Lyfe Changing

by Desirae Williams

  I abruptly turned another corner full speed feeling the same adrenaline I got when pulling off a big heist…it was exciting. The feel of danger and escaping it was all too familiar. I could tell my assailants were getting frustrated with my escape tactics, setting them off into a shooting frenzy. As bullets ran through my grandpa’s truck I could tell the old boy couldn’t handle much more damage. Damn, I thought. I continued to swerve across the street passing moving cars near the docks avoiding the bullet shots.

  They quickly followed, careful not to lose me. I ran full speed into the docks as if I were going to run off border. “All right….here goes.” As soon I came closer to the edge I quickly turned sharply sending my unknown friends flying right into the shore. Hearing the deep splash and loud screams let me know my old trick still worked. “Hell yeah…” I roared. I quickly got back on the main road not wanting to draw more attention to myself in case of any more unexpected guest but I made sure to relish in this moment.

  I laughed like a mad man feeling a rush that I hadn’t felt in ages. “Yeah…nobody can do it like me baby.” I yelled feeling in complete control. I failed to notice all the bullet holes in the windshield of my grandfather’s truck or how the hell I was going to explain this to grandma when I got home. “Whooo...weeee.” I continued to holler. It was as if I were in a whole other zone the way my speed increased, my muscles tensed, and it became hard to breathe. I had no choice but to except that this was the man I was. I should have known it was going to come to this. There was no way Julio and his boys were not going to keep coming after me, and there was no way I was going to be able to avoid them without fighting back. Whether I liked it or not my book was already written and it didn’t have room for pipe dreams about who I should have been. What the hell was I thinking? I got off the exit ramp to my grandmother’s house realizing I was back in the same boat that I sailed off in.

  Destiny

  “Damn, that son of a bitch!” I groaned. Cat and Alayah had drug me away from the office today to head out to Manhattan mall and find some gowns for the upcoming charity ball. Being that I had been working like a mule for months on this event I more than welcomed the break, but unfortunately my mood was soured due to the fact that Derrick and I once again had gotten into a fight. I stomped all the way through the mall feeling sad, angry, and confused all at the same damn time while my girls just looked on shaking their heads. “Destiny pick your lip up and smile girl damn.” Cat sighed. “You are bringing the whole party down.” “I know right…” Alayah concurred. “Shopping is supposed to make you happy.” I flicked my hair out of my face; the girls and I walked into the shoe store and took a seat on the sofas provided for customers.

  “I know guys…I know it’s just he makes so damn mad.” I said slamming my purse down in my lap, causing my phone to fall out and reminding me that Derrick hadn’t even bothered to call and apologize yet. I groaned picking it up off the floor. Cat took a pair of Christian Louboutins off the nearby shelf and tried them on. “Yeah…Yeah…Yeah…you have been saying that all day and have yet to tell us what the hell happened.” “He is a jackass, that is what happened.” I yelled. “All men are sweetheart…” Alayah giggled standing up to roam the aisle. “What made you think yours would be different.” I shook my head. “I don’t even know…I went out of my way to fix him a nice dinner, set up a movie and popcorn on the couch and how does he repay me, he starts this big fight just because I didn’t want to have sex with him. I mean come on.” I said still unable to believe his antics. Things had been going smoothly since Derrick showed up at my gallery and apologized for our disaster date. We had been enjoying each other’s company, talking on the phone, going on lunch dates, even movie outings. Then out of nowhere Mr. Gentleman wanted to turn into Mr. Touchy feely and had the nerve to get mad at me when I told him to back off.

  I’m tired of you playing these silly ass games.

  I am not playing any games…I made it very clear I wasn’t ready to be in a physical relationship yet.

  What the hell are you waiting on a bus? Why are you fighting doing what we both know you want to do?

  You are so full of your damn self. Everybody doesn’t want to jump in bed with you Derrick.

  Oh please…I got a line of women just waiting.

  Well if that’s the case…go see one of them and get the hell of my house.

