Just an Illusion, Side A: Side A

by D. Kelly

  His subtle reminder of my parents stings a bit, but I shake it off. I’m not them.

  “Warren, above all else, my professionalism will remain intact no matter what may or may not happen with the guys. But for the record, I don’t have plans to actively pursue any of them.”

  “Never thought you did, but I’m not so sure the same can be said for them. I should go, but I’ll see you tomorrow at the show.”

  As Warren closes the door behind him, I flop down onto my bed and wonder what in the world he’s been hearing through the grapevine to make him have that discussion with me. I pull up my email and review my new schedule. After practice each day, I’m slotted to spend two hours or longer—at our discretion—with the guys. Wyatt is Monday, Noah is Tuesday, Darren is Wednesday, and Sawyer is Thursday. There’s also a note saying I can use the same time slot on Fridays to ride with the crew for a while if I’d like to talk with them.

  Crew interviews are definitely on my list, along with interviewing Warren and the bus drivers. I’d bet my ass the bus drivers have some juicy bits they can contribute. Those would probably be for my enjoyment only.

  My phone rings, and I practically jump off the bed. I’m still holding it in my hand, looking through my email, and wasn’t expecting it to go off.

  “Hey, Belle!”

  “God, Mel, I miss you so much. Can I just live on the bus with you for the next year?”

  I feel bad for her, touring with BAD would be her dream job.

  “Actually, I’ve been thinking about that because I miss you like crazy.”

  “Okay, Lucy, what kind of scheme are you cooking up now?”

  I laugh. Ever since we were kids, my grandma always called us Lucy and Ethel. Since I was the one way ahead of my age and full of bad ideas, I was forever getting Belle into trouble.

  “Well, why don’t you sell Slammed and Warren on a three-month end of the U.S. tour exclusive edition magazine? You can tour with us the last three months before we head overseas. Slammed would be exclusively covering all of the crazy excitement.”

  “Oh my god, Mel, you’re fucking brilliant! I’m going to come up with an awesome pitch as soon as we get off the phone.”

  “I’m sure if you mention it to Darren, he might put in a good word for you as well.”

  “You’re so sneaky. I love it! Oh, by the way, did they ever get that whole international part of your contract worked out? I can’t believe it slipped through the cracks like that.”

  “Yeah, we did. Just this week, actually. So the way it works is the U.S. tour runs from October to October, which is what I was contracted for. The international part of the tour will go from January to March, so it’s definitely shorter. I agreed to extend my contract for the three months for another sixty thousand and I’ll get to do my London signing while I’m there.”

  “I’m so fucking proud of you, Mel. Have I told you that lately?”

  “So many times, Belle,” I answer softly.

  “Hey, don’t get all quiet on me. You’re my sister in every way that matters, and I am forever going to be your biggest cheerleader, just like you’ll always be mine.”

  “Always. Enough with the nostalgia. Have you talked to Darren lately?”

  She sighs on the other end of the line, bringing a smile to my face.

  “I like him way too much for my own good.”

  “Well, if it helps any, from what I’ve seen so far, he’s a good guy.”

  “I know he is, and that’s the problem. We text and talk every day, and tonight we’re supposed to Skype since he’ll have a bit more privacy in the hotel.”

  “Belle! Phone sex???”

  “No, Skype sex. He’s so amazing, Mel, I can’t help it. I want him even when I can’t have him. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not in love with the guy or anything, but honestly, he’s probably the best lover I’ve ever had.”

  Eww. Lover … I hate that word. It’s almost as bad as moist.

  “I’m going to say two things. First, stop saying lover. That word makes me cringe. Second, in my opinion, it’s a good sign a man would rather Skype sex with you than go out and get laid by an actual person. All he’d need to do is go to the lobby and point. I think he likes you, Belle.”

  “We’ll see how it goes. I’m not sure I even want to fall in love with a rock star.”

  “Yeah, I hear you on that one.” I’ve yet to fill her in on Noah’s obvious affection toward me. There’s no point. Nothing can happen.

