Defending Dani

by Kat Mizera

  He sighed.

  “I told him you didn’t and he wouldn’t let it go.”

  Sergei chuckled. “Honey, he’s your big brother. Either he’s on the phone with Toli now or they’ll be talking about it in the morning.”

  “Jesus, I’m a fucking adult. I wish everyone would stop mothering me!”

  “Easy, honey. He cares about you. As do I.”

  “Yeah, well, you gave up that right.”

  “I did not. I can care about anyone I choose.”

  He was trying to be funny but she wasn’t in the mood. “Honestly, I’m fine. Yeah, I’m a little bummed… I miss you. I won’t lie about that, and I’m probably cranky because I’m late getting my—” She stopped abruptly.

  “Getting your?” he prompted.

  “Sleep,” she said quickly. “I’ve been working out too much.”

  “Getting my sleep?” he repeated. “Or maybe getting your period?”

  “That’s not what I was going to say.”

  “Dani, could you be pregnant?”

  “Not unless you forgot to use a condom. I just… I might be a little late.”

  “Are you usually?”

  “No, but I don’t usually run ten miles a day for two weeks or lift as much as I’ve been lifting, either.”

  He blew out a breath. “You should take a test.”

  “Yeah, I will.”

  “Dani, you have to tell me. This isn’t something you should handle on your own.”

  “Again with the insinuation that I can’t take care of myself!” she huffed. “I’m pretty sure I’m not; we were always careful, but I’ll let you know. I have to go.” She disconnected, feeling like a big baby, but this was the last thing she needed. Fuck. This was not part of her plan.

  * * *

  Dani sat on the closed toilet seat taking long deep breaths. She’d been a little nauseated but it was starting to pass. One line. Negative. Negative. Negative. The test was fucking negative. She’d done the math, looked up the dates she would have been most fertile and how pregnant she could be. Technically, since a woman’s body wasn’t a machine, it was possible to have conceived the last time they’d made love, which had been exactly sixteen days ago. But it might be too soon to show up on a test. However, this one was negative and she breathed a huge sigh of relief.

  Instead of calling, she took a picture of the test and texted it to Sergei with just one word:

  Negative.

  She’d wait a week and take one more if she still didn’t get her period, but for now, everything was okay. She needed a beer and breakfast, in that order.

  * * *

  Negative.

  Sergei stared at the phone for a long time when he got her message.

  Negative.

  She wasn’t pregnant. She was going to take another test in a few days, she’d added in a subsequent text thirty minutes later, but she was confident they were okay.

  So why didn’t he feel relieved? All he’d felt when she’d slipped about not getting her period was excitement. What the fuck was that about? He didn’t want another kid.

  You love kids.

  Shut up.

  You and Dani would make beautiful babies.

  Shut the fuck up.

  He had to shake his head to stop talking to himself—and answering.

  She’d been in his life for about two and a half months and gone for two and a half weeks but it was like someone had rolled over him with a boulder. He missed her so much it felt like there was a crater in his chest. This was different than anything he’d experienced with a woman before. When Tatiana had died he’d been grief-stricken and in shock; now he was just a zombie, going through the motions each day.

  Sara was great, keeping the house tidy in between cleanings from the service, taking stellar care of Niko and even going to the gym with him because it seemed wasteful not to use Dani’s membership. Other than that, though, they didn’t interact a lot. She kept a respectful distance, making sure not to wear anything too skimpy to bed and always fully dressed when she came downstairs. He’d caught her in the freezer getting ice cream at two in the morning once, but though she was braless, her nightshirt covered her bottom and she’d had on little shorts underneath. She was cute, but not Dani, and she’d told him flat out she wasn’t interested in any kind of booty call. That was fine with him because he had zero desire to even look at another woman, much less the best friend of the woman he loved.

  Yeah, he’d come to that conclusion the moment she’d made the comment about her late period. The excitement that coursed through him had been immediate and he couldn’t deny he would’ve been happy if she’d turned up pregnant. Even if it meant her Olympic dreams would be over. A baby would bring her back to him, which had been all he’d thought about since he’d left her in Vegas. He still believed he’d done the right thing in letting her go, but not if there was a baby. They’d been careful, though. Well, he’d been careful. She hadn’t been involved in the protection department, but he couldn’t think of a single time he’d forgotten or seen any visible breakages.

