of her relatives or acquaintances, including you. It’s as though she vanished off of the face of the earth.”

  Gail looked puzzled. “She went to Vegas? But, she doesn’t have any family there. As far as I know, she doesn’t know anyone, either. How could she just vanish? She has to have a place to live, some means of supporting herself. How far can she get with no credit cards? She must have used her ID for something. Crystal has very expensive taste. She couldn’t have gotten far, using only cash.”

  “Crystal cleaned out her personal savings, maxed out her credit cards, and emptied the joint account. She could easily have fifty thousand in cash. I don’t know how much was in her savings. I do know she didn’t get more than a thousand from the joint account.” He kept the balance in their joint account low. Crystal had proven early in their marriage her inability to handle the family finances. Now, Rashid paid all of the bills and gave his wife an allowance that, in addition to any money she earned, was hers to spend. He didn’t know how many credit cards she had but knew there were a lot. His name wasn’t on any of them, so he didn’t concern himself. They were Crystal’s and she was responsible for paying the balance on them.

  “Fifty thousand sounds like a lot of money, but to someone like Crystal who spends money like it’s water, it won’t last her long. Eventually she’ll run out, apply for credit or employment and you should be able to find her.”

  They were both silent with their own thought, then Gail looked at him with narrowed eyes. “I know Crystal hasn’t tried to contact me, but how does the detective know?”

  Rashid forced himself to hold her gaze. “He monitored your calls and your mail.”

  “You tapped my phone? Are you crazy?”

  Inwardly he flinched at the anger in her tone, knowing he deserved every bit of it. “Yes, and I’m sorry, but I had to be sure. You were so insistent that I find her and in your belief that this was just something she was doing to get attention. I figured it was a ploy of Crystal’s to get her way and that you were involved. It’s why I said the things that I did. I figured that if I put enough pressure on you to help me with the twins, you would in turn pressure Crystal to give up this foolishness and return home. I had difficulty believing that she would do something of this nature - deliberately leave me and our children, right when she was needed the most. I truly believed that she was playing games and would return once she had made her point. Now, I have no choice but to accept that this was her intent all along. By her actions, she has proven that she no longer wishes to be a part of this marriage, nor does she intend to be a mother to our children.” His voice was tight with the pain and anger he was feeling because of his wife’s betrayal.

  Gail reached out and laid her hand over his, which clenched into a fist on his thigh. “If I knew where she was, I would tell you. I’m just as amazed as you. I never would have believed, not in a million years that Crystal would be capable of something like this. As her friend, I’m unbelievably hurt. She talked me into this then she just up and left. I can’t begin to imagine the pain you must be feeling right now. What you did was wrong—a serious invasion of my privacy and illegal as hell—but I understand. In your position, I might have done the same. The question is, what happens now?”

  “My marriage, obviously, is over. I need to focus on the children. Because I believed this situation to be temporary, I made no attempt to find caretaker for them. With the hours that I work, and the frequent traveling that I do, I need a nanny—someone reliable that will live-in. I’ve made arrangements to work from home for the time being, but I don’t have a lot of time to find someone. My children are too important to me to trust their care to just anyone.”

  “If you’d like, I can help you with the search. It will be six weeks before I can return to work. According to our original agreement, I was to spend that time with you and Crystal. If that is still the plan, while I’m there I can help you conduct interviews and give you my opinion of the candidates, for what it’s worth. I realize that the twins belong to you and you have the final say in any decision made.”

  Rashid flipped his hand over and held Gail’s hand in his own. “Our arrangement still stands. I want you to stay at the house so you can fully recover. And thank you. Your help will be greatly appreciated. I need all that I can get. Never underestimate the value of your opinion where the children are concerned. One thing that I said before holds true. As the twin’s birth mother, you are the only mother they have. Crystal may have initiated the process, but it is you who have given them life. By leaving, she proved her unsuitability to be their mother.”

  He paused to swallow the lump in his throat. “I know you didn’t start this with the intention of being a mother again, but I ask that you would consider the needs of the children—our children. Help me raise them. I ask for their sakes and mine. Our children deserve two parents who love them. They could have no better mother than you, and I say this with all sincerity. You were a great mother to Marcus, and I have no doubt that you will be the same with the twins, if you’d allow yourself to do so.” The twins would be fortunate to have Gail as a mother. He was sure they could come to an agreement re
garding their parenting.