  I sighed just thinking about it. “We just started seeing each other for the past two months. Does honestly think he is gonna get some bedroom action just like that? Now was I wrong?” “Hell no…” Alayah said making her way back to the sofa with an armful of stilettos and Jimmy Choo’s. “That’s your right as an American citizen not to participate in any act you’re not comfortable with, trust me, I’m a lawyer…I would know.” I nodded. “But it has been two months.” “I don’t give damn if it’s been two years…” Cat interjected modeling her shoes in the mirror. “You told him no, he should respect your decision and kept it moving.” “Thank you.” I sighed finally hearing common sense.

  “See that’s what’s wrong with men, they think were just put here on earth to cook, clean, and hang on there every word all while being naked…” Cat said shaking her head. “Get the hell out of here.” “And I tried to tell him that but did he listen…no.” I groaned letting a pair of red pumps catch my eye. “You know he had the nerve to call me an uptight prude who wanted to control every damn thing…” I scoffed. “He said I was delaying the inevitable and that I should just go ahead and do what he knew I wanted to do.” Arrogant bastard. I thought. I guess that is why I didn’t feel bad for throwing that popcorn bowl at his head. “Relax Destiny…I’m sure given a few days this will all blow over and he will be calling your phone begging harder than Keith Sweat.” Alayah chuckled.

  But he hadn’t called. It had been a week since I had last seen or heard from Derrick and it was driving me crazy. I didn’t understand why he was being such a jerk. We both enjoyed being with each other, I didn’t understand what was the problem. We had been having a great time together for the past few months. This fight between us was really weighing on me. I had placed the red heels on my feet trying to get some type of satisfaction from this little outing but to no avail. I wondered had I played the fool again, had I been falling for this guy all the while he didn’t feel the same way about me. Was Derrick just toying with me until I finally gave in?

  I couldn’t help but think the worst at this moment. My feelings were hurt. “They look good on you.” A familiar voice crooned causing me to lift my head up. . “James.” I said standing up to face him. He helped me stand to my feet. “Well long time no see.” “Not on my part…” I said while James still grasped my hands into his. “Please forgive me…I have been a busy man.” “I thought you made time for what you wanted…” I asked staring into his teddy bear eyes with a little more confidence. He chuckled a little finding humor in my sassiness. A fake cough got my attention reminding me Alayah and Cat were still around watching me and James interact with one another. “Oh…” I said smiling nervously among my friends. “I’m sorry James this is Alayah she works for Martin and Lee’s law firm and I’m pretty sure you know Cat being that you two work together.”

  “Yes I do.” James smiled taking each of their hands. “How are you doing ladies?” “Fine…” They sang in unison. “So what brings you here Mr. Ryan?” Cat cooed as we all took into account James stunning features. Even in flannel and denim he was a sight to be seen. “Oh just shopping for the charity event coming up….” He smiled flashing those pearly whites of his captivating every woman walking by. “Which is why I am glad I ran into you Ms. Witt, I got something I would like to ask you?” “Oh you do?” Alayah asked looking from me to him. “Well do ask.” I shook my head at my nosy friends and sighed. “We are waiting.” She purred. “How about you accompany me to the charity ball? My firm and I are going to be among some big business types and I would love to have the beautiful woman who is making this event happen on my arm.” “Sorry I alrea
dy have date.” Cat said budding in.

  James laughed but I shot her a stern look that sent her down the shoe aisle. I turned my attention back to James. “James I would love to but I...” “But she needs to talk to us for a minute.” Alayah chimed in dragging me away to a secluded area. “Girl what are you doing?” She asked as if I had gone insane. “What do you mean? You know I’m seeing Derrick.”

  “Derrick…” Cat squinted.

  “From what I have heard you haven’t seen him in a week.”

  “Oh come on.”

