Just an Illusion, Side A: Side A

by D. Kelly

  “That won’t happen. I’d never be hostile to you, or anyone for that matter, unless you gave me a reason to. And by reason, I mean crazy things like stalking or sleeping with my friends or brother,” Noah adds in a serious tone.

  “Oh my god, I’d never do that!”

  Kissing isn’t the same as sleeping.

  He chuckles lightly. “I didn’t think you would, but some girls are happy to hop between us. We don’t let them. At least, not anymore.”

  He doesn’t even need to explain that one; I totally get it.

  “The truth is, I’m tired of being alone. I want a relationship, I want to find someone to love, who loves me for me. That doesn’t mean I’m in love now or you need to be my girlfriend. It just means I’m looking for someone who wants the same things, no matter how long it takes to get there, even if it doesn’t work out in the end. I just don’t want a fling.”

  “So, in other words, we can take this slow and there’s no pressure.”

  Why am I even considering this?

  Because he’s amazing.

  “None whatsoever,” he confirms.

  “Okay, we can try, but we need to be cautious. I can’t have this backfire on me, and my reasons go far deeper than just my job.”

  He pulls me in a little closer and grabs the remote. Before unpausing the movie, he lightly kisses the top of my head.

  “I’m happy to go as slow as you want, Mel. But for this to work, someday you’re going to have to let me in. Whatever your past is, it’s not going to change what I think of you. Whatever happened back then contributed to who you are now, and I happen to like this girl.”

  He doesn’t wait for me to reply, just presses play and snuggles me close.

  The next thing I know, my phone is ringing and the sun is streaming in through the slit in the heavy curtains. Except I quickly realize it isn’t my phone, and I’m still tucked into the crook of Noah’s arm. I can’t believe we fell asleep like this and slept all night without waking up.

  I shake his arm gently, but he’s dead to the world. Sawyer was right, not much wakes him up. After sitting up, I push him harder, and his phone stops ringing.

  “Noah, wake up. Come on, wake up.” I’m half laughing and half groaning trying to get him to rouse, to no avail. Just when I’m about to give up, his arm wraps around me and pulls me back down to him.

  I glance over and see his eyes are still closed but he’s grinning.

  “I’m a sound sleeper, Mel, but not that sound. I was comfortable before the phone started ringing, and what I’m doing right now is more important than answering Darren’s call about breakfast.”

  “A … How do you know it was Darren, and B … what are you doing right now?”

  “A … I know it was Darren because he’s the only one who calls me to go eat breakfast while we’re in hotels, and B … I’m enjoying getting to know my future ex-wife.”

  He said that with such a straight face, but I can’t stop myself from laughing hysterically.

  “Don’t tell Darren you’re laughing about breakfast. He takes it pretty seriously.”

  Oh my god. How is he funny this early in the morning?

  “So if I’m your future ex-wife, why do we split up?”

  “Well, after many years as my beautiful trophy wife, you fall into the arms of a former boy band phenom, Eli Watts, when he sings your favorite teenage love ballad to you at our twentieth anniversary party.”

  My body stiffens; I know he’s joking, but I can’t breathe. There’s no way he could know about me and Eli, but it hits a little too close to home.

  “Mel, hey, you know I’m kidding, right? If I ever were lucky enough to make you my wife, there’s no way I’d let you fall into Eli’s skeevy clutches.”

  Fuck, my eyes are tearing up, and all I can do is squeeze them shut and take a few deep breaths. Noah shifts and rolls me to my side.

  “Hey … I’m sorry. I’m not sure what it was, but I didn’t mean to upset you and make you cry. Please look at me.” When I open my eyes, my eyelashes are wet but only a single tear falls. Noah is lying on his side, facing me, with a concerned look on his face. Gently, he wipes the tear from my face. “Can you tell me why you’re upset?”

  I don’t want him to know about me and Eli. He might piece more of my puzzle together than I want him to. But I can’t hide forever, and it’s only one small part of a bigger story. I really don’t want him thinking Eli broke my heart—even if he did—or I’m some stupid fangirl of Eli’s stupid band, either.