  Gail slid her hand from his and gripped them over her stomach, an uncomfortable look on her face. “There’s something you should know. Greg has asked me to move to California with him and I’m seriously considering it.”

  “He asked you to marry him?” Rashid’s stomach rebelled at the thought of Gail married to Greg.

  “No, he wants me to live with him.”

  “He wishes you to be his mistress? And you are considering it?”

  “No! Who uses terms like that anymore? We would be living together, sharing a life. Greg’s not sure he wants to marry anyone—he doesn’t believe in it after all of the divorces he’s handled—but if he did, it would be me. After Jason, I’m not sure I’m ready to risk my heart in another marriage. This seems like a reasonable alternative.”

  “You would be living together without the blessing of the church. What about your children? How will you explain your living arrangements to them?”

  “Greg doesn’t want any.”

  Rashid stared at her in disbelief. “You were born to be a mother. You would do this? Live with this man without the security of marriage, knowing that he would never give you children? What would your parents say?” Rashid knew from Jason that Gail’s parents were very traditional, as she herself was.

  “I didn’t say I was going to do it. I said I was seriously considering it. It’s a lot to think about. I really care for Greg and I’m not ready for the relationship to end, but I’m not sure I’m willing to follow him to California, either. I like having a man in my life. As for children, losing Marcus hurt so much that I almost lost my mind. I can’t go through something like that again. Maybe not having any more children would be a good thing.”

  “It’s too late for that. You already have more, two of them, right down the hall in the nursery.”

  “Those are not mine. They are yours, and Crystal’s, wherever she might be,” she denied vehemently.

  “Who are you trying to convince? Me…or yourself? I see the way that you look at them when you think no one is watching. You already love them, just as much as you loved Marcus. Do you think you can just walk away now that you’ve held them, and cared for them? If you do, you’re not being honest with yourself.” Rashid broke off abruptly as the nurses returned with the twins.

  Let her think about what he’d said. He rose and went to greet them as Gail watched from the recliner.

  * * * *

  On Gail’s second day out of the hospital, her milk came in. Her breasts were so engorged; they swelled until they were hard as rocks. Her nipples were tight and sensitive and everything hurt. She tried standing in the shower, hoping the hot water would cause the milk to flow and ease the tension in her breasts. The heat ran out of the water long before she saw any results.

  For two days, she alternated between massaging her breasts and standing in a hot shower, and still the milk refused to flow. In desperation, when it was time for Jamal’s next feeding, she brought him into her room and held him to her breast. Maybe his suckling would provide the relief she needed.

  In textbook perfection, Jamal latched onto her breast and began suckling his little heart out. After a few minutes, he released her breast and let out a loud, angry cry. He was hungry and her breast wasn’t releasing any milk. Gail wanted to cry with him. The baby’s suckling had increased her pain instead of relieving it.

  Gail was hurting too much to care when Rashid stuck his head in the door. “What is wrong? Why is the baby screaming?”

  “He’s hungry. Take him and feed him.”

  Rashid crossed over to the bed to get Jamal, who was still beating and nuzzling at her breast, searching for the milk he could smell but couldn’t get to. “You were attempting to breastfeed?”

  Gail handed the baby to Rashid, flinching when her arm brushed against her breast. “It won’t come out. For two days now, I’ve been trying to get the milk to flow. Nothing I do, works. I’m scared they’ll get infected if it doesn’t come out soon.”

  “Stay right here. I’ll be back in a minute.” Rashid took the crying baby out of the room.

  Gail gave up the fight to be strong and let the tears fall. Her breasts hurt so much. She couldn’t sleep. The slightest bit of pressure on them was painful. She’d done everything she could think of, every recommendation made by the experts in the books and still she hurt. She just wanted the pain to stop.

  She was crying in earnest when Rashid returned to the room bearing an empty, plastic pan. Gail blew her nose and tried to stop the flow of tears while Rashid went into her bathroom. She heard the water turn on and wondered what he was doing. He came out of the bathroom with a pan of water so hot she could see the steam rising from it. On his arm were two small towels.

  “What are you doing and where is the baby?”

  “The baby is with Carmelita. I’m going to get your milk to flow. Open your top and lay down.” He placed the pan on the bedside table and dropped both towels in the water.

  Gail did as instructed, past the point of modesty. If he could make the pain go away, she would do whatever he asked. He muttered some very distinct curses under his breath when he caught a good look at her red, swollen, irritated-looking breasts.

