Lyfe Changing

by Desirae Williams

  “All right folks we thank you for coming out to the Scorpion Lounge showing us love and support, but it’s time to call it a night…so peace and blessings, have a good one.” I got up from the table and retrieved Destiny’s coat while she retrieved the feeling back in her legs and found the strength to stand. We made it out to the parking lot with all the other disappearing attendees. Once gain I got the door for her and climbed in as well. We sat there in silence for a minute before I finally spoke. “Well how did you like it?” I asked staring her down, looking into those pretty eyes again. She nodded innocently like everything was fine. “It was great…I had a good time.”

  She was probably hoping to end this night without further thoughts of sexual intimacy but being alone in the parking lot with me must have been delaying those plans. I continued to stare at her like I was searching for an answer in her lovely eyes. I must have been making her feel uneasy under my intense focus but she looked away from me. “What’s wrong?” She asked me. I shook my head. “Nothing just wanted to be sure.” She looked at me confused. “About what?” I slowly crawled over to her and placed my lips on hers. She attempted to resist but our mouths joined together was undeniably satisfying, her hands found their way into my loose hair entangled in her fingers. I buried my tongue in her mouth twisting and twirling it until she subdued.

  I held Destiny as she melted in my arms letting our mouths make music together. I felt like a teenager at a drive through movie kissing the prettiest girl in school, not wanting anything more than to just taste her lips as they pressed against mine…it may have been chilly outside but it was burning hot in this car.

  11

  Too much Too soon

  Destiny

  Derrick and I continued to swallow each other’s faces even when we came to a frozen yogurt shop in the city. We paid no attention to the waiter as he delivered or treats. Instead I nibbled on his bottom lip getting a nice reaction from him as he searched my mouth as if he were on the hunt for buried treasure. I pulled away from him and rested my forehead against his for a minute. I chuckled a little at how bad we wanted each other. “We can’t keep doing this in a public place.” I joked. “So tell me you want me to stop.” Derrick dared me to tell him to stop doing what he and I both knew we wanted to do. Unable to resist I brought his mouth back to mine needing to feel those sweet lips of his again. I moaned a little as his kisses went down to my neck pressing against the hot spot under my ear.

  I never wanted to make love to a man so damn bad in my life, I felt like a restless teenager breaking all the rules without a care in the world. “Damn…I haven’t done this since high school.” I giggled. Derrick looked at me curiously before chuckling himself. “Shit...when was that a few years ago?” He continued to kiss me but I started to feel a little perturbed. He noticed my reaction and eased up. “You don’t even know how old I am…hell I don’t even know how old you are.” I said finally realizing the situation. Oh my God, I thought. I have been kissing and fondling this man damn near all night and I don’t know anything much about him. I looked at him puzzled. Derrick sat back in his chair as if I were suddenly annoying him. “What does it matter…it doesn’t have nothing to do with what’s going on here.” When he saw my scowl he decided to cooperate. “I’m thirty one.” He said sitting back finding amusement in my questions so late in the game. I sat up in my chair and looked at him boldly. “Ok…I’m thirty five.” Derrick suddenly burst into laughter at my answer like it was the funniest thing on earth…I actually saw tears form in his eyes. “Get the fuck out of here? Ok….ok c’mon now, stop playing.”

  I looked at him offended. “I’m serious…I’m thirty five.” He stopped laughing and looked at me confused. “Shit…I would have never guessed you were that damn old.” I twisted my face at him not believing what I was hearing. “And what does that mean?” I asked with an attitude. Derrick put his hands up in the air not wanting any trouble. “Relax...I was just surprised. You’re still fine as hell so it doesn’t even matter. I don’t really give a damn either way.” He chuckled. I pretended not be upset by his comment but my face was giving it away and the more he talked the less attractive that crude mouth of his began to be.