  “No matter what happens with us, Noah, if we ever date, or if anything goes further, you should know I’d never, not ever, leave you for Eli fucking Watts.”

  “Do you know Eli, Mel?” he asks softly, never breaking his gaze from mine. I’ve always been a sucker for eyes, and Noah’s are no exception.

  “Yeah, you could say that.”

  “Do you want to elaborate?”

  “No.”

  “Would you anyway?” His pleading tone is my undoing.

  “If I do, will you promise me you won’t Google anything or tell anyone about it until I’m ready to talk about everything else?”

  “I’d never tell anyone anything you tell me. Our talks are between us … always. I’m not a fan of Googling anyone because I know how bad even I look on the Internet.”

  “So you’re a saint?” I say, teasing him, trying to lighten the mood a bit.

  He shrugs his shoulders. “Depends on what you believe, I guess.”

  Noah runs his arm down mine softly, and his hand lands on my hip. He pulls me a little bit closer and whispers, “Tell me why I made you cry because I don’t ever want to be the cause of your tears again.”

  I’ve never met anyone as considerate as Noah.

  “About fourteen years ago, I used to date Eli Watts. It lasted for a bit, and then it was over.”

  The wheels are turning in his head. He doesn’t seem surprised, but he’s definitely thinking over what he just heard.

  “You dated Eli Watts when you were fourteen? For how long?”

  “Long enough.”

  “Mel, did you … I can’t even believe I’m about to ask you this, but did you sleep with him?”

  This is the embarrassing part, although back then it was pretty awesome.

  “Yes, Eli was my first. But just to clarify, we didn’t actually sleep together until I was fifteen.”

  He releases me and rolls onto his back. His eyes flutter closed, and for a while, all I do is watch the rise and fall of his chest as my bombshell sinks in.

  I’m not sure how much time passed—it could have been five minutes or it could have been an hour—but eventually, he asks me the one question I knew was coming and didn’t want to answer.

  “I’m sorry, Mel. I know this is going to make me sound like a total and complete dick, but I have to know. Do you make a habit of sleeping with and dating musicians?”

  Ouch. His words sting, but they’re not surprising. I’d ask, too.

  “I’m not the person I was back then, but to answer your question, Eli was the only musician I ever dated, but he wasn’t the only one I ever slept with.”

  “You lost your virginity to a pop star god. Shit, I can’t even believe I’m going to ask you this, but was it your best sex ever?”

  “The first time, no, we were kids. He was almost year older than me, but I looked older than him. I’m not sure if he was the best, but he was one of the better partners I’ve had.”

  “You know, if we ever sleep together, I’m going to blow that little twat out of the water, don’t you?”

  The huskiness of his voice turns me on. He flips back on his side and pulls me toward him, wordlessly crushing his lips to mine. This time, there’s no hesitation, and I open to him immediately. While his tongue leads mine in a sexy game of chase, his hands slide under my shirt and across my breasts. My body arches into his touch and my leg wraps around his hip instinctively.
r />   When he flicks my nipple, I groan even louder, wanting so much more of him than he’s giving me right now. His mouth leaves mine, traveling down my neck as he lifts my shirt higher. When his soft lips gently meet my nipples, I’m lost, and when his tongue dances around them as he squeezes my breasts, I’m in ecstasy.

  Sadly, as quickly as it started, he pulls away, gently pulling my shirt back down. He places a soft kiss on my lips and leans his forehead against mine.

  “I want you,” he whispers softly.

  “You’ve got me,” I answer back breathlessly.

  “Not like this. Second base is enough for today. You’re not some random girl for me, Mel. I meant what I said last night. I want to get to know you. We should take this slow.”

  “Okay.”

  “Are you disappointed?”

  “Yes … no …”

  “Yeah. Me, too.” He pulls back and adjusts himself in his shorts. He’s got a nice package.