  “Is she really okay?” he blurted out at lunch, catching Sara off guard as she cut Niko’s grilled cheese into four diagonal pieces.

  She looked up. “Don’t put me in the middle, Sergei. She’s my best friend and you’re my boss.”

  “I’m not your boss,” he said impatiently. “I mean, yes, you’re taking care of Niko for me and I’m paying you, but I’m not your boss in a traditional sense. I trust you with my child, so that makes us almost family, or at the very least friends.”

  She smiled. “That’s nice, and I feel that way, too, but I won’t betray her to you.”

  “How is telling me if she’s okay a betrayal?”

  “Sergei. You were her first everything. You think she’s just gone on her merry way without a second thought?” She sighed heavily. “You two are so freakin’ stubborn, but that’s not my business. Here’s what I’ll tell you: Overall, she’s fine. She leaves for Colorado next week and is super excited about the Olympics. Is she a little sad? Sure. But that’s to be expected. Just don’t lead her on, Sergei. If you don’t think you can love her, let her go. Please.”

  A prickle of shame made him drop his head because she was right. He’d been subconsciously hanging on to her, hoping to keep her thinking about him, so maybe someday… But there was no someday. She had a brilliant future ahead of her and he would only drag her down. He had to remember why he’d ended it in the first place and that was the right thing to do. It would suck, but he had to pull away even more. Unless a subsequent pregnancy test turned up positive, there couldn’t be any more contact. Outside of Niko, of course, but Sara could handle that.

  “You’re right,” he said aloud. “I won’t contact her again.”

  She let out a huff of exasperation. “Don’t be a jerk. If you go cold turkey it’ll screw with her head during the first week of practice with the Olympic team! Dude, don’t make it blatant.”

  He chuckled at her look of indignation. “You’re right. Sorry, I’m just trying to navigate all these…feelings.”

  Sara arched a brow. “Feelings? Like guilt? Or feelings like…feelings.”

  “I don’t know, but it doesn’t matter. She’s better off without me. You said so yourself.”

  “I said no such thing. I said not to lead her on if you don’t love her. If you have feelings for her, that’s a totally different thing.”

  “Do you know what happened to my first two wives?”

  “I know Tatiana died. I don’t know anything about your first wife.”

  He wasn’t sure why he felt compelled to tell her about Maria and Tanya, but he did. She needed to understand how broken he was, so she would know he was doing the right thing. So someone would agree with him and the heaviness in his heart would lift. Maybe. Hopefully. Because he was in love with Danielle Cloutier and letting her go sucked ass.

  28

  The first week in Colorado was busy and exciting, for which Dan
i was grateful. She was far too busy getting to know her coach and teammates, and learning her way around Colorado Springs, to worry about Sergei or her broken heart. Her teammates were great and their head coach, Laurel Saunders, was fantastic. A gold medal Olympian herself, she was smart, tough and a lot younger than Dani would have imagined, just thirty-two. They worked hard but so far everyone got along and Dani was glad that the only time she thought about Sergei was late at night, after she dropped into bed. The rest of the time she was on the go, and usually so tired that when she lay down she fell right to sleep. So she was wholly unprepared for Coach Saunders’s announcement the following day.

  “I have news,” the attractive woman said as they gathered for their pre-practice meeting. “Some really exciting things are coming up, so get ready. First, we’re going to Las Vegas on the twenty-fifth for an exhibition game against the Sidewinders. It’ll be mostly their rookies and prospects, but it’ll still be NHL-level hockey in front of a huge crowd.” She cut her eyes to Dani. “I believe there will be at least one veteran player on the team who’s going to be on the ice.”

  Dani laughed. “My brother won’t go easy on me just because I’m his sister.”

  Her new friend and roommate, Hailey Dobson, nudged her. “He can go hard on me, though.”

  “He’s engaged, goofball.”