  Rashid swirled the towel around in the water, then rung it out. “This may sting.” He dropped the towel on one of her breasts. Gail hissed as the moist heat hit her sensitive skin. She gripped the covers, her back arching reflexively when he did the same to the other breast. He repeated the process over and over until the water cooled. Gail closed her eyes and endured.

  “Sit up.”

  At his command, she opened her eyes. Rashid was standing over her with a bottle of olive oil in his hand. “What are you about to do?”

  “Massage your breasts. See if I can get your milk to flow.”

  “I’ve already tried that. It didn’t work.” Gail sat up and leaned forward when he indicated, catching the towels in her hands. She gave them to Rashid and he tossed them back into the almost empty container.

  Then he climbed onto the bed behind her, a reminder of their position in the delivery room. “My hands are larger and stronger than yours. You probably didn’t apply enough pressure, or the angle was wrong.”

  Once he settled behind her, he coated his hands in the oil and placed the container on the table. “Lean back against my chest.”

  When she was in position, he took both hands, slippery with oil and placed them at the base of her right breast. Firmly stroking, he glided his hand from the base to the nipple in a milking motion. He did it over and over, switching from one breast to the other. “I know this is painful for you. I’m sorry, but it needs to be done.”

  Gail’s nails were digging into Rashid’s denim covered muscular thighs. Her head was pressed back against his chest, teeth clenched and eyes squeezed shut. “I know. Just do it. Don’t worry about me,” she forced herself to grit out.

  “Of course I worry about you. I dislike seeing you in pain.” They were silent while he continued his massage. When he stopped, Gail opened her eyes and relaxed her fingers.

  “Do you trust me?”

  Gail turned until they were almost nose-to-nose. “What kind of question is that, Rashid? Of course I trust you.”

  “There was one more thing Carmelita suggested I try if this didn’t work.”

  “What?” His manner was making her nervous.

  “Turn sideways.” He helped adjust her body so that she was lying sideways, both of her legs across his thigh, her arm around his neck, and his arm supporting her back. Rashid tilted Gail back and lowered his mouth to her breast. Taking as much of it as he could into his mouth, he began to draw strongly with Gail’s nipple trapped between the roof of his mouth and his flattened tongue.

  “Sweet mother of God!” she hoarsely cried out. Her hands came up and convulsively clutched his head, whether to push him away or to pull him closer, she couldn’t decide. Under her hip she could feel Rashid’s cock harden and lengthen. The knowledge that
this was exciting him caused the muscles in her stomach to clench, and she bit back a moan. This is Crystal’s husband, she desperately reminded herself. He’s just trying to help. No lusting allowed.

  Against her will, her hands tightened in his scalp when he lifted his head. She smothered her sigh of relief when all he did was switch to the left side. Once again he suckled strongly. Gail could feel it in her womb. Each tug on her breast caused a corresponding one in her nether region. The sheer intensity of the pleasure of his suckling, combined with a small bite of pain, brought her to the edge of orgasm.

  Please, please, please, don’t let me come. That would be so embarrassing.

  Just when she thought she couldn’t take it anymore, that she was going to embarrass herself for sure, he stopped. Rashid hovered over her breast, his breath hot and moist on her nipple. Then he did something that completely destroyed her. He brought his thumb up and lightly stroked it across the tip of her nipple.

  “Arrggh!” Gail’s hips bucked as she exploded.

  Rashid’s gaze flew to her own. She saw startlement give way to fierce satisfaction and something that looked suspiciously like barely suppressed lust on his face. Gail closed her eyes as embarrassment warred with the fulfillment racing through her body. Her response to him was so wrong.

  Rashid eased her still shuddering body back onto the bed. “The milk is flowing now.” He lightly stroked her nipple again, causing her body to jerk. Then he held up his thumb, displaying the drop of milk on its tip before bringing the digit to his mouth and licking it off. “Carmelita said once the milk was flowing, you needed to let the babies feed for awhile before weaning them off, to allow the milk to dry up slowly. Otherwise, your breasts will engorge again.”

  Gail opened her eyes to find Rashid studying her breasts with hunger in his eyes. “Alright, if she believes that would be best.”

  He glanced briefly at her face before returning his gaze to her breasts. His head dipped towards her nipple then he seemed to catch himself. He hovered over her, his jaw tight as he appeared to war within himself. Finally, he snatched his head back, causing Gail’s hands to fall away. “I’ll go and get Jamilah. It should be time for her to eat.” His voice was terse.