  “Perv,” he says as I wiggle my eyebrows at him.

  “Can’t blame a girl for checking out the goods.”

  “Thankfully, I have some nice goods for you to check out.” That’s sexy. He’s confident in his size and doesn’t need an ego check to confirm it’s as big as he assumes.

  “Yes, nice goods are definitely a perk.”

  Out of nowhere, I begin feeling guilty I haven’t told him about Sawyer. After the comment he made last night about girls friend and family hopping, it bothered me. But now that he knows about my past with musicians, I have to tell him. I can only pray it doesn’t cause an issue. Even if it does, it’s better to do it now before I’m in too deep.

  Or before it bites me in the ass.

  “Noah, there’s something I need to tell you. I wasn’t sure if you knew already, and I didn’t want to wreck the mood, but I don’t feel right keeping it inside.”

  “Should I be worried?”

  “Not about me, but maybe? Honestly, Noah … I don’t know … I wish I’d said something last night.”

  As I pull myself up and prop myself against the back of the headboard, he follows my lead.

  “Why do I have a feeling I’m not going to like this?”

  Because you’re not.

  “I’m not the girl I used to be before. You have to believe me when I say that.”

  He nods but doesn’t reply.

  “The first night we met, after we came back from talking on the beach, do you remember when I went to use the bathroom?”

  “Yeah, and Warren sent you to Sawyer’s room?”

  “Yes. Sawyer kissed me in the bathroom.”

  “What?” He jumps up and starts pacing the room.

  “I didn’t even know he was there. He pulled me into the dark room, called me Princess, and the next thing I knew, his lips were on mine.”

  “Did you kiss him back?”

  “Yes, but I was caught up in the moment, and I stopped it after a few seconds.”

  “Shit, Mel, this is bad. I mean, really bad. Fuck!”

  “I’m sorry. At first, I thought maybe you knew, and then the more I thought about it, I realized you didn’t. The kiss didn’t mean anything to me, but I still didn’t feel as if it were my place to tell you. But now that you know some of my history, I didn’t want you thinking I was still that girl … because I’m not.”

  He softens somewhat, but he’s still upset.

  “I know you aren’t, Mel, but this is … Well, there’s no other way to say it. This is fucked up. I’ve got to go talk to Sawyer. I’ll see you later.”

  When he walks out, I know I won’t be seeing him anytime soon.

  After their show, I went to the hotel bar and had a few drinks. Three wonderful margaritas later, I figured I better get to my room before I surpassed pleasantly drunk. Unfortunately for me, before the elevator doors could shut, Sawyer and a random groupie stepped in.

  Great, this is all I need.

  It’s no big shock she’s draped all over him, practically fucking him in the elevator. He lifted his eyebrow in greeting when he got in but never took his lips off of hers. It doesn’t bother me, but this is the first time I’ve seen Sawyer with a woman, so I guess I’m just a little surprised.

  Where is his bodyguard, and why are his eyes open? My random, drunken thoughts occupy my mind while we ascend to our floor and help me keep my eyes and ears off of them.

  As the elevator doors open, they walk out ahead of me and he turns his head, perversely eyeing me up.

  “Could have been you, Princess.” The girl laughs, assuming he means tonight.

  “Thanks for turning him down,” she tosses over her shoulder as they make their way down the hall. Never have I been so glad I’ve been out of this scene for years than I am right now.

  Once I finally get my door open and make it inside, I realize I’m a little bit drunker than I thought. When I trip over my own feet and start to fall fast, I know it’s going to hurt and pray the tequila numbs the pain. Except I never hit the ground. Instead, I’m caught just inches from the floor by colorful, tattooed arms.

  Noah.

  “Jesus, Mel, are you okay?” Is it wrong the concern in his voice makes me swoon a bit? In a good way, not in a drunk way, although I’m probably doing some of that, too, since I fell as soon as I walked in the door.

  “Sure, I’m fine. Thanks for saving me, but why are you in my room? Actually, how are you in my room? Is this your rock star influence again?”