  “How are you really doing, Mel? I know it’s only been a few weeks, but are you having flashbacks or nightmares or anything?”

  “I’m fine. Really, this is nothing like it was before. I’m pretty sure I was freaked out for nothing.”

  “Good, but if anything happens, you let me know. I love you, and I’ll see you next weekend!”

  “Love you, too.”

  My afternoon flew by. I got my notes in order and typed up, went through all the pictures I took and sorted them into files, and was able to relax in a long, luxurious bath. Now I’m starving because I was enjoying my alone time so much I forgot about eating lunch.

  Room service could be nice, and I’ve been dying to see The Hunger Games which is on demand in the room. I’m already comfortable in a tank top and some loose pajama pants, and the thought of getting dressed and seeing the sights really isn’t high on my to-do list.

  As I reach across the desk to grab the room service menu, there’s a knock at the door. When I go and look, there’s no one there. Now my phone’s going off. What the hell?

  Noah: Other door

  With a laugh, I cross the room and open the adjoining door between the rooms.

  “Are you bored yet?” he asks with a grin, and I motion for him to come in.

  “What I am is starving, but I’m too comfortable to get dressed, so I’m thinking room service and a movie.”

  His eyes take in my attire quickly, and mine return the favor. He’s barefoot in athletic shorts and a loose t-shirt.

  “You do look pretty comfortable.”

  “So do you. Do you want to join me? Although, I do need to warn you, I’ve got my heart set on watching The Hunger Games.”

  “Cool. I’ve been wanting to see that, too. I’m down for a mellow night, especially since we have a show tomorrow.”

  After we order, he runs back to his room to be sure he locked his door. I can hear his voice, but I’m not trying to eavesdrop. He’s most likely checking in with his guard or letting the guys know he’s in for the night.

  “So did you get Warren’s email with the new schedule?” he asks when he comes back over.

  “Yeah, I did. We had a talk about it earlier as well. Are you guys okay with it?”

  “Of course, Mel. You need to relax. You’re our employee, but you’re also our guest. We want you here, and we know you’re going to do a kickass job on this book. I can’t wait to see how it turns out.”

  “Why did you decide you wanted to do this now? I’m sure people have wanted to tell your tale for years.”

  “We were waiting for you,” he states simply.

  “Are you going to ask me if I fell from heaven next?” I reply with a laugh.

  He shakes his head. “Fate, Mel, it’s all about fate. You were the one who was supposed to write our story. Other than that, if you want the other reasons, I guess it boils down to the timing was never right.”

  “Because you were young?”

  “That’s part of it. I mean, hell, we’re still young but we’re definitely more level-headed now than we ever were before. In the beginning, it was learning the ropes and the tricks of the trade, then we spent a few years flying high on fame, after that it was learning how to be who we wanted to be and not who everyone else wanted us to be. Does that make sense?”

  “More than you could ever imagine.”

  “You’re always so cryptic. Tell me about you. You don’t have to tell me your deep, dark secrets yet unless
you want to. But give me the cliff notes version of Amelia Greyson.”

  Talking about myself is not my strong suit.

  “I’m pretty boring compared to you.”

  “Maybe I like boring, maybe boring is my thing, maybe boring really turns me on.”

  Why does he always make me laugh?

  “Okay,” I say, catching my breath. “Let’s see how much I can turn you on. Growing up, I spent a lot of time with my grandma. My parents were always traveling for work, so when I didn’t go with them I was with her.”

  “Keep going.”

  “Belle lived next door to my grandma, so we’ve known each other since about the third grade. She was pretty much my only friend because most of the time I was homeschooled or had tutoring.”

  “You never went to school?”

  “Not until high school, and even then, only for a year. It was quite the adjustment. Belle had my back, though.”

  “College?”

  “Yes, we both graduated from USC. I was an English major, and she majored in journalism. Since then, I’ve worked random administrative jobs while writing, and she did a few internships and finally landed at Slammed, where she’s worked her way up.”

  “Do you see your parents and grandma often?”