  I fixed my clothing and decided to change the subject. “So Derrick…where are you from?” He tilted back in his chair as if he were already bored with the conversation. “I’m from Bronx but moved to the city when I was eighteen.” I nodded.

  “Do you have any family here?”

  “My mother passed a few years back but my grandmother doesn’t live far from the bright lights…but other than her and my kids, can’t say that I do.”

  My eyes lit up when he said that. “You have children?’ “Yeah…four.” He nodded. I stuck my spoon back into my yogurt and looked at him in disbelief. “Four…wow…you ex-wife must be a very busy woman.” Derrick burst into laughter again taking me off guard. “Girl what you talking about I aint never been married.”

  “Oh so she was your girlfriend.” I asked naively. He smirked at me and as blunt as usual told me the truth. “Some of them yeah…others were for the moment.” I nearly choked on my yogurt when he said that because I know damn well I must have heard wrong. “I’m sorry… them? As in more than one?”

  He nodded nonchalantly. “Yeah, four…” All I could do was shake my damn head. No the hell this man did not just tell me he has four kids and four baby mamas…you have got to be kidding me. Trying my hardest to digest all of this I turned to Derrick for clear confirmation as to what I just heard. “You have four children… with four different women, correct?” Derrick stopped tilting his chair and looked at me more sternly as if I had offended him. “Yes I do… problem?” I eased back noticing his tone and shrugged. “No problem…except for yours…your clearly allergic to latex.” He laughed but it did not register in his eyes.

  “I don’t owe you no damn explanation… I make no apologies for what I have done or the children that I have…everything is good on my side of the fence…and whoever doesn’t like it aint my fucking problem.” I smirked at him and leaned my elbows on the table. Funny… he actually believed that. I guess he has never heard of welfare, food stamps, and whatever the hell else we taxpayers are probably giving money to support his village of kids. “Real mature answer…” I said shaking my head. Derrick once again tilted back into his chair and shrugged. “It is what it is.”

  “So you don’t think that by having all these children in multiple households deprives them from having a real family?” He shook his head and looked away from me; I could tell he was aggravated by all my questions. “Look, all of my kids and their money hungry mothers are well taken care of, they want for nothing, I’m there for them every step of the way so all this other shit you talking is crazy….why do you give a damn anyway?” I couldn’t help but smile at his defensive attitude. He was like a child throwing a tantrum because he got reprimanded. “I don’t…I just think making a scatter plot of kids everywhere is a little reckless…says a lot about your character.” I winked at him taking another spoonful of my yogurt and putting into my mouth. Derrick smiled cruelly and folded his arms across his chest. “Were you thinking about my character a few minutes ago?” He said smirking. I wanted to slap that damn smirk of his face. “Well thank God for small favors…because this was clearly a mistake.” I reached for my jacket ready to leave this asshole here alone because this obviously was not going anywhere…no matter how sexy he is.

  Derrick just shook his head while I got ready to leave. “Unbelievable…I go out of my way to take you out tonight and just because I’m not some uncle tom with a brief case you wanna walk out.” I looked at him and sighed. “I’m not looking for an uncle tom… but I’m definitely not looking for a hood polygamist either.” I got up from my seat. “Destiny sit down…” He commanded. I sighed and stood at the table. “Look Derrick I wish you the best, truly after everything that’s happened to you I want you to be happy…but let’s stop kidding ourselves this is not going to work. You ar
e clearly having some issues that stem beyond my ability to deal with.” He glared at me and for a second I could see a bit of insecurity. He sat up in his chair and nodded. “So I have issues? And what are your issues?” I looked at him crazy for trying to go head to head in this battle with me. I decided to accept the challenge and sat back down.

  “I don’t know… how about you tell me?”

  “Gladly, first of all you’re stuck up, argumentative, and you’re so fucking picky you wouldn’t know what a good man was even if he was staring you in the face.”