  “Are you drunk?” he asks, leading me to the bed so I don’t fall again.

  “Maybe a little bit?” I hold my fingers to his face, spread apart an inch so he can see how little drunk I am.

  “What did you drink?”

  “Geez, dad, relax. I only had three margaritas down at the bar.”

  “The ones that come in fishbowls?” he asks incredulously.

  “Well, they didn’t seem that big after the first one.”

  “You’re going to hate yourself in the morning. Why did you go drink alone?”

  “You never came back,” I tell him flatly.

  Shoot, I probably shouldn’t have said that.

  “I know,” he says softly as he removes my shoes.

  “It’s okay, I didn’t think you would. You don’t owe me anything.”

  When he stands, he turns around and walks to the mini bar. Maybe he’s going to get drunk with me.

  “Damn, you have a nice ass.” Drunk Mel apparently has zero filter on her mouth.

  “Nice to know it’s appreciated.” He walks back over to the bed and hands me a bottle of water and some ibuprofen. Then he opens a beer and drinks it quietly while sitting next to me.

  “I’m sorry.” I can’t make eye contact with him; I’m too ashamed, but he needs to know how bad I feel.

  “You don’t have to be sorry. You shouldn’t have been in this situation in the first place.”

  “You didn’t come back,” I repeat like the drunk girl I am, and his chuckle makes me smile.

  “You said that already. I wanted to come back. It took me forever to find Sawyer and even longer to talk to him. Once we’d worked through it all, it was time to rehearse and I thought I’d see you there. That’s when I realized my phone was dead. As soon as the show was over, I came back here. I’ve been waiting for you ever since.”

  “You came back—” His mouth covers mine, and I open for him eagerly. His hands cup my cheeks while we kiss. It’s slow and decadent, and I feel myself falling into an abyss. One I haven’t traveled into in a very long time. One which always leads straight down the road to heartbreak, but this time I don’t care. Noah Weston can break my heart into a million pieces if it means I get to feel like this along the way.

  When he breaks off the kiss, he stands and takes off his clothes down to his underwear. He walks to my door and locks it, turning off the lights on his way back. Then he goes to his room and I assume does the same. Upon his return, he helps me stand and carefully u
ndresses me down to my bra and panties.

  “Lie down, Mel,” he tells me firmly as his gaze follows my curves from top to bottom. I do as he says, and he climbs into bed after me and turns off the bedside light. I’m surprised when he pulls me into a spooning position and kisses the top of my head.

  “Go to sleep.”

  “Aren’t we going to have sex?” I’m so disappointed.

  “Absofuckinglutely, but not tonight. You’re drunk, and tomorrow I need to tell you about my past. Until then, we sleep. Sweet dreams, Amelia.”

  Amelia … I love when he calls me that.

  “Sweet dreams, tight buns.” I feel him chuckling behind me as I close my eyes and drift off into never never land.

  In the morning, I’m awakened by Noah’s fingers tracing a line softly up and down my arm. My head hurts but probably not as bad as it should.

  “Good morning, sleepyhead.”

  “Morning,” I reply before promptly covering my mouth and jumping out of bed. “I’ll be right back.”

  As I run into the bathroom to brush my teeth and use the facilities, his laugh trails behind me. While I’m in there, I throw on my pajamas I left on the counter from the morning before, too.

  “Better?” he asks when I walk back out. It’s only now I notice he’s already back in his clothes from last night and there’s a room service cart in the doorway between our rooms.

  “Much.”

  “Good. Let’s get some grease in you and make sure you start your day off right. I ordered coffee, orange juice, pancakes, waffles, sausage, bacon, eggs, and fruit.” When he walks over to get the cart, memories from last night wash over me.

  “Oh God, I talked about your ass last night.” I’m mortified. I really didn’t think I was that drunk.

  “Among other things, but don’t worry, I won’t hold it against you. Just promise me next time you won’t drink without me. I think we could have a lot of fun getting drunk together.”