  “No,” I answer, shaking my head. “My grandma passed away a few years ago, and my parents were both dead by the time I was sixteen.”

  “Mel, I’m so sorry.” From the look on his face, he feels awful for asking.

  “It’s okay. My grandma was old and she lived a full life. My parents were reckless and suffered the consequences.”

  A knock on the door interrupts our discussion in the nick of time. After signing for the food, another room service cart arrives.

  “I think you have the wrong room,” I start to tell him, but Noah pays him and ushers him out.

  “When did you order more food?”

  With a wink, he pushes the second cart to the side of the bed and plugs something into the wall from under the cart.

  “When I went back to my room to check my door. I’ll show you what it is after we eat.”

  That explains who he was talking to.

  As we’re eating, we talk about random things. He talks about his sisters, Rory and Diane. Diane is married with two kids, and Rory just graduated college. His parents are still together and deeply in love.

  “It must be nice to have your parents as sort of a role model for relationships,” I say as I move over to the bed and grab the remote so we can start the movie. I pick the far side so he can sit next to his mystery electrical cart.

  “It is. I think I have more romantic ideals about love and friendship. Sawyer used to, believe it or not. He just had a bad experience and closed himself off. Eventually, he’ll find the right girl and open up again … I hope.”

  “What about you?” I ask, turning toward him.

  “I’m always open to love, but finding someone isn’t exactly easy, you know?”

  “Actually, I do. I’ve always wondered how celebrities find love and hold on to it. It’s got to be difficult to figure out who’s real.” There’s a sadness in my words. I feel like we’ve become friends, and I want more for these guys than fake-ass bitches.

  “I’ve actually developed a pretty good bullshit radar these past few years,” he quips, pulling me easily from my sudden funk.

  “Good to know. I’ll put it in my notes. Never bullshit Noah.”

  “So are you ready to see what’s in my magical cart?”

  Ready to be wowed, I nod enthusiastically as he stands, pulling off the tablecloth covering the cart with a flourish. There’s a microwave and bags of microwave popcorn, Red Vines, Raisinets, and a variety of other movie-themed candy.

  “The perks of being rich and famous,” he says with a laugh.

  “That’s pretty awesome.”

  “Want something?” His eyes are twinkling with happiness.

  “No, we just ate! How in the world can you still be hungry?”

  “I was smart and saved room for dessert,” he answers easily.

  “Well, maybe if someone told me there was dessert, I would have saved room for it, too.”

  “Sorry, I wanted to surprise you. I’ll tell you next time. Or maybe, in the future, you should always just assume there’s a dessert option.”

  Next time … He’s totally flirting with me.

  “Okay. Are you ready to start the movie? I’ll let you know when I’m ready for dessert.”

  He nods and props himself up on the pillows next to me while eating sour straws.

  About halfway through the movie, I decide I’m ready for some candy. I’m a sucker for licorice; I eat it all the time when I write.

  “Noah, can you pass me the licorice?”

  “You mean these Red Vines?” He’s already got them in his hand and is bringing one to his mouth. “I guess I could share,” he says as he takes a huge bite out of one and then feeds me the bottom of it.

  His finger grazes the bottom of my lip when he puts it in my mouth. At first, I’m surprised, and when he does it again with the next piece, his finger lingers a bit longer, and my heart beats a lot faster. When I finish chewing, I turn my head toward him, and he reaches for the remote and pauses the movie.

  For a brief moment, his piercing green eyes lock onto my mouth. He leans forward and briefly brushes our lips together.

  They’re soft and warm, and as he lowers his forehead against mine, he whispers, “Can I kiss you, Amelia?”

  My heart races. No one has ever asked permission to kiss me before. It’s the sweetest thing.

  “Yes,” I answer breathlessly as his hand weaves through my hair, pulling me closer to him by the back of my head.

