Lyfe Changing

by Desirae Williams

Lil Luther asked wanting to know. I couldn’t do nothing but laugh at this little joker…he really thought he was grown. “Let’s just say it turned out I was not her type.” I sat my water jug down and continued on my job not wanting to think about last night any more. “Well that’s how it is when you’re on papers boss…people look at you like you aint worth nothing.” Clay said sourly. I could hear venom in his voice and it reminded me of my own feelings. “That’s truth man…after coming out of lock up people always talk about second chances in life but who really willing to give you that…” Montoya spoke up. He was a Puerto Rican kid who did two years in juvie for robbery. “Even my own family act like they have given up on me some time...The way people act on these streets, we might as well have stayed in jail.” As all the other guys nodded and agreed I felt something spewing inside of me, something that was getting tired of wallowing in self misery. I stood up and made sure I had their attention. “Listen up…I don’t care what anybody says to y’all whether it’s your friends, your mamas, or whoever. Don’t let anybody talk down to you or make fell less than. People real quick to judge and talk about you rather than help you do better and that’s all right. You do what you got to do. Whether it’s working, going to school, or whatever…You keep pushing, you keep moving, and doing better for yourself. Cause those same people that’s looking down on you are going to be kissing your behinds when they see you doing better than them.”

  They all clung to the hope in my words and nodded slowly getting back to work…I did the same. I had enough of feeling sorry for myself and I was not going to let them start this ongoing pity party either cause in reality it was not getting us anywhere. I may not have been where I wanted to be but I could be doing a hell of a lot worse…and that was some real talk.

  I made my way back to my grandmother’s house; it was Wednesday night bible study so I knew she wouldn’t be home. Good thing she left dinner for me on the stove though cause I sure as hell was hungry. As I wolfed down my food I made my way to my bedroom and slowly sat down on the side of the bed. I had been working all day and was sore and tired. I needed to feel something soothing and relaxing from everything stressing me out. I closed my eyes and imagined someone helping me take off my jacket, the feel of gentle fingertips caressing my back and neck felt good. “Derrick…” I heard the soft sexy voice whisper in my ear. “Derrick…” I smiled knowing who it was, her dark hair hung across mine and she kissed my cheek. I turned my head to face her, Destiny looked so beautiful as I envisioned her in a sexy black lace bra and matching panties.

  She smiled at me knowing I was eyeing her beautiful body. A diamond choker hung around her neck bringing more attention to the curves of her breast. I played with a strap on her thigh that connected her panties and stockings. “You’ve been waiting for me?” I whispered to her. She nodded still smiling seductively. I brought her mouth down to mine and tasted those sweet lips. Our tongues mingled together causing a stimulating friction between us. I laid down on the bed and Destiny lingered over me. I brought my hand up to her face and trail down to the curves of her breast. Destiny continued to smile at me even when she faded out of my imagination. I sighed and relaxed back in the bed unable to shake this woman from my mind.

  12

  New Life…New Focus

  Derrick

  “Well I must say you boys are doing a fine job…A fine job indeed.” Pastor Wallace showed up today at the church to see the progress we had made so far. I had to hand it to us…we had been doing a pretty good job. The inside of the church was fixed up; the roof was in better condition, and with a fresh new paint job. The only thing that was left was the expansion of the church but other than that everything looked pretty good. “Thanks pastor, these boys been working really hard…” I nodded as I took off my work gloves and tossed them to the side. Pastor Wallace smiled. “Well since everybody has been doing so well I thought I would treat you guys today. There’s pizza and drinks in the kitchen have at it.”

  They all cheered and rushed inside as if that were their last meal. I just shook my head and chuckled. I noticed Pastor watching me as I reached over the table and got a swig of water; he looked as if he wanted to say something. “Well Brother Derrick how have you been huh?” He asked eying me. I shrugged not sure where he was getting at. “I have been good…I can’t complain.” He nodded as he took a seat at the nearby picnic table. “That’s good…you know the boys really look up to you. Like a big brother or something…it figures you do have that leader type quality.”