  “A girl can dream!”

  “Okay, ladies.” Coach Saunders was shaking her head. “We’ll leave on the twenty-fourth, play on the twenty-fifth, come back the next day. Everyone up for a real game?”

  Cheers went up and she smiled before continuing. “Good, but be ready to work your asses off. We don’t want to embarrass ourselves in front of a very loyal Vegas crowd. Okay, second. It can’t be all work and no play around here, so we’re going to attend the season opener in Denver as a team. Colorado is playing the team from Anchorage—”

  Dani didn’t hear the rest of her sentence because of the roaring in her ears. Damn. They were going to the Colorado game against Anchorage and Sergei would be there. Close. Close enough to touch. Touching him would be good. It would probably be bad in the long run, but short-term it would feel good. Too good. She tried not to think about him too much, but she missed the hell out of him. There was nothing wrong with a booty call, right? He’d already broken her heart and she was too busy with hockey to sulk, so a few good orgasms wouldn’t hurt. Right?

  “Are you paying attention?” Hailey nudged her.

  “Sorry.” Dani snapped back to the present, focusing on the rest of what Coach Saunders was saying.

  “…along with Aaron Ferrar, from the Blizzard, flying in for the all-day goaltending clinic.”

  “Aaron’s coming?” Dani spoke without thinking. “He’s a great guy.”

  A few eyebrows raised around the room and someone said, “He just got divorced. How well do you know him, Dani?”

  She flushed. “Just friends. I nannied for Sergei Petrov part of the summer and—”

  “You were Sergei Petrov’s nanny?” Petra Santini’s eyes widened. “He’s soooo hot.”

  The other girls snickered.

  “Yeah, and we bought Aaron’s house so—”

  “We?” Petra asked, cocking her head.

  Dani was blushing furiously but tried to laugh it off. “I helped him choose the house, buy furniture, get everything set up. You guys know what I mean.”

  “I think we all know what she means,” someone chortled on the other side of the room.

  The girls all laughed but there was no malice in it and Coach Saunders picked up where she’d left off, telling them about more additions to their schedule and a few other things she needed to mention.

  * * *

  Aaron took her to dinner on his last night in Colorado and though it wasn’t a date, she wore her pink dress just to be able to wear the matching shoes and purse Sergei had bought her. Other than maybe Christmas, she wouldn’t have many opportunities to wear a dress between now and February, so she took advantage of it.

  “You look lovely tonight,” Aaron said as they walked into the restaurant.

  “Thank you.” She let him pull out her chair and she sank into it with a smile at the waiter, who’d been eyeing her legs.

  “So how’s it going?” he asked after they’d ordered.

  “It’s busy. I’m pretty much on the ice or in the gym, all day, every day.”

  “Sounds familiar,” he nodded.

  “It was good of you to come down for the clinic.”

  “I was bored,” he admitted. “I’m divorced, living in a furnished condo while I look for a house, with no family nearby and nothing to do. I hang out with Jake a little, but he and Adrianna are having issues so I try to keep my distance.”

  “Oh, I didn’t realize they were having problems.”

  “They’ve always had problems. He just gets to ignore them once hockey season starts. I guess there was an incident at the team BBQ last weekend, but since I wasn’t there, I only heard about it secondhand from Sergei.”

  At the mention of his name Dani’s stomach rolled a little but she managed to keep her face neutral. “Did he tell you what happened?”

  “The story is Addy had too much to drink and made a comment about… Well, you know they’ve had a bunch of miscarriages, right?”

  “No, I didn’t know that.”

  “Yeah, and she really wants a baby, so supposedly they had an argument and she told him if he was a real man, his little swimmers would be stronger or something to that effect. Sergei said he only heard part of it but apparently Coach Sylvester said they had to go to couples counseling. Jake didn’t want to talk about it on the phone.”

  She grimaced. “I’m kind of glad I wasn’t there. You never know how to behave in those situations, or whose side you should be on.”

  “Jake told me everyone asked about you but all Sergei would say was that you were training for the Olympics and that you’re just friends.” His blue eyes found hers. “Is that true?”