  Again, his lips brush against mine so softly I can hardly breathe with the anticipation of what his kiss will feel like. Gently, he tugs my bottom lip into his mouth and sucks. He tastes so good, and I want more of him. His tongue traces the outside of my lip before I open enough to let him inside. When our tongues finally meet, our kiss is soft and sweet as we learn our rhythm. The deeper I’m pulled into our kiss, my whimpers fill his mouth as his pleasurable moans fill mine.

  After a few moments, he pulls back. We’re both breathless, exhilarated.

  “Thank you,” he whispers softly, looking deep in thought.

  So deep I begin to panic. Maybe he regrets kissing me, or worse, maybe he knows Sawyer kissed me already and he feels guilty. Shit.

  “Was that okay, Mel? Tell me the truth, you won’t hurt my feelings.” His words pull me from my own panicked thoughts, and I realize I never replied when he thanked me.

  “Yes, it was perfect,” I answer truthfully. I’m not sure I’ve ever been kissed like that before. So passionately and yet not rushed or overly sexual, it was … dare I say … romantic. Shit it was romantic. My heart pounds in my chest, not from the exhilaration of the kiss but from fear of blowing a good start on this job before it even really gets started.

  “You’re tense,” he says, pulling back a bit from me. “Shit, Mel, I’m sorry … I wasn’t thinking … I’ve just … Never mind, it doesn’t matter. I’ve obviously crossed a line, and I’m sorry.”

  “No, it’s not like that, really. That was nice … really nice.”

  He relaxes a bit and sighs. “I’ve wanted to kiss you since that first night on the beach. Hell, I wanted to kiss you when you told Sawyer off.”

  Again, he makes me laugh, and it lightens the mood a bit.

  “Noah, I’m not a random hookup kind of girl. I used to be a long time ago, but I’ve worked hard to try and grow into someone who has more self-respect.”

  He leans back onto his pillow and pulls me into the nook of his arm. It’s awkward and comfortable all at the same time.

  “Being on the road is hard. We’re propositioned more than any normal person. Inevitably, at some point tonight or tomorrow, some bold fan will make her way up to our rooms a
nd Mac and the rest of the security team will have to kick them out of the hotel. It sucks. We never want to have fans removed, but we’re regular people and we’d like regular lives.”

  I love that he’s comfortable enough to confide in me. So much, in fact, I relax in his arms.

  “I can understand that.”

  “I’m sure you can, and unfortunately, you’re going to see it. And you’re bound to get some haters because you’re with us every day. It’s absolutely ridiculous, but it also comes with the territory.”

  “Don’t worry about me, I can handle petty women and haters.”

  He looks down at me with a small smile. “Somehow, I don’t doubt that at all. The truth is, Mel, I like you. I like you more than anyone in a long time. I’m not sure how that makes you feel, especially with your job, and if you say the word, I’ll back off.”

  I let his words ruminate for a minute before answering him, but my silence doesn’t seem to bother him at all.

  I’m positive he doesn’t know about Sawyer kissing me, and I don’t know if I should tell him. I’m sure it was just Sawyer being Sawyer, and while it was hot and gave me the feels, I knew right away it could never be more than a hot hookup.

  With Noah, on the other hand, it could be more. Since we met seven weeks ago, we’ve progressively gotten to know each other. Our personalities click, and there’s no lack of attraction. On the contrary, he’s one of the most beautiful men I’ve ever met—inside and out. But this is my job, and I don’t want to screw it up if I’m making a mistake.

  Belle’s voice creeps into my mind, telling me what she always does. Live each day as if it’s your last, Mel. You never know when it will be.

  “I like you, too, Noah. More than I should.”

  “Do I hear a but coming?” he asks lightly.

  “Maybe. I do worry about my job, about causing tension on the bus, about our feelings being fleeting and the possibility of eleven months of hostility between us if it doesn’t work out. In fact, that’s my biggest fear.”

  Honesty is the best policy, but I need to talk to Sawyer. I’m not sure it’s my place to tell Noah he kissed me. I do find it odd Sawyer didn’t mention it or brag about it. He seems like the type who would gloat over kissing “the princess.” Then again, since he didn’t actually nail me, maybe it’s a loss in his book. Either way, Noah should know.