  I nodded sarcastically. “Ummm Hmmm….so knowing all of this you still asked me out.” A wicked grin appeared on his face and it chilled me to the bone. “Well honestly I knew I wouldn’t have to put in too much work.”

  “Excuse me?”

  Derrick leaned back against his chair and smirked at me. “Baby you are so hard up you don’t even realize it. I took a few dollars at nightclub and some frozen yogurt and you were ready and willing. Hell I knew you would be an easy hit…and thank God you didn’t disappoint…my ho radar is perfect.” I couldn’t help but feel worthless right in that moment and I regretted ever seeing his face again. So that was all you wanted huh? I once again stood to my feet and gathered my things but not before throwing my frozen yogurt right in his face. He stood up in shock not believing I just did that. “Are you out of your fucking mind?” He yelled. I simply threw a twenty on a table and smiled. “Good thing I didn’t disappoint right?”

  “I mean seriously can you believe him…” I raged my frustrations to my friends. We were all at my home again for an emergency meeting to discuss my horrific date from last night. My girls came equipped with bottles of wine, pizza, and a voodoo doll. Ok they didn’t bring the voodoo doll but damn it I wish they had. I had been ranting and raving ever since I came home. I couldn’t believe how Derrick and I’s date ended so terribly. I felt so connected with him; I even connected with him physically in the front seat of his car. The whole night started off so great but it all shot to hell when we actually started talking. It was my damn fault for letting him get to the goods without really checking him out first.

  I poured another glass of wine and steamed with fury. Cat looked at me with pitying eyes and shook her head. “Girl he is a parole-e what did you expect…an actual intelligent conversation? My goodness I can’t even believe you went out with him… aint he on probation? Don’t he have a curfew?” They all chuckled but I was not amused, for some reason I really liked Derrick and I was mad at myself because I didn’t see him for what he really was…not worth my damn time. Cat nudged my shoulder trying to get me to cheer up. “C’mon Destiny were just playing… but you kind of set yourself up.”

  I looked at her like she was crazy. “What do you mean I set myself up?” “Des we see guys like Derrick out on the street all the time. The high rollers sitting on 24’s, all blinged out, running game on these young girls, giving them a few dollars, a baby, and nonstop bullshit…” Cat looked at me boldly as if I should have known better. “Little boys like Derrick see woman as play things and they play until they see something more shiny to play with…Good thing you cut him loose before it was too late.” I looked sideways at the wall avoiding eye contact trying to hide my guilt. “Destiny you didn’t?” Meg looked at me in shock. I shook my head. “I didn’t do anything…much.” The all groaned and shook their head in disapproval unable to believe that I was intimate with this man on the first date. “Damn Des even I’m shocked.” Alayah said looking at me in awe…knowing she was as wild and free as they come. “I’m mean not that I blame you or anything. It’s just an unlikely move coming from you.” I stood up over all of them to defend myself.

  “Look we didn’t have sex, it was just kissing, give or take a little touching, but no sex ok…and your right I had no business going out with him in the first place…I mean my God the man was convicted of gun charges. What they hell was I thinking dating somebody like that?” I said plopping back on the couch.

  “Don’t you think you guys are being a little harsh?” Lucy finally spoke up looking at us all peculiarly. She had been unusually quiet all throughout the conversations and looked as if something was on her mind. She cleared her throat as she began to explain herself. “I mean clearly this guy is not an angel but c’mon he is not some mass murderer either…” We all looked at her strangely with an awkward silence wondering where the hell this was coming from. Lucy picked up on our thoughts and sighed. “Listen, I’m not saying this guy doesn’t have his faults but he doesn’t seem like a bad dude…I think you jumped the gun too soon, you probably offended him with your judgmental rants.”

  I scoffed at her not believing what I was hearing from my own friend. “I offended him…why because I told him the truth….because I didn’t give him a free pass like most of these naïve girls would have done. No…I gave him what was real I told him that he was irresponsible and childish for his actions and I’m sorry if the truth hurts.” I relaxed back on the couch and sipped more wine while Lucy just shook her head and stared at me. “Look Lucy I know what I want from a man and it doesn’t include court herrings and baby mamas.” The rest of the girls nodded and agreed but Lucy still seemed adamant about her stance.