  I nodded in agreement. I knew the guys looked up to me, they would do anything I asked them but I didn’t know how I felt about being a role model. Pastor picked up on my sudden silence. “Derrick I have come across a lot guys like you…natural born leaders, skillful, but they can’t seem to stay out off the streets long enough to make something of themselves. They do their little service for a while and then as soon as possible they are back out into the storm.” Pastor Wallace inspected me as if he were trying to pick my brain. I turned away from him and sighed. I couldn’t help the way I was feeling. Life on the outside was so easy and quick; I could get five grand in the matter of hours if I wasn’t on papers. Sure De and Ray was helping me out here and there but it was nowhere near what I used to have.

  Everything legit was so hard and tough. It was a struggle everyday not to turn back to my old life…even for a moment. “Pastor I hear you but you just don’t know how hard it is to stay on the straight and narrow.” I finally admitted. “Yes I do Derrick, I counsel people all day long about their struggles…the main thing I tell them is to stay productive, keep busy so you won’t think about the street life anymore.” Pastor Wallace stood up and touched my shoulder.

  “Derrick if you want to be a better man you can be…if want a better life for yourself and your kids give them one. God helps those that help themselves…but you got to want it.” I tried to find some relief in his words but it just wasn’t registering, I was a thoroughbred hoodlum inside and out and no matter how much good I did nothing was going to change that…yet I nodded in agreement so we could end the conversation. “I say you take the rest of the day off and take some time to clear your mind.” He suggested. I looked at him in confusion.

  “But we still got a lot of work to do.”

  “Not to day I want you guys to have some free time…I’m pretty sure there are four little rug rats that wouldn’t mind spending time with their daddy.”

  I smiled. It had been awhile since I had seen my babies; I quickly packed my tools and headed back home. I was looking forward to the rest of the day. Maybe I would take the kids to the park, or for ice cream.

  I quickly cleaned up, rounded up the crew of youngsters and headed out to Central Park where we walked around enjoying the rest of day. We laughed as I caught up on their school stories, football practices, and ballet recitals. It felt good to be with my children especially knowing there was a possibility I could have never seen them again after the accident. I held them close to me as we continued to walk. “We missed you dad, where you been?” Dante looked up questioning me. Out of all my children I must say he was the most outspoken, he had to have gotten that from his mother, Lord knows she couldn’t bite her tongue if she tried. I looked down at him and smiled. “I have been working little man…somebody got to feed you.” Although the check from working at the church was barely enough for me to eat, I was doing more than what I could for my kids.

  Good thing my boys had my back on the handouts and I knew to keep some money stashed away in different locations in case of an emergency. So even though I was living by the dollar my kids pockets never changed, they still got the same amount of money every month like always, although their mothers didn’t know where it was coming from. “I’m glad you’re feeling better dad.” Danton spoke up meekly. Danton always carried Amari’s soft spoken attitude, he was a good boy, always stayed out of trouble and I was very grateful for that. “I’m glad I doing better too. Your dad was out for a minute.” I joked. Dan
ton was the only one of my kids who really knew about my accident, he and Amari were the only ones who came to see me a couple times to make sure I was all right. I couldn’t tell my youngest ones at the time because I didn’t want them to get upset.

  “Daddy was hurt bad huh?” Delilah said patting my chest as I carried her in my arms. I kissed the top of her head. “Yeah daddy was hurt bad…” “But you all right now though?” Dean asked. “Of course I am…you didn’t know your daddy was super man?” I said curving an S on my chest making Dean laugh. “Dad why are staying with grandma Rose?” Dante looked up at me carrying his football. I figured their mothers must have been gossiping about my financial downfall. I could tell now that my pocket seemed empty they weren’t too eager to play anymore. I chuckled at the thought of it. I never needed money to get them in the sack before and I didn’t need it know. Not only that, I no longer really desired too…I guess the hood-rat-itis disease I had was running out of my system. I was just happy to be with my children again they were the only thing important to me.

  “Well lil buddy daddy needed a place to stay and grandma Rose needed somebody to help out around the house, so everything kind of worked itself out.”