  “No you come one.” Alayah frowned. “Are you kidding? Do you know how gorgeous that man is over there? What are you thinking about?” I gave them both a sad look that revealed the answer to their question. Cat and Alayah sighed. “Ok…I understand you and Derrick got some weird love connection going but it’s not like you guys are on solid ground right now.” Cat hinted. I nodded. “True.” “So what is the problem with you playing the field a little?” I shook my head not wanting to even go there. “I can’t do that, I don’t know how to juggle two guys around.” “It’s easy…” Alayah said with big smile. “Everyone has a spare tire in the trunk of their car. Yours just comes with some nice Godiva chocolate skin.” I chuckled a little before actually thinking about what she said. It’s not like Derrick and I have any serious commitments. I can’t even get him to call me right now. I got this amazing guy waiting for me while I’m pouting over him. What the hell am I doing? I looked both my friends in the eyes and nodded. “Your right…I mean Derrick is obviously not thinking about me so why am I thinking about him…I can talk to whoever I want to.”

  “That’s right girl.” Alayah and Cat nodded and whooped. “So go get him.” I walked back over to James. He continued to smile that beautiful smile of his that reminded me of a Colgate commercial. “Well then it’s settled, I’ll pick you up at seven?” He asked. I nodded. “Can’t wait…” James leaned down and surprisingly placed a huge kiss on my lips taking me completely off guard. Finding the kiss quite good I wrapped my arms around his neck and let his lips work their magic. James finally pulled away from me as I tried to make sense of what just happened here. “I will call you later.” He whispered before slowly making his exit. “Bye ladies.” He called out to Cat and Alayah. “Bye James.” They both ran over to me. “Well damn girl you didn’t have a hard time with that at all.” Cat smiled. I licked my dry lips. “I guess not.” Although it was abrupt it, I still found James’s kiss enjoyable…but somewhere deep inside I still thought of Derrick.

  14

  I’d rather be with you

  Derrick

  “Hey grandma…you got another wrench in there?” I hollered. I had been outside all morning working on my grandpa’s truck trying to fix the damages that had been done due to the numerous bullets flying at it. My grandma had totally tripped when she saw its condition, knowing it was one of the last few memories she had off my grandfather. I quickly told her I had ran through a bad neighborhood but her suspicious side glances every now and then said she didn’t believe me. “Derrick I don’t see any more tools in here…” She hollered while making her way outside. “You seem to be fixing it up real good though.”

  I placed the broken glass from the windshield in a separate pile. I remembered being so pissed when all of this went down, especially when I tried to take it to an auto shop and the overweight greasy clown running things wanted to charge me an arm and a leg just for a new paint job and replacement of the windshield. Usually in these circumstances I wouldn’t even have gave a damn, I would have just slapped down a few hundred dollar bills and call it a day but now my pockets weren’t built like they used to be. So after a week or so I finally was able to save up and buy a new windshield for the truck but instead of going to a professional auto shop I decided to just handle it myself.

  With all this frustration and anger it was no wonder Destiny and I got into a blow up like we did. It wasn’t even that I was mad at her. I was so just wrapped up in my own problems she ended up catching the worst from it. It had been a while since we had last spoken pleasant words to each other so I figured it was time I called her up and apologized, but honestly I didn’t even want to go there right now, too much already on my plate…like my wellbeing. “Yeah…it aint all that bad.” My grandmother nodded then looked at me peculiarly. “So what did you say happened again?” I glanced up at her and looked back down, trying to remember the lies I told her.

  “I told you I ran through a bad neighborhood…must have been a shootout or something.” She continued to eye me suspiciously watching my movements. “Ummm Hmmm… you still going to that charity ball Pastor Wallace invited you too?” She asked. I sighed rubbing my oily hands on my pants thinking about Destiny and how beautiful she would look at the ball.

  “I don’t know yet….I have to think about it.”

  “Well I think you should go and at least show your face for the Pastor…” Grandma rose smiled patting my back. “I hear there are some well to do women going to be there, some good Christian women, nice wholesome young ladies…you know never know Derrick you could meet your future wife.” “Grandma please.” I groaned having had enough of her meddling into my personal business. “Fine…fine…” She said waving her hands. “I’m a go in and find some more tools for you….but you think about what I said Derrick, nobody wants to die alone.” I nodded thanking God she had left.