  “Yes. We decided it would be too hard to be together with me here and then at the Olympics in Seattle.”

  “So you’re single?”

  His eyes burned with something she couldn’t quite read and she looked away, suddenly uncomfortable and embarrassed, unsure what to say. Sergei was the only mature, attractive man who’d ever been genuinely interested in her and she had zero experience telling guys who weren’t idiotic college students that she didn’t want to go out with them.

  “Hey, if you’re not interested, it’s no problem,” he said when she didn’t answer right away.

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “It’s just… I’m still…”

  “You’re still hung up on Sergei.”

  She nodded miserably. “I’m really sorry. You’re good-looking and sweet and we’re friends but it probably would be a disaster with both of us on the rebound.”

  “Wait, if you’re still hung up on Sergei, why’d you break up with him?” He frowned. “When we talked, he made it sound like you dumped him?”

  She smiled sadly. “He did that because I asked him to, because I didn’t want anyone to know my first-ever boyfriend dumped me.”

  “He was your first boyfriend?” Aaron looked shocked.

  “Why do you look so surprised?”

  “Because you’re beautiful. How could guys not be all over you?”

  “I guess because I’m too much of a tomboy and they don’t like women who can out-skate, out-run and out-lift them.”

  He laughed, a hearty sound that rang through the restaurant. “Then they’re pussies who didn’t deserve you,” he said in a quiet voice. “But tell me what happened. Sergei wasn’t acting like a guy who did the dumping. In fact, he seemed pretty bummed.”

  “It’s complicated. We’re complicated. Geographically, it’s my fault. I can’t be with him and Niko. I want to be here in Colorado Springs—not many people get the chance to compete in the Olympics, you know? And then I have a job offer with the Sidewinders as an assistant tra
iner, which is really tough to get. So that’s a big obstacle. But emotionally, it’s all on him. He’s gun-shy after two marriages, doesn’t think he’s good enough for me or some bullshit. We could compromise on things like careers and locations, after the Olympics is over, but his inability to commit again? That’s all him. I won’t give up everything for a guy who says he’ll never love me.”

  Aaron made a face. “Then he’s a dumbass who doesn’t deserve you, either. Except there has to be something else going on. He was really bummed, but I thought it was because you’d dumped him.”

  “It doesn’t really matter. He won’t commit and I refuse to give up everything for a guy who doesn’t know what he wants.”

  Aaron was thoughtful for a bit. “We could…make him jealous.”

  “We?”

  He smiled. “I’m here and if we go somewhere a little high profile after dinner, we’ll probably end up on social media. It happens to me a lot. We don’t have to actually do anything, he’ll just think we are. Or he’ll think I’m moving in on his girl. Nothing gets a guy thinking straight more than jealousy. And, since I live in Alaska too and it can’t possibly be serious, he’ll think I’m using you and get really riled up!”

  She frowned. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea. Why would you want to upset him like that if he’s your friend and teammate?”

  Aaron laughed. “Because he’s being obtuse and the truth, if it was to get ugly, is that nothing has happened between us. Nor will it, unless you were truly interested, and even then, I would talk to him about it first because that’s the kind of man I am. However, in the interest of playing matchmaker, I’m willing to be a short-term sacrificial lamb.”

  “You’re sweet, but even if you made him jealous, I don’t see that we have a future. What good will making him jealous do?”

  “It might shake him up enough to make him admit to the feelings he doesn’t want to accept, make him realize he’s a dumbass?”

  She lowered her eyes for a moment but couldn’t help the wistful feeling that whipped through her. Maybe this would work? It probably wouldn’t, for a million different reasons, but going out with Aaron couldn’t be a bad thing. There was the off-chance it would change Sergei’s mind about her being better off without him, but if it didn’t, it would still be fun to be out with an attractive, interesting man. A man who wasn’t Sergei. Just to see. She wasn’t going to sleep with him or anything, but there was nothing stopping her from having an evening of drinks and conversation with someone other than Sergei. After all, he was her first and only everything, so maybe that played into her feelings for him. A casual date with a friend might be just what she needed.