  “Mama says that you broke and the feds took everything from you…The house, the cars, your money…everything.”

  Dante spoke shaking his head. I clinched my teeth pissed as hell with Kim, knowing she was discussing unnecessary business with my ten year old…damn that girl was so immature. “Tell your mama if she discusses any of my business with anybody else again there’s going to be trouble.” I said looking at him sternly patting his head. He nodded and looked away knowing he said too much. Danton looked confused by it all but said nothing. “What’s on your mind big man?” I asked him.

  He licked his dry lips before speaking. “I just don’t understand how you could be broke but still give us money? Where is it coming from?” He asked curiously. I tilted my head back and laughed. “I don’t care if I was homeless and living on the street you guys will never want for nothing, understand?” He looked at me peculiarly then smiled and nodded as we continued to walk. “Well I’m glad you’re hanging out with us today dad.” Danton said holding my forearm. “Well get used to it…because we all are going to be spending a lot more time together.” The all cheered as we came across the nearest ice cream shop. As the kids made their orders I noticed her walking across the street back to her gallery. I couldn’t miss those long pretty legs that were extremely exposed in her short satin dress.

  Destiny looked so lovely I couldn’t help but smile. “Who’s that dad?” Dante asked holding his snow cone while looking from me to Destiny. This kid was worse than a cop, watching my every move and noticing everything. I shook my head and turned my attention back to my kids. “Oh just a friend .” He eyed me suspiciously. “A friend or friend friend…” He put emphasis on the last word. “Boy you are too grown…sit down eat your ice cream.” As I got everybody settled and distracted I couldn’t help but try to sneak one more peak at Destiny…too bad my lovely angel was gone.

  Destiny

  “Whoo” I said coming into the gallery beating the oncoming traffic on the street. I had been running errands all day and my legs felt like spaghetti. Marisol was in the back coordinating colors for the upcoming charity ball that would be hosted at my gallery. It was something I did every year and took much pride into decorating and setting the themes for the event. “Ok…I got the pastels for the ball we needed, so now all we have to do is decorate and make sure everything is hung up properly.” Marisol looked up at me carrying the bags in and came to help. “We have gotten calls and reservations all morning, we may have to up the orders.” I groaned as I removed my jacket. “Oh Lord, do we even have enough space for all these people?” Marisol glanced around. “Well this place is pretty big and mainly people are going to be looking at the art.” I nodded. “True….true…So what do we have here?” I asked looking at my invisible mahogany desk filled with paper work. Marisol came over to explain everything to me and make sure I was aware what needed to be done.

  “Well the drapes are being hung around the gallery, everything coordinates to the red color scheme you suggested, we even have the red colored paintings hanging in the fore front, and also the multi colored paintings will be out as well but more so in the back.” I tried to stay focused as Marisol gave me the low down on everything that was being done and needed to be down. It all seemed like a big confusing blur mainly because I had other things on my mind. Very much to my dismay I couldn’t stop thinking about Derrick, I had never met a man that made me want to slap him and kiss him at the same time. It was so frustrating, everything in my being was telling me that this guy was no good and that I would be crazy if I ever spoke to him again. Then other things wanted to look at his handsome face, smell his cologne, and feel his warm body holding me so comfortably.

  I started to think maybe I was just lonely, maybe I just needed somebody there, but that couldn’t be true because I could find anybody just to be there, something was different about Derrick something just felt right. “Des…Destiny, did you get all of that?” Marisol asked looking at me puzzled. I snapped out of my own thoughts and came back to reality.

  “Oh yes…yes everything is good. I will get on the phone and check with the caterer so we can up the food and also check in with more contributors for the charity ball.”

  “Ok I’ll make sure the place is looking good up to the standards for the lovely Destiny Witt.”