  I couldn’t risk telling her the truth about the truck and having her possibly freaking out and doing something crazy. As I continued to work on the truck I noticed a black Benz pull up in the front yard while I was placing the new windshield in. When De and Ray stepped out I felt sense of relief but I still kept my guard up. “What’s up Derrick?” De called out. I shook my head. “Nothing much….” De and Ray took notice of the damage to my truck and instantly knew what happened. “So he has been coming after you?” Ray asked still looking at the beat up old truck. I chuckled a little. “Yep…full on high speed chase.” “Derrick you gotta stop playing around…” Ray sighed. “I mean it’s cool you trying to walk the straight and narrow and all but this cat aint going to stop until he kills.”

  Although I knew he spoke the truth I kept on tending to my truck as if I hadn’t heard a thing. “He’s right Derrick…” De chimed in. His voice was more somber than usual. “Julio wants blood and he’s going to keep coming until he gets it.” Ray put a hand on my shoulder trying to get my attention. “Look we got a whole bunch of money in the car bruh, let’s get out of here. Let’s go to Brazil, you know you like them Brazilians bitches…c’mon boy lets go.” I smiled at him, liking the offer but I continued to work on the truck. “Thanks. bruh but… I’m not going anywhere.” “C’mon Derrick….you’re like a sitting duck waiting to die. What are you doing?” De roared. “Look…” I said sternly. “I got kids…my grandmothers here…I’m not leaving. I never ran from nobody before I’m not doing it now. This fool wants some he can come get it.”

  “What good are you going to be to them dead Derrick?” Ray asked. I shrugged nonchalantly. “The same way I’m going to be to them if I’m gone...not here. It’s a lose-lose situation either way. I’d rather be here.” They hung their heads down knowing that there was no getting through to me. I wasn’t leaving my family…even if I stood the chance of dying… that was a risk I was willing to take. I don’t know why I felt this way but something in me wouldn’t budge and told me to stay where I was…and for once in my life I was listening.

  “Derrick…Derrick who you got out there with you?” Grandma Rose hollered from the back door. We laughed at her nosiness seeing she hadn’t changed since are younger years. “It’s De and Ray grandma…they just stop by to say hello.” “Hey Mrs. Rose…” they both said in unison as always. “Hey there boys…how your mama and them doing?” She waved. “Fine” “Come on in here and get something to eat and get out that hot sun.” “Uh…no Mrs. Rose we gotta be going…” De began to protest. “I didn’t ask you that…I said get in here… all of y’all.”
She demanded. We all burst out laughing as we came walking inside. No matter how big we got, Grandma Rose new how to put us back in our place.

  Destiny

  “Well I’ll tell you Richard I think welfare and government assistance may be the biggest waste of time and money...” James expressed to his peers. “Why should we spend our hard earned tax dollars on degenerates who don’t want to work but want to live off others.’’ It was the night of the charity event and James and I was in the midst of talking to some of his partners at his firm. I stood by him and watched as he spoke about the depravity of urban neighborhoods. He came across like such a kiss ass sucking up to the big bosses and was turning me off. This whole evening with him had been a bust. All night instead of showing genuine conversation with me and a desire for us to spend time together, he wanted to parade me around to his coworkers to make him look good. I may as well have been a mannequin holding his arm given the fact that other than introducing me he saw no need for me to speak any further. I was so surprised that James was coming off as a chauvinist and an Uncle Tom so busy trying to further his career and fit in with the good ole boys.

  I had to admit he looked pretty suave in a suede black suit but other than that I couldn’t find anything of interest about him and quite frankly I didn’t feel like playing the silent bimbo any longer. I looked around hoping to see familiar faces that could break me away from this misery and thank God I did. “James…I have to excuse myself I will be right back.” I said pulling away from him. He gently grabbed my hand to stop me. “But I still wanted you to meet some more of my partners.” I cringed at the thought of meeting some more of his uptight social business partners, I didn’t think I could stomach anymore. “I’m sorry sweetie but I really have to talk with the help to make sure everything is going alright…I’ll come back as soon as I can.” Without a moment’s hesitation I raced off to get as far away from him as possible. Good thing my girls were in clear view. “Oh thank God you’re here…” I said grabbing their arms and pulling them into a vacant corner.