  “Listen just cause a man makes some mistakes in the past doesn’t mean that he is automatically trash. You don’t even realize the potential he could have because you’re so focus on where he was instead of where he is now. There is so much you could do for him, show him a different way, and show him how to be a better man.” We all grew silent when realized what this conversation was really about. We sat quietly for a minute till Cat decided to speak up. “Oh relax Luce, just because Grant has been in and out of lock up doesn’t mean we don’t love him.” We burst out laughing unable to deny the obvious. Lucy was damn near in tears laughing up a storm. After I finally caught my breathe I decided to speak on the situation.

  “Ok…ok Luce Grant is a great guy despite his past and he was willing to better himself to be with you, but every guy is not like Grant and I’m not willing to bet my future on it.” “Also Luce with all the work you put into making Grant who he is today, what do you have to show for it?” Alayah asked sadly knowing their current situation. Lucy looked down at her feet not wanting to face the facts about her separation from her husband. Grant and Lucy had been together since their teen years and had now things had fallen apart and Lucy couldn’t deny she was hurting bad.

  “Well I think is not a bad thing to look past a man’s faults but it is also not a bad thing to choose men who you know are going to be better suited for you.” Meg chimed in. I nodded in agreement. “And that’s what I’m doing…I’m choosing right so I’ll know what to expect…I’ll know what I’m getting myself into. That’s all I’m saying.” We all eased back on the sofa reflecting on our conversation and moving on to new topics. Although I believed what I was saying was right… in my heart I still ached for Derrick.

  Derrick

  BAM! I plopped down some piles of bricks so the boys and I could get started working on the church expansion. It had been a long morning and I needed to relieve some tension. Last night’s date with Destiny had started off great. It had been a minute since I had such a good time in the company of a female and on top of that got some much needed TLC…but damn did things go south from there. She started asking me all these damn questions, what do you do? Where you from? Where you work? Felt like I was being interrogated by the damn police. When I told her what the deal was she completely flipped. I knew what time it was when I saw that disappointed look on her face…the look that said I was no good and was a waste a time.

  I had gotten that look from a multitude of people and it burned me to the core. I slammed down the hammer on one of the boards I was replacing in frustration. I was so damn tired of people looking down on me because I wasn’t a fake imitation of who they thought a black man should be. Who cares? I thought. I’m doing what I got to do. My thoughts traveled to Destiny and how beautiful she was
and how I wanted her so bad. She was so elegant, proper and different from any girl I ever had…I should have seen this coming. Strays and house cats never co mingle…that’s was my fault for trying.

  I slammed my hammer down again trying to force any thoughts of her away from me. I must have startled the fellows because they came over appearing a little worried. “Everything ok Boss?” Clay asked wiping sweat from his face. The boys started calling me boss for some reason; I guess it was because I was the main one telling them what to do. I shook my head. “I’m good y’all…trust me.” “You should be good…” Lil Luther said making his way around swinging his hammer. “Especially when I saw you talking to that fine ass piece across the street from the store…that bitch was bad.” They all started laughing as lil Luther curved his hands in the air to form the shape of Destiny’s body. I shot him a stern look. “You don’t know nothing about that lil boy and watch mouth your on church ground.” Lil Luther covered his mouth. “Ooops sorry God….”

  “I saw her too, she was pretty fine. Y’all dating or something?” Clay asked seeming interested. I stood up to get swig of water and sighed. “Grown folks business.” They chuckled. “Awww you got shut down?” Clay asked. I looked at him like he was crazy. “For your information we went out last night.” “Oooooh!” they smiled and goofed around. “Then why you so grumpy this morning? She didn’t give you none?”