  Marisol said as she bowed out of my presence. I chuckled at her as she left. Everything seemed to be going according to plan but for some reason I still felt a miss. I laid my head back against my chair and closed my eyes to try and relax. Relax….relax…relax. I kept telling myself. Letting my mind wonder I felt strong hands massaging my scalp and running callous fingers through my hair. I felt warm lips kiss my cheek and trail down to my neck; I grabbed the back of this mystery man’s head and felt his long dark silky hair in my hands. His touch was so soft and delicate along with his lips. Everything down to my toe nails felt stimulated. My pleasurable thoughts were interrupted when I heard a knock at the door. I sat up startled and disappointed that my relaxation method had come to a halt. “Sleeping on the job?” A familiar smooth voice filled my ears. James Ryan appeared in my office and looking just handsome as ever before and had me completely discombobulated. “Hey there… long time no see…”

  “Well that’s not due to my part…” He said coming closer. I was a little frazzled. James and I hadn’t really communicated since our last date due to the many occurring circumstances; I had basically given him the brush off ever since meeting Derrick. Now Derrick was out of the picture and another opportunity had once again presented itself. I smiled nervously under he’s sexy gaze. “I deeply apology, I have been working like crazy…” I lied partly. James nodded as he took a seat. “Well I can see that, hosting the charity ball for numerous firms and companies can be difficult.” I sighed in an agreement. “Tell me about it…so what brings you to Destination 1?” I asked trying to lighten the mood.

  James fixed his eyes on me for a moment before answering. “I come bearing good news, my firm wants to contribute to the charity function and…I wanted to see you again.” My heart jumped at those words, I wanted to see you again. “You did?” I asked surprisingly. He nodded happy to see that he could still peak my interest.

  “I have been missing you and disappointed that our relationship has fallen off.”

  “I’m sorry… it’s just that so many things have been going on lately…”

  “Oh I heard…” he said cutting me off. “About the accident…you must have been rattled.”

  I nodded. “Yeah it was pretty crazy… but I’m still standing.” James kept watching me, focusing on my every move, trying to read my body language. He smiled. “I understand, I just wish you would have called me…I really would like to have been there to comfort you.” A slight warm feeling tingled my skin. Oh my, I thought.
“Well you’re here now.” I slightly whispered. His eyes perked up and his smile grew wider. “Yes I am…so why don’t we take a walk through the park for a while. Let’s get your mind off all this work.” I slowly rose to my feet as James came around and helped me up. “Are you sure you have time? I know you accountants can be very busy.” I asked looking into his gorgeous teddy bear eyes. He kissed my cheek letting his lips linger on my skin for a moment. “I can make time.” He said without hesitation. I smiled feeling very flattered by his affection toward me. We walked into the front lobby were Marisol was making calls.

  Her eyes lit up when she saw James and I were walking together hand in hand. “Going somewhere boss?” She said smiling. “Yes I’m taking an hour or so…can you handle everything?” Marisol nodded. “Oh yes everything is fine you two kids have fun.” She said swooshing us off. I smiled and looked up and James who had yet to take his eyes off of me. James and I walked through Central Park and chatted the day away. He told me about his trip back home and how spending time with his nephews made him realize he was ready to settle down. I expressed to him that I was feeling secure in my business and now desired to do the same. “So how’s planning the charity event coming?” He asked watching me. I sighed a bit before answering. “It’s…going.” James picked up on my dower mood. “Not satisfactory?” I looked at him and the truth just slipped out. “I don’t know… I just want to really wow people and show them that art is more than a pretty picture and paint… that it expresses something deep and meaningful.”

  “So do it?” James nodded. I laughed a little at his over confidence in me. “I wouldn’t even know how? It just is starting to feel like a regular office party.” I took a deep breath finally glad I was able to express how I felt to somebody, now all I need was some good feedback. James was silent for a moment before answering. “Destiny one thing I most particularly like about you is your creative spirit, how passionate you are about what you do. But you do have a tendency to hold back, I think if you show people what you’re all about they will get a better understanding of who you are.” I smiled at him liking the kind words of wisdom he was giving me. “Thank you…” I said sincerely. James gave me a slight wink and we continued to walk. We walked along smiling, laughing, flirting feeling absolutely comfortable with one another. Still no matter how good things seemed between James and I, something was missing from this union…something